CHAPTER NINE
A Whole New World of Gums
I.
As we ran through the streets of King’s Town, towards Nog’s farm, the ground shook.Chuck, Adia and I came to a halting stop in the middle of the street and looked up into the night sky, just above the tree line in the distance.
Whatever had crashed or landed, or crash-landed, on Nog’s farm, was blasting back off into space, leaving a tail of smoke from its mega-nitro thrusters.It blended in with the night sky too well for me to really get a good look at it.
“What was that?” Adia panicked.
“I have no idea.We need to hurry,” I said as I watched the craft disappear into the sea of stars above us.
As we approached Nog’s mailbox at the end of his long gravel driveway, I noticed that there was a lot of commotion up ahead near the barn and Nog’s house.I picked up speed, leaving Adia and Chuck in the dust.
I ran up to a man in a lab coat; he was rushing out of Nog’s house.“Hey!” I called out, catching his attention.
“What, kid? I need to get back into the fort,” he said.He was obviously in a hurry.
“What’s going on here?” I asked.
“We’ve had a breach – I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.” The scientist took off running back into the barn.There were people everywhere.Some of them were scientists and some of them were armed guards.I also thought I saw a random pig running around.
“Phil? Hastings?” I called out over the panic that seemed to plague the farm.I grabbed an armed guard by the sleeve as he ran past me.“Where’s Hastings?”
The guard pointed towards Nog’s house and then released himself from my grip and ran off.
I made a dash for Nog’s backdoor and busted into the kitchen.Adia and Chuck were close behind me.None of us knew what was going on.
We ran into the living room and saw Farrow on the couch, sprawled out with a wet washcloth draped over his head.Philclops knelt down by his side in a comforting manner.The television was on, and it was a news crew, live from Old King’s Town:
“The police are being very quiet about what’s going on in King’s Town tonight,” the female reporter gripped a microphone and spoke urgently into the camera, “but sources tell us of a possible earthquake that split the streets and caused a massive explosion near Bud’s Hardware Store.A witness also tells horrifying tales of a large, unknown creature.”
The video footage swapped over to a pre-recorded interview with Palm Leafton, in full jogging gear, running in place.“I was just out for my late night jog session, when I noticed some weird smells coming from the alley near the hardware store.At first I thought it was just a homeless guy or something, but after I ran into some teenagers out here, I hung around to make sure nothing bad happened to them, and that’s when I saw it.It was huge – kind of blobby – and had these octopus-like tentacles coming out from…” Palm stopped talking and put his fingers to his neck. “Look here, I’m loosing pulse – I need to keep this jog session up.Sorry News Team 4!”
The footage then showed Palm turn around and jog away into the dark.
“Scout!” Hastings voice broke my attention away from the TV.I looked at Hastings as he came down the stairs and into the living room.
“Hastings, what the crap is going on here?” I asked.
“Professor Nog was taken – abducted by aliens.”
“Abducted?” I questioned, making sure I heard it right.
“Yeah.I was up in Nog’s bedroom, trying to pull the security footage from his computer, but it’s password protected.No one saw what happened except Farrow, and he’s been knocked out cold ever since.”
“How do you know it was aliens?” Chuck asked, concerned.
“A few people from Fort Nog’s said a small spaceship landed out in the driveway and someone, or something, knocked on the barn doors.When they refused to open the door, they said that whoever got out of the ship ransacked Nog’s house and captured him. Farrow must have been inside with Nog at the time – it appears Farrow put up some sort of struggle, but then was knocked out.We won’t know anymore until he wakes up.Philclops has been trying to wake him up for a little while now.”
I looked over at Phil.He looked up at me with his eye still glowing red.“I’m sorry I had to leave, bros.I just needed a minute.”
“Did you guys defeat the Blobberous?” Hastings asked.
“No.We tried to blow it up again, but it didn’t work.Nothing ever works!I don’t know how to solve this problem!” I yelled, more frustrated than ever.
Phil smirked and looked down at Farrow.
“What?” I asked him, seeing his smirk.
“Oh, nothing,” he said.“I was just thinking about Marco, and how he always used to tell me to put salt on my bacon.He always said that salt fixed any problem.You just reminded me of him for a minute when you said that.”
“Too bad salt couldn’t fix this problem,” Chuck whimpered.
Right then, the nuts and bolts of gears in my head started spinning and cranking like mad.My eyes widened as an idea popped into my head like an instant message on the computer – it even came complete with a “Plop” sound.
“Wait...maybe salt can fix this problem!” I said out loud, catching everyone’s attention.
Phil turned around and stood up.“What do you mean?”
“This thing is just like a giant, blobbery slug-thing, right?” I began.“Well, what happens when you pour salt onto a slug? “
“It shrivels up and dies!” Adia chimed in.I could tell there was now hope in her perky tone.
“Exactly!” I said.“We need to cover that thing in salt!”
“But how?” Chuck asked.
“The projectile launcher on the new laser phasers!” Hastings exclaimed.We put salt in the chamber and fire it at the Blobberous!”
“Brilliant!” I said.“Marco, you saved us!Where do we get enough salt for this plan?”
“At the hardware store,” Adia said.“I passed an aisle that had winter shovels and bags of rock salt for melting ice.”
I snapped my fingers and pointed directly at Adia.“You are the brotha!” I said and she smiled.“Come on guys, we have a plan!”
“I’m coming,” Phil said gripping his laser phaser.“I need to do Marco some justice.” Phil pulled out his laser phaser. “Justified…” he said, trying to create a catchphrase.Everyone just ignored him.
“I’ll stay with Farrow until he wakes up,” Hastings said.
The plan was all squared away – it had to work.
II.
We stayed on the outskirts of Old King’s Town and snuck behind buildings and down dark alleys to avoid the police and media circus.We were still in the EIA, and that still needed to be a secret.All the media had to go on with the Blobberous was Palm’s crazy claims – no one else had actually seen it or got video footage of it.It must have went back into hiding; possibly back into the sewer.
“I’m worried about Nog, guys,” Phil said.
“Let’s kill this thing and then worry about Nog,” I said, keeping focus.“He would want it that way.”
“Who would abduct him though?” Chuck asked, as we stayed hidden in the alleys.
“Nog has had a lot of beef with tons of extraterrestrial beings over his years – it could be anyone, from anywhere,” I said.
We snuck around another building and came up the side of it.We looked around the corner at the police barricade about twenty yards down the sidewalk from us.
“This is the nail salon that I use to go to,” Adia said, patting the brick wall of the building we were up against.“Bud’s Hardware is attached right on the other side of this.If we can get inside the salon, they share a break room with the hardware store.Easy access.”
“Good idea.How do we get in?” I asked.
“Well, I know they have a skylight.”
“This is where I come in…” Phil said.“My arm’s busted, but I can still pull the grappling hook out of it.”Phil dug into the mechanical stump that was still occasionally sparking and clamped his fingers down onto a metal wire.He yanked it out and revealed the grapple cord with the hook still in tact.
I saw Adia smile and put her hand gently on his shoulder.“I like how mechanical you are.”
Phil’s stump began to spark faster as he got more nervous.Was Adia hitting on him?
She then brushed her fingers over his freaking awesome mustache.“I like your stash,” she said.
“Oh yeah, she was hitting on him for sure.And I definitely didn’t see that coming.”
Everyone looked at me.
“Dude, you need to stop saying things out loud!” Chuck said, punching me in the shoulder.
The focus was back on Phil.He wound up the grapple hook by swinging it like a lasso and tossed it up onto the roof.The hook caught a hold of something and Phil yanked on it to make sure it was good to go.
“I’ll climb up there, get in through the skylight, and open the front door for you guys.Be ready,” Phil said.He then started to climb up his cord with one hand, and bracing his legs on the brick wall.
It was a struggle for Phil to get up there.Poor guy – he was just hit on by a beautiful girl and then was going to be a hero.That would have impressed even me!But it was taking him forever to get up there.
“Phil, just use both your hands!Don’t try to be so heroic!” Chuck shouted up to him.
Adia and I shook our heads.Chuck wasn’t the smartest of the bunch.
About fifteen minutes later, Phil finally made it to the roof of the one story nail salon.He disappeared out of view and we heard him trying to finagle the skylight.We heard a creak and assumed he got it open, followed by a loud crash.
Adia gasped and covered her mouth.
I peered around the side of the building again and through the nail salon window, saw Phil was getting up off the floor and walking towards the door, dragging his long cord of a grapple hook behind him.It had gone limp.“Come on!”
The three of us snuck around the front of the business while the police were busy near the alley.Phil unlocked the door and opened it.He must have fallen directly onto a display of nail polish because he was covered in it.Red, green, sparkly blue, sprinkley silver – he looked like a child’s finger painting.
“I like those colors on you,” Adia joked as we walked into the nail salon.Phil looked at me and nodded proudly.He then smiled, showing off a whole new world of gums.
We ran through the nail salon and towards the back where the break room was.We pushed the door open and entered.
Maxwell Ferguson was sitting at one of the tables, eating a microwaveable meal with a plastic fork.
“Maxwell?” I said, surprised to see him alive.
“Scout, my man!You should have seen my escape…” Maxwell said as he drifted away into a daydream, probably detailing his escape, but we obviously couldn’t see it.
“We’ll talk later, Max,” I said, kind of ignoring his fantastic return from the dead and pushing open the door that led into the hardware store.
The four of us entered the store and Adia led the way to the aisle where she saw the rock salt.We passed the snowshoes, winter shovels and snowman repair kits and finally made it to the bags of rock salt.
We all knelt down and tore into the bags like a band of ravenous raccoons grabbing some dinner.
“How do we load the salt?” Chuck asked.
“We load the chambers of the phasers,” I said.I messed with the charging chamber of the phaser and was able to unlatch it.The outer rim of the chamber was where the mechanics of the lasers were charged.The inside of the chamber, however, was a hollow, available space for projectiles to be inserted.Whether it was paintballs, rocks, rabbit pellets, dirt, or in our case, salt, it could be loaded in and fired when the knob was in the right position.
Everyone else unlatched the chambers and we began to put fistful after fistful of rock salt into them until they were full.
“Slap ‘em boys!” I said as everyone jammed the chambers back onto the undercarriage of the guns.“Now we need to find that thing.”
III.
With Maxwell Ferguson now an unarmed stowaway in our group, we snuck back through the nail salon, out the front doors and regrouped back in the dark alley, still avoiding police detection at all costs.
“Here’s my idea,” I said as we all ducked down in the alley.“I say we make like bananas and split.We bundle up in groups of two and scour King’s Town for this thing.If one of us finds it, send a message through Frog Nog and we’ll meet up with you.Do not fire until we’re all surrounding it.We’re going to only have one shot at this…until we reload.Then we’ll have another shot, but we’ll have to come back here first to get more salt.”
I felt like I was rambling, so I stopped.“Does anyone have any questions about my plan?”
Maxwell raised his hand.I called on him.“Yes, you?”
“I don’t think banana’s actually split, Scout,” he said.“I think you were thinking about banana splits.They’re already split.”
“Well that’s what I meant then,” I said.
“But if that’s what you meant,” he continued, “you should have said, ‘Let’s make like banana splits, and split.’”
“That doesn’t make any sense.A banana split can’t split.It’s already split, you just said that, bro.”
“When does a banana split actually become split?” Philclops asked.“With the whipped cream, or nuts?”
“Neither,” Chuck chimed in. “It’s the cherry on top.”
“Now you’re just naming off toppings!” Maxwell said, throwing his arms up in the air.“The banana itself is split.Right down the middle.They pour the toppings inside of it.”
“Um…seriously, guys?!” Adia said.“What the heck are we doing here?”
“Adia’s right,” I said, noticing that we lost focus on the mission at hand.A banana split sure did sound delicious though.“Let’s split up into teams of two, and spread out around town.Any questions?”
Maxwell raised his hand.
“What, man?” I said.
“There’re five of us.We can’t do groups of two.You’re plan is flawed, Scout.”
“It wouldn’t have been if you didn’t show back up!Just go with Philclops and Adia.Chuck and I will team up.”
“You’re not sending this guy with me,” Phil calmly told me.
“Then he can come with me.It doesn’t matter, guys.”
“Oh no, bro.I’m not going with you, Scout.Not after our banana split debacle.”
“You gotta go with someone, man!Who do you want to go with?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Maxwell said.“Just not you.”
“Then go with Phil and Adia!” I said, getting mad.
“He already said he didn’t want me to go with him!”
Phil nodded.“I did.I did say that.”
“You know, Maxwell,” I said, raising my voice, “this whole thing is your fault to begin with!If you weren’t drinking that fresh cup of French Roast down in the Dungeon of Stuff…”
“It was Gourmet Roast, actually.”
I stood up and slapped Maxwell across the face as hard as I could and he was launched back into the side of the building by the sheer force of it.He put his hand to his cheek and looked at it.
“Blood…” he said, staring me down.
“From a slap?” I said.“Bro, you got your underwear on too tight.”
“I hate to interrupt,” Chuck said, “but we’ve been arguing on and on about banana splits and who’s going with who for two pages now!We need to move before that thing eats the whole town!”
Chuck was right.Two pages was enough.
“You’re on your own, Maxwell,” I said.“Enjoy the dumpster life.”
And so the plan was underway.We snuck back through the alley and split into two teams.Phil and Adia went one way, and Chuck and I went the other.Maxwell stayed put.
Chuck and I slinked back across King’s Town Park and escaped the police and media presence under the cover of the dim street lamps.
“Where should we look?” Chuck asked.
“I have a gut feeling it’s back in the sewer.So let’s find some access.”
“Cool.Where are we going to find access though?”
“The school.”