CHAPTER THREE
It Was a BMV Conspiracy
I.
There are two lies that the world tells about the moon.The first lie is that it’s made of cheese.That’s just ridiculous.I mean really? Cheese?C’mon, guy…
The second lie is that it’s a vast, vacant dust land that has no life.Well, the vast and vacant dust land part is true, but the ‘no life’ assumption is wrong.There is life on the moon, and The Fellas and I were right smack dab in the middle of an altercation there.
It was suppose to be a simple mission.We intercepted a distress call from the moon about a downed alien spacecraft.We were just going there to investigate the crash, see if there were any cool artifacts to take, and check on survivors.Sounded like a perfect third space mission for me.
Well, once we landed the Frog Hopper in Capella, a thirty-mile long crater in the Capella Valley, we immediately saw the crash site.There was a ship, purple and yellow in color, about the size of The Frog Hopper, sticking straight out of the surface, nose first.
When we approached the ship on foot, dressed securely in some high tech space suits, with our dark blue uniforms on underneath (remember, we were official now), we noticed that there were two aliens inside the ship, still strapped into the pilot and co-pilot seats.
“Are you guys okay?” I called into them, my voice echoing out of a speaker on the outside of my helmet.
The two creatures looked at each other, and then back at me and nodded.They were unlike any aliens I’d seen before. They were smaller than the Frooginites, not skinny and green like the Norfits, and certainly not robots like the Slimeborgs.They were about our height, a little over five foot, wore black armored suits and yellow helmets with clear visors.They had two large black eyes, narrow noses, and mouths that appeared to have various feelers or antenna-like whiskers hanging from above them, giving them an organic mustache-type appearance.
“Let us get you out of there,” I said as my team and I started to walk around their ship, looking for a way in.
Chuck and Phil walked around to the other side of the ship and examined any possible entryway.Adia wandered behind it and faced the undercarriage of the craft.And me?Well, I started to climb it.
I maneuvered my way up the windshield of the ship and grabbed a hold of a handle that appeared to be on a hatch or something – possibly a good way into the ship.I shuffled up a little bit more to get a better grip on the handle, and felt the spacecraft move.It started to feel unstable, sticking out of the moons surface like it was.I stopped moving, and immediately got nervous.
“Don’t move, Scout!You’re making it worse!” Chuck yelled.
“What do I do?” I yelled back.
“Why did you climb it anyway?” Chuck asked.
I heard Phil laugh.
“Stop laughing, Phil!This isn’t funny!”
The ship started to creak, and then slowly shift in the dusty surface.It was starting to teeter and lean.Oh my God…Adia.If this thing fell, it would crush her for sure.
“Adia, it’s going down!” I yelled.There was a loud cracking sound that echoed throughout the crater, and then the ship started to fall backwards.
“It’s up to me, now!” I heard Chuck say, acting heroically.As I rode the spaceship down, I watched Chuck make a slow motion, no-gravity dash for Adia.He leapt at her to tackle her out of the way in the most epic fashion he could think of, but the lack of gravity lifted him too high into the atmosphere and he drifted over top of Adia and several yards away, kicking and flailing his arms.
“I got her,” Philclops said as he removed his glove that covered the hand on his mechanical arm.He aimed his arm at Adia and shot his hand out like a grappling hook.His metal hand gripped onto Adia’s arm, and he then retracted it back towards him, pulling her to safety just as the alien spacecraft crashed into the surface of the moon, sending moon dust everywhere.I remained on the top of the ship as the hatch opened by itself during the impact.
I climbed through the hatch and down into the bus-sized ship.The two aliens un-strapped themselves from their seats and approached me.
“You came to our aid, Earthling,” one of them said, and I smiled.
“Of course.That’s what we do,” I said.I then heard a banging sound come from behind me, and I turned around to see a metal crate on the floor that was shaking all around and there was muffled screaming coming from inside.Was someone in there?
I looked back at the aliens.“Big mistake…” they said.
Minutes later, the two aliens had the four of us tied-up and sitting in the moon dust against their ship.They dragged the metal crate out of the back of the ship and opened it up.An alien popped out from inside of it, a tall skinny one.It was yellow and scaly and its’ face closely resembled a humans face.It hopped out of the crate and started to run away.
One of the aliens lifted its ray gun at the fleeing creature and pulled the trigger.A spiraling beam shot out and connected with the yellow creature, knocking it to the ground face first.
“Look, bros, we don’t want any trouble,” I said.
“Shut up, Earthling,” one of them said, aiming the ray gun at me.“You guys showed up in the wrong place, at the wrong time.”
“We come in peace,” Phil said.
“Well that’s nice.We don’t.”The alien clicked a button on a computer pad attached to his arm and we watched as yet another ship shed its invisible cloaking device right in front of us.It was small and black, slick and pretty sweet looking – like the Mustang of space cruisers.
“We should kill you right here, right now,” one of them said, “but it’d be more fun to wait until your air supply ran out.”
“Is that guy okay?” Adia asked, nodding in the downed creatures direction.
“When he wakes up, he’ll realize that he’s stranded here too.We disabled his ship.He’ll be stuck on this moon with your corpses for all eternity.He’s scum anyway – nothing but filth that needs exterminated.They all are.”
The two aliens walked towards their ship.Phil was nudged close up against me, and I felt him squirming.I looked at him.
“Are you okay?” I asked him quietly.He smiled and winked at me.When his eye opened back up, it was glowing red.He looked in the aliens direction and a red laser beam shot out of his eye like a laser pointer, and burned a hole through the back of one of the aliens necks.The other one turned around and Phil gave him a taste as well, burning a hole directly through his forehead.
As the two aliens hit the dust, Phil turned off his eye laser by blinking again.
“Awesome, bro!” I yelled. Chuck and Adia celebrated too.
“Philclops knows what’s up!” Phil said, referring to himself in the third-person.
We were all able to wiggle out of our ropes and we immediately rushed to the yellow creatures side.I rolled him over onto his back and gave him a couple slaps to the face.The creature slowly opened his eyes and sat up fast.He saw the other two aliens dead on the ground and smiled.
“Thank you, Earthlings,” he said, looking around at all of us.He seemed genuinely appreciative.“You all saved my life.”
“It’s what we do,” I said. “My name is Scout Brooks.This is my team: Chuck, Philclops and Adia Smidgeon.”
“It’s nice to meet all of you. I’m Flak.I live on a planet called Septune Five in the Andromeda galaxy.Are you familiar with it?”
“Not too familiar…” I said.“What happened here?”
“I was out for a cruise, and didn’t realize that these guys were following me.They shot me down over this moon and I crashed.I sent out an SOS, but before anyone could come, they jumped my ship and threw me into that crate.It’s a miracle that they didn’t kill me.Their species is very hateful towards us Septunians.”
“Why?” Adia asked.
“Our planet it very rich in Orinium – it’s a very expensive and sought after mineral buried in our mines.The Grims have been trying to obtain the stuff for generations,” Flak said.“They frequently attack our planet and kill the innocent just to steal the Orinium.”
“That’s terrible!” Adia said.
Flak looked around.“I should get home, my family will probably start to worry.”
“The Grims said that they disabled your ship,” Chuck said.
“That’s fine, I’ll just take theirs – they won’t be needing it.” Flak stood up and dusted himself off.“I want to give you something, Scout.Hold tight.”
Flak went back into his ship and came out with a small satchel.He opened it and pulled out a tiny, gold marble.He handed it to me.“This is a piece of Orinium. I want your team to have it as a way of saying thank you.”
“Thank you, Flak,” I said.I loved getting things from aliens.Some of them were so cool!
“Maybe I’ll see you around the universe someday, Scout,” he said as he nodded gratefully.Flak quickly retreated to the Grims’ ship and fired it up.He ignited the thrusters and blasted away back into space.We decided to pack up and do the same.Our job here was done.
As we were climbing back aboard The Frog Hopper, Professor Nog’s voice sounded off in my head.
Scout, are you guys on your way back yet?
“Yeah, were firing up the Hopper now.Is everything okay?”
Not quite.We have a visitor…
II.
I killed the engines of The Frog Hopper and it sat quietly in the center of Nog’s barn.Chuck, Phil, Adia and I walked down the ramp on the back of the ship and into the barn where we removed our space helmets.Nog and Farrow were standing there to greet us, and along with them was someone I didn’t recognize.
It was a man, probably in his early forties, wearing a black suit, covered by a long brown trench coat.He wore a matching fedora and removed his sunglasses to introduce himself to us.
“The name’s Raggs – Detective Rickert Raggs at your service,” he said extending his hand.
I shook back, and Nog introduced us.“That’s Scout Brooks and the rest of The Fellas I was telling you about – Chuck Taylor, The Philclops…Philly…Phillips….whatever…Easton and this darling young woman is Adia Smidgeon.”
“It’s nice to meet you all.Professor Nog has told me much about you.”
“What’s the dealio?” I asked, knowing everyone else was wondering the same thing.
Raggs looked at Nog.“Do you have someplace here that I can speak with everyone?”
“That would be The Secret Room.Follow me.”Nog led us all down the elevator and to The Secret Room.
Once there, we all sat around the executive table, and Detective Raggs removed his coat and hat.“I’m from Washington, and was hired by the higher-ups that fund this here Fort Nog’s.I am investigating the disappearance of a well known scientist, one Dr. Hikolas Blossom.”
Oh crap…Nog told us to never speak a word of what happened to Hix.Wait…“Hikolas?” I chuckled.
“That was his first name, yes.You may just know him as Hix or something more generic like that.That’s what his buddies called him,” Raggs explained.
“What is it you want to know, Detective?” Nog said, squirming about anxiously in his seat.
“Dr. Hix has been missing for the better part of six months now, and the last place his GPS took him was right here at Fort Nog’s.He hasn’t been seen since.”
“Well, I don’t know why you would assume he came here, Detective,” Nog chuckled nervously.
Raggs stared at the old Professor.“I’m not assuming anything, Professor.It’s a fact – I only deal in facts.His GPS coordinates took him here, I just said that.We know he was here to perform the annual audit.He was never heard from again.”
We all sat around quietly, knowing what really happened to Hix, but unable to say anything about it.This was intense.Raggs continued: “I’m assuming at least someone here saw him then?”
No one said anything.I felt like we were all making it obvious that something fishy had happened, so I tried to change the subject.
“Well, the new school year starts tomorrow, Detective.We need to get going home.It’s been a long day.”
Raggs stared at me.“In the middle of my questioning, you suggest leaving?That seems a little…suspicious.Nog?Would you agree?”
“I would,” Nog agreed.“I don’t know what these kids are up to these days.Kids, huh?A lot has changed since we were younglings, right Detective?”
“Don’t put me in your age group, Professor.I’m at least thirty years younger than you – and more handsome.I have a fashion sense and don’t wear ugly red ties,” Raggs said.He stood up and put his coat back on, and then topped his head off with his fedora.“You may have won the battle today, but the war is far from over.Trust me, I’ll be seeing you all around.”
Raggs removed himself from the table and left The Secret Room.Once the door to the room was shut, Nog stood up and spoke:
“We’re sticking to the original story.Hix came here, preformed the audit, and left.We haven’t seen him since.”
“We should have just reported the incident like I pleaded when it happened, Professor,” Adia said with an attitude.
“Well, we didn’t.I felt that it was a better idea to not tell anyone that Hix was consumed by space goo and turned into a hideous alien blob.That happened on my watch, in my facility, on my time, in my place.We’d be shut down for sure if people knew the truth.”
“But it was an accident,” Adia said.
“Yes, and I fired Maxwell because of it.Problem solved.”
“Problem not solved!A man in missing, dead or transformed because of what happened here!” Adia stood up.I could see she was angry about keeping the secret.“I need to leave.”
“Good call,” Chuck said standing up and putting his hand on Adia’s shoulder.“We’ll all leave.Wanna grab lunch?”
A look of disgust came over Adia’s face.“My God, no.”
“It’s cool.We’re cool.” Chuck removed his hand. Adia was the first to leave the room.Chuck was next and Phil followed him.Nog and I remained.
“What are we going to do, Nog?” I asked.
“We might need to bail, brotha, I don’t know yet.Let’s just keep our cool for a bit and maybe Ragg’s will just get bored and leave.”Nog stood up and cleared his throat.“Before you leave, Scout, will you take that Orinium down to The Dungeon of Stuff?”
“Sure.”
III.
I took the elevator down to the dungeon and held the Orinium in my hand.It was so small that I was able to pinch it between my fingers.I walked up to an empty glass showcase box and opened it from the top.I set the tiny gold marble of Orinium inside and latched the top shut again.
“Psst.Hey, you.Hey, Scout,” I heard a somewhat familiar voice whisper from behind me.I turned around but didn’t see anyone.
“Hello?” I called out.
“Right here.In the sphere.”
I looked at the European Sphere Spear behind its glass box and noticed the purple sphere on top was glowing.I walked closer and leaned in and I saw Blorf’s face hovering inside the orb like he was some sort of mystical God.“Blorf?”
“Yeah, it’s me.I’m back, Scout.”
“How do you keep coming back from the dead?”
“Well, I once told you about my regeneration abilities.Well, that ran out.I’m dead now, officially.But I was able to compact my spirit into an item from my past that meant a lot to me.That would be this sphere spear.My Great Father gave me this spear once – sort of like a hand-me-down heirloom.”
I watched as Blorf’s ghostly appearance in the purple orb started to creep me out.“You’re dead?”
“That’s what I said, man; dead as a doornail.But I live on…in here…forever.”
“Awesome,” I said, unlatching the top of the case and pulling out the spear.“I have to introduce you to Professor Nog!He’s the brains behind our organization.”
“Sweet deal, bro.Introduce me to everyone!” Blorf’s spirit exclaimed.
After I introduced Blorf to Nog and Farrow, good old Nog passed out from being creeped out.He saw Blorf as more of a ghost than an alien, and that rubbed him the wrong way.Who knew Nog was scared of ghosts?I put Blorf back in the showcase and told him I’d be back soon to check in on him and then I left for the day.
I walked out of the barn and Marco gave me an inappropriate pat on the butt as I walked to my Dodge Premise.I walked up along the side of it and ran my fingers through the giant scrape on the entire passenger side.How did I get that giant scrape, you ask?
Well, the day I took my actual drivers test, I somehow passed.I always thought that since I had launched Mr. Pealoft through the windshield so many times, he just wanted to get rid of me all together.It was probably some sort of BMV conspiracy.Well anyway, I was backing my car up all by myself from the parking lot and scraped the car next to me the entire way.I panicked when I looked into the other car and saw Mr. Pealoft sitting in there eating an omelet sandwich on his lunch break.He slowly looked over and gave me the look of death.
Mr. Pealoft, being as uncool as a driving instructor could be, called the cops on me and I ended up getting a sixty-five dollar ticket in my first four seconds of driving alone.That wasn’t a good start, but I am happy to say that I have yet to get a second ticket.I had become a pretty good driver I thought.
I sat in my Premise and started the sickly engine and had forgot how loud I had the radio on.It was set to 106.7 The Slap!And wouldn’t you know, Mark’s song was playing again.It had become very overplayed on this radio station to the point where I would just turn it off or pop in an Iodine Eye’s CD or something.I was proud of Mark, but annoyed with him at the same time.He was living it up like a king in Chickensaw, being waited on hand and foot by Radical Ricky Rosa.They made such an annoying team.
But either way, Mark was getting gigs all over the state and starting to get attention for his tunes.So, ya know, good for him.