I woke in a smaller room. There was a bright red light in each corner of a low ceiling. I was on a white table, hard and slippery. When I moved to get up, I fell off, and landed on the cold floor. But that didn’t bother me. I was excited. I could move—not only my mouth or my eyes, but my whole body. I carefully stood erect with my feet firmly planted on the floor. It was cold, but I didn’t care. I looked down at myself. Someone had changed my clothes. From the thin white gown, I now wore a white sleeveless dress, synched at the waist that ran to my ankles. It was plain, not fashionable, but it suited. I did remember what style was and what clothes coordinated well. I wondered if Stargazers were like humans in this respect. Yes, I did start to believe that I was a Stargazer since the black liquid had almost fried my brain. In the small room I was in, I was still in pain from the poison they injected in me, but it wasn’t as great, and the fire was slowly fading to low warmth.
But there was a part of me, small, but existent, that still wouldn’t totally believe I was an alien. I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know who I was, but I was sure I wasn’t a being from another planet. That was science-fiction. This was real life.
There was a buzzing sound and then one wall of my room turned into a black screen. Medusa appeared. I smiled for some ridiculous reason as if she were a long lost friend.
“Prisoner EHAE-01-23-3013-A,” she began mechanically. “Are you coherent to receive a message?”
I didn’t understand her address to me, although, I wasn’t surprised at being called a “prisoner.” I looked down at the front of my dress. In black lettering was my designation: EHAE-01-23-3013-A. I had no idea what that meant, but I was sure it meant I was to be confined under every possible security measure. I couldn’t understand why they would think I was violent. I was so weak. I couldn’t harm a fly.
“Am I coherent?”
“Yes, are you aware of your surroundings?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “No, Medusa, I’m not aware.”
“You are in a confinement cell for the Extremely Hostile.”
“I’m in prison?”
“Yes, in a matter of speaking.”
I looked down at my designation. “What does AE stand for?”
“It stands for Alien Entity.”
I was an Extremely Hostile Alien Entity. So, from my session with Doctors Jamison and Keller, I was diagnosed as an alien—as a Stargazer—all because that black liquid in the back of my neck had made me scream. Oh, if only I had suppressed it! But it’d been too much. The pain had been overwhelming. I began to sympathize with the live subjects that Dr. Hinder had worked on. I didn’t know if he used the same torture technique, but I was sure the Stargazers had been under extreme pain. What had they done to deserve that?
“What about the numbers and the last letter?” I asked, trying to distract my mind from horrible images of others in pain.
“The numbers stand for the date you were apprehended: January 23, 3013.”
I sat down on the slippery, cold table. The date seemed wrong but I didn’t know why. It was too…far…into the future.
“The A stands for Anomaly,” she continued, as if anticipating my next query.
I didn’t understand. If I was an alien—a Stargazer—then how was I an anomaly too? Yes, I spoke English, but as they said, Stargazers could mimic human speech. Was I doing a good job of pretending to be human?
“Are you ready to receive a message?” she asked, mechanically pushing buttons all around her.
“Who’s it from?”
“Doctor John Goode would like to speak to you.”
I smiled at the mention of his name. “Of course, I’m coherent to speak to him.”
“I will connect you momentarily.”
Medusa pushed a few more buttons and then she was gone, replaced by John. I held up my hand to wave and greet him, but I saw the Red Woman in the background, and I let my hand fall. She was standing against a white wall in a small room, absent any furniture, while John sat before the camera lens.
He smiled at me like he was relieved to see me alive. “How are you?”
I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. I’m better than I thought I would be right now, although, I don’t know what they’re going to do with me.”
“I don’t know either.” He tilted his head, but didn’t look back at the Red Woman. “It’s above my clearance level, I’m afraid.”
The Red Woman smiled as if to say, “You bet it’s above your level.” I hated that she was there. I felt like I couldn’t be myself, but her appearance reminded me of another woman.
“How’s the senator’s daughter, Haiku Noon?”
He grimaced. “She’s…recuperating.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I decided to end it at that. John was clearly disturbed by what he had seen with the redhead.
“How’s Loren?”
“He’s managing.”
“Were they in love?”
Both the Red Woman and John furrowed their brows. I didn’t understand their reaction.
“No,” said John, “they weren’t in love. How do you know of love?”
Now, I furrowed my brow at them. What did that question mean?
“I’m aware of love,” I replied.
“How?” asked the Red Woman, leaning forward, over John.
I clenched my jaw. I didn’t want to respond to her.
“I think we should call Dr. Valier,” suggested John.
The Red Woman rolled her eyes. “No, she can be taken to Isolation. I wanted to have her sent there since she first arrived.”
“Let’s try with Loren first,” said John with an edge to his voice.
“I’ll consult with President Pallas. He has the final word on the anomaly—Medusa, end transmission.”
John and I didn’t have time to say goodbye as the screen went black and then the white wall reappeared. I didn’t understand their confusion. Of course, I knew what love was. I could give the definition but that was scholarly. I knew I loved the shadow who swam with me and ran with me in the forest. I still couldn’t see his face, but I loved him and he loved me. I sensed he was human like how I assumed I was too. Was it possible that a Stargazer, if I am that, and a human, fell in love? If he loved me so much, then how could he allow me to endure one more second in this prison?
I sat and waited, but Loren didn’t show. I didn’t think he would. He was sympathetic towards me and President Pallas wouldn’t allow it. Most likely, someone like Victor or Dr. Keller, or someone even scarier would come into my prison cell and interrogate me on how I could possibly love anyone or anything. After about thirty minutes, a small white panel opened next to me, and out slid a metal tray with a plastic plate of food. I didn’t realize I was hungry until my stomach started to growl. I didn’t know what I was eating, but it was good. There was some sort of soup in a plastic bowl, but it was cold. There was bread, tough, but I ate it with zeal. A paper cup of water washed everything down. I was still thirsty so I waved the cup around, hoping someone like Medusa was monitoring, and would ask me what I wanted. But no one, not even her, responded to my need for more liquids. I put the empty dishes on the metal tray and watched it recede into the wall.
It was another thirty minutes until I heard a buzzing sound. I watched the white wall, waiting for the black screen to appear or Medusa, but no one showed. I waited a few more seconds and then someone walked right through my wall. It was Loren. I was so happy to see a familiar face, especially someone like Loren, who wasn’t trying to torture me that I jumped off the table and wrapped my arms around waist and buried my head against his chest.
“You’re crushing me,” he said in a strained voice.
I laughed, thinking he was joking, but when I released him, he backed away, near my table, and wrapped one arm around his chest, breathing in and out.
“I’m sorry,” I said, confused. “I didn’t know I would hurt you.”
He waved his hand as if he was all right, but I knew he wasn’t, as he sat down on the table and didn’t speak for a few minutes, grimacing as he turned his body to gauge the level of hurt I had imposed. I stayed against the wall, upset.
“I’m better now,” he said with a weak smile. “Really, I am. Come over here and sit with me.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and smiled. “I’m sure.”
I detached myself from the wall and timidly approached, seating myself a good three feet from him.
He chuckled. “Come closer.”
I scooted two feet over, and pressed my hands against my knees, so he knew that I wouldn’t try to touch him and harm him. His green eyes reminded me of that forest and I looked away from him, desiring to not be in that place again with that mystery shadow who ran with me, all free and happy.
“You know, it’s going to be hard for you to convince the others that you’re not a Stargazer with that strength you just displayed.”
“They’re monitoring us?”
I looked around and finally I saw a lens to a camera in a corner of the room.
“They monitor all the prisoners. By the way, how was the food? I had to remind the warden that you hadn’t eaten. He didn’t seem all that shook up, but I thought it was important, even if cold soup and tough bread is the least appetizing meal in the world…at least to me.”
“Oh, thank you; I didn’t realize how hungry I was. And the meal was excellent, although, I would like more water.”
“I can do that.”
He touched a part of the wall and a screen came up. He pushed a few buttons and the screen disappeared. The small panel of the wall opened up again, and on the metal tray was a paper cup. He handed it to me. I took it and drank all the water down.
“Thank you,” I said as I gave the cup back him.
“Anything I can do for you.” He put the cup back on the tray and it disappeared behind the white paneled wall.
I looked down at my bare feet. “Can I have some shoes?”
“Sure, but they may not be the most stylish. They’ll be prison issue.”
“That’s okay. My feet are just so cold.”
“Here, let me see.”
I hesitated, confused.
“It’s okay,” he said with a smile.
I turned to him and lifted up my legs so that my feet were in his lap. He rubbed the palms of his hands together a few times and then placed them gently on my feet.
“You weren’t joking. Your feet are like icicles.”
I didn’t respond as he massaged my feet, slowly, tenderly, until they were not only warm, but hot. My female body responded to his male touch, and I felt a desire for him. But I also felt like I was betraying the shadow in my mind--the one who I loved. It was difficult for me, besides all the torture, to not feel for Loren and John. I wanted them to betray me—to hit me—to stab me with a needle—so that I would become detached to this place—this place of horror—and find a way out, possibly, and flee, back to that blue ocean or that green forest where someone was waiting for me.
A little too quickly, I removed my feet from his hands. “I’m okay now,” I said, placing my feet back on the cold floor.
He reached over and touched my arm. I jerked away.
“Sorry, I just wanted to see how cold you were. Would you like some coffee? It might help.”
At the word “coffee” I felt euphoric as if he had said a magic word. I remembered this beverage and that I loved it very much.
I smiled. “Yes, I would.”
He went to the panel and touched a button again. After a few minutes, the coffee appeared in a paper cup, and he handed it to me. “Be careful; it’s hot.”
I took it timidly and felt the steam rising from the black liquid as it hit my face. The smell was overwhelmingly tranquil to me. I blew on the liquid, trying to cool it, before I took a tiny sip. It wasn’t that hot and I was able to drink some more down.
“Good?” he asked.
I nodded and smiled. “Very good; I haven’t had coffee in a long time.”
I tensed, feeling like I had made a mistaken slip of the tongue, and gave him, and anyone who was watching and listening, valuable intelligence.
If he was concerned, he didn’t show it, as his face remained soft and at ease. “Stargazers detest hot beverages and food; that’s why I had your soup sent cold.”
I turned to him. “I don’t understand. You had coffee sent here, believing I was a Stargazer.”
He shook his head. “I’m not totally convinced you are a Stargazer. You have the lavender hair and eyes, of course, and the incredible strength of a Stargazer, but your actions are very human, as well as your love of coffee.” He smiled. “I’m a coffee fanatic too; John, not so much.” He chuckled. “Maybe he’s a Stargazer in disguise.”
“About love,” I began, eager to discuss the reason Loren was sent here, and why it confounded John and the Red Woman so much, “why should it be confusing that I should know what that emotion is?”
“Stargazers have no concept of love. They’re not tender. They’re not sympathetic. They’re not caring. They mimic well, but if one were to observe them for any length of time, it would become apparent that they are acting. It becomes a poor performance by the end.”
“I don’t understand. You had intimate relations with Haiku Noon, yet, you don’t love her?”
Loren blushed, embarrassed. “Yeah, maybe that’s not the correct behavior to have. Before I met you, I wouldn’t have admitted to that, but now…”
I didn’t understand how my arrival could’ve changed his view of casual copulation, but I was glad he was paying attention to me—and not to dissect me like a lab animal.
“I’m sorry she got hurt,” I said tenderly.
“I’m sorry too. It’s best that I refrain from being around the female sex. I wouldn’t want to endanger another innocent girl. But in your case, they sent me in here, without protection. I think they were hoping you’d demonstrate that Stargazer veracity and shred me to pieces.”
I noticed the smile on his face. Obviously, he didn’t think I would do that, but whoever “they” were, wanted to see if I would make good on my Stargazer abilities—if that was what I was. If Stargazers couldn’t love, why could I?
“I didn’t mean to hurt you earlier. I didn’t realize how strong I was.”
“I’m more surprised by the hug. You were hugging me, right?”
I smiled. “Yes, I was happy to see you.”
“See? There’s another bit of confusion. Stargazers don’t show happiness. They never smile.”
“Are they not happy that they’re here, on Earth?”
“Well, I think in the beginning they might have been, but now that the Corporation is hunting them all over the planet, they might be a little bit annoyed.” He winked at me, demonstrating his ability to be comical even with a serious subject.
“Why did they come?”
“No one knows. We assume it was to conquer, but we don’t know their motives, their goals.”
“What about the Resistance?”
I saw him grimace as if I was going to reveal that instance in the large white room when he had that black cube—rebel technology. He didn’t explain to John how he’d acquired it.
“Uh, well, they are outlaws, who defy Sanctuary, and all its ideals.”
He sounded like he was quoting government propaganda.
“Okay,” I said simply, knowing I should end that dangerous topic of conversation. “Were you born in Sanctuary?”
“Yes,” he said with a nod, seeming relieved to be talking about something safe.
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen.”
I gasped. “That’s young to be a doctor.”
He smiled. “A long time ago—maybe—but citizens of Sanctuary from birth are given a shot to enhance their intellectual abilities. So, even at age six, I knew more about psychology than a man in his sixties, before the Brain Boosters were administered to all newborns, of course.”
“Why did you choose psychology?”
“I didn’t. It was in the shot. In Sanctuary, in the Corporation, there are many people who are well-versed in the medical field. Every fifth person is some kind of professional physician. There are a lot of overlaps, but usually, you’ll find in an individual who is more knowledgeable, advanced, in their field, thereby becoming the leading expert.”
“Are you the leading expert in psychology?”
“Yes, but sometimes I don’t feel that way, especially with such an anomaly as you.” He winked and smiled. “Of course, a Stargazer’s mind isn’t completely known to us.”
I had visions running through my head of experiments on Stargazer’s brains, as they lay on a cold table, screaming, hoping it would all end and they would die.
“Are you going to probe my mind?” I asked in a soft, scared voice.
“Yes, but not in the way you think. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to talk to you.”
“But either way, you’re loyal to the Corporation. You will do what they say.”
He hesitated, and then said, “Yes, I will.”
I didn’t believe him, considering he had access to rebel technology, but I nodded my head as if I understood.
“What about Dr. Jamison and Dr. Keller? Am I going to be injected again?”
“I don’t think so. They got their answer from that experiment.”
“What answer?”
“That you’re a Stargazer.”
“But I’m not—I mean I have certain attributes, but what about the coffee?” I asked, holding it up, but it had gone cold.
He took it from me and laid it down on the table next to him.
“I’m completely dumbfounded.” He threw out his hands, confused. “It’s like you’re half-Stargazer, half-human.”
“Is that possible?”
“I don’t know.”
“If I was a Stargazer, a full Stargazer, would I be dead by now?”
He nodded. “You’re officially an anomaly and that’s what’s keeping you alive.”
I looked around at the small, white room—my prison. I didn’t know who I was, but I wasn’t used to such confinement. I used to be free.
“If I have to remain in this cell, I don’t think I want to be alive anymore,” I admitted. Tears started falling down my cheeks. “Can you recommend that? Can you recommend my death?”
He slid closer to me so that our legs were side by side, and then he wrapped his arm around my waist. I reacted to his compassion by leaning against his side, and nestling the top of my head in the crook of his neck. He took my hand and held it, rubbing my skin with his thumb. I thought of John and missed him too.
“I will do everything in my power to see to your well-being.”
I wanted to disagree out loud with his statement. Dr. Loren Valier didn’t really have that much power. The Red Woman did. She had the ear of President Pallas. I wondered about this man, how Sanctuary came to be, how the Corporation got started, when the Stargazers came, and when the Resistance formed. I wanted to know everything, but I also wanted to know nothing, and die.