Chapter 4
This wasn't like Galaxy-Man to get so worked up like this. It wasn't unusual for him to get overly emotional over small things like stubbing his toe on the door frame, or intensely sobbing over spilling milk on the floor, but he rarely let big things get to him. He usually just brushed off all the insults and ridicule from his neighbors, but he'd finally had it. He was sick and tired of people comparing him to his father. He was tired of people seeing him as some punk kid who'd never amount to anything. He felt that he had to prove something to everyone, that he wasn't a screw-up. Raising a child though, that's a big decision to up and make out of the blue.
Galaxy-Man ran back over to Hamilton's house and busted open the door. Hamilton was in the exact same place, still holding Cherry in disbelief.
“I want my baby back!” yelled Galaxy-Man. He marched over and grabbed her.
“Oh, you're gonna take her with you on your business trip?” asked Hamilton.
Galaxy-Man was making his way to the door. He stopped and gave a look of confusion. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Y-you told me you had an important business trip to make.”
“What? No I didn't.”
“But-but-” stammered Hamilton.
“You must be hearing things, Hamilton. I'm disappointed in you,” he said as he walked out. “See y'round, Hammy.”
Hamilton just stood in confusion.
I think this goes without saying, but no one should ever raise a kid out of spite to his or her neighbors. This was an extreme prospect even by Galaxy-Man's crazy standards. Something big like this was long coming, though. Galaxy-Man had been dealing with this kinda stuff for years, but he always kept his cool. He just bottled up his feelings and shrugged it off. It wasn't healthy, because what happens when you keep putting more and more things into a bottle? It breaks, and everything inside pours out at once.
If Galaxy-Man is anything it's spiteful. He'll go to incredible lengths just to prove a point, and this time was no different. The first few weeks were the hardest. In the back of Galaxy-Man's mind he hoped Choupassé would actually find Cherry's mother so he'd be forced out of the bold bet he made on himself. There were lots of times when he wanted to give up, but he kept going. He was much too prideful to admit defeat. He knew nothing about parenting, but despite what everyone expected of him, he proved to be a great father. Galaxy-Man was good with her, and he kept to his word. He brought her up, in his own special way. He became the father that he wished he had when he was growing up.
Weeks past, weeks turned into months, and before he knew it, eight years had past by, and Cherry's bio-parents were yet to be found. Not much changed in Spunky Hollow. The neighborhood got curbs, Etsuka and Barnard adopted a kid of their own, a new family moved in, Hamilton started a spice garden, Galaxy-Man entered a few very brief relationships, Stevie got a little fatter and a little lazier, the town church burned down and was rebuilt, and believe it or not, Galaxy-Man was still his same ol' goofy self. He did everything he would normally do, only this time Cherry would be right at his side. If Galaxy-Man wanted to prove everyone wrong, he certainly did. He proved himself to be a wonderful and loving dad. He truly came to love his little Cherry Limeade and the two of them became inseparable. Who'd have thought he would come to be such good friends with a child of all people. Must be a glitch in the Matrix, huh?
You'd think that the story ends here. Galaxy-Man did what he set out to do. He proved himself worthy in the eyes of his neighbors... or did he? Nope, they still saw him as a menace to society, only this time there were two of him! There's just no pleasing some people. Galaxy-Man didn't care about some stupid bet he made way back when, though. He'd found new happiness and meaning in life with his daughter. They were just alike. They did everything together; they liked the same things, they were both terrified of Al Roker; Cherry was definitely her father's daughter.
Galaxy-Man was a very lenient dad. He believed the key to being a good father was respect. He didn't see Cherry as a daughter, but as a friend, just one of the guys. He trusted her to make her own decisions. He let her get piercings, dye her hair, wear whatever she wanted. He let her swear, watch whatever she wanted on TV, and listen to whatever music she wanted to listen to. Their neighbors hated the way she was being brought up and I mean they absolutely HATED it, but Cherry was a good person. She was smart, funny, respectful of others, loyal, proud, and had great style and originality. Despite what others thought, Galaxy-Man had raised a fine young lady.
Since no one knew Cherry's real birthday, every October was celebrated as her “birthmonth,” as that was the month she was mostly likely born. On one such October, they were on a very important trip to Earth. They were going to their favorite new band, Maudeville. They were a band of four young sisters who played a sort of experimental, modern-classical genre of music that Galaxy-Man just loved. He was their biggest fan, which was a little creepy given how much older Galaxy-Man was than all of them.
Cherry had pale skin like her dad, and purple eyes. No kidding, they were purple! She had short hair, which she dyed blue, (no one except Galaxy-Man knew her true hair color,) piercings, cherry earrings, braces, a rasta-colored T-shirt with a lion on it, black pants with holes in the knees, a Triforce necklace, wristbands and pink Converse shoes.
Galaxy-Man and Cherry were just goofing around until they arrived at Earth. Galaxy-Man sat in his throne at the ship's helm pretending to fly, the Star Trek theme song playing over Hamilton's brand new iPod that Galaxy-Man has stolen the day before.
“More steam, Scotty!!” he yelled. “The killer space bananas are getting away with the orphans!!”
Cherry was shoveling clothes into a basket with a toy shovel. “I'm givin' 'er all she's got, Cap'n!” said Cherry in her best Scottish accent.
“That's not enough, dammit!!” yelled Galaxy-Man. “Divert all energy to the main engine!”
“Have ye lost yer marbles, Cap'n? We'd be disengagin' the ship's debris shields! We'll be Swiss cheese!”
“It's the only way, Scotty! Do it!!”
Cherry ran into the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. “It is done, sir. May God be with us.”
“Hold on to your booty,” said Galaxy-Man, “'cause things are about to get fruity!!”
At that moment, Stevie walked over to Galaxy-Man and jumped onto his back. “Ow,” he said calmly as Stevie's claws dug into his neck.
Cherry laughed. “Dang it, Stevie,” she said in her normal voice. “Do you want the banana men to beat us?”
“Ah, it's okay,” said Galaxy-Man. “It's her birthday.”
“How old is she, like 112 or somethin'?”
“No, man. She's 10, dawg.”
“Whatevs. Wish I knew my birthday.”
Galaxy-Man got up and walked into the kitchen. “Aw, but what's wrong with having a birthmonth?” he said as he looked into the fridge, scratching his belly. “You get the whole month of October, man. That's probably definitively when you were born after all.”
Cherry sighed. “Everyone I know has a birthday but me though.”
Galaxy-Man grabbed two slices of stiff, old pizza .“Yeah, but a birthmonth is like 30 times better, man.” He stuff his face with bad pizza.
Cherry looked a bit sad.
“Hey,” said Galaxy-Man. “Happy birthmonth,” he said with his mouth full as he handed her a slice of bad pizza.
Cherry smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”
Before they knew it, Earth was in sight. There was one problem though – they were going much too fast.
“Hang on to something!” yelled Galaxy-Man as he ran to the helm. “We're goin' down!!”
“Dang it, Dad!!” yelled Cherry as she ran over to the couch and buried herself in blankets, clutching Stevie in her arms.
Red lights flashed and computers beeped as they entered Earth's atmosphere at an incredible speed. They crashed hard into a golf course lake across from the community center where the concert was being held.
Galaxy-Man and Cherry poked their heads out the door.
“Eh, looks like you got a water hazard, Dad,” said Cherry.
Galaxy-Man just shook his head. “Forget you, man.”
The surrounding golfers were petrified with confusion at what just happened. Galaxy-Man, Cherry and Stevie walked out of the ship over to the community center while onlookers were too weirded out to speak.
There weren't many people there for the concert. Maudeville was a pretty obscure band after all. The band consisted of four sisters: Marleen, Henrietta, Esther and Evelyn Geirich. Always wearing some fancy getup or another, Marleen was born to perform and was always putting on a show. Henrietta was the shy and unsure one, so her sisters picked on her the most. Esther was the cynical and mean-spirited one, who was also the most talented member, and Evelyn was the ditsy, carefree one who never took anything seriously and was always flirting with anyone and everyone.
Galaxy-Man had found out about them a few months back while browsing random bands on the internet and he'd been hooked ever since. This was his first concert of theirs and he was beyond excited. He was as happy as a bodybuilder directing traffic. “Alright, Cherry, get your camera ready and follow my lead,” whispered Galaxy-Man. He walked up to the ticket booth. “Hello sir and or madam,” he said as politely as he could.
“Howdy,” said the woman in the booth. “Alrighty, party of two?”
“Three,” said Cherry as she picked up Stevie for the woman to see.
“Okie dokie, that'll be 60 profit and 21 cents.”
Galaxy-Man showed the woman his camera. “Oh, we're from Rolling Stone Magazine, man,” he said.
“Yeah,” said Cherry, “we're photographers.”
“Wow,” said the woman, “rolling Stone in our small little town?”
“Yep yep,” said Galaxy-Man with a big phony smile.
“You'll need these VIP bracelets then,” said the woman, “I'll let the band know you're here.”
Their plan had worked swimmingly. They had successfully fibbed their way in, free of charge. They of course had no affiliation with Rolling Stone Magazine. Inside, they followed the signs leading them into a large room. There were about 45 people inside sitting at tables enjoying free snacks and drinks.
“Yo,” said Galaxy-Man, bumping Cherry with his elbow, “let's go hit up ye olde snack table.”
“Righteous,” said Cherry.
They moseyed on over. This was fantastic! There were pigs in blankets, cheese cubes, deviled eggs, Ritz crackers, strawberries, carrot sticks, cookies, apple slices, popcorn, and to drink: classic red Kool-Aid, 7-Up, sweet tea, Double Cola, Cherry Coke, regular and diet Dr. Pepper, and an assortment of various juices. This was quite lovely indeed. Galaxy-Man and Cherry filled their plates with way more food than they needed and found a nice place to sit.
“Do you think we'll get to meet 'em when the show's over?” asked Cherry. “We are from Rolling Stone after all.”
“Doubt it,” said Galaxy-Man, his mouth stuffed with cheese cubes. “They don't speak English like we do.”
“They don't?”
“Nope. They speak Germish. It's like German, but completely different.”
“Well okey dokey, smokey.”
A woman wearing a ball cap with a ponytail out the back walked onto the obviously makeshift plywood stage. She spoke in a thick Wisconsin accent. “Okay, it's just gonna be a few more minutes, guys. They're backstage getting ready.” Backstage of course meaning the rec room across the hall.
“Oh I'm so excited!” squealed Galaxy-Man. “I can't believe we're gonna see them in person.”
Stevie hopped onto the table and started eating off Galaxy-Man's plate.
“Looks like Stevie's having a good time, too,” giggled Cherry.
Stagehands started bringing out all the instruments.
“That's a really big violin,” pointed out Cherry.
“That's not a violin, sillygoat,” said Galaxy-Man. “It's a double bass.”
The woman from before walked on stage again. “Okay, guys, they should be coming on in just a few seconds. Let's all give the girls a warm welcome when they get here, alright?”
Galaxy-Man was now playing on his phone. “Oh my God, is she still talking!?” he said snobbishly.
“I think the band's about to come out, dude,” said Cherry as she munched away on some strawberries.
Galaxy-Man put away his phone when he saw the band walking in.
“Oh my God!! Oh my God!! Oh my God!!” screamed Galaxy-Man as he squeezed Cherry's shoulders.
“Dad!” Cherry groaned.
He caught the attention of Esther who always seemed to have a bored, annoyed expression on her face. At age 12 or so, she was the youngest member of the band. She had freckles, and like her sisters, she had curly blonde hair. She wore a green headband, purple ball earrings, a purple turtleneck sweater, black pants and red shoes.
She looked at Galaxy-Man. “Ervy evor vets, sonnenscheizen,” she said, which meant something along the lines of, “Cool your jets, sunshine.”
“Oh my God,” said Galaxy-Man quietly, “Esther talked to me,” he giggled.
“Cool your jets, Dad,” said Cherry.
Galaxy-Man noticed a stagehand that he thought was very pretty. She had dark skin, thick brown hair, blue eyes, was a little overweight and wore colorful clothes.
“Ooh, she's purty,” said Galaxy-Man.
“Who, Esther?” asked Cherry. “That's a little creepy, Dad.”
“No, not Esther, dummy. Eh, it's not important.”
The girl with the hat and ponytail walked over to the door and turn down the dimmer switch so everyone knows that the show is about to begin.
“Wow,” said Cherry, “things just got fancy up in here.”
The sisters were finally ready to perform. They readied their instruments and their sheet music and the show began. Galaxy-Man was in absolute heaven. He couldn't stop smiling. Cherry really enjoyed the music, too. Stevie seemed happy as well, but who know if she actually liked the music. Regardless, the band played really pretty music. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the show.
After 40 minutes they had finished playing and everyone applauded, especially Galaxy-Man. “Wooo!! Yeah!!!” he screamed way too loudly, waking Stevie up from her unneeded nap.
The woman with the ponytail tapped Galaxy-Man on the shoulder.
“Uh-oh,” said Cherry. “I think we're in trouble, Dad.”
“Look,” said Galaxy-Man “I don't know who smeared Nutella all over the bathroom toilet seat during intermission, but it definitely wasn't us, man. It was probably that fat ginger kid who ate all the GODDAMN OREOS!!” he said with a very loud and angry inflection so the pudgy kid across the room could clearly hear him.
Cherry started cracking up, but tried her best to keep her composure.
“What?” asked the woman. “I just wanted to tell you guys that Maudeville has requested to see you. You guys are here for an interview, right? From Rolling Stone magazine?”
Galaxy-Man and Cherry just looked at each other. Next thing they knew they were taken into the hall to go “backstage” to see the band. Galaxy-Man was nervously excited. He was sweating profusely and panting like a tiger in a net. “Is it hot in here to you?” he asked Cherry breathily as he kept adjusting his collar.
“Dude, how are you even sweating right now? asked Cherry who was practically shivering. “It's freezing in here. Even Stevie's cold.”
The woman in the hat lead them inside a large room where the band was. Marleen, Henrietta, Esther and Evelyn were sitting in folding chairs. The room was full of instruments, amps, and lots and lots of wires. It was a very easy place to trip if you weren't careful.
“Hello,” said Evelyn with a smile. None of them could speak English, but they knew simple words like “hello.” Evelyn was 15, highly social and extremely charismatic. She was the silly one, constantly joking around and never taking things seriously. She was highly affectionate, a hopeless romantic and very flirty with everyone, but mostly used her affection to tease others and make them feel super uncomfortable. Evelyn was a very brisk girl and a little intimidating. She always had a big smile and looked people right in the face with wide eyes.
“Hiya, Evelyn,” waved Galaxy-Man awkwardly.
The stagehand from before was in the room as well, the one with the dark skin and colorful clothes. She walked over to Galaxy-Man and Cherry and put out her hand for a handshake. “I like your cape,” she said to Galaxy-Man as they shook hands.
“I like your everything,” gushed Galaxy-Man, though, he sounded like a total creep when he said it.
“Dad,” groaned Cherry.
“Um, thanks,” said the woman, who was a bit weirded out. “My name is Cutty, and I'm gonna be translating for you guys today.”
“Right on,” said Cherry.
There wasn't too much to say about Cutty. Cutty was a perfectly average woman: she liked tennis, and going to the movies and bands like Radiohead. She was kind, courteous, considerate and fairly well-educated. She made a decent living as a translator for Maudeville, as they mainly toured in English-speaking countries. Other than that, Cutty was a fairly unremarkable woman, but for whatever reason Galaxy-Man was quite enamored with her.
They all sat down in a quarter-circle of folding chairs to converse. Stevie crawled inside an amp that had a hole in it and went to sleep. That's what she did best it would seem.
“Ys es hel bares e umnhang?” asked Esther.
“What did she say?” asked Galaxy-Man. “Was she complementin' my good looks?” Galaxy-Man looked at his nails and smiled bashfully.
“She asked 'who the hell wears a cape?'” replied Cutty.
“Ouch,” said Cherry.
Galaxy-Man hung his head in sadness, but seconds later he exploded into a big ol' smile. “I have a question for you, Lady Marleen,” he pointed.
At 16, Marleen was the second oldest. She's was a total ham and loved to entertain people. She was the self-proclaimed leader of the band and called herself "Lady Marleen." In addition to playing a multitude of wind instruments, she could dance and sing. She was always putting on a show. She had great fashion sense and she was always wearing some fancy getup or another. On that day she wore a black suit with a top hat and cane; a class act. Her demeanor was usually pleasant and cheerful, but she had somewhat of a hard edge about her. She was friendly and kind, but also no goody two-shoes. She was like the glue that held the sisters together. They sorta looked to her as a mother.
“My question to you,” continued Galaxy-Man, “is – as the founder of the band, what is the story behind the name 'Maudeville'?”
Cutty translated while Marleen nodded. Marleen loved interviews. She was really good at them. She always knew just how to respond to questions and carried herself with great poise and civility. She spoke and Cutty translated into English. She said:
“Well, we all grew up with an interest in music, and learned to play a wide variety of instruments. We were poor, but there was always music in the house. We grew up during the great war in our country, and we never had much money. Our father was killed in a riot, and our mother struggled to raise four daughters. We did everything we could to help out: we scraped pans at the local bakery, we shined shoes, we washed cars. Still, we struggled to survive. I always felt bad for the people in our neighborhood who sometimes couldn't even afford to eat. I wanted to cheer them up, so each Tuesday I would put on my tap shoes and danced for the town and my sisters would play music. It was from then on that I realized I wanted to entertain people for a living. We found that more and more people kept showing up on Tuesdays to see us. That's why we only do concerts on Tuesdays. We started playing at a local theatre and people were actually paying to see us perform. Everything we did was for our mother. Her name is Maude, and because our shtick was similar to that of a Vaudeville act, we thought Maudeville was the perfect name. ”
"Seit handelmalfe," said Evelyn, which meant something along the lines of “So professional.” “Ooh, ooh,” she continued, now very energetic, “pretzi tehm ish ictwez de oeit meest tardar!"”
“What did she say?” asked Galaxy-Man.
Cutty let out a shy sort of chuckle. “She wants to know if you want to... get with her later.”
“D'aww,” gushed Cherry, "now I can finally have a mom."
“Malfe'z arunder desgibb avumz po, Evelyn,” said Marleen, which meant something along the lines of “He's like 68 years old, Evelyn.”
Galaxy-Man smiled awkwardly. “That's very nice of you,” he said, “but it's not you I'm interested in.”
“Teh'z e vierdo,” said Esther, who sat with an increasingly bored look as she chewed gum that had lost its flavor an hour ago. What she said roughly translates to “He's a creep.”
“Esther esel krectzi,” said Henrietta, breaking her long silence. She was the oldest of the four sisters at age 19. She was incredibly very shy and easily spooked by stuff. She was very skittish, typically very wide-eyed and always seemed to be worried about something. She was very wary of people and very slow to trust others. Unlike her sisters, she didn't joke around much, or tease others. She was somewhat gullible and easy to mess with. Her sisters teased her constantly. She was actually a very lovely person. She was kindhearted and innocent and never did anything to hurt anybody. That's probably why people picked on her so much. She was probably the most mature of the bunch. She enjoyed peace and quiet and was happiest when everyone simply got along. “Ine ven'ght viest sitsein ys bare sonnenschattenz enndorz,” she continued. “Instz oxght natreall.” This meant something along the lines of, “I don't trust people who wear shades indoors. It's not natural.”
After a few more questions, the interview was said and done, and the band headed out of the room. Galaxy-Man, Cherry and Cutty got up from their chairs to hit the old dusty trail.
“I knew you guys aren't from Rolling Stone by the way,” said Cutty.
“You did?” asked Galaxy-Man. “What gave it away?”
“Well, you didn't write anything down for starters,” said Cutty.
“Aw, rats,” said Galaxy-Man, snapping his fingers in bitter disappointment.
Cherry starting scratching her neck and looking at the floor. “Yeah,” she said, “that's kind of a dead giveaway, huh?”
“Yeah, but that's okay,” said Cutty. “It's pretty cool they let you backstage. You guys are kinda silly, but I like you.”
“I love you, too,” said Galaxy-Man, but again he sounded like a total creep when he said it.
Cutty gave a sharp look of confusion. “What? I didn't say I was in love with you, dude.”
Embarrassed, Galaxy-Man was now sweating like a pig in a parked car.
“Uh, I-I gotta go,” he said. He started towards the door, his figurative tail between his legs.
“Hey,” said Cutty. Galaxy-Man stopped and turned around to hear what she had to say. “You can call me sometime if you want if you wanna be my friend. Maybe we could hang out sometime.”
“Marry me?” asked Galaxy-Man sharply.
“What?” asked Cutty.
Cherry face-palmed.
“I said 'sure that sounds great.'” Galaxy-Man wiped the sweat from his face with his cape,
“You musta said it really fast the first time,” said Cherry.
Cutty started writing down her phone number. She seemed very interested in Galaxy-Man and Cherry. Cutty got no further than 555 before Galaxy-Man stopped her.
“That won't work,” said Galaxy-Man.
`“You don't have a phone?” asked Cutty.
“A call would take millions of years on that phone,” added Cherry.
“Yeah,” nodded Galaxy-Man. “We live around the Colossus, a quaint little red hypergiant 'round the Scutum-Centaurus Arm. Can't miss it.”
Cutty was shocked, but knew he was telling the truth. Interstellar travel, while uncommon on Earth, wasn't totally unheard of. “You guys are from another planet!?” she asked.
“Pretty much,” replied Cherry. She started walking over to the amp Stevie was sleeping in. “Let's head back home, pops. I gotta use it and I sure as hell ain't about to use no strange toilet. Is Stevie still in the amp?”
Cutty found it unusual for a child to swear, but didn't say anything.
“Careful, Cher,” said Galaxy-Man. “Those wires look kinda trippy.”
“Shut up, loser,” said Cherry. “I'm not gonna-” but she tripped and fell before she could finish her sentence.
“What did I tell ya?” asked Galaxy-Man. “Wires be trippin'.”
Cherry hit her head on the amp and Stevie ran out with her tail puffed up. Galaxy-Man couldn't tell right away, but Cherry actually banged her mouth pretty good. He even lost a tooth.
Cutty let out a small gasp. “You're bleeding!”
Cherry wiped the blood from her forehead. “Oh God,” she shuttered, "I done broke my head."
With Cherry's mouth bleeding, it was high-time to go. Galaxy-Man gave Cutty Cherry's spacephone that would allow Galaxy-Man and Cutty to communicate from the incredible distance they would be from each other.