Chapter 22
The next day was fairly chill. Galaxy-Man and Cherry nursed their 2x4 wounds and flew over to the hospital, not to for their own injuries, but to pick up Hamilton. He'd gone in for abnormally high blood pressure and a splitting headache. Don't worthy, nothing too serious. Still, Hamilton wouldn't allow himself to drive while on his mild painkiller, so Galaxy-Man and Cherry came over to save the day.
They sat in the parking lot waiting for him to come out. Cherry sat on the couch reading an old Hustler magazine from Galaxy-Man's stash, while the man himself watched Princess Tutu on his tablet.
Cherry turned the page and shook her head and what she saw. “Who the hell has sex while the pizza's getting cold? So sad.”
Galaxy-Man paused his video and walked into the kitchen nook for a snack.“Eh, still beats internet porn and dealing with Live Jasmin intruding on you all the time.”
“I know, right? It's like a phone sex hot line calling you. It's just weird.”
Galaxy-Man pillaged the pantry and nabbed a box of off-brand Doughnut Sticks. He ripped open the box open like a savage beast. “Yeah, I tried phone sex once. I got hearing aides!” As Cherry face-palmed, Galaxy-Man glanced out the window and saw Hamilton coming out of the hospital. “There he be.” He opened the window and stuck his head out. “Come on now! It's hot in this mug!” He yelled this loudly because he knew it'd embarrass him.
“It's about flippin' time. Gimme a stick. I'm starving.”
Galaxy-Man happily obliged and gave her a doughnut stick. “Yo.”
Hamilton walked into the ship. “Hi guys,” he greeted.
Galaxy-Man walked over and put his arm around Hamilton, gently as not to hurt his aching head. “Alright, Hammy, to celebrate your good health, me and Cherry have decided to fly you someplace extra special. You're gonna love it!”
“Aww, you guys are the best. It's on this planet, right? You know don't I go into space like you do.”
`“Nope,” said Cherry, “we're gonna stop by the bus station, pick up Cutty, and we're all gonna go camping I think.”
“Great,” said Hamilton. He was excited about taking a break from it all to spend some time in great outdoors, away from the hustle and bustle modern society.
They then flew to the bus stop in their spaceship while listening to hardcore techno. Sure enough, Cutty was sitting on a bench waiting patiently. She walked into the ship. She didn't know Hamilton would be there, as Galaxy-Man rarely ever gave anyone details unless they asked, but Cutty was happy to see him nonetheless.
“Hey, Hamilton,” she said. “It's been awhile.”
“Get a room, you two,” teased Cherry.
Cutty glanced over at Cherry. “Are you... reading a dirty magazine, Cherry?”
“Who the hell reads porn?” asked Galaxy-Man. “Reading is for losers.”
“We're going camping apparently,” said Hamilton. “It should be fun.”
And so they flew the Whomper to the far side of the planet, to the south pole no less. Though the northern hemisphere was in a constant state of hot summer, the southern half was relatively cold in comparison and very little wheat grew there. To make matters worse, much of the soil was mildly contaminated from toxic waist being dumped into the planet's small ocean, which was predominantly in south; this didn't didn't help the southern crops one bit. Those who owned land down there were known as “bottom feeders” and were relatively poor.
Galaxy-Man flew to the most remote location on the entire planet. Hovering just shy of space and preparing for a gentle landing, there was just one problem – he was going much too fast. This was about as surprising the Darth Vader paternity twist.
With rave music blasting, the all too familiar reds lights came on, and just as sure as the sunrise, the man became to perspire like a Jehovah's Witness at a blood drive. “Oh-no, we're going 200,000 miles per hour right now! Damn you, Scatman John, and your hypnotic gibberish!”
Cherry's eyes widened as she looked at Galaxy-Man. “If I die, I swear to God I'm gonna haunt you!!”
“Brake, brake, brake!!” shouted Hamilton. He had a fear of flying to begin with, and this was precisely why. Cherry, Cutty and Hamilton braced themselves for the impending impact.
Galaxy-Man did everything he possible could to slow the ship down. The engines let out a terrible roar and white hot flames enveloped the entire ship's energy shield. They were traveling so fast that without the shield, they would've been instantly incinerated. The ship decelerated exponentially and he readied the Whomper for a hard landing in a mound of mushy snow. It was old, dirty snow melting in the sun of a muggy warm winter's day.
Galaxy-Man wiped the brackish sweat from his already well-moistened forehead. “You know, I wish I had a good one liner about now, but I don't.” He turned to Cutty. “Whatcha got, Cutty?”
Cutty was understandably nervous and her hands were trembling. She had been in many crashes with Galaxy-Man, but she knew full well that any one of them could be her last. “Um, may the force be with you!”
They landed hard in the icy muck of a sticky slum, and I mean HARD. Various junk went flying everywhere and the gang was badly jostled, but everyone came out more or less okay. There was a problem, however – this was no ordinary crash. This was immediately apparent by the lack of catchy techno. Once the ship hit the mound, the power was knocked completely off. This was unusual to say the least. The Whomper was constantly on the verge of malfunction, but it always managed to do its job. It carried Galaxy-Man untold quintillions of miles around the universe. It was a real clunker, sure, but it was dependable.
Galaxy-Man panted and turned behind himself to see if everyone was okay. “Is everyone alive?”
Cherry had tucked her arm into her ship so it looked like she had lost it. “Holy dang, I ain't got no left arm!”
Galaxy-Man shook his head. “Quit jiving me, turkey. You ain't hurt.”
“I told you you were going too fast, Galaxy-Man,” said Hamilton.
Cutty had fallen flat on her back, on top of an old bassinet mattress. I guess there are worse things to land on. “I fall'd.”
Cherry giggled. “It's funny 'cause she's fat.”
“Am not,” replied Cutty as she got up off the floor.
Things were about as quiet as they could be. There was no noisy electronics on, no wind outside, and not a soul for thousands of miles.
Galaxy-Man got up from his throne and stretched his legs. “You guys aren't gonna believe this, but it wasn't my fault this time.”
Cherry started pointing her finger at Hamilton of all people. “I always knew you were shifty, Hamilton.” She was only kidding of course.
“No,” Galaxy-Man continued, “there's some wicked-powerful electromagnetism out there and it must be screwing with Eli's programming.”
“Oh my God,” said Cherry, who suddenly seemed very concerned. “Is Eli gonna be okay without power?”
“Don't worry,” assured Galaxy-Man, “Eli generates his own energy, remember? He's fine. Sometimes strong magnetism and whatnot can mess with his simulation programming and cause all sorts of wonkiness. When that happens, the ship's regulator shuts everything down while it fixes itself. If it didn't, we might be stuck accelerating for all eternity.”
“That's a scary thought,” said Cutty.
“There must be a gnarly solar storm going on right now,” Galaxy-Man added.
“What do we do?” asked Hamilton.
“Well, we're gonna wait this storm out. We came here to camp anyway.”
No one expected anything like this was gonna happen. At least it happened at a time when they weren't gonna be uses much technology anyway. They all decided to raid the fridge before everything spoiled. There always seemed to be an endless supply of okay leftover pizza on board.
It began to get chilly, so they gathered all the blankets and pillows and sat in the floor simply talking while they ate pizza. It's easy to get caught up in modern technology, but nothing beats an old fashioned conversation. With the internet and smart phones, we've never been more connected, yet so isolated from one another.
Cherry took a particularly big bite of pizza. “Okay, I have a question for you, Hamilton. How did you and my dad meet?”
“Actually, we met at church, when we were kids.”
“Dad used to go to church?”
Galaxy-Man rolled his eyes. “The only reason I went was because I thought the lady preacher was hot.”
“Yeah, and you used to get drunk on the communion wine and hit on her. You were only 15.”
“Hey, I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.”
Cutty laughed. “Sounds like you were bad little boy.” She grabbed another slice of pizza from the box they were sitting around, then she turned to Hamilton. “How on Earth did you guys become friends? It's just, you're so different. You don't often see a Christian and an atheist together.”
“I don’t mind that he has different beliefs than me,” explained Hamilton. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, that’s what Jesus says. That means respecting the beliefs of others, too. We met was during vacation bible school one year, we were all getting baptized on the last day, and Galaxy-Man had, being the little fiend he was, filled the font with gasoline.”
“... Why!?” asked a very confused Cutty.
“'Cause I thought it'd be funny,” replied Galaxy-Man. “Stuff burns your eyes something crazy.”
“Anyways,” continued Hamilton, “the first kid up was Etsuka. The room was dim, and she couldn't tell what she was about to stick her head it. I would've warned her, but I didn't know.”
Cherry giggled fiendishly. “Oh man, I wish I could've been there.”
Galaxy-Man gave an expression of embarrassment. “I honestly felt bad about that.”
“Etsuka knew it was you by the way,” said Hamilton. “Long story short, I told everyone that I did it. Galaxy-Man was constantly in trouble. He was always being punished for something or other, and I just figured that if someone showed him kindness for once, he might change his ways.”
“I guess it didn't work, huh?” Cutty teased.
“Forget you, Cutty,” replied Galaxy-Man. “Like you're such a saint. I see you over there talking with your mouth full, ya jungle lady.”
“From then on he always had my back,” Hamilton concluded.
“And I still do, bud. Much love, Hamilton.”
“Always.”
Cherry was being oddly silent.
Galaxy-Man turned to her. “When the hell are you gonna get some friends?”
Though he was only joking, his words deeply hurt Cherry's feelings. “Ouch, that hurt for real, man. Like you're the pentacle of popularity.”
“I was only kidding, Cher.”
Cherry became very upset. She paused for a few seconds to get her bearings. She was pretty angered by what he said. “No, that really pisses me off, Dad. Where do you get off saying stupid shit like that? You think I don't try to make friends!? You might not know this, but people don't like me, Dad, because I'm just like you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Hamilton and Cutty just watched their back and forth, not knowing what to do or say.
Cutty tried to butt in and calm them down. “You guys need to take a couple of chill pills, okay?”
“Stay out of this, Cutty,” replied Cherry. “This ain't got nothing to do with you.”
Galaxy-Man gave Cherry a cold stare. “You got something to say to me, Jane?”
“I try to play with kids my age, and talk to people at the library, but no one except frickin' Caiden likes hanging out with me. Just because I'm Galaxy-Man's daughter, they treat me like I'm cancer or something. Everyone talks about me my behind my back.”
“What, and that's my fault? Don't ask me to be someone I'm not. No one's perfect.”
“You treat your best friend like complete garbage! Why the hell should you get to have a friend like Hamilton!?”
“That's not nice, Cherry,” said Hamilton. “Galaxy-Man is my friend because he's a free spirit. For better or for worse, my life would be kinda boring with him in it. I know he can be a handful, but at the end of the day I know he cares about me and he's still that boy from church who has my back.”
“Yeah, listen to Hamilton,” said Galaxy-Man. “You need to chill out right now. You're being a selfish dick.”
“Well what the hell are you!?” shouted Cherry. “You walk all over everyone and you're too self-absorbed to see anything but your own narrow-minded, ptolemaic view of the world!”
Galaxy-Man was really becoming agitated. “I never asked to be your father, and if you think I can't send you right back to Choupassé, think again.”
Cherry's lip began to quiver, and she began to cry. This was all too much for her to take.
Galaxy-Man instantly felt a bitter sense of guiltiness. “Cherry, you know I would never do that. I'm... I'm sorry I said that, man.” He scooted over to her and put his arm around her. “What's this really about, Cher?”
Cherry wiped her tears and sniffled. “I just want to have friends like you do. I feel like everything is always about you and I'm just there.”
“But you do have friends,” said Cutty. “I'm your friend, aren't I, team captain?”
“Yeah,” agreed Hamilton, “and I'm your friend. You're awesome, Cherry.”
“Just do you, Cher,” said Galaxy-Man, “and never give up. You'll find somebuddy. Look, you're right – I'm not always a good person, and yeah, I can be self-centered, and I probably have more enemies than friends, but I never stop trying to find people who accept me for who I am. You're a good person, Cherry, and you have a good heart.”
Cherry stopped crying. She was a little embarrassed for getting so emotional, “I'm sorry I snapped at you, Dad. I was being an asshole.”
“Yeah, but that's okay. You know, I never really saw you as a daughter, but as a friend, and I think we're such good friends because we keep each other in check. Honestly, I'm thankful to have someone who calls me out of my bullshit. I'm sorry for being insensitive.”
Cherry smiled. “Me too.”
Cutty began to laugh. “You guys have the strangest bond. It's kinda beautiful.”
“Yeah,” replied Galaxy-Man, “cut from the same snot rag I guess.”
“Screw you,” laughed Cherry as she gave him a friendly punch in the arm.
“I wanna tell you something, Cherry,” said Hamilton. Everyone knew he was about to say something beautiful. “You're a lovely person, and you have a good heart. Friends will come your way, you'll see. Just remember that to make friends, you have to be one. You've got a wonderful personality and you have fantastic style.”
“Yeah,” added Galaxy-Man. “There's only one Galaxy-Man, just like there's only one you.”
“I used to have almost no one in my life,” said Cutty, “but now look who I'm hanging out with. I freaking love you guys! I met you all because I put myself out into world. Listen, Cherry, you just gotta keep on trying, okay? Go to the movies, go to the arcade, go for a walk in the park. Keep on talking to new people and keep on being you. You're gonna make friends, I promise you that.”
Cherry felt much better after getting that off her chest. She did feel bad for what she said, but was thankful that everyone came together to cheer her up, even when she was being kinda nasty. Anyone can back talk, but it takes a friend to ask what's wrong.