Chapter 21
The next morning, against Cutty's wishes, Galaxy-Man decided to hit the gym for the first time in his life to train for the tournament. The gym was free for everyone and didn't require a membership. There were people of all ages excising and having a good time. With Cutty at work, and Cherry studying at the library, Galaxy-Man was playing dodgeball with three little girls. I know what you're thinking, Galaxy-Man getting pummeled by little children? Wrong – Galaxy-Man wasn't about to let children defeat him. He played the game like he meant to, not letting up in the slightest. They played two-on-two, but Galaxy-Man's side was clearly superior.
“What's up? What's up!?” he taunted the girls as he held the dodgeball in their faces.
One of the girls was getting upside. “You're taking this game too seriousl-” but she was interrupted when Galaxy-Man slammed the dodgeball directly into her face with great force. Her skin turning red from the impact, she began to sniffle and cry.
“Yeah!!” shouted Galaxy-Man, pointing his finger nub in her face. “I am the grand champion and you are nothing! NOTHING!!” It was then that Galaxy-Man happened to notice that the girls' parents were fast approaching. It was high time Galaxy-Man hit the road. “Hey, good game, dudes,” he said to them, giving them a handshake one by one, “really good effort out there.” Before leaving he got in close. “Not,” he whispered balefully. He then walked off cackling madly. What a monster.
Galaxy-Man then saw that his neighbors, not the Fukanags, but the Hardens, who had just moved into the neighborhood not too long ago. They were training their son, Broady in a boxing ring. The Hardens had a fitting last name as they were very hard parents. They pushed their son Broady to be the best of the best when it came to all things athletics. He was around 14 and already ripped. It looked strange and unnatural for a kid to have such big muscles. Mr. and Mrs. Harden brought Broady to the gym every single day and probably fed him bull testicles and nails for breakfast.
Galaxy-Man walked over to say hello. “'Sup bros?” he asked.
“Hey Mr. Galeman,” said Broady.
“Galaxy-Man,” corrected Galaxy-Man. “ Galeman is literally not my name, dude. Not even close.”
“Finish up, boy,” said Mr. Harden sternly. “Punch the bag until you can't see straight and then come over with us and hit the cycles and work them creamy legs, boy. It's called muscle confusion, dumbass.” Mr. and Mrs. Harden both walked away to the, leaving Galaxy-Man and Broady alone.
“I'm sure glad they're gone,” said Broady as he took off his boxing gloves and threw them on the floor. “I hate them.”
“Well, you ever think about murdering them in their sleep?” suggested Galaxy-Man.
“Are you kidding? I'd be so grounded if I did that.” Broady wasn't too bright. Too much football and lack of study had left Broady about as smart as a dripping brown paper bag of chicken noodle soup. “They want me to fight in the big tournament and I don't want to. If they stop pushing me so hard, I'm gonna shoot myself in front of everyone.”
“Don't do that. Dude, just don't go to the tournament. Walk up to your dad, and kick him in his lady parts, and punch that ugly old bat of a mother of yours square in the face.”
“I think you might be a bad influence on me, sir,” laughed Broady. “I just wish they'd listen to me for once. They just want me to play sports and be the strongest person out there. I'm already stronger than everyone I know.”
“I don't think you're very strong at all.”
“Excuse me!?” Broady was becoming agitated.
“I bet all the trophies you've won aren't even in your room, are they?”
Broady was clearly becoming upset. “No, we keep them in the living room.”
“They keep in the living room for everyone to see. You're just a tool, man, nothing more than a retarded show pony. The only reason you have all those trophies is because someone told you win them.”
Broady didn't want to hear any of this, but he needed to. “But... why would they-”
“So they can brag on your achievements to impress people they don't like. They're too old to achieve anything themselves so they take credit for the things you do. It's all so THEY feel good. They don't give a crap about you.”
“That's not true, my parents love me... I think.”
“Then why won't they listen to you? And you just said you hated them. Your parents are horrible people, bro.”
“Take it back!” Broady shoved Galaxy-Man back slightly. He was clearly getting furious.
“I know you're angry right now, but deep down you know I'm right. I know a thing or two about bad parents.”
“Stop it right now,” demanded Broady as he put up his fists, ready to attack at any moment.
“You gonna keep destroying your body for them until you don't have enough freaking brain cells to put on your little dunce hat?”
Broady finally couldn't take it anymore. He punched Galaxy-Man square in the face with powerful force. He staggered to the floor, but didn't fight back. Mr. and Mrs. Harden came rushing back once they saw what Broady did.
“Broady, what is this, boy?” asked Mr. Harden who was very upset.
“That's alright,” said Galaxy-Man as he got up from the floor. “Broady here was just in boxing mode. He didn't mean it. No damage done.”
As he stood up, someone from behind tapped on Galaxy-Man's shoulder. He turned around and saw the three girls from before and with them were their parents. After tapping on his should, the mother punched Galaxy-Man square in the face.
“Okay, that one I deserved,” admitted Galaxy-Man as he wiped the fresh blood from his lip.
Broady was full of emotions and didn't know how to feel. One thing was sure, we was dreadfully unhappy and didn't want to be the fighter his parents wanted him to be. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's better to hurt people with the truth than to comfort them with lies. Broady needed to realize how horrible his parents really were and stand up to them.
Bruised and beaten, Galaxy-Man walked home slowly. He walked inside and he saw that Cherry was home as well. She was sitting at the kitchen table with Caiden and the two of them were drawing pictures together.
“This isn't what it looks like,” said Cherry, like she were caught voting for Donald Trump or something.
“What's up, Caidydid?” asked Galaxy-Man as he walked over to the freezer. “I need ice for my boo boos.”
“Hello, sir,” said Caiden.
“Jesus, Dad,” said Cherry, “you look terrible... and those bruises aren't helping you either.”
“Ha ha very funny,” said Galaxy-Man. “Whatevva, you know I look good. Ain't that right, Caidydid?”
Caiden was highly uncomfortable. “Uh,yes, sir,” he said unsurely. He never seemed very sure of anything he said. He was much too nervous.
“Don't call him that,” said Cherry. “His new name is Sexy Dan. Ain't that right, Danny boy?”
“Can I just be Dan?” asked Dan.
“How about Kenneth?” suggested Galaxy-Man.
“How about Sexy Kenneth?” suggested Cherry.
Poor little Kenneth was super uncomfortable. He looked at the table and smiled. “O-okay,” he said pitifully. Kenneth was all book smarts and no moxie. Kenneth was quiet and sweet but also a complete pushover.
Galaxy-Man sat down at the table with the kids. His face was hurting bad so he held an ice trey to the side of his head. “I don't think I wanna fight anymore. Fighting is dumb.”
“Yeah, I sorta figured you'd give up anyways,” said Cherry.
“What's that s'pose to mean?” asked Galaxy-Man “Are telling me that my own daughter doesn't believe in me?”
“It's okay, Dad. I didn't want you to fight anyway. It's not like you'd have a chance. People train their whole lives to fight in Battleon. I think you're great and you got a plenty fight in you, but I gotta keep it real.”
“Fighting is never a good thing,” added Kenneth.
“Stay outta this, Sexy Kenneth,” said Galaxy-Man. “Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, Jane.”
Galaxy-Man would use Cherry's middle name whenever things were really serious.
“Your name is Jane?” asked Kenneth.
“I'm sorry, Dad.” said Cherry. “I didn't mean to make you mad, dude. Maybe you could compete.” She reached out her hand for a fist bump. “I'd rather you didn't, though.”
Galaxy-Man couldn't help but smile and bump her fist. “It's all good, dawg,” he said as he happily bumped her fist.
“Technically you don't have to win,” said Cherry. “You just have to get the dongle.”
“Cherry told me that you're hoping to retrieve a necklace from a man named Fu,” said Kenneth. “In Batteon, combatants get to choose which division they fight in. It gives them an opportunity to strategize and plan out who they will likely have to fight. If you sign up in same division as Fu, you could fight him as early as the first round if the slots don't fill up right away.”
“I could fight him, take the necklace, and forfeit,” said Galaxy-Man. “This could work.”
“Exactly!” said Cherry.
“That's assuming you make it through the preliminaries,” said Kenneth.
“What is this 'the preliminaries' you speak of?” asked Galaxy-Man.
“Too many people sign up for Battleon,” Kenneth explained, “so they weed out of the lesser fighters until only 96 remain. They give each fighter a stress test so only the toughest of the tough get to move on. I watch the tournament on television each year.”
“I think I might actually have a shot at this,” said Galaxy-Man. “I mean, all I have to do is sign up so I fight Fu on round one, and then I'll throw the fight in exchange for the necklace. This is so perfect!”
“How do you intend to make it through preliminaries, Dad?” asked Cherry. “You're about as tough as flan.”
“They give everyone a stress test, right? Well I got all these bruises and I barely cried at coming home. All I have to subject myself to more punishment until I'm as tough as a pine knot. Their puny little stress test'll seem like a walk in the cake.”
“How do you intend to do that?” asked Kenneth.
“I want you guys to hit me.”
Galaxy-Man, Cherry and Kenneth stood in the the wildly overgrown backyard. Cherry and Kenneth held 2×4s and were about to smack Galaxy-Man in the head.
Cherry clearly didn't like this idea one bit. “Dad, I don't really wanna do this,” she said.
“This seems like bad idea, sir,” added Kenneth.
“Shut up, Sexy Kenneth,” said Galaxy-Man. “Now hit me!!”
Cherry reluctantly hit Galaxy-Man in the head softly.
Galaxy-Man was not amused. “What was that, man? That was a gentle caress at best. You wanna buy me dinner first, honey?”
Cherry bit her lip, closed her eyes, and then hit him hard in the head, and then once in the gut. She beat him until he was huddled up in pain on the ground. It felt so wrong and she had to stop. “I'm sorry. I can't do this, Dad,” she cried. “Can you at least fight back?”
Galaxy-Man got up and spit blood. “Oh, ya want a fight, huh?” he asked. He got right in Cherry's grill. “What's up? What's up?” he taunted as their foreheads touched.
Cherry started laughing. “Come at me, bruh!”
Poor Kenneth was weirded out as ever. He just kinda stood there looking at his feet while Cherry and Galaxy-Man had fun in their own weird way.
“Oh I'll come at ya!” yelled Galaxy-Man. He started shoving Cherry's chest. “Whatcha got? Whatcha got, punk, huh?”
Cherry punched him in the gut hard when he wasn't ready. He fell to his knees and Cherry hit him with the 2x4 in his face, busting his lip open.
“Ow!” cried Galaxy-Man. He got up and staggered over to Kenneth and snatched his 2x4 away. “You wanna play hardball?” He ran over Cherry and fake swung. She flinched and jumped back, then Galaxy-Man whacked her on the side of her head forcefully, knocking her to the ground and bleeding from the ear.
Kenneth was terrified by their bloody skirmish. “Oh my God,” he said, “please stop fighting!”
“Stay outta this Sexy Kenneth!” yelled Cherry in a girly, breathy sort of voice as she got up. “I'm fighting because I love you, you fool!” She was of course just messing with him, but he took it seriously.
“You don't have to prove yourself to me,” said Kenneth. “I-I already think you're amazing,” but Cherry was to busy having a 2x4 fight with her father to hear his confession of love. Maybe it's obvious at this point, but Kenneth had a bit of a crush on Cherry, a Cherry crush if you will. The feeling was not mutual sadly. Cherry only liked hanging out with him because he was sweet, and because he was fun to mess with.
Cherry and Galaxy-Man fought a brutal fight, but it was all in good fun. They had a strange friendship. After the long a bloody mess of a battle, Galaxy-Man and Cherry all at once burst into laughter.
“That was fun,” said Cherry. “You broke my hand,” she chuckled morbidly as she held up a crooked ring finger.
Galaxy-Man put his hand on her shoulder “I love you, Kiddo.”
“Me, too, Dad.” replied Cherry. “I am pretty great after all.”
Kenneth just stood in utter confusion, glad the fight was finally over. “What just happened?” he asked to no one in particular.
Cherry looked right into Kenneth's eyes seductively, walked over to him, took him in her arms, and gave him a big bloody kiss on the lips, her sweat on his cheek and her blood in his mouth. “That was a close one, babe. You almost lost me.”
“D'aww,” gushed Galaxy-Man. He knew that Cherry was just teasing him though. It was a tad cruel to play with his heart like that, but she couldn't resist.
“Come on, Sexy Kenneth,” said Cherry. “Let's go eat make milkshakes.” She took him by the hand and they all walked into the kitchen for ice cream. So much for Galaxy-Man's training.