Chapter 24
During these two weeks, Cutty didn't hear from Galaxy-Man or Cherry and she was worried sick. Cutty couldn't come over because she didn't know how to call for a spacebus. Galaxy-Man and Cherry always made the arrangements. Needless to say, she was worried and called every day, but to no avail. Galaxy-Man couldn't answer, and Cherry was busy trying to make new friends.
Out of the 15 days Galaxy-Man was tied up, Cherry spent all of her time outside, in the streets, in woods, anywhere and everywhere she wanted to go, going on all manner of merry childhood adventures with Kenneth and the Lemon Maringe Gang.
After enduring such an unspeakable evil, it was finally time, the tournament was about to begin. Galaxy-Man ate a hearty breakfast of meats and put on his best cape. Oddly enough, he wasn't that nervous at this point. At first, he couldn't feel anything. I guess after you watch arguably one of the – no, not even arguably – the worst movie ever created, nothing scares you. It's good to be confident, sure, but too much confidence can sometimes be detrimental. Galaxy-Man was always poised and sure of himself, but just what was he in for this time? He would be entering himself in a fighting tournament where the best fighters out there got together to battle for glory.
After breakfast, Galaxy-Man and Cherry passed by Earth on their way to the tournament to pick up Cutty. Galaxy-Man wanted Cutty to be there to cheer him on, and plus they hadn't spoken in over two weeks. Cutty had no idea that Galaxy-Man was actually serious about entering the tournament, even though he flat out said he was signing up. Piloting the ship, Galaxy-Man turned over to Cherry who was sitting on the couch clipping her nails and reading the news on her phone.
“Cutty's probably gonna be a little bit mad,” said Galaxy-Man. “I left her a message saying BRB... but that was a few weeks ago now. Shit, man, I done goofed for real this time.”
“Err, I think you pooped the bed on this one, Dad,” said Cherry. “I guess I could have messaged her, but I just got caught up in the moment. I got Waldo tattooed on my butt.”
“Yeah, well I wish I was dating Waldo right now. Cutty's gonna be steamed at me.” Galaxy-Man looked down and contemplated. “Heck, she has the right. Maybe she'll have mercy and forgive me.”
Upon hearing the news, Cutty was furious with him. Inside the Whomper, she sat with her arms firmly crossed on the couch. Cherry sat next to her reading the news. She'd been away from it all just as long as Galaxy-Man.
“First you don't answer my calls for two weeks,” yelled Cutty, “and now you tell me you decide, on your own, that you're gonna fight in a tournament!?”
“I couldn't answer your calls because I was a little tied up at the moment,” replied Galaxy-Man.
Cherry let out a chuckle as she swiped through her phone. Maybe it was wrong to laugh, but it was pretty funny.
“For two weeks!?” asked Cutty.
“I was watching a movie, okay? Jeez.”
Cutty wasn't buying this story for one minute. “You were watching a movie for two weeks!?”
“Yeah, and it was really bad. Listen, I'm sorry, but I have to do this.”
“Hey guys,” said Cherry as she looked up from her phone, “the Destroyer of Worlds or whatever has tentacles now. Weird.”
“What, you're gonna enter the tournament so you can ask that fox man for his necklace?” asked Cutty.
“I'm gonna forfeit in exchange for the necklace,” Galaxy-Man replied. “We get the dongle, and no one gets hurt.”
“Hey, what if he says no?” asked Cherry. “I guess I never thought about that.”
“He's not gonna say no,” assured Galaxy-Man. “No one wants to fight. I'll be doing him a solid.”
“I just wish you'd have asked me first,” said Cutty.
“So the Destroyer of Worlds is like, bigger than a city block now and growing,” said Cherry.
“Did you ask me before you fought that dragon?” asked Galaxy-Man. “What's up with that!?”
“I did that for you and Cherry,” replied Cutty. “The only person you're fighting for is yourself. You're so self-absorbed and obsessed with your image. I'm suppose to be your partner and I don't even know your name. I don't even know the color of your eyes.”
“Hey, don't ask me to be someone I'm not, okay? A dalmatian can't change its spots.”
“Hey guys,” said Cherry.
“Oh my God will you please shut up about the Destroyer of Worlds!” snapped Galaxy-Man.
“Please,” agreed Cutty.
Cherry gave a very sad face. When she spoke it was in a hushed voice. “I was gonna say that... maybe you should both agree to communicate better in the future. The past is in the past, you know?”
Both Galaxy-Man and Cutty felt bad. “Gee,” said Galaxy-Man. “I'm sorry for snapping at you Cherry. I'm just a great big bag of farts.”
“Me too,” said Cutty.
Galaxy-Man sighed. “She's right, we should be closer from now on. Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything first. That was... really stupid. I'm sorry.”
“It's okay,” said Cutty. “I forgive you. Let's go home and talk about this.”
“What? I'm still entering the tournament.”
“This is so stupid! We can find another way!”
“You don't understand, I HAVE to do this, and that's the end of it.”
“You're unbelievable!”
Galaxy-Man had never seen Cutty this angry before. This was their first real fight. She had a right to be mad when you think about it. Galaxy-Man made this decision completely on his own without even discussing it with Cutty. On the other hand, Cutty should've known by now that Galaxy-Man was a highly independent and free soul. He was also stubborn and unchanging in his decisions. Once his mind was made, it was made.
They arrived on Mars where the tournament was being held. Mars had been terraformed many years ago to support human living. Its atmosphere was changed, and even the strength of its gravity was altered to match that of Earth's, which was easier said than done. It's best not to think about it. They landed the Whomper at a massive colosseum near Olympus Mons. There were thousands of ships for miles. People were camping out for the tournament of course, both spectators and participants. The arena was red like the planet and very ornate, covered in complex patterns and intricate designs of fighting warriors etched into its stone.
“Ritzy,” said Galaxy-Man as the gang walked off the ship. He looked at Cutty and smiled, but she of course was not speaking to him.
Cutty tapped on Cherry's shoulder. “I think I'll wait in the car,” she said.
“I promise I'll come out okay,” said Galaxy-Man, trying to make her at least feel a little better about this.
With Cutty waiting in the Star Whomper, Galaxy-Man and Cherry walked into the colosseum. It was a massive hall with 57 statues of all the past winners, and two statues of people who were caught cheating, branding them cheaters forever. Funny how the reward for winning is also the punishment for cheating. There were thousands of people inside, and these were just the fighters. Spectators were not allowed to be seated yet as the tournament wouldn't start for a long while. Combatants were there to sign up. There were some seriously scary-looking folks in there. Galaxy-Man looked around until he spotted Fu. He walked over to him for a word.
“What's crackin'?” asked Galaxy-Man. “You ready to give up yet?”
“Wow,” said Fu, “you're braver than I thought. So you really followed through on your word, huh? Admirable. Foolish, but Admirable.”
Fu was wearing a fighter's garb: a sleeveless blue vest, red sweatbands on his arms, light-weight yellow gi pants held up by a red sash, and red boxing shoes. There was an opening in the back of his pants for his puffy orange tail to poke through and move around. He had beautiful clean fur and bright blue eyes.
“What division are you sighing up for?” asked Galaxy-Man.
“Like I told you, division A, block 7. You really think you have a chance?”
“I'm the amazing Galaxy-Man, biatch. You're goin' down like a frown, Foxy Brown.”
“Hmph, I'll be honest, I'm looking forward to seeing if your ability to fight is as strong as your ego. I'll be sure not to underestimate you.” With that said, Fu walked away.
After there run in with Fu, Galaxy-Man and Cherry followed the fighters into a great dining hall. Inside there were great long tables filled with enough food to feed a lot of hungry people. Galaxy-Man expected all the fighters to be male, but a good 30-40% were female. There were no restrictions on who could participate and all ages were also welcome. There were even a few teens and young children there to fight. At the back of the hall was a stage and podium. Someone was sure to give a speech.
“Ooh, free foodage,” said Cherry. “Yes suh. Man, I wish Brother were here. I'd be in heaven right now around all this food.” She starting walking towards a table with lots of meats and Galaxy-Man followed.
“You have a brother?”
“No, that's just what we call him. He's hilarious. Also, I'm in a gang now.”
“It sounds more like a cult. Nah, I'm happy you're making new friends, buddy. I knew you would.”
“Yeah.”
They arrived at the table and Cherry began stuffing her face with mutton.
“So how long do you think Cutty'll be mad at me?” asked Galaxy-Man.
“I don't know,” replied Cherry. “She's pretty steamed. Maybe you should go talk to her.”
Galaxy-Man grabbed a piece of meat to eat. “I don't know if I'm suppose to leave or not. What if they don't let me back in or something? I don't know how any of this stuff works.”
Cherry smiled with meat in her teath. “You're so out of your element right now.”
The lights then dimmed and Space John himself walked on stage.
“Space John?” asked Cherry. She'd only ever seen in on TV. He was a tall, muscular, lavender-skinned man with horns, shaggy blue hair, and a great big beard. He wore a red poncho, black pants and black boots. He also wore spiked shoulder pads and knee pads. He was a frightening man to be sure.
“Goo' morning,” he said. His voice boomed through the speakers set up throughout the room. The speakers were much, much louder than they needed to be. They were so ridiculously loud in fact that everyone had to literally put their fingers in their ears as not to go deaf. Even Cutty could clearly hear the man speak from way outside on the very back of the huge parking lot. “I'd like to talk to you all through the night about bicycles,” he continued, his voice rattling everyone's bones, “and how they've affected me in my life.”
“What the hell is this guy talking about!!?” screamed Cherry. Space John was quite possibly the weirdest man who ever lived. He said strange things and his actions often made no sense at all. How he became the emperor of the galaxy is a total mystery.
“One of the things I've learned to do is to laugh at people with diabetes and laugh all your cares away 'cause it's people with diabetes that you ought to be laughin' at, which brings me to my next point – Battleon.” He then took the mic from the podium and broke into a freestyle rap. “Peanut butter, chocolate, great when separate, but when they combine it makes the morning time epic, morning time epic, morning time epic!”
“KILL ME!!!” screamed Cherry.
“Now,” Space John continued, “first I'd like to clear up a little rumor that's been going around about my weight. I wanna tell ya, summer performance tires lose a noticeable percentage of traction as their tread compound rubber properties change from pliable elastic to inflexible plastic. The tire industry uses the term 'dyn-o-mite' to describe the gay agenda where a summer performance tire is given by the love of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Amen.” He then dropped the mic and walked off stage with a string in his step, as if he had given a profound and insightful speech. He didn't say anything at all about the tournament. Space John was a complete imbecile, but ruled the galaxy with an iron fist and steel-toed socks.
One of Space John's assistants then took the stage. He walked onstage clapping as Space John walked off. The first thing he did was turn down the volume to a reasonable level that didn't make everyone's ears bleed. “Emperor Space John everyone,” he cheered. Everyone took their fingers out of their ears to listen. “Ladies and gentlemen, this years tournament will be a special one,” he continued. “The winner will be bestowed the legendary Sword of Masters. As some of you know, the sword can only be wielded by a true warrior and this is our way of determining who is truly the greatest fighter in the galaxy. With this sword, he or she will be escorted to Beaverball for one final battle. Our champion will battle the Destroyer of Worlds and claim the highest glory. This tournament will be the ultimate test of strength and courage and some of you may die in the coming days, but that is a risk warriors must take in order to be the greatest. This room contains, without a doubt, the greatest fighters this galaxy has to offer, and I hope you will all fight with honer, and valor, and don't cheat. Momentarily you will be given a stress test since there are so many of you. This way, only the very strongest of you will move on. This test will be hard, and it will be dangerous.”
People began bringing in large vats of gasoline. What were they planning to do with them? Something not very pleasant no doubt.
“Normally we test our participants' endurance by how long they are able to hold their breath in water, but this year we've opted to use gasoline instead to make the challenge greater and go by quicker. This will be a brutal trial of grit and endurance. Once your scores have been tallied, only the top 96 will be chosen and allowed to sign up for the tournament. For those who mailed in their bracket position request early and don't make the top 96, your reservation will be void. In the event of a tie, do-overs will be carried out if needed. With that said, eat up, fight hard, and may luck be with you. Thank you.” He then walked off and everyone went back to eating.
After his speech Galaxy-Man suddenly felt out of place. He was surrounded by masters of fighting, some of the greatest warriors out there. Suddenly a nervous chill ran up Galaxy-Man's spine and he lost his appetite.
“What's wrong, Father-Man?” asked Cherry.
“This was a really stupid idea.”