Chapter Two
Past Sins
I stood there alone within the room as tears of impotent fury coursed down my cheeks to splatter on the expensive parquet marble floor. I wiped them away with the sleeve of my blouse and then at my lips roughly not caring if the wiped off lipstick stained the blouse or not.
After a few moments of silent rage I turned to the door. I saw a trashcan and going to it I tossed the un-passed out dirt files into it. It was garbage anyway.
I left then and made my way through the ranks of concerned employees who were in a shocked daze at their sudden joblessness. I had helped put them there and for what?
To keep my head above water as it were?
Francesca’s laughter rang out from somewhere else in the building and reminded me of something of a biblical import. In the effort to keep my head above water I’d landed in hell and the laughter of my tormentor only brought that realization to full light.
Life was hopeless!
It always had been, but now it was doubly so. It didn’t matter what one did to bury or move on from past mistakes. They always had a way of resurfacing to the forefront and multiplying.
I wanted to scream, actually I just wanted to lay down and die. Like an old animal too tired of life to continue taking in the needed nutrition to support life.
I was on the street and instead of calling for a cab I just walked. Eventually I found myself outside my apartment building.
Listlessly I made my way up to it in complete apathy of spirit. There was a package leaning against my door.
The sudden desire to commit murder came to full life within me. I didn’t have a gun, but I knew where I could get one on the street.
I rested my head against the door jam. It didn’t matter.
Even if I did kill Francesca the package she held over my head would still be sent on its way.
Who was I kidding!
She’d send it anyway someday just for kicks, even if I did everything she wanted and let her use me at will.
Oh God what was I going to do?
Against every fiber of my being I picked the package up and entered my apartment. I was so deep in now I didn’t know anything else other than to go in deeper.
I set the package on the kitchen table and stared at it for several moments before I started to open it. Francesca’s future path for me became very real as I pulled the box apart to see what was inside. How fitting it was that what lay within the box was a leather manifestation of a slave girl outfit, because that was exactly what I was.
I let the lid of the box fall shut and crying I looked away as I said, “Break me in easy, yeah right!” I whispered out bitterly.
Francesca Marelli among her many unsavory business holdings owned a string of domination nightclubs and lounges. She thought rather highly of herself as a dominatrix both in the boardroom and in the bedroom. I apparently was the newest piece of flesh to be abused and added to her growing collection.
Screaming out in fury I wiped the box off the table with one arm, but my act of anger didn’t change anything. Crying I ran out of my apartment in a need of fresh air, as I was overcome with the need to escape from everything.
*****
I pushed open the rusted door to the roof and stepped out into the warmth of the late afternoon sun. I made my way to the edge of the roof.
All the way up here I’d been fighting to deny the solution that had come to mind. It was simple really. If I jumped I would be dead. I would have paid once and for all for my sins.
The box and its contents wouldn’t be sent and nobody after a brief few months of mourning would be any the worse for wear. I looked at the street level so far below and some form of reasoning slipped into my fractured consciousness.
I sank to my knees crying against the stained concrete of the building’s roof. If I committed suicide it would hurt my family as much if not more than if they found out about me and what I had done to pay for college and law school.
I left the rooftop before I changed my mind. I didn’t know what to do, but suicide wasn’t an option I could entertain.
I walked for hours most of them aimlessly and it was a surprise that I looked up to discover myself at the ornate door of the house before me. I hadn’t intended on coming here. I almost turned away, but I fought down that cowardice urge to leave. There had been too much cowardice on my part up till now. I had an apology to make.
I pressed the doorbell and waited. The door opened after a moment to reveal Jim Swanson, the former chairman of the board that I had just helped to depose and run into the dirt.
His eyes took me in and his look abruptly became hostile, “What do you want?”
His words were cuttingly harsh, but to be expected. My chin quivered and my tears came back to fall with abandon. I gave a choked out sob as I tried to frame words.
His look of hostility vanished and he stepped outside the door with a look of concern as he asked, “Are you okay?”
His evident concern over me, of all people, just made the tears come harder.
A knowing look came to his eyes as he handed me a handkerchief from his pocket, “She has dirt on you too doesn’t she?”
I nodded, as I took the rag from him. I wiped my face and forced myself to look him in the eyes as I said, “I’m so sorry! I helped to do the very thing to you that I’ve tried to avoid happening to myself. I don’t care if you forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m sorry!”
I started to cry harder again and made to step back and flee the scene, but he stepped closer and stooped down to look me in the eyes and say, “I forgive you!”
His voice was solid and the meaning of his words clear, but I didn’t understand him.
“How can you say that? I’ve ruined your life haven’t I?” I exclaimed.
Jim looked at me kindly and said, “I can forgive because I have been forgiven.”
He looked to his side and gestured to someone. An older woman of about fifty stepped up beside of Jim and linked her arm with his.
“Do you know what the dirt Francesca had on me was?” Jim asked.
I shook my head no.
Jim looked to the woman I took to be his wife, who smiled lovingly at him in return.
Jim looked back to me and in a choked up tone said, “Five years ago I was away on an extended business trip. I met a woman and we had an affair that lasted for about a week before I broke it off. I made a mistake. A big mistake! I betrayed so much! I was completely guilt ridden over it. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t tell Grace what happened, because I didn’t want to see how much I had hurt her. A year went by. It was the most miserable year of my entire marriage. One night I broke down and told her what had happened. She already knew!”
I looked from Jim to his wife, who hadn’t ceased from holding on to him. Jim was openly crying now as he glanced from me to his wife. I glanced between the two of them in wonder. There was real love in their eyes for each other, an undying affection and it made me cry all the harder.
“A friend of Grace’s was on vacation and saw me with the other woman. Grace knew for an entire year, but never said anything. She loved me and cared for me as she always did. I don’t deserve her or her forgiveness, but I have both and I thank God for it! I can forgive so easily, because I’ve been forgiven of so much! Francesca doesn’t know about my wife knowing of my affair as neither of us has ever told anyone else. I don’t think a woman like Francesca would understand any way.” He said and I nodded in agreement with him.
I rubbed at my eyes, “I’m happy for you two. Thank you for your forgiveness!” I turned to leave, but a gentle clasp on my arm stopped me. It was Grace, Jim’s wife.
“What’s your name?” She asked softly.
“Kim Pollock.” I said in response.
She stepped forward away from her husband and took both of my hands with hers, “Kim I don’t know what this evil woman has over you, but I have some advice I feel led to impart to you. The saddest thing I witnessed after my husband’s affair was that he waited a year to tell me. He put himself through a living hell, when all he had to do was come to me. Whoever it is you’re protecting some terrible secret from, stop! If they love you then they will forgive you whatever it is. The longer you keep this a secret the worse it’s going to get!”
“You don’t understand! I can’t tell them! They raised me better than to do what I did. I……” I shook my head helplessly for lack of words to express the hopelessness of my situation.
Jim’s hand closed over my shoulder and I looked up to him to hear him say, “Yes you can and you should! Trust me, I know what you’re going through, but the correct course of action is to do the right thing! The thing you know that’s right to do in your heart like coming here to apologize tonight. Even at the risk of losing their love honesty is what you owe those to whom you love. You have to do the right thing or you’ll never be free!”
Both of their words were hitting me hard and I balled out in misery, “But their missionaries!”
That didn’t even make sense to say. I was making a complete fool of myself, but neither of them were treating me like they saw me as a fool.
Grace peered into my eyes in a way that made me feel like she saw all the way to my soul, “Are you a Christian Kim?”
I stuttered on the response, “I was once, but I……”
She cut me off as she squeezed my hands firmly, “He still loves you!”
Her words were delivered softly in the gentle caring manner that was about her as a person, but there was an authority to them as well as the truth in her eyes that was beyond question and which completely overpowered me. I let my head fall forward to her shoulder and I cried like I never had before as her arms came around me tightly.
Never would I have expected such an outreach from a perfect stranger and one at whose family I had plotted against. I really was making a fool of myself now.
I pulled back slightly only to see her loving eyes still focused on me with an even greater intensity than before. I sobered up a little and she spoke, “You may not see it right now Kim, but I see a Divine plan emerging through all this. Good is going to come of what was meant for evil. I’m going to leave you with two things I want you to do.”
I nodded, willing to do anything this woman asked of me.
“First I want you to get with God in a private moment and ask for His forgiveness over whatever it is that haunts you and has driven you to this point.”
I nodded.
“Then I want you to do whatever you know is the right thing to do regardless of the risks as you trust God that He will be there for you.”
I nodded again willing to do both things.
“Now let me get you a coat dear, it’s freezing out here and you don’t even have a jacket on. Jim will you go down and hail a cab for her please?”
Jim eased by me toward the street and Grace was back moments later with a fur coat that probably cost several thousand dollars.
“I can’t ta…….” I said, but she waved a hand motioning my words to a stop.
“Yes you can my dear besides I’ve gained a few pounds sad to say over the years and I haven’t worn it in a long time, but it should be a perfect fit for you.”
It was and it felt warm just like the heart of its owner.
“I’ll bring it back!” I said.
She just smiled, “Keep it dear, but I wouldn’t mind you coming back to have tea next week with me at all.”
Slowly, as I formulated a plan in my head as to what do I said, “I would love that, but I’m going to be out of the country then.”
She smiled, “I thought you might be.”
There was a taxi pulled up at the curb and Jim was waiting by it. I whispered a thank you to Grace, who gave me another hug anyway.
I walked up to cab as Jim held the door open for me. I stopped and looked up at him. It was time to do the right thing.
“You’re going to receive a packet in the mail in a day or so. In it will be everything you need to bury Francesca and all her enterprises. You’ll be able to reclaim Panolic Enterprises and give the people back their jobs.”
He looked overcome with emotion at my words, “Thank you! On behalf of all the worker’s families I say thank you!”
I nodded, “It’s the right thing to do.”
I stepped past him to sit down in the cab. I looked back up at him, “Could I ask a personal favor of you?”
“Name it!” He said.
I looked down at my hands, “My name is featured heavily in the illegal actions that Francesca enacted in order to bring Panolic down. I’m not asking you to destroy evidence or anything, but could you give me a day before you go to the police? I don’t care if I go to jail, but I’d like to be able to say what needs said to the couple who raised me face-to-face. Afterwards I promise that I’ll come back and see justice served for my part in all this.”
“Where are your adoptive parents?”
“Their missionaries to New Guinea.”
“New Guinea.” Jim said softly as if to himself. His eyes met mine as he said, “Sounds like a good place to stay lost. Why don’t you stay lost there for a few months and then send me a postcard with an address and I’ll send you enough money for you to stay lost.”
“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t want to get you in trouble. I’ll come back and serve my time.”
He shook his head no, “Turning over evidence like you have is apt to get you a reduced sentence of one to two years, but I now have a first-class experience as to how vindictive Francesca Marelli can be. You wouldn’t last one month in prison and justice wouldn’t be served by you dying in such a way. I’m satisfied with everyone getting their jobs back and the schemer behind all this being brought to justice. That’s more than enough for me. Send me a postcard and have a good life Kim. God bless!”
I was crying again as he closed the car door gently. The cab merged into the street as I sat in the back in a state of profound shock.
It had all happened just like Grace had said it would. I had made a choice and done the right thing, even though I knew it would cost me my life and yet God had made a way where there was none before. I didn’t have to go to prison and face the hell that I’d be in for there!
Fresh tears came to my eyes as it dawned on me that God still cared for me!
Somehow knowing that helped everything else. I still had to tell my parents though. I’d break the news to my brother first as he lived in the city. I didn’t want to tell him any more than I wanted to tell my adoptive parents, but it was best to cover all the bases that mattered, as I didn’t put it past Francesca for a moment not to send out multiple boxes of incriminating material.