Tamrip keep
Alone in the forest Mada sat hunched on the ground with her head in her hands and legs folded beneath her, rocking and shimmering. Confession was said to be good for the soul. But to whom and how did one confess to incest? The days passed and Mada guilt did not abate. Ignorance was bliss, she thought, Lon did not remember. It was only fair he should be spared the torment. What had she done. Surely there were consequences for wrong doing of this magnitude. Sar had sensed the tampering with time. Other mystics had sensed the tampering with time, Sar had told her this since they were all consulting each other trying to find out who and why. How could she confess now. She had lied to the two beings she loved most. She wondered if Sar suspected anything. Surly she must sense a change. Tears rolled down her face unchecked. She had been crying and agonising over this for days and it had done her no good. She would lose her mind soon. Sar was her friend and she knew their friendship, though never tested, was unconditional. There was nothing for it but to just tell everything to Sar. Whatever the consequences.
“It is good of you to water the forest. But I think the rain and the river and streams do that already and more efficiently.” Sar said evenly and melodiously.
Mada looked up to see Sar standing in front of her.
“Oh Sar. I did not hear you coming.” Mada said sitting up and wiping her eyes vigorously. Extraordinarily trying to pretend she had not been crying.
“Evidently not. Arshean life seems extremely emotional.” Sar replied hopping onto a stone and sitting down with her legs crossed.
“I was just…” Mada tried to explain but stopped unable at the moment to think of anything plausible.
“Come now Mada I do not need to use my power to see that something troubles you. Crying and shimmering as you are in the open.”
“I am not in the open. I would know if so..”
“You did not hear or sense me approach. If you can not sense me what more a mere being?”
“I knew no one would be coming this way. No one ev…”
“I have kept quiet for some time now. I assumed you would tell me in your own time but I see I will have to drag it out of you.”
Mada decided now was as good a time as any. Besides she had planned on telling Sar anyway. She had to be brave and just get it out.
“It was I who altered time.” Mada said looking Sar in the eye.
“You?” Sar asked sceptically though from her level tone her thoughts were lost on Mada.
“Yes.” Mada answered fighting the urge to look away.
But how did you do it, who helped you?” Sar said still unconvinced.
“You are the only mystic I know. Who could I have possibly asked for help!”
“How did you… You have that much power?”
“I do not know I just did it.”
Sar was silent.
“Please do not hate me Sar. I know what I have done. I would undo it if I could do it without causing any mor…” Mada pleaded though Sar did not look angry.
“Why Mada? Why? To test your strength? No. What did you do?” Sar asked her eyes turning to saucers as she recalled Mada closed mind. For the first time afraid of what she was going to hear but at the same time feeling Mada could not do anything bad.
Mada looked down her courage failing her. How could Sar or anyone for that matter understand. She doubted that if the shoe was on the other foot if she would understand.
“I did something I had no choice but to undo. I had no choice.” Mada repeated trying to convince them both.
“There is always a choice.” Sar said quietly.
She was beginning to believe what Mada was telling her. She closed her eyes for a while.
“What did you do?”
“Sar I… I did an evil thing…” Mada choked as the tears flowed anew.
“What?”
“I…,’ Mada faltered this time because she was unsure if Sar, being a dryad would understand, how could she explain it,’ ‘I had… relations with my brother.” The tears stopped.
“Relations?”
If there were a deep dark dank hole to crawl into Mada would have jumped in.
“Sexual.” Mada said, her voice barely audible.
“What?” Sar asked blankly.
Mada cleared her throat. “Sexual relations.” She said not very much louder and wishing to die.
“With your brother? Lon?”
Her head jerked up quite taken aback.
“You know?”
“If you mean did I know that you had sexual relations with him, no. But I do know how you… feel about him.”
“You entered my mind?”
“If I had entered your mind you would have felt it. No, but often when I scan the area before I approach you are thinking of him. I have told you that just because you think there are no other mystics in Tamrip keep it does not make it so. Anyone can know unprotected thoughts. Anyhow how does that relate to you altering time?”
“That is all you have to say?” Mada asked in amazement.
She had imagined many possible scenarios for Sar’s reaction to her confession. None of them had been remotely close to indifference. Maybe as a dryad incest was not as big a deal as it was to arsheans.
“It seems a small issue compared with altering time.”
“Yes. Maybe. But he is my brother! I have committed incest. I think I caused him to commit incest and all you can say is it is…”
“You altered time to undo it?” Sar cut her off.
“Yes. Bu…”
“It was an extremely foolish thing to do.”
“I did not plan to…”
“It was extremely foolish to alter time for that. He is not even your brother.”
“What do you me…”
“I mean… you are venson. He is Arshean.” Sar said reluctantly.
“Bu…”
“Maybe I have done you more evil than good letting you live here without other vensons. I have done us all a great evil. There is no way to know how your tampering with time has affected arshea but be sure it has. It is a small place ours. Mystics have rules to govern it. To protect us all.”
“What do you mean he is not my brother?” Mada said having stopped listening at those words.
“I mean there is no evil thing no… listen…”
Sar went on to explain what she knew of venson life, only what she felt was vital. Stressing as she always did that it was not her place to say but that it seemed necessary to avoid another like disaster. Mada listened attentively until Sar came to a stop.
“Though he is not my brother I am evil because I did not know it at the time and I had wilfu…,’ looking away, ‘relations with him thinking, knowing at the time that he was my brother.”
“That is true. But it does not change that what you did was foolish, irrational and selfish. Maybe I should have told you earlier about where vensons come from.”
“Do you know where I came from?”
“It is not my place to say Mada. The rules governing our conduct are not for fun. But you would do well to look before you leap. You are fortunate to have a lot of power Mada. You need to be responsible when using it.” Sar said sadly.
“I am sorry Sar. You will never know how sorry and foolish I feel. Even more so now. Can you ever forgive me.”
“It is not a matter of forgiveness Mada. I have no need to forgive you. I am not angry. Just sorry. Very very sorry.”
Long after Sar was gone she stayed by herself thinking how Lon was not her brother. So venson life had been willed to her mother. It would seem that even her mother was not aware of this fact, for surely she would have said something. But who was her mother? Was she to act on this new information? After all the best decision was an informed one. But what could she do about it now anyway. She could not make Lon love her as anything other than a sister. To seek out her venson mother could mean forfeiting Lon and the others.
Even after knowing this Mada did not make a move to seek out other vensons. She chose to make her life work in Tamrip keep. Though no actual wrong had been committed she had sinned in her mind. Always having thought of herself as an upright person she was surprised by how low she was willing to sink. It was after this that she began shielding her mind incessantly. Then there was what she had done to all of arshea. Why had she been so impulsive? Mada often asked herself. But there was, never would be any justification. Only the curse of always second guessing all misfortune. Time, though it could never remove the dagger, it would blunt the edges some.
A change would be good, for all of them. Give them all a chance to start
over. They went along the wide dusty road in silence for about a quarter mile span until a-a-Alorya broke the silence.
“a-Carrab took our leaving rather well. Not a single word! What did you say to him when you went down to the field to talk to him this morning Mada?” a-a-Alorya asked.
They were bound to ask sooner or later.
“He said to say hello to mother-mother for him and wished us safe and happy travels.”
She laughed when she saw their incredulous expressions. She was determined not to tell Piper’s crucial role.
“That is all he said?,’ ‘Lon asked disbelievingly, ‘I expected a lot of huffing and puffing. I guess I misjudged him.”
“I do not think Piper was very heartbroken about our departure either.” Avené put in.
“Ha! Very heartbroken,’ Manny sniggered, ‘she could barely contain her joy. The witch!”
“Now now Manny I doubt that is entirely true. Yes Piper did not slip into a catatonic state from fear of losing us but what did you want her to do? She has her future with a-Carrab to think about as we have ours to think about. Do not think ill of either Piper or a-Carrab. Besides none of you are very broken up about leaving them.”
Ever maternal, well sort of. Mada was the closest thing the children had had to a mother. Now more than ever she realized that she had to refine her performance as a mother to make the trip, not to mention the future, smoother.
“Still their reasons were far from pure. Piper wanted us gone not for the sake of our… future but for herself. a-Carrab wanted us to stay not because he would miss us but to work the land.” Manny said.
That was the truth. What could she say?
They had taken the back roads to avoid the where’s and whys. They had not run away completely. Mavrik had thought it prudent to inform some of the key keeps people of their departure. And none of them had any close friends they were leaving behind. Maybe Lon.
“How did Oreel take the news of your leaving? She must be very upset.” Mada said unable to curb her curiosity though she vowed regularly to stay out of Lon’s business.
“I did not tell her.”
Mada was mildly surprised. She did think it was rather callous of Lon.
“You know Lon you have to learn to be a little more sensitive to other people’s feelings.”
“She knew where I stood. I never promised union or forever-after.”
“True, but that is hardly reason to not say goodbye.”
“If you are so worried about Oreel’s feelings why did you not go say goodbye to her?”
“You should have done right by her.” Mavrik who had not seemed like he was paying attention to their conversation put in.
“I pity the girl you do deem worthy to take the trouble to make some effort with.” Mada said allowing herself to half wish that girl would be her.
“You cannot force these things. Either you love someone or you do not. And I do not love Oreel! And I would rather not hear any more about her thank you!” Lon retorted unnecessarily harshly.
“Very well,’ Mada answered unperturbed, ‘So Mavrik how far is it to Derash keep?”
“You are worse than the younger ones Mada we have not even been on the road for an hour span!”
“I know. I guess I expected some kind of excitement. I do not know.”
“What excitement? The surrounding keeps are more or less the same as Tamrip keep.”
“I guess that means there will be no dragon slaying then.” a-a-Alorya asked with disappointment dripping from every syllable.
“Why would you want to kill dragons?” Mada asked.
“Because they are evil.” a-a-Alorya said in a matter of fact voice.
“Because they are like mystics.” Avené added.
“We are the true beings,’ Manny said proudly, ‘and it is our right to kill them…”
“Are you serious? Who has ever seen an evil mystical dragon or an ordinary dragon for that matter? They are thinking feeling beings like us and I think they are kind and noble…”
“Kind and noble!?” Every one shouted incredulously.
“Yes kind and noble. Think about it. Most other beings are physically… and mentally, stronger than Arshean beings. The mystics are so powerful they need not bother with exercising physical strength. But do they go around slaying weaker beings claiming it is their right?. Do they?,’ No one answers, ‘No they do not or at least we have not heard of any cases which means it is rare.”
“How can you say that? What of Fente’s house? Her house was burnt down by that mystic Alo-er. They lost everything.” Lon joined in reminding her.
“I did not expect that from you Lon. But then another beings side of the story has never been of any interest to you.”
She said pointedly at Lon deciding to steer their minds away from mystics.
“I thought I was not going to hear any more about Oreel.” Lon answered in mock exasperation.
“Brother dear who said anything about Oreel?” Mada replied sweetly.
“You are determined to see me in love and married off. Well it will never happen.”
Mavrik and Mada laughed at Lon’s solemn tone.
“You will find yourself in love when you least expect it and maybe even with the most unlikely girl. And you will live happily ever after.” Mavrik said sagely making a so-so, maybe-maybe not motion with his hand on the happily ever after part.
“That I do not doubt,’ There was that funny tone again Mada thought, ‘That I do not doubt at all. But the married part, that is never going to happen.” Lon said sadly.
He loved Mada, would always love Mada but he was not completely delusional about their situation.
“Honestly Lon do not be so dramatic. I am quite sure you will be following in a-Carrab’s footsteps very shortly.”
“No Mavrik I do believe I will not. You three do not fall too far behind!”
They had slowed down. They were huddled together looking at a leysh Manny had found. When had his life ceased being that simple Lon wondered.
Mada always felt a little twinge of pain when they spoke of mystics. She would never be able to tell them. The risk that they would not understand was too great to take. She was inclined to believe that they would not understand. She would not be able to bear their looking at her as if she was some sort of monster. She sighed inwardly when she thought that maybe she was a monster. After what she had done. She quickly set to casting such thoughts out of her mind. The last thing she or anyone needed was her sinking into an emotional sinkhole while they were on the road.