Principle II
When you first meet someone, the typical conversation starter deals with who you are and what you do. Most people reply to those questions with answers like…I am Vice President of ABC Corporation or I am a homemaker or I am a sales manager for XYZ Company. Those responses are appropriate for explaining what you do, but are not truly representative of who you are. Remember, first impressions are everything so you need to make it clear exactly who and what you really are in life.
Let me give you an example. If someone asked me to tell them who I am, then I would say that I am an action-taking, fear-demolishing, eye-opening and mind-blowing champion. Why? Because that’s who I really am. My business is Di Lemme Development Group, Inc. but that’s not the core of who I am as an individual.
As a young child, you had no fear of telling anyone and everyone what you wanted to be in life. You believed with all of your heart that you could be anything that you wanted to be in life. Think about it…have you ever heard a child describe himself as the three year old son of Jane and John? No! He’s more likely running through the house with a cape and mask yelling at the top of his lungs that he is a super hero that is going to save the world. So, what happens to that belief as you age? Most people find a job and simply become a fixture of that company. They allow the chain of command to dictate who they are in life. All sense of actual personal belief in who you really are as an individual slowly disappears.
In this teaching, I’m going to discuss eight uncomfortable, challenging, undeniable, uncompromising facts that will enable you to live the life of who you truly are within yourself. Why are these facts going to be uncomfortable, challenging, undeniable and uncompromising? If you choose to get uncomfortable and accept my challenge, then you cannot deny the fact that if you continue to compromise who you really are in life, then you’ll go back to being known as a company title instead of the true champion that lies dormant within your heart.
Let me clarify that these eight facts will make you uncomfortable and challenge your beliefs about who you are as a person. Within the word challenge is change. You must be ready to accept the challenge to be uncomfortable so that you can finally make a change in your life that will allow you to go to the next level. I truly believe that the following facts will enable you to live, manifest and create the life that you have the right to live.
Fact #1: Your ears are your faith gates. There are many gated communities throughout the United States. Typically, mostly upper middle class and wealthier people live in these neighborhoods. In addition to their home security systems, living in a gated community is another way for these people to prevent thieves from stealing what they’ve worked so hard for in life. Unless you have the entry code or provide the correct information to the security, you will not be allowed to enter the neighborhood.
Similarly, you have to treat your ears like security gates that are protecting you from the garbage that tries to enter your mind. To do this, you must analyze what you're listening to on a daily basis especially the background noise in your office, home and car. How many times have you turned on the television while you cleaned house, worked on your computer or had dinner with your family? Most people don’t realize that their unconscious mind is focusing on that background noise and taking in every negative word.
Not only are you unconsciously feeding your mind garbage, studies have shown that children growing up in an environment where the television is always on may suffer in speech development and social interaction. If you have to have something playing in the background at all times, wouldn’t it make more sense to turn on some inspirational music or pop in a motivational CD or DVD? Reach up and grab your ears. Yes, this sounds silly but do it anyway. Grab your ears. As you see, they are attached to your body and you own them. It’s time for you to exercise your ownership rights and decide what you allow to enter your ears.
Romans 10:17 says “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word.” If you are constantly hearing negative conversation, depressing news on television, etc., then how do you expect to receive the faith that you will need to achieve your Why in life? Your ears are not only like security gates that keep the negativity out, but also your faith gates that allow the positive material into your ears that will build faith in your heart.
I have a huge high definition television on my desk. However, I don’t watch the news or any other negative nonsense on it. I turn up my surround sound and watch inspirational stations. That’s right…I have teachers like Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, Rod Parsley, John Hagee, Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar and Eddie Long pumping through my speakers twenty four hours a day. Even when I’m on coaching calls or writing at my desk, I have motivational messages lightly playing. I am flooding my faith gates with positive, empowering messages.
I was born and raised in Yonkers, New York and my wife was raised in rural Tennessee. I have a very strong New York accent and she sounds like she just walked off a farm. Why? Because we were raised by parents with the same accents and grew up around others that sounded just like us. Your accent comes from what you hear from birth through your developmental stages of childhood. Basically, the sounds that we heard as children eventually flowed freely from our mouths. Our early opinions and ideas about the world are also formed by what we heard from our family and friends.
This doesn’t simply stop once we reach adulthood. Whatever or whoever you are listening to everyday will determine who you are as a person. It also determines the level of faith in your heart. Remember, faith comes by hearing. If you are constantly speaking gloom and doom and have no idea how you could possibly achieve your dreams in life, then take a good look at who and what you are listening to.
I’ll be very direct. It irritates me when I meet people that proclaim to be professionals in the personal development industry, but negative words flow out of their mouths like water raging over Niagara Falls. Their words do not match what they claim to be. I’ve devoted my life to assisting others with achieving success, and I focus daily on my Why in life. With that known, would it make any sense for me to go throughout my day complaining, moaning and groaning? No, that’s foolish. But so many people do just that. They claim to be one thing and then act like another.
This clearly proves that what goes into your ears comes out of your mouth. I doubt those same people are listening to inspirational, motivational material on a daily basis. I doubt they even think about protecting their “faith gates” by refusing to listen to negative garbage. Now, take a long, hard look at yourself. Is this you? Do you talk one way and then walk another?
Imagine if you recorded the words that came out of your mouth for just one full day. What would that recording sound like? I can promise you that the words that come out of your mouth will match the material that is going into your ears. Whatever you allow to enter your faith gates will program your heart, spirit and mind to reveal who you really are as a person.
You don’t learn this in school or usually in your home. I know that I didn’t. I have great parents and a supportive family yet I didn’t learn about developing my faith gates. Now, I read the Bible a lot and it finally hit me when I read that faith comes by hearing and hearing of the Word. I knew at that moment in my heart that I had to flood my faith gates with positive affirmations, success oriented words and powerful teachings from people that have done what I want to do in life.
Let’s commit. I’m giving you eight challenges so this is the first one. I challenge you to turn off the negative background noise and flood your ears (faith gates) with positive material for thirty days. You have to agree that you won’t compromise on this challenge in which you will refuse to allow any negative conversation, music, television or any other form of media to enter your faith gates. You must also listen to the words coming out of your mouth. Do they represent who you really are? Remember, whatever goes into your ears will come out of your mouth. It’s time to challenge yourself to change!
Fact 2: It’s more important to look at the windshield than to stare in the rear view mirror. The majority of people drive a car or have at least been in a car so you can envision this comparison. The rear view mirror is very small, and typically you spend less than five percent of your driving time looking behind you. However, your windshield is huge, because you must have clarity and visibility in front of you to be able to drive your car and arrive at your destination safely. The number one rule of driving is to always keep your eyes on the road, and a clear windshield is extremely important.
What does this have to do with success? I’m going to answer that question with a serious question for you. Are you more focused on what lies behind you in your rear view mirror or what is ahead of you as you stare out the windshield of your life? One of the most common excuses that I hear is how a person’s past is preventing them from being successful. They continue to look back at their past and dwell on things that happened long ago. It’s as if they are driving a car and looking back in their rear view mirror instead of focusing on what’s ahead of them. They continue to run off the road, hit the guard rails and crash into adversity.
Many people introduce themselves to me and immediately say things like “I am a recovering alcoholic…I am a sexual abuse victim…I am learning disabled…I am divorced.” It’s time for you to stop allowing your past or something that has happened to you in the past dictate who you are in life. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not undermining what horrible things might have occurred in your life, but I refuse to allow you to believe that those things make up who you are as a person.
It’s time for you to stop looking in the rear view mirror and focus on the road ahead of you. If you do this, then you won’t be continually questioning what impact your past has on your ability to achieve success. Your mental mindset will focus on the clear windshield ahead of you and see a road of endless possibilities.
It seems like everywhere I go I hear things like...“I used to be healthy. I used to be in great shape. I used to give money away. I used to tithe. I used to go to church. I used to listen to motivational material. I used to be excited about life.” This is simply a person’s way of reflecting back on their past when times were good and using it as an excuse on why they are failing now.
Instead of talking about the good ol’ days and how you used to be, start speaking words of empowerment about who you believe that you are today. Say these affirmations out loud:
Now, doesn’t that sound better than moaning and groaning about what you used to be. Even if you aren’t prosperous in every area of your life, speak the words out loud and start believing that’s who you are. Don’t let your past steal your dreams of becoming who you want to be in life.
Let me give you another example. Imagine getting into your car, fastening your seatbelt and preparing to go to the grocery store. Now, imagine that you look up and your rear view mirror is the size of your windshield and the windshield is the size of your rear view mirror. You suddenly realize that you can’t even get out of your parking spot even to travel a few miles to the grocery store. You are unable to reach your destination, because the massive rear view mirror (your past) is making it impossible for you to focus on the tiny windshield to see road in front of you (your future).
It’s time for you to accept challenge number two. I want you to commit to stop looking in your rear view mirror and start focusing on what lies ahead of you. Isn’t it refreshing to know that your past doesn’t define who you are today? I also want you to commit to saying who you are instead of what you used to be. Write out your affirmations and read them out loud everyday until you believe that you are who you say you are.
Fact #3: The channel that you are tuned into will determine your future. There are two channels on TV that I find amazing - the Discovery Channel and the History Channel. Both of these channels provide amazing information that took years to compile. Their researchers have literally traveled back in time to discover unbelievable facts about the world and often dedicate their lives to validating these facts through more intensive discovery methods.
When you are trying to figure out who you are in life, you should exert as much time and energy in your research as the professionals behind the programs on the Discovery Channel and History Channel. You will tune into your very own Champion Channel to find out exactly what makes you different from everyone else and why you will be able to achieve your Why in life.
This will be no easy task. First, you will need to excavate the champion that lies within your heart. It is buried under layers of procrastination and fear that have built up over the years as you’ve become complacent in your current lifestyle. Think back…Do you remember when you were excited about your goals and dreams? You had plans of being prosperous and living life to the fullest. That champion mindset still lives inside of you!
After uncovering your inner champion, sit down and write out your Why in life. Your Why is basically the reason why you get out of bed every day. It’s your purpose for living. It truly defines who you are. You are basically rediscovering yourself. Here’s an example of a Why that was written by one of my coaching students:
“I am dealing with all the challenges of building my business today, because my WHY is to spend more time with my family, provide for my children’s education, and have the finances needed to take regular family vacations and be a mentor to my kids. I am donating/tithing a percentage of my earnings to my church or favorite organization. I am making a difference today as a profit producing, fear demolishing, record breaking, action taking, fired up and laser focused champion.”
Isn’t that powerful? Your Why should be clear and concise. It should tell someone who you are and where you are going. There’s no room for doubt or fear. It must be a statement that declares what you are, not what you want to be.
Now that you’ve completed the discovery phase by extracting the champion out of your heart and writing out your detailed Why in life, it’s time for you to prove it. Remember, I said that you would be like the researchers on the History Channel and Discovery Channel. After an archeologist discovers an ancient tomb, he carefully excavates it and strategically details every aspect of the tomb. The next step is the hardest. He has to prove that it is an ancient tomb and provide undeniable facts that validate his find.
If you declare that you are a champion, then it’s time for you to prove it to yourself and others. Start out by asking yourself, “What am I doing every day to achieve my Why in life?” If your answer is nothing, then you will remain exactly where you are right now in your life. You will never move to the next level. You must take daily action steps towards the fulfillment of your Why. Remember, I said that some of the researchers dedicate their lives to their work. You have to become fanatical about your Why and dedicate yourself to achieving it. Is that extreme? Yes.
You have to be extremely focused on determining who you are in life and what you are destined to achieve. Am I extreme? Absolutely. I’m extremely fanatical about success. I’m extremely fanatical about giving, prosperity, teaching, exercising, and making a difference in the world. When you make the decision to become constantly tuned into your Champion Channel, your entire life will start taking shape.
During my discovery phase, I went back in history and found my birth certificate. I placed it right in front of me in my construction zone (office). It is a constant reminder that I was born a champion, and no one can take that away from me. Start to reprogram your mind with things that you look at in your construction zone. Just like an archeologist has maps, blueprints and artifacts plastered all over his office, you must surround yourself with things like your birth certificate that constantly remind you of who you are in life.
For the third challenge, I want you to commit to tuning into your Champion Channel. You will rediscover yourself and validate who you are everyday through your daily action steps. Your life will change, and people will soon realize that you are extremely committed to your Why in life.
Fact #4: You must build walls to keep the enemy out. In the Bible, a royal cupbearer by the name of Nehemiah was determined to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. He secretly inspected the damaged walls at night and formed a plan for its restoration. Soon afterward, he announced his plans to the priests, nobles and officials. His plan was well received by the people and enthusiasm spread as work began.
Fearing that the city might be attacked, he and the others worked quickly. Nehemiah learned that an assault had been planned against Jerusalem so he redoubled the effort to complete the wall and stationed men at the weakest spots. Despite many obstacles, the wall was completed in fifty-two days, and the city was protected from its enemies.
Just like Nehemiah, you must build a wall to protect yourself from the enemy. Your enemy isn’t a physical warrior from another land. It is procrastination, fear, naysayers, negative associations and other adversities that try to stop you from achieving your Why in life. Your mastermind team will be the workers that help you design the wall and stand at the weak spots where the enemy typically tries to attack. They will believe in you and encourage you along the way. The bricks in your wall are made of faith, motivation, courage, belief and perseverance. You will work vigorously until your wall is completed, and no enemy can infiltrate your Why.
This all sounds great, but if you don’t strengthen your wall everyday by immersing yourself in personal development, then cracks form in your walls. Weeds will begin to grow through the cracks and insects will enter as the cracks spread through the foundation. The negativity of the outside world will slowly seep in, and you will start doubting yourself and your ability to achieve your Why in life. It isn’t long before your wall becomes weakened by decay and succumbs to the enemy.
This is often the result when people hang out with negative friends, read gossip magazines instead of inspirational material and watch garbage television shows instead of feeding their minds with motivational messages. If you find yourself falling back into old habits and your wall begins to crumble, then it’s time for you to separate yourself from the madness and start secretly rebuilding your wall that protects your dream from the enemy.
The wall that protects my belief in who I am and my ability to achieve my Why in life is solid as the rock that Nehemiah used to build the wall of Jerusalem. The bricks of my wall are made of integrity and faith. I strengthen my wall everyday by reading the Bible and immersing myself in motivational material. I refuse to allow the enemy to discourage me or weaken my wall of faith.
It’s time for your fourth challenge. Take your time with this one and don’t move forward with the reading until this challenge is completed. I want you to go to a quiet place and evaluate your current life situation. Now, devise a plan to build your wall. What are your bricks made of? Who is on the mastermind team that will help you build your wall and stand at your weak spots when the enemy attacks? Make a list of the adversities (the enemies) that your wall will keep out.
The final step is the most important. What daily action steps will you take to strengthen your wall? This great wall will explode your belief in who you are and your limitless abilities to achieve your Why in life.
Fact #5: The most dangerous person in your life might be your best friend. As you read that statement, I know that you got a little bit angry. You are saying to yourself, “My best friend isn’t dangerous. She supports me through thick and thin. She would never hurt me.” Are you sure about that?
One of the biggest reasons that people remain anchored to their past instead of moving forward towards their future is their associations. They change everything in their lives including their bad habits, negative thinking and poor decision-making but continue to hang out with the same group of people. More often than not, these so-called friends are the chains that are keeping you shackled to your past. They have no desire to change their lives so why would you think that want you to better yourself?
The majority of these people will not intentionally hurt you. It’s their actual character traits and their habits that will have a negative effect on your life. So, what do these people look like? Most of them don’t have a certain look, but they do have many of the following traits:
Have you ever heard the old saying, “Pigs don’t know pigs stink?” Basically, it means that you don’t even realize that you are hanging out with people that are going nowhere in life, because you haven’t stepped outside your circle of influence to take a look from the outside. If you did, you would likely see your friends rolling around in the same old pig pen day in and day out. Talking about the same slop that they have talked about for years and allowing their trashy view of the world to dictate their success or lack of it.
Is that harsh? Yes, but it’s the truth. How do you expect to become who you believe that you are in life if you hang out with people that are constantly pushing you off the mountain when you reach the top? Here’s an eye-opening exercise for you. Take a look at the last ten people that you dialed on your cellular phone or home phone if you don’t have a cell phone. Think of all of their daily habits, yearly incomes, relationships, goals and overall success in life. Now, average those things out. Do you like what you see? I hope so, because that’s where you will be in five years if you don’t change your current associations.
If you are in the small percentage of people in the world that have a great mastermind team that is made up of positive, supportive individuals, then kudos to you. Unfortunately, most people don’t fall into that category. Most people are surrounded by so-called friends that are holding them back from achieving their Why in life. Do you have these people on your Mastermind Team? If so, what are you going to do about it? You have two choices.
You can allow those people to control YOUR destiny with their negative opinions, failure mindset and inability to dream.
OR
You can love them, leave them and show them. What does that mean? You simply continue to care for them as a friend, associate, etc., but you no longer allow them to negatively impact your life.
If they don’t like attending personal development seminars, then don’t invite them. If they don’t like your positive mastermind team members, then stop allowing them to join your mastermind team gatherings. How do you show them? You forge forward towards the achievement of your Why despite any obstacle that you encounter. Those people will start to see that you are serious and nothing will stop you!
Here’s your fifth challenge. Write this down - I am going to stop allowing others to steal my dream. I am leaving my negative associations behind. I am building a mastermind team of true champions that believe in me and my dream. I want you to confirm that to your spirit by saying it out loud over and over until you believe it.
Fact #6: Your health is the result of your decisions. I exercise every single day. I also drink a gallon of water with a half a cup of lemon juice every day. No matter where I am in the world, I exercise and drink my water. Why? Because I made a decision to be healthy.
I could not have my wealth if I did not have my health. I want you to truly understand that. This is the missing link for most people. You have big dreams and want to accomplish success in every area of your life, but this is simply unattainable if you don’t have the physical and mental energy to do it. Some people push their body to the extreme and still achieve their goals, but they are rarely around long enough after they achieve success to actually enjoy it. I don’t call that success. I call that ignorance.
You can have all the wealth in the world, but if you're not keeping yourself healthy by feeding your body the right food and maintaining a regular exercise regimen, then it isn’t worth a dime. Why would you want to be rich if you are too miserable to enjoy it? Whether you want to believe it or not, your level of health plays a great part in defining who you are as a person.
If you are one of those people that say “I can’t afford to join a gym or buy expensive fruit and vegetables.” Stop it! I didn’t say that you had to join a gym. Simply put on your sneakers and take a walk. That’s free. There are many exercises that you can do outdoors or within your home that don’t cost a dime so that excuse doesn’t work anymore. It is also foolish to say that you can’t afford to eat healthy. Fruits and vegetables are typically less expensive than those sugary snacks that are filling your pantry or the greasy fast food that you are eating on your way home from work at least three times a week. Being healthy isn’t an expensive habit, but it will cost you your life if you don’t make the decision to be healthy.
Despite Americans spending billions of dollars per year on diet and exercise, a recent study shows that only about one in seven adults in America engage in regular physical activity. A July 2007 study from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health estimates that seventy-five percent of American adults and twenty-four percent of American children will be overweight or obese by 2015. This is a horrible reality that can be drastically reduced by a person’s decision to eat healthy and exercise.
You probably aren’t going to like challenge number six, but I don’t care because it’s for your own good. I want you to make a decision to get healthy. That includes exercising and eating right. Set fitness goals for yourself. Join a gym. Exercise with friends. Visit the local fruit and vegetable market instead of the bakery. There are many ways to develop a healthy lifestyle. Find the ways that suit you and stick to them. Decide to be healthy and live to enjoy your success. I can’t wait to see the before and after pictures!
Fact #7: Rest prepares your body and mind for life’s daily challenges. The Bible describes how David, one of the greatest warriors in the Bible, rested every night to get ready for battle the next day. Sleep refreshes your body and mind so that you can focus and make decisions with clarity.
T.D. Jakes has a great teaching that describes how the enemy wins when you're weary. Without rest, you can’t think straight. You make bad decisions. You say bad words. You associate with bad people. You are completely unable to fully control your life, because you are too tired and frustrated to deal with it. That’s when the enemy attacks! You begin to question your own abilities and doubt yourself in every situation. However, this entire situation can be avoided. Simply, choose to get an adequate amount of rest.
Personally, I need eight hours of sleep per night to be at my best the next day. Of course there are many medical opinions about this topic, but most recommend between six to eight hours per night. I truly believe that it’s a personal choice. For instance, I have a friend in Malta named Alfred that only sleeps between three to five hours per night. It seems to work for him, but I don’t recommend it for everyone. So, how much is enough? Medically speaking…I have no clue. If you roll out of bed in the morning with a clear mind and rested body, then I say that’s a great start.
Your failure to get enough rest not only affects you but also everyone else around you. Have you ever tried to have a serious conversation when you were just too tired to think straight? Your judgment goes out the window and you likely give in to the demands of others. Possibly, you’ve been working on an important project and cut corners because you are simply too fatigued to give it your best. These are situations in which others suffer from your lack of rest.
You can’t deny the fact you feel better when you get a great night’s sleep. Your seventh challenge is pretty simple. Sleep. That’s it. Instead of turning on the television to watch mindless shows, going out to late-night hangouts with friends or continually staying up late to finish a project, get into your bed and go to sleep. You can’t be the person that you want to be in life and accomplish all of your dreams and goals unless you are able to be mentally and physically prepared so make sleep a priority beginning today.
Fact #8: When one door closes, another one opens. Yes, I’m sure that you’ve all heard this at least a thousand times but I want to give you a new spin on this old saying. Here it is…you must close someone in order to open up a long-term relationship with that person.
Most likely, you are in some type of business. You may be an author, a speaker, in network marketing, selling real estate or simply in general business. No matter what