Principle III
Understand Feelings versus Emotions
Have you ever heard of Friday Night Fights? It’s basically a weekly fight night in which two great boxers go head to head in the ring to see who is the better fighter. Many times, it is a battle to the very end. The same type of fierce battle often happens between your feelings and your emotions. However, this isn’t a weekly fight for you. It’s a lifelong fight!
Most people enter this ring on a daily basis struggling back and forth with the decision to go with their feelings about a particular situation or with their gut instinct that tells them to go for it no matter what. When people are led by their feelings, their mind starts telling them that they don’t feel like getting uncomfortable, they don’t feel like taking action, they don’t feel like prospecting, they don’t feel like closing, they don’t feel like stretching themselves and so on. As a direct result, ninety-seven percent of people are dead broke by the age of sixty-five, because they don’t stretch themselves beyond their feelings and delve into their true emotions.
A gut instinct is a person’s true emotion about a situation that they are facing. This emotion is driven by the faith that lies in your heart. This faith often tells you to take a chance and believe in yourself. American film critic Roger Ebert once said, “Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.” Sometimes your emotions flood your heart so heavily that it’s undisputable what you should do in a particular situation. At that very moment, you sense a gut instinct that tells you to step out in faith. Then the battle begins. Your feelings step in and offer you an easier path or shortcut.
Here’s a reality check. You are exactly where you are today in life, because you either made the decision to act on your true emotions OR you were driven by your feelings to remain comfortable and take the easier path. Many times, I hear people say that they will see how they feel about the situation after thinking it over. These people don’t believe in faith. Since they can’t see it or touch it, they simply choose not to believe in it. I try to explain to these individuals that faith is like gravity. You can’t feel or see gravity, but you won’t challenge it. You won’t go jump off a building to prove that gravity doesn’t exist. Yes, that’s foolish but so is not having the belief in yourself to step out in faith.
In the battle between feelings and emotions, you will always lose if you bet on feelings. What does that mean? Your emotions are developed over time and rest on a solid foundation called your belief system. This system is made up of your morals, faith, integrity, and courage. It gives you the ability to reach deep within yourself and believe that you are capable of achieving things that may seem impossible to others.
Your feelings are very different because they are based on what you think about something. Unlike emotions, feelings are on the surface and typically flow out of our mouths without much thought. We often see this happen when someone is offended by another person and becomes defensive. This person will lash out and spew words of anger, because their feelings were hurt. The person later regrets what he said, because how he acted isn’t truly representative of who he is as a person. He reacted on his initial feelings about the situation instead of taking the time to reach deep into his emotions to determine how he should handle it.
On September 11, 2001, I rolled out Di Lemme Development Group, Inc. My excitement had been building about this day for a long time. I put a lot of hard work into structuring my company, compiling materials and developing the website. Needless to say, I hit the ground running that morning. I was immediately stopped in my tracks when I heard that an airplane just hit the World Trade Center. I immediately turned on the television to watch this horrific terrorist attack unfold.
It was obvious that day wasn’t the day for celebration. It has actually been called the saddest day in American history. Based on those facts alone, it would have been easy for me to give into my feelings and postpone the birth of Di Lemme Development Group, Inc. However, I took some time to myself and decided to step out in faith. As an American entrepreneur, I felt that it was my duty to forge forward towards my dreams. I refused to allow the enemy to dictate my future because of how I was feeling that very day.
My first electronic magazine (ezine) was sent out on September 14, 2001. There were only a few people in my database at that time, and most were family and friends. I kept calling my father to see if he received the ezine, because I wasn’t getting any responses. I swallowed my pride and continued to send out the weekly emails to my database.
Not long after that, I began hosting Monday Night Millionaire Motivational Tele-Classes. In the beginning, the only people on the call were a few of my colleagues, my fiancé and some family members. For the first forty-five minutes, I would teach a motivational lesson and the last fifteen minutes were devoted to questions from my listening audience. Thank God my friends and family stuck by me during those times and graciously asked questions to fill the dead air.
Let’s just say that the first few months seemed hopeless, and I didn’t really feel like sending out ezines or doing those tele-classes anymore. I knew that I had the credibility to be a business coach and motivational speaker so why weren’t more people coming aboard. This heartache made me more determined than ever. I learned to listen to my gut and follow my instincts (emotions). It wasn’t long before I began receiving feedback from champions around the world about my ezine, and the continuous beeps on the tele-class line let me know that I had more than ten people on the call. It all finally came together, because my emotions overpowered my feelings.
We all have dreams within our hearts. Unfortunately, not everyone has the courage to listen to their heart, step out in faith and go after their dreams. I made the decision to achieve my dream. No one did it for me. Yes, I had a great mastermind team that supported my decision but I was the only one that could make it happen. It was one of the scariest times in my life, but I knew if I didn’t follow my heart that I would never achieve my Why in life. The time has come for you to go after what you really want in life. Create a plan of action and take that step of faith towards your dreams.
Let me break this to you gently…not everyone will support your dreams. Even when you begin to have a significant amount of success, you will still have those people that simply don’t believe in you. Unfortunately, it will likely be some of your closest family and friends. Their actions and words of disbelief will hurt your feelings, but you have to turn to your emotions and deal with that disappointment without letting it affect your level of success.
My company had just gotten off the ground, and I was enjoying the level of success that I had achieved thus far. That’s when it happened for me…I ran into an old friend. She just couldn’t believe that John Di Lemme, the former stutterer, had achieved any type of goals especially in the world of personal development. She acted as if I were lying to her. I was foolish to even try to offer her any type of proof, because it didn’t matter anyway. Her failure to believe that I was living my dreams wasn’t about proof. It was the fact that she simply didn’t believe in me or my abilities.
Finally, I had enough. I looked her directly in the eyes and said “I know you can’t believe it, but I believe it because inside unbelievable is believable. Inside impossible is possible. Inside procrastination is action. Inside self-doubt is belief. Guess what? I am just beginning. I have just begun the process of changing people’s lives worldwide.” I didn’t respond with feelings that I had about what she was saying to me. If I did, it would have been a lot of harsh words that I wouldn’t have been proud of saying. Instead, I relied on my strong foundation of belief in myself and told her exactly why I deserved to achieve my dreams just like everyone else.
I stood up and took control of the enemy. No, I don’t mean that she’s personally the enemy, but the words that she was speaking over my life were the enemy. Negative words about your goals and dreams are like daggers in your heart. If you don’t have full faith in yourself and what you can achieve, then words are the greatest obstacle that you will face. It’s like the old saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I’m here to tell you that is a complete lie. Words, especially from those closest to you, can knock you right off the mountain top that you worked so hard to climb. It’s your responsibility to stand on your strong foundation of belief and hold up your shield of faith in order to prevent the enemy from stealing your dreams.
In the beginning, you won’t feel like doing what you know needs to be done. Believe me when I say that it was completely miserable in the beginning when I wasn’t having much success. There were days that I wanted to give up, but that little flame of faith in my heart kept me going. However, that is the most important part of the process, because you are laying the foundation.
Close your eyes and imagine the foundation of a house being laid. If that cement foundation isn’t solid, then the house will collapse. Jesus used this same illustration in Matthew 7:24-27 when he said, “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
As you begin to lay your foundation of belief and build upon your dreams, you will likely be easily distracted by naysayers. This is a test for you. That’s why it’s important to approach that type of negativity head-on and stay strong. Don’t get irritated by these types of obstacles and allow your feelings to take over. Instead, treat the obstacle as an opportunity to become stronger in what you believe about yourself and your dreams.
Let me ask you a few questions...Are you really in it for the long haul? Are you willing to commit to building a strong foundation and overcoming the obstacles that get in your way? Will you be able to handle the enemy through your emotions rather than allowing your feelings to take control? Here’s a tough question for you - What’s at stake if you don’t at least try to accomplish your dreams? Are you prepared to live the rest of your life without knowing if it were really possible?
It’s easy to give up and simply go back to what you were comfortable doing. For me, I could have just gone back to the art gallery, worked every day and ended up with a good salary at the end of the week. However, this wasn’t an option for me, because I wanted more. I knew that there was more out of life than just living a mediocre existence from day to day. I had things that I wanted to accomplish in my life, and I was prepared to risk everything just to have the opportunity to achieve those things.
Now, let’s say that I ran into that same person that questioned my ability to achieve my goals in the very beginning stages five years later. There’s a twist. Let’s pretend for a minute that I gave up. What would I say to her when she asked me about the business that I had stood up for and believed in five years earlier? What would my excuse be? I gave up, because certain people told me it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t find people who would be interested in finding their Why, internalizing the power of their dream, understanding the million dollar training series or learning how to build a multi-million dollar network marketing business. I couldn’t find anybody to attend an event. I couldn’t find anybody who wanted to listen to me. What do you think she would have said? Probably something like, “I told you so.” More importantly, how would I have felt? I can think of one word…DEFEATED.
Jump back to reality. I didn’t give up, and there’s no way that I would let the enemy defeat me in the fight for my dreams. Let’s cross the same bridge into your heart. I want you to focus right now and listen to your heart when you answer this question. How are you going to deal with your true emotions when somebody asks you about a dream that you gave up on? I’m not talking about those feelings that will flare up and make you want to punch that person out. I’m referring to the emotions in your heart that are telling you that it isn’t anyone else’s fault but your own. At that point, you will realize that you allowed the enemy to win and your dreams are no longer possible because you gave up.
What would you do if you found yourself in that situation? Take back your dreams from the enemy, stand strong on your foundation of belief and ignite that flame of faith in your heart. What if that same person asked you about your dream after you took it back from the enemy? Wouldn’t it feel good to tell that person – “I’m phenomenal, better than ever, and living my dreams!” You could really get crazy and say – “I am an achiever! I am a champion! I am focused! I am bombarding fear! I am taking action!” Now, those are some fired-up emotions. Let your emotions move you. Inside the word, emotion is motion. Allow your emotions to be the motion that pushes you straight to the top.
People may think that you are crazy and in some type of cult. Just laugh and agree. Tell them that you have lost your mind and gained the mind of a champion. Explain that you are in a cult – a culture of success that will catapult you to the next level in your life. If you really want to freak them out, tell them all about your dreams and what you believe that you will accomplish. This isn’t bragging. It’s just simply letting them know where you are going and what you are doing. If they aren’t along for the ride, then tell them to get off the boat!
To maintain this momentum and build upon the emotions that support your success journey, you must build a dream wall. Cover an entire wall or a small space in your home or office that you look at the most throughout your day with things that encompass your dream. If you want to be able to tithe $50,000 to your church, then write it out and put it up on your dream wall. If you want to be a speaker, then cut out a picture of yourself and put it on your dream wall beside other great speakers from around the world. You have to see it to believe it. Speak your future into existence and get emotional about it. Be faithful in your decisions to go for your dreams. After all, faith is the secret of all goal achievers and Why fulfillers.
I was a stutterer and now I’m a fear demolishing, profit producing, income generating, worldwide life-changing international motivational speaker and strategic business coach. You better believe it took a lot of faith for me to even begin to believe that I could achieve. My dream wall was huge when I first started and got bigger as I accomplished goal after goal. Right now, my dream wall covers the walls in my construction zone, known as office to most people. Office has a negative connotation plus I am building my dreams in that room so why not call it my construction zone.
You’ve got to receive your dream! The word “receive” in the old Greek means to take a hold of with an aggressive attitude. When it comes to your dream in life, you’ve got to receive it and take a hold of it like an aggressive pit bull. It’s yours and you refuse to let anyone take it away from you!
I recently had the opportunity to meet Olympian Randy Snow. As you know, Olympians are dedicated to their sport and endure strenuous training in order to be the very best that they can be. They visualize themselves bowing their heads as a medal is draped around their necks. Excellence is a way of life for these champions. However, Randy Snow had one major obstacle to overcome on his quest for the gold. At the age of sixteen, Randy was working on a farm when a one thousand pound bale of hay fell on him leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. Instead of using his disability as an excuse, he went after his dream with a vengeance. Randy achieved the prestigious title of gold medalist and is considered one the greatest gold medal wheelchair athletes in history. In 2004, Randy Snow was the first Paralympian inducted into the United States Olympic Hall of Fame.
But what if he had given up after his accident? It would have definitely been understandable for him to doubt his abilities and simply say that he didn’t feel like training, practicing, competing, etc. Even with his adversity, Randy Snow fought for his dream of being an Olympian. This man is a prime example that anyone can do anything they set their mind to when there is a burning desire in their heart. Excuses are for failures! One of the biggest excuses is “I don’t feel…”
I’ve had so many people tell me “John, I don’t feel like prospecting. I don’t feel like listening to personal development material. I don’t feel like attending motivational seminars. I don’t feel like hanging out with my mastermind team.” Well, you know what…I don’t care about how you are feeling right now. I am more concerned about how you are going to feel five years from today when somebody asks you what’s going on with your business and you tell them that you quit. How will that feel? Did you feel that ache in your heart when I made that statement?
They’re going to laugh at you and say “I told you so”. They don’t have the right to do that! You have the birthright to achieve massive success. Read this over and over and over and understand that they don’t have the right to steal your dream. You have the right to fulfill your dream.
Here’s what I want you to do right now. Make a list of the people in your life that try to steal your dreams. They make you feel bad about yourself and foolish for trying to achieve your goals. After speaking with these individuals, you simply have no motivation to do anything productive. Their negativity makes you dwell on your “surface” feelings that cast doubt on your abilities. Your focus shifts to not believing that you can achieve your dreams. Don’t listen to them! Instead, dig down deep in your heart and release your true emotions that drive you to accomplish your goals. That’s where that little champion lives inside of you that is dying to get out and conquer the world.
Allow those emotions to take over when fear tries to creep into your life. Yes, I said LIFE. Your goals and dreams have to be what you live for and not just some small segment of your life. If not, how do you expect to ever really achieve them? Do you think Randy Snow became a gold medalist by only focusing on sports two percent of the time? No, that’s ridiculous. Then why do people think that they can build a million dollar business when they devote absolutely no time to developing the foundation of their business? It doesn’t just happen overnight without any commitment!
Many of you reading this right now have been at the ninety-nine yard line of quitting. After all, it’s easier to quit than face your adversity head on. When you get to this point and you are about to cross that line, just imagine me grabbing you by the back of your jersey like a football coach and pulling you back in the game. Are you at the point of giving up right now? If so, close your eyes and visualize me grabbing you by your shirt collar, looking in your eyes and telling you that I love your dream. That’s right…I LOVE YOUR DREAM! If you love your dream as much as I do, then agree with me and say out loud – “I love my dream!” When two or more come together, there’s a spirit of achievement that breaks all barriers.
I refuse to give up on you so don’t you quit on me! Remember, you have to get emotional about your dream. It will likely take blood, sweat and tears along with a lot of ups and downs. But that’s what it takes. You’ve got to get down and dirty in your dream. Look into your kids’ eyes or your spouse’s eyes. Better yet, look right into a mirror at yourself. When those eyes are staring back at you, do you fully understand why it is your responsibility to achieve your dream? Can you imagine looking into those same eyes knowing that you gave up on your dream? You simply can’t allow that to happen!
Now, take a look at that list of people (aka dream stealers) that you wrote down earlier. Understand those are your roadblocks. If you want your dream bad enough and are determined to achieve it, then you have to stop listening to those people. If not, their words will kill your dream. Have you ever heard that old saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” That’s one of the biggest lies out there. You can heal from physical wounds, but words can annihilate your belief in yourself and your dream long-term or even indefinitely.
I see it all the time at events especially my boot camps. People get emotional about their dream and vow that today is the day that things will change. Within that emotion is motion that gets their hearts moving in the right direction. At that moment, they truly believe that they can do it and they understand what’s at risk if they fail. Most people keep the momentum going for a few days or weeks at the most, and then it happens. They settle back in their old routine and start listening to their negative friends and family. Those emotions that filled their heart are buried beneath doubt and fear once again.
On a more positive note, there is the three percent crowd. These are the people that leave the event emotionally fired-up and refuse to let anything or anyone get in the way of their dream. They stand out from the crowd! We all know those type of people that just have something about them that make you take a second look. I am fortunate to have several students around the world that have this trait. So, why do they stand out? It’s simple. They made the decision to allow their emotion to drive them instead of letting their feelings get in the way. I’ve never once heard these students say that they didn’t feel like doing something. Now, I’m not saying that they never have those days. But when they do, they don’t whine and complain. Instead, they look within their hearts for that true passion that ignites that spark and gets them fired up for their dream.
Ultimately, you are responsible for whether or not you achieve your goals and dreams. Responsibility is the ability to respond to a situation. Your response will actually depend on what you’ve done to prepare yourself for that situation. Benjamin Franklin said it best, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Preparation is the first step not the last. It gets you ready for what you may or may not encounter in life. It makes you confident in your response to adversity.
If you don’t have your armor on, then how can you really expect to win the battle against fear, doubt, procrastination, naysayers, etc.? You simply can’t do it. So, what do you do to prepare? Get emotional about your dream by saying your affirmations out loud everyday, develop a mastermind team of positive people that believe in you, immerse yourself in personal development material and build a dream board so that you can visualize yourself achieving your dreams. There are many other things that you can do to prepare, but these are the basics that will develop your foundation and prepare you for battle.
You have to make a decision today to get committed to the emotions inside of your heart that will become the driving force behind your ability to achieve your goals and dreams. If those emotions have been lying dormant for years, because someone stole your dream, then it’s time to wake them up and start believing in yourself again. Remember, I believe in you and I won’t allow you to quit on me or yourself. I know you can do it! I believe you can do it! My belief in you probably stirred up some emotions in your heart. If so, let those emotions motivate you to go for your dreams!