17.0 Moving to Fareham I turn from God
Once we moved to Fareham I continued to listen to the arguments put forward by my wife when she was studying for her University Degree at Portsmouth University. This was a degree in Cultural Studies. She shared with me the current views from Sociology, psychology and philosophy about the none existence of God. The whole of such higher education worked from the presupposition, “God does not exist”. The really was what they now called Post Modernism.
I heard about the philosophers such as Kant, Hegel, Kierkeguard and Existentialism. In essence I got the picture there are no absolutes at all. No God. No rights or wrongs. No nothing. Morality was changeable depending upon society. This suited and help me to turn my back on the word of God. In this temptation I did not do as Job. I sinned and turned from God. This was my foolishness.
My wife also began to question the reality of God and turn from the ways she once believed true. She entertained thoughts and we both got involved in things which were not of God.
I now believe my sinful heart wanted to be free from Gods rule so I could be independent and do as I pleased. I think I must of thought, “If this is what is now believed by the highly educated and the philosophers or the day then I was a perfect student of this new age so I will put it into practice - and that is what I did”. ( I now deplore it - it is not education it is not true but a lie) . I took these views on board and began to argue the none existence of God being intent now to do my own things.
I argued since God does not exist there is no absolute right or wrong. All is relative. I in fact decided what was right or wrong for me. I actually became my own god.
I now believe God gave me up to my own sinful heart and left me to my self to practice sin. I did not know at that time what was installed for me. I was given over to indulge in sexual talk and activity out of marriage . I went off the rails and got into things I now feel ashamed to speak about. They that knew me at that time will know all about it. I was wrong and out of order.
98 Micheal Goes To Thailand
About this time Micheal had started his own company In Thailand called Paradise Movies and he involve mum and dad in sorting out all his finances in Eastbourne whilst he was away. He also took Jessica his 10-year-old daughter with him for the summer but cause her mum great alarm when she did not bring her back to England when he should have done. He said that at the time he wanted to get back at his ex wife because of all the grief she had given him in the past.
Photo 25 Paradise Movies Photo 26 Micheal in Thailand
In the end Michael’s business did not succeed and Mum was so fed up with bailing him out with money and favours she finally said she had had enough as it was making her ill.
It was during this time an article appeared in the News of the World and apparently Micheal was must upset by it-he maintained it was a complete fabrication. After this he decided to be involved in another business,
Letter from Micheal
99 Punnee Bar Babbua Thialand
Thailand 7100
Dear Mum and Dad,
10/06/92
How are you both? Keeping well I hope. It will be good weather in England so you will be able to enjoy your garden. Its been four months since your last letter which you sent to Peunnee Bar in Kanchanaburi. That was the only letter I ever received from there. I did reply to that letter but every on seems to be having problems with mail to and from England.
Last time I wrote I was working for a tracking company but after I set them up with two main agents they double-crossed me. Things here are getting from bad to worse. Six weeks ago I lost all my money £700. I was in my room on a raft house. A big storm came, which caused a lot of damage, a lot of my belongings went to the bottom of the lake 100 meters together with my money and Passport. I reported it to the police and got a report to give to the embassy in Bangkok. I wrote to the Embassy in Bangkok but so far no answer. In my letter I told them I had a photocopy of my passport and loosing my money I am in Thailand with no money and my visa is out of date about £400. I also told them I had no one in England to help me financially. The tourist police told me not to worry, as it was an accident. Which should stop me from going to prison. Now I don’t know what to do. At the moment I am living with Thai family 80 Km east of Kanchanaburi at SiSawats Great Lake. They have several bamboos raft houses designed for tourists but they are in very bad repair so I am helping them to repair them so at least I get food and keep (but no wages). If we get tourists I will get some money but at the moment it is low season and the many political problems in Bangkok is not helping. If I don’t hear from the Embassy soon I will have to try to go to Bangkok to see them.
I know that over the past few years I have been stupid. I have lost every penny even my daughter and my credibility. I am stuck in Thailand penny less. Even if I could get home where would live and where would I do? I am not well and I am not young and most of all I have no spirit to live. Even when I had money I wasn’t happy. I know I had a reasonable job and a nice flat but I was so screwed up inside it was sending me crazy. Even when Jessica came to see me it was heart-breaking foe me when she went home. I know you both love Jessica very much and because of me you cannot see her, I wrote to her a couple of times but no answer.
Please mum and dad give me a few words of wisdom as I think that this depression cold be the end of me. I thought of writing to Brendan Gibbson in Australia but I don’t know his address. May be he could help me with some money
And I could work to pay him back.
All my TV and video equipment you sent I lost due to massive tax duty and also a crook who tricked me.
The weather her is hot every day seems the same just like England’s heat waves when you get them but the water in the lake is clear and fresh and night air is refreshing. Every one I speak to says the tourist trade in Thailand is finished.
Please write to me soon and let me know how every on is. Even a quick word to Jessica to say I love her would be good for me. Please when you write don’t give me lecture on how irresponsible I have been and on how much you have helped me. I know all this and am truly sorry. My marriage break-up I think was the cause of it but I don’t know.
I expect my financial situation is very bad at home and Margaret and Chris think I am very bad. Please what can I do now?
Well today is another day and I have just heard from the British Embassy. They tell me that they have no financial resources to help me even though I lost my money and passport. They say I must have money sent from England to clear my over stay about £400 otherwise I will be in prison without a doubt. So now its making me ill and this Thai family cannot help me much longer. I have written to a few people in Thailand to see if they can help me with a job but I don’t hold much hope.
I have heard that in Bangkok I could possibly get a job teaching English but I would have to go the Bangkok to check it out. At least if I could get my visa in order it would keep me straight with immigration and stop me going to prison. The Embassy pointed out any money should come through Thomas Cook Travel Agents and sent to their head office in Silom Road Bangkok and would only take 24 hours or so and on proof of I.D. I could draw it. But I would have to know when to go to Bangkok, which would mean a telegram here first to let me know from you. I know you think I have a damn cheek after all you have done for me over the years but I have no one else to turn to. I have written to David and Irene for helps and advice.
I really am going crazy with the thought of going to a Thai Prison.
If you cannot help I will understand as I feel that you have done too much for me in the past and I should be old enough to take care of my self but this is Thailand the 3 rd World.
I have just had a thought ----- for me to get to Australia. I need a return ticket out to get an entry visa and this I doubt if Brendan would do anyway please try and locate his address for me.
Please send my letter on to David, as I do not know his new address.
Write soon and take care.
You love son Micheal.
PS I have written to the Embassy again asking what will happen if I give myself up. I think they will hand me over to immigration to lock me up. Then the Embassy will inform you that I am in Prison but I don’t know.
Mum and dad were fed up with what they thought were Micheal’s irresponsible ways and they despaired of him. I think mum in the end sent him the money to get him out of and back to England.
On a letter received from Michael Mum wrote “turning point” so I assume she felt Micheal was changing his ways
100 Turning Point
Mum writes turning point on the top of a letter dated 10 Th July 1992, sent by Micheal from Sam’s Place, Song Kwai Rd, Kanchanabari.
Micheal writes,”Last week I went to Bangkok to speak with the embassy but they told me no help can be given what so ever and the only way is to get some money from home to clear my visa overstay and an air ticket home. They said they would get their office in London to contact you. I have also written to Auntie Edith.
The straight facts are as follows: I have been on overstay since February 16 th which is 100B fine a day= £350 to date. And to clear it I must have the money to go to the immigration plus an air ticket home £300. If not I will go to prison and work off my fine for £2 per day. Then I have to pay for the air ticket and deportation costs, which doesn’t get me anywhere. They will keep me in prison indefinitely until money comes. Every day I stay here is about another £2.40.
I am ill with worry. I do not have any thing left here or in England only my family who have helped me time and time again. I have been so foolish over my life. I have no will power to go on living. I cannot face the future. I know I must find a way to get back to England. David said I could live with him for a while which could be good as I could not face living in Eastbourne. I would have to start where nobody knows me, as I can’t handle being with people who know what’s happened to me since I have been in Thailand.
Why did the Embassy tell you I was fit and well how do they know how much I am suffering in side my self. At the moment I am living at the above address. My cloths I keep in a hold all and keep in the toilet of a boat where I sleep on deck at night. I get food free but that’s all.
Please please help me as I know the Embassy cannot. Please give me a ring with a word of encouragement. The best time is at 11 am your time. Just ask for Micheal. PS I have written to every one I know for help but know joy. All my love Micheal xxx ,
On reflection I think I was searching for something I hadn’t got within my marriage even though I had four children.
It was during this time I meet my wife to be and fell in love even whilst I was still married. To allow this I had to deny God and stop my ears to his word. I decided I would put my needs first and ignore every thing else. I was wrong. I was a perfect practising student of Post Modernism but I had to turn my back on God and family to do what I wanted.
I was extremely happy with life at that time and felt nothing could go wrong. This was because I was in love. The sun shone just for me, the long summer days were wonderful. I was less serious about my work and soon it was noticed that I always seemed to be on the edge or things.
It was suggested by some I was running a TV business from college and some of the students nick named me Dodgey Dave. I had at that time suggested to my Head of Department I be allowed to rent out the colour TV’s we had in store for the students to learn on, this was during the months they were not in use. I thought it a good idea but it was frowned on.
101 The Motor Vehicle students
During this time the College had an open day and all the various departments opened up their sections to show what was going on by way of courses and functions. The Beauty Section opened up their facilities to the public and students. They were offering sauna, spar bath and massage to who ever wanted try it out. On that particular day I had to take Tim Craggs’s motor vehicle students for electronics. When I put it to them that they could go along and have a massage that day for free they thought I was joking. I rang through to the Beauty section and asked if I could book the who class of about lads in for a massage during their lunch break. I was informed this was Ok and so it was all on.
The trouble was these lads did not take it seriously and began to say provocative things to the young girl students who were to do the massages.
Word soon got around that the students we feeling threatened by these lads so the whole event had to be cancelled.
I wasn’t really a good idea. It seemed harmless at first but in reality it was not good.
I had no longer faith in God. I was lost. Left to my self without God or any certain future. I was blind to this fact and went along as one born blind, deaf and dumb.