Fear
“So first, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” - FDR
Oh yes, that emotion that controls our lives. Fear is that evil force that limits our potential, limits our beliefs, and hinders our actions. So how do we overcome it? Can we overcome it? Absolutely. Can you imagine what life would be like if we never had to experience fear again? Imagine the possibilities that would open up for you and the amazing things that you would experience.
We have all experienced this in some form-in our dreams. In fact, if you’re one of the few that have experienced a lucid dream, you know what I’m talking about. A life without fear can open up amazing possibilities and experiences. You won’t hesitate to take opportunities or confront challenges. On a side note, if you haven’t experienced lucid dreaming before, I highly recommend looking in to it.
So when I talk about fear, I’m not referring to the natural “fight or flight” response; this is a healthy reaction when one is in danger. The fear I refer to are the thoughts and feelings of anxiety that stem from irrational mental assumptions. As FDR said, it is “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror”. Any fear that we experience that hinders our progress occurs because we don’t have a true understanding of the situation or we feel we might experience some kind of pain or loss. Understanding fear is the first step to overcoming it.
Imagine a time when you wanted to accomplish a goal but never got started for fear that something might happen. I’ll use the fear of rejection as an example as it’s one of the most common fears that we face. We have to stop and ask ourselves, “What is causing me to be afraid?” You will most certainly find that your reasons are a bunch of “what ifs” that are negative and might even be irrational. Let’s look at the example:
“I’m not going to ask this person out on a date because…”
What if:
- they say no
- they laugh at me and I will get embarrassed
- they think less of me
We’ve discovered the fear, so why is it irrational? Well basically none of them are true yet. We know this because they haven't even happened. We’ve created this scenario in our minds and already it has hindered us. The event hasn’t even taken place. As the popular acronym goes, FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real, which is exactly right. Sure it’s possible that these things may happen, but there is no evidence showing that it will happen. It’s also possible that the outcome will be positive and wonderful.
I believe that one of the underlying reasons that we experience fear is that our minds think that we might lose something or experience some kind of pain. In the example above, one might be afraid of losing their self-esteem or confidence. Starting a business is another example where we might experience a fear of loss. We might lose our money, our security, or time.
So the first couple of steps to overcoming fear is to first understand what we are afraid of and then understand that the scenario hasn’t played out yet. All of this might seem obvious to you, but you would be surprised that we don’t think rationally all the time, especially when you’re experiencing this fear first hand.
The real key to overcoming fear is to re-focus on the consequences. Instead of focusing on the negative outcomes, try to focus on the positive outcomes and consider what good things will come from it. Using our example again where you ask someone out on a date.
What if they say yes? What if the worst case scenario is they say “no” but you still become great friends and share wonderful moments together? Sorry guys, the friend-zone is real but it’s not all that bad.
So we can make a decision to ask this person out on a date. We have three possible outcomes: ask them out and get rejected, ask them out and get accepted, or don’t ask them out.
The decision that we often make when we experience fear is that we take no action, which is the worst decision.
“Go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” - Jimmy Carter
Many of our goals or plans get hindered because we are afraid of something and our usual ways to deal with fear is to avoid it all together, so we take no action and we avoid it. Asking this person out realistically yields some possibility of acceptance and rejection. Whether they’re attractive to you or not, you might be looking at a 50/50 chance, or 30/70, or 70/30, either way there is some chance of them saying yes. But if you avoid it all together you have automatically failed and your chance of acceptance is 0.
Another popular phrase is “face your fears” and again this is exactly right. Instead of trying to avoid something because of some irrational scenario that we have created in our minds, think about the wonderful, positive things that can result from taking action. Don’t forget the cycle!