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Happiness
I explained earlier what success is and how to pursue it, but it’s important to understand that success doesn’t determine happiness. There’s people that have success, every goal is being met, but they are still unhappy. There are people that have virtually nothing, but still find a way to be happy. You can’t earn, find, or buy happiness. It is created by you.
For some reason happiness has been put up on this pedestal as some amazing, hard to obtain, state of being. But it is only an emotion, just like anger, sadness, or excitement. Well it’s easy to get those other emotions right? Why does happiness have to be so difficult to get? It doesn’t.
Happiness is created. It is a state of emotion that our mind goes to when certain triggers are met. For example, when you get a flat tire what sort of emotion do you get? Depending on your situation you might get angry or frustrated. If you’re late for work, you might get anxious or worried. But all of those emotions are triggered by the flat tire or its consequences.
To create happiness you need to set off certain triggers that produce the emotion. So happiness isn’t a permanent state that you will stay in 24x7 just by meeting your goals and earning lots of money. You need to set off triggers that produce happiness. The more you surround yourself with those triggers, the more often you will be happy. If those triggers are firing all day long, you will be a happy person.
What are the triggers?
For everyone it’s different, but some examples are: hugs, laughter, smiles, positive thinking, security, giving/contributing, love, inspiration, growth, and significance. Let’s expand on a few of those that I feel is very important and is a trigger for most people.
Growth. As I said before, we’re always changing. We crave the feeling of growth and meeting our goals. The feeling of accomplishment or the feeling that we have made progress is a happiness inducing trigger. You don’t see a sport team getting angry when they win the championship, right? Because they feel accomplished. When you feel yourself progressing and growing, you feel happy. What if you accomplished something new every day and every day you could feel yourself grow or meet goals? You would be happy a lot!
Giving and contributing. This is an important one because it’s a powerful feeling, no matter who you are. Have you ever given some spare change or a few dollars to someone in need? Have you ever donated to a charity? How about given a gift to someone? How good do you feel knowing that you contributed? It’s most impactful when the person needed that contribution or when you made a huge difference in their life. That is another feeling of happiness.
You know what I do when I’m feeling a bit depressed? I give a few dollars or buy some food for someone on the street. I also keep a little plastic bag of snacks in my car, then I will add something to that bag whenever possible. When the bag fills up with goodies, I will give it to someone in need. I make myself happy and someone gets helped. It’s a great feeling.
I remember one time a few years ago my wife and I went out to dinner. It was very late, probably around midnight and it was cold outside-low 30’s. We went to a local restaurant that was open 24 hours. A few tables down from us was a homeless man. He looked very tired and down, but he was quiet and kept to himself. This man was dressed in rags and looked like he had been on the streets for a while. He seemed very content with his situation and there was something about him that inspired me because, despite his misfortune, I could tell he was a good guy.
He was polite to the server and had great manners. He pulled out some change to order a coffee. We had gotten our food and started eating. A few minutes went by and he sat there sipping his coffee, not bothering or staring at anyone. I started to feel bad. Here I was, enjoying a nice hot meal and he probably just wanted to get warm. I asked the server to bring the man a menu and said he could order anything he wanted. “Are you sure?” she asked, surprised. I guess that sort of thing doesn’t happen often.
She brought him a menu and he looked up at her, surprised, when she told him that we were buying him dinner. I’ll never forget his reaction. He looked over at us and said, “Are you sure? Oh my god you guys, thank you so much! Can I order the T-bone steak? Is that ok? Are you sure?” I was actually touched that he still asked even after she said he could get anything. He didn’t even order dessert. I was prepared for him to order 3 meals to go or groceries for the week.
Here’s a guy that didn’t ask for anything and didn’t bother anyone. When given the opportunity to get anything he wanted, he only took what he needed and nothing more. I had to try hard not to start crying in middle of the restaurant because I felt so happy to see this man get a nice hot meal and the joy and authenticity in his reaction was overwhelming. Before we left, I tipped the waitress 50% and gave the guy $10 on my way out. He continued to thank me.
I wasn’t rich by any means, but this was a time that happiness and contribution became much more important than money. The feeling of giving to someone in need crushes any feeling that money can bring you. It’s like a drug. By giving this guy some food, I was compelled to give him another $10 and was then compelled to tip the waitress a generous $20.
No matter how poor you think you are, giving to those that need it more than you will make you feel wealthy. Contribute to a good cause every day and you will create happiness, not just for yourself, but many others.
Back to my point. Happiness is an emotion that you create for yourself. The secret to happiness is to find these triggers and then fill your life with them. If hugs make you happy, make it a ritual to hug people every day. Hug your wife, your husband, your kids, your parents, your siblings, or even your pets. If smiles make you happy, smile at everyone, even if you’re not happy at the time, just smile. Smile at yourself. Right now, smile.