problems. How do you decide what they want? This then becomes a Venus and Mars scenario as you're madly trying to do what they want in order to get what you want, leading to frustration and resentment as neither of you are getting what you really want or need from each other. Many people are looking for a person “to complete them”. This puts a lot of pressure on the other person to become what is expected. They often try very hard to do this, but eventually their true self has to re-emerge and then the other person says, “You've changed”. Resentment and bitterness develops, and separation usually results.
A good relationship needs to complement and build upon who you are. It cannot make up for any lack within yourself. To have good relationships, you have to first work on yourself. Only by being ‘selfish’ can a relationship grow for you to become unselfish within it.
You have to decide the person you want to be. Is it a loving, giving and happy person? If so, work on overcoming your problems, and help the other person to contribute all they can towards the relationship. The greatest help you can ever give another is to empower them to help themselves, and start them moving forward on their life journey as you have done. Don't disempower anyone by offering them help in such a way that it creates continued dependence. When you allow another, in the name of compassion, to begin to rely on you, this then becomes not empowerment for them, but a powertrip for you. The goal is to help the weaker so they can grow strong,