Know that you are Me in physical form. Therefore you were born perfect and have nothing to forgive yourself for. All the rest is a learned response to a victim situation. Why would I ever create anything less than perfect? If you look at the tiniest snowflake or flower, you know that everything always starts perfectly. The snowflake and flower have short spans of existence, but even when they wilt and melt, they are in tune with the laws of nature. Nothing ever happens out of rhythm.
You have allowed this initial perfection to become unbalanced. Your mind has become poisoned with negativity and guilt, and this has translated into a diseased body.
The only way forward from here is to start to move towards that initial balance of mind and body. This will bring positivity once more into your life, and you can again seek happiness.