Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches by Dean Amory - HTML preview

above)

others.

and

of

Gain power

Explain the

problems can

approaches

by

benefits of

be minimised

and

undermining

your

Handle

strategies to

the position

argument.

objections.

gain support

of others.

for ideas.

Develop a

Challenge the

Don't show

line of

points of

Give an

respect for

reasoned

view

example of

others views.

argument

expressed by

when your

Put down

idea has been

Put your

others.

their ideas.

used

points across

Get other

successfully

Impose your

clearly and

people to

in some

own views

concisely

support your

other

rather than

Understand

views.

context.

reasoning

the concerns

with others.

Make

and needs of

concessions

the person

when

you are

required to

dealing with.

reach

agreement:

work for a

win-win

situation.

Form long

term

relationships

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The six laws of influence

In his seminal book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion Professor

Robert Cialdini gives six laws or rules which govern how we influence

and are influenced by others.

The law of scarcity

Items are more valuable to us when their availability is limited.

Scarcity

determines

the

value

of

an

item.

For example if a customer is told that an item is in short supply which

will soon run out they are more likely to buy it. Time also works here. A

time limit is placed on the customers opportunity to buy something.

Customers are told by the seller that unless they buy immediately, the

price will increase next week. Auctions such as ebay create a buyer

frenzy often resulting in higher prices than the object's value. If

something is expensive, we tend to assume that it must be of high

quality because it is in demand: one jewellery shop doubled the priced

of its items and were surprised to find that sales increased!

For example, if you let an interviewer know that you have other

interviews coming up, they will be more interested in you as you are

perceived as a sought after candidate.

The Law of reciprocity

If you give something to people, they feel compelled to return the

favour. People feel obliged to return a favour when somebody does

something for them first. They feel bad if they don't reciprocate. "You

scratch my back and I'll scratch yours".

After someone has turned down a large request, they are very likely to

agree to a smaller request. This is why shop staff are trained to show

the most expensive item first. A salesman who suggested a 3 year

warranty costing £100 found that most customers refused but were

then happy to buy 1 year warranty costing £30.

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The law of authority

We are more likely to comply with someone who is (or resembles)

an authority. In other words, people prefer to take advice from

“experts". There is a deep seated duty to authority within us learned

from parents, school, religious authorities etc.

The law of liking

We are more inclined to follow the lead of someone who is similar

to us rather than someone who is dissimilar. We learn better from

people who are similar to us. We are more likely to help people who

dress like us, are the same age as us, or have similar backgrounds and

interests. We even prefer people whose names are similar to ours. For

this reason, sales trainers teach trainees to mirror and match the

customer’s body posture, mood and verbal style.

Research at the University of Sussex found that people more easily

remember faces of their own race, age group or gender than those

of others.

It's also very important to remember and use people's names. Others

are much more likely to like you and respond to you if you say "Hello

Sarah" rather than just "Hello" .

The law of social proof

We view a behaviour as more likely to be correct, the more we see

others performing it. We assume that if a lot of people are doing the

same thing, they must know something that we don’t. Especially when

we are uncertain, we are more likely to trust in the collective knowledge

of the crowd. This explains herd or lemming behaviour. For example

when there is panic in the stock market everyone follows everyone else

and sells, however great investors such as Warren Buffett, know that

this is the time when the best bargains are to be had, and instead, buy.

The law of commitment and consistency

Consistency is seen as desirable as it is associated with strength,

honesty, stability and logic. Inconsistent people may be seen as two-

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faced, indecisive and "butterflies": never committing themselves for

long enough to complete tasks. People will do more to stay consistent

with their commitments and beliefs if they have already taken a small

initial step.

If you can get someone to do you a small favour, they are more likely to

grant you a larger favour later on. If someone does you a favour, let

them know afterwards what happened: they will appreciate your

feedback and may be able to help you further in future.

We evaluate a university more positively when we have got into it or a

car we have bought when we own it. We look for the good points in the

choice we have made or items we have bought as this justifies to

ourselves our consistency of choice.

EXAMPLE ANSWERS FOR PERSUADING AND NEGOTIATING

QUESTIONS ON APPLICATION FORMS AND AT INTERVIEWS

EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR PERSUADING SKILLS ON

APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW

•

Arguing your case in a seminar

•

Getting club members to turn up for events!

•

Fund-raising for a local charity

•

Telesales job in the vacation

EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR NEGOTIATION SKILLS ON

APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW

•

Negotiating the rent with your landlord

•

Negotiating the late handing in of essays

•

Resolving disputes on a staff-student liaison committee

•

Resolving an argument between friends

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Describe a situation where you have had to NEGOTIATE a solution

to a challenging situation

CONTEXT

On arrival in Spain I was confronted with a completely different

organisational structure within the university. I was the first man to go

to Valencia from my university and my role there was to test this new

exchange programme and to negotiate the terms for future exchanges. I

found that the structure of the courses were to the disadvantage of the

Kent students and would affect the overall result of the degree. As the

spokesperson for the UKC students I had to influence both sides on

reaching a new agreement.

ACTION

I explained the situation to the academic staff at UKC and negotiated

new terms for the exchange programme.

RESULT

Being the spokesperson of my university, I successfully persuaded the

administration in Seville to accept these conditions during this period. I

learned that it takes sometimes a lot of time, effort and patience to

achieve common agreements, especially when two different cultural

backgrounds are involved.

How have you used your communication skills to PERSUADE

others to follow your lead?

CONTEXT

As a camp counsellor I was responsible for a hut housing a group of ten

children, helping the children settle in to the camp and encouraging

them to join in activities. The hardest part was getting the children to

keep the hut tidy and join in the daily 'household chores' session - a

problem which I found was shared by other counsellors.

ACTION

We decided to motivate the children by turning this session into an

inter-hut competition with a progress chart and prizes and arranged for

the camp director to carry out daily inspections. I produced a wall chart

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to show the points awarded to each hut and explained to the children

how the points would be won and lost.

RESULT

The competitive spirit transformed the children's attitude to tidying up

as each hut worked as a team to keep their surroundings clean and tidy.

There were no more problems with children 'disappearing' at clear-up

time & parents were amazed to hear how involved their children had

become in this activity.

Please describe a situation where you had to PERSUADE someone

to do something. How did you go about it? Were you successful?

CONTEXT

Last year I was living off-campus in a student house with friends. The

place was quite old and did not have a functional television aerial. I was

in charge of liaising with our landlord. I called him up to ask if he could

fix it for us.

ACTION

He was reluctant to do so unless we paid but I persuaded him finally by

saying that it would be beneficial for him as it would be easier to rent

the house out for next year. Also, it would be unfair on us to pay for an

aerial that we would only use for about nine months.

RESULT

I was successful with my persuasion and reason. The aerial was fixed at

no cost to us.

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4.43 The Minto Pyramid Principle

… or the case for hierarchically structured thinking and communication

Imagine you receive this letter from Lucy.

What does she want to tell you?

Dear Shirley,

Remember last Saturday afternoon when I was playing in the park with

my boyfriend and you came over, and he told me that when my back

was turned, you kissed him?

And also, on Sunday when you came to my house and my Mom made

you a tuna fish salad for lunch and you said: “Yech! That’s the worst

salad I ever ate!”?

And yesterday, when my cat brushed against your leg, you kicked her

and threatened to sic your dog “Monster” on her?

Well, for all of these reasons, I hate you, and I no longer want to be your

friend.

Lucy

Wouldn‘t the message be far clearer if the letter were written that way?

Dear Shirley,

I HATE you.

(Main statement or “governing thought)

Here are my reasons:

(Reasons supporting the governing thought)

1. You stole my boyfriend.

2. You insulted my mother.

3. You scared my cat.

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In the second letter, the hierarchy of Lucy‘s actual thoughts becomes

more explicit and can be considered as a fictitious question-answer

dialogue with the addressee.

Lucy hates me.

Q: Why did Lucy write this letter to me?

I stole her boyfriend.

I insulted her mother.

I scared her cat.

A: Because ...

Q: Why?

A: Because ...

Any main statement can be either supported by an independent group

of arguments ...

So, whenever you read or a write a scientific paper, first “distill” the key

message, and then analyze or support it along a logical question-

answering pyramid.

REMEMBER :

Key message: First find or state the key message before you plunge into

details.

Questions: Ask questions before you give answers (even if it’s only in

your mind).

Pyramid: Envision the question-answering process to follow top-down

a fictitious logical pyramid structure*.

Source :

The Proseminar Quadrology (2/4) - Wolfgang Gatterbauer

http://education.dbai.tuwien.ac.at/wie/WS05/

http://www.dbai.tuwien.ac.at/staff/gatter/work/051104_The_Minto_P

yramid_Principle.pdf

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5/ Coaching Documents

http://www.forestcottagecentre.com/docs/FCC%20Intake%20Package.pdf

5.1 EXAMPLE GENERAL INFORMATION

SHEET

Welcome to Forest Cottage Centre!

We offer personal coaching for parents who are working with

challenging children in their lives and are seeking hope and help.

With the support of Forest Cottage you will:



Respond to your child with specialized behavioural strategies.



Fill your life with purpose and hope.



Experience ongoing support in your parenting.



Strengthen your relationships.



Optimize the use of your unique talents, skills and resources.

It is the mission of Forest Cottage to offer hope and help as you create

the life you imagine.

The basics of our approach are:

 Root building by focusing on self-care and strengthening your

personal foundation for life.

 Growing new strategies to handle current situations, as well as

building long term dreams to provide focus and hope.

 Forest Building, strengthening your attachments to others,

including your family, friends, and support system.

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Here’s what some of our coachees are saying:

 ‘I couldn’t have kept this child in my home without Tanya’s support’

- R.S., Foster Mother

 ‘We’ve learned a whole new way of parenting… and it works!’ – D.T.,

Biological Father

 ‘Tanya works fast!’ – S.G., Adoptive Mother

 ‘Wise advice’ – H.S., Step-Mother

 ‘My child no longer pushes my buttons’ – D.B., Adoptive Mother

Biography

Tanya Helton has over ten years experience in working with families

with special needs children. She has worked with parents, police,

schools, organizations, social services, and mental health agencies. Her

training

includes

a

M.Sc.

Criminology

(Leicester),

BA

Sociology/Criminology (Winnipeg), Certificate of Excellence in Non-

Profit Leadership and Management (Wisconsin), and Critical Incident

Stress (CIS) Debriefing Certificate (Justice Institute of BC). Through her

office, Forest Cottage Centre, Tanya provides life coaching to coachees

in-person as well as over the phone. As a coach, she offers support and

helps coachees to take care of themselves while developing strategic

parenting plans. The sibling of three adoptive children and the parent of

an adopted child (her niece), Tanya brings practical understanding as

well as a caring heart to her coaching.

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Frequently Asked Questions about Coaching

What is coaching?

Coaching is a new profession. Coaches come from a variety of

backgrounds, experiences and training levels. They help people rethink

their situation and their responses.

Coaches help people:

 Help people set better goals and then reach those goals.

 Ask their coachees to do more than they would have done on their

own.

 Focus their coachees better to produce results more quickly.

 Provide the tools, support and structure to accomplish more and

overcome blocks.

What is the basic philosophy of coaching?

We are all discovering what we really want and that we can get what we

want faster and easier by having a coach who has been there and who

can help us.

 Forest Cottage’s basic philosophy is that parents need practical help

and support from a professional that truly understands what it is

like to live with a severe behaviour child.

How is coaching different from consulting? Therapy? Sports coaching? A

best friend?

Consulting: Coaching is a form of consulting. But the coach stays with

the coachee to help implement the new skills, changes, and goals to

make sure they really happen.

 Therapy: Coaching is not therapy. We don’t work on your past apart

from relating it to your future. We work on the parts of your life that

you want to move forward in not those causing or relating to deeper

psychological problems. We recommend working with mental

health professions, as needed, in addition to a weekly coach.

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 Sports: Coaching includes several principles from sports coaching,

like teamwork, going for the goal, being your best, etc. But unlike

sports coaching, most professional coaching is not competition or

win/lose based. We strengthen the coachee’s skills rather than

helping them beat the other team. It is win/win.

 Best Friend: A best friend is wonderful to have. But is your best

friend a professional who you will trust to objectively advise you on

the most important aspects of your life and career? Have a best

friend and a coach.

What happens when you hire a coach?

You get a better life. You take more effective and focused actions

immediately.

 You stop putting up with what is dragging you down. You create

momentum so it is easier to get results. The synergy that develops

with the coach keeps you motivated.

 You set better goals than you might have without a coach.

 You have support in place BEFORE you hit a crisis. And the work you

do now will reduce the impact and likelihood of a crisis later on.

Where does the coach focus with an average coachee?

We focus where the coachee needs us most – generally on parenting

strategies that work with challenging children. And, we tend to weave in

the following discussions: Getting the coachee’s personal foundation

strengthened. Helping the coachee beef up their reserves. Helping the

coachee set goals based on their personal values.

Tell me more…

A personal coach does just what an athletic coach or music teacher does,

only in a more complete and bigger way. A coach challenges you and

takes the time to help you develop the vision YOU dream of. A coach is

your partner in living the life you know you can fnd. A coach is someone

to hold you accountable for your life, to make sure you really do live up

to your potential, and encourage you along the way.

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 Most people believe that ‘hard work and doing it on your own’ are

the keys to finding the life, success, money, or happiness that they

seek. They believe that a price must be paid to attain what they

want, and often that price is poor health, not having enough time to

enjoy life, and strained family relationships. The saddest part is that,

even though this effort may result in more of something, it is often

not the something you had in mind, and you are back where you

started, or worse, further from your real intentions.

 Athletes and performers know about this trap. They know they need

someone else, a trained someone else to help them set goals,

discover real needs, and work effectively toward ultimate goals of

excellence. So, they are willing to hire a coach or a teacher. No

serious athlete or musician would expect to progress very far

without one.

What about people who are already doing great in their lives? Why

would they need a coach?

They might not need a coach. But it is helpful to find out… Are they

doing what they most enjoy? Are they tolerating anything? Is life easy?

Are they going to be financially independent within the next 15 years?

Do they have what they most want? We have discovered that, often,

people expect more out of their lives. A coach can help in this process.

What does it cost to hire a coach?

Forest Cottage offers a variety of affordable options for coachees. Some

parents participate in free teleclasses or teleconferencing support

groups, others have occasional sessions ($75/hr), while others choose

weekly sessions ($250 - $500 per month for 4 sessions (1 hour/week)

with unlimited email support between sessions). Forest Cottage is

always open to developing a package that meets parents’ needs and

budgets. All coachees are welcome to use the toll-free number for

telephone sessions.

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Please call or e-mail for more information about our services.

Forest Cottage Centre

Phone toll-free 1-877-261-6361 Fax 250-785-0344

E-Mail Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com

www.ForestCottageCentre.com

Forest Cottage

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5.2 EXAMPLE COACHING AGREEMENT

Coachee Name: _______________________________

This agreement

between Coach Tanya Helton (Forest Cottage Centre) and the above-

named coachee will begin on ___________________(YY/MM/DD) and will

continue for a minimum of three months.

Monthly services include four one-hour coaching sessions and

unlimited e-mail support between sessions.

The fee is $__________CDN (+ GST) per month payable by the first of each

month.

The services to be provided by the coach to the coachee is in-person of

by tele-coaching, as designed jointly with the coachee. Coaching, which

is not advice, therapy or counselling, and may address specific personal

or business projects or challenges in the coachee’s life and/or

profession. Other coaching services include value clarification,

brainstorming, identifying plans of action, examining modes of