"Ifin my younger days I had been in a fighting situation, I would have attacked first to take my opponent by surprise. Now I have learned, while remaining calm, to look for a solution that would leave everyone uninjured...yet I am still convinced that my power and skill are of such a level that I would not lose to any bully."
- Shigero Egami
Chief Instructor, Shoto-Kan Karate
from Heart of Karate-Do
You know by now that the main purpose of learning Karate self-defense techniques is to give you confidence so that you know you could win a fight if you needed to. If you have this confidence, your mind is clear and free from fear. When your mind is clear and fearless, you are able to find creative, nonviolent ways to "win," which means never having to fight. This is called "winning by losing'' or "win/win," because in this situation, everyone wins, nobody loses and, if you have to fight, nobody gets hurt.
Roleplaying
Nonviolent alternatives are skills. They need to be practiced so you can become good at them. You might want to 60
practice with a friend, one of you taking the part of the bully, and the other the part of the victim (the person being picked on). This is called roleplaying, because you are playing certain roles. It is important for you to have the chance to play both the bully and the victim. Can you guess why? Not only do you learn how to get out of a possibly harmful situation by nonviolent means, but you also get the chance to experience what it feels like to be a bully. Knowing what it feels like to be a bully can help you understand why a bully picks on people. This will help you in two ways:
1. You will know how to respond to the bully.
2. You will have compassion or sympathy for the bully and understand what he or she may be feeling inside.
Therefore, instead of reacting out of hurt, fear, or anger, you will act intelligently and creatively. Together with correct and strong Karate technique, you bring harmless, gentle skills to a potentially violent situation and are better equipped to produce a peaceful solution.
Making Friends: A Roleplay Example
The following is a conversation between a bully and a victim. Find a friend to play one of the parts, while you play the other.
Bully:
(Comes up to victim at school)
"Hey, you! That's my seat. Move, dummy, or I'll pulverize you.
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Victim:
(Immediately thinks of Bully's name.)
"Oh, hi! Hey, I know you! Aren't you George Klondike?"
(The victim is trying to distract the bully and make the bully forget his hostile intention)
Bully:
"Never mind who I am, shorty. I heard you think you're hot stuff, a real champ."
Victim:
"I've always wanted to meet you George. I think we have a lot in common. I saw you riding a bike. I really like bike riding."
Bully:
"Don't change the subject!"
Victim:
"Look, I really don't want to fight. I'm not a fighter and I'm sure you can beat me. You can have the seat. I'd rather just be friends. Why don't you come over and maybe we can ride together sometime."
(Here the victim takes the energy out of the bully's hostility by admitting that he doesn't want to fight and would rather give up his seat. The victim keeps a calm and friendly attitude in order to not make the bully angrier. Ifthe victim doesn't give the bully anything to react to, the bully probably has no reason to fight. The victim stays "empty" of fear or anger and therefore does not react to the bully's threats.)
How did it make you feel to play the bully?
How did it make you feel to be the victim?
You can talk about this with whomever you roleplayed with, and you can write your thoughts and feelings down on a piece of paper.
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Staying "Empty": A Roleplay Example Here is another chance to roleplay a bully/victim situation.
If you played the bully last time, switch parts, and this time play the victim.
Bully:
"Hey, stupid punk, you're sitting in my seat!"
Victim:
"I'm sorry. I guess I am. I won't do it again."
Bully:
(One type of threat.)
''You do that again, and I'll punch you good."
Victim:
(Victim distracts bully by making friends.)
"Listen, I'm new at this school, and I don't know my way around yet. Maybe you can help me."
Bully:
(Another type of threat.)
"Oh yeah? Well maybe you can help me! Give me your money."
Victim:
(Victim uses trickery.)
"Be careful! Don't touch me. I got poison oak this weekend.
If you touch me, you could get it too!"
Bully:
(Another type of threat.)
''You sound like a real brain, kid. Give me your homework!"
Victim:
(Another alternative.)
"I'm sorry. I already turned it in. Besides, I can't do your homework for you, because that isn't honest. But maybe I can help you do yours. Let's meet in the library today and talk about it. Maybe we could help each other."
(Victim uses reasoning or talking it out combined with trying to make friends.)
Bully:
(Another threat)
"Look, creep. I'm getting tired of your talking. Let's fight."
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Victim:
(Another alternative - Victim stands up to the bully.)
"Okay, but I need to warm up first."
(The victim steps back and goes through a few warmup self-defense techniques of Karate, snapping out some powerful punches and kicks. Seeing this, the bully has second thoughts.)
Bully:
"Aw, you're taking too long, punk. I'm going!"
Remember, this is only make-believe. These stories are not real, but they could be and they could happen to you. It would be good for you and your roleplaying partner to make up your own situations and responses to fit your own needs. Do you think you can do that? Practicing these responses over and over again, like practicing Karate self-defense techniques, will ensure that you are not caught by surprise.
Remember! You do not have to act out of fear, because: 1. You can do something about being bullied.
2. You do not have to be a victim.
3. You do not have to fight.
4. You can use your brain instead of your brawn.
5. Your mind is a far greater weapon than your fist or foot.
But in order for all of this to work for you, you must constantly exercise this endless source of power called your mind.
If it's going to be ready to use when necessary, it has to be in good shape.
