Chapter Nineteen: Two Ways Women Think About Men
I believe that women see men that they get involved with as either 'long term relationship' material or 'sex' material. You have to make the choice about which category you'd like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for the long term. If, on the other hand, you don't get involved sexually, but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there's a good chance that you'll NEVER get involved with her sexually.
Many, if not most guys think that if they play the dating game that they'll wind up 'getting some' eventually. This just isn't so. I've met so many women that say "Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that's my sex toy."
Now, admittedly this isn't all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the 'friendship' program, you're very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is paved with gifts and dinners.
Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen. For the record, I really do like email communication better than
phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I email to email me back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.
I write and say “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”
If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”
I get most of them emailing me back by this point.
When they do, I say “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”
Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I email them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve emailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.
They also return your calls after you’ve emailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.
OK… so, now I’m on the phone with them (either because I've emailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person, and decide if they’re someone that I’d like to know better. I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (so I sound like I have a life) and then say “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I chose a time…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way if you’re scary in person, I can say “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.” This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying Me?” which is perfect.
Next, I tell them that "The coffee place is close to my house, and why don’t they just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if she’s a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting" (got this from a friend of mine who's a genius).
Then I say “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re going to not show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time and where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.
Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”
It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend.’
Hear me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.
This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. And it continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really have the mindset that you are qualifying them, and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work).
I personally like to use the friendship talk because I have decided that it's better to enter any new relationship in a NOT NEEDY frame of mind. Talking about being friends remind ME to pay more attention, remember that I don't need anything and stay focused on learning.