There is one final transformational key, that naturally diminishes and keeps resistance in it’s rightful place. It is what we refer to as the jewel in the crown, and it is why it was saved to the last.
That is,
You can only ever have what you want, when you no longer want it
While the above might sound like a confusing tongue twister, it is not meant to. “You can only ever have what you want, when you no longer want it” refers to a human dynamic that when applied to daily life and reality, has an extremely powerful transformational effect.
Why?
When something is wanted, it is normally thought of as a desire. When strongly desired, then in a general sense, there is also a fear that the very thing being desired will not come to fruition. This can be seen in action with TV talent finals when the winning title must go to one of two. As each semifinalist patiently waits for the winner to be announced, both contestants must also ponder the prospect and reality of second place. While second place is OK, it is not their desired outcome. Therefore and as a general rule only, as much as they both desire the number one slot, they equally fear the undesired outcome. That is, second place.
If there is more fear than desire, then resistance adopts the side of fear and the very thing that was desired, gets pushed further away. That is unless resistance can be physically overcome, which does not normally happen, simply because there is no conscious awareness of it. Though in reality, and albeit “sub-unconsciously”, one contestant will be internalizing more fear than the other.
Nevertheless, at the same point and time a desire is desired. The human dynamic of desire also co-creates it’s polar opposite of an undesired outcome. That is, the feared outcome of losing to second place is also created. This happens because behind and fueling the “strong desire” is normally a core driver, which is also “normally” a fear. If the desired outcome is a strong desire, then this is a signal that there is an overlaid core fear, which is serving to motivate them in the opposite direction. That is, desires overlay core fears to keep them from being consciously feared, yet are embedded and in full existence. As these polarities are the same, and fear is propelled by fear, the outcome is more of the same. That is fear is feeding and fueling fear. So the reality is that the very thing being “strongly desired” creates so much resistance, that the possibility of it coming into fruition is diminished.
However, there is an alternative and that is, when there is no core fear fueling and propelling the strong desire, then in effect, the very “want” becomes a take it, or leave it. In other words, because there is no core driver attaching to the outcome, then there is no attachment to outcome. That is, instead of it being a want, or desire, it reduces to a “preference”, and because the dynamic of “preferences” do not hold resistance, there is nothing to stop the preference coming into reality. That is, when in a genuine position of being able to either take it, or leave it, then all resistance and all conductivity balances out. When in that state of balance, i.e. take it, or leave it, then one can choose what it is they experience.
As an example. While there are a proportion of rising pop stars that struggle for fame and fortune, there are others that appear to just breeze in to stardom without much competition. Likewise, there are entrepreneurs that spend their entire careers struggling. While others appear to make it quickly and easily. Why is this?
Well, upon closer analysis, rising artists like Enrique Iglesias stated that regardless of his desire for success, he truly accepted and lived as though he might never make it. Richard Branson also talks of being in a position being able to take it, or leave it, and not being motivated by money or materialism. The late Steve Jobs was described as an anti materialistic hippie, yet he ended up one of the worlds wealthiest men. What is being outlined is that all three examples were not attached to their outcomes, and they were all in a position to take it, or leave it, so to speak.
However, there are those that may say this is simply not true, as all three of the above have demonstrated incredible tenacity towards attaining success, and that is true. However, at their core. That is, at the inner place of subjective talk - they did not FEAR, not becoming. That is, they did not fear living a life of “not making it”, and they were at peace with who they already were.
While there may not be an immediate acceptance of the above, please have a look around your own life and reality. For a moment, ponder and try to think of strongly desired situations, circumstances and outcomes. Think of things that you once “wanted”, though for whatever reason, they just did not happen. Yet, with the passage of time, maybe even years, when you let go, give up, even forgot the “want” altogether. Suddenly, it, they, or whatever the “want” was, actually came to you.
It could be a childhood sweetheart, toys, cars, a home, a job, work, career, material things, emotional, physical or otherwise. Have you ever noticed that there is indeed some truth that “You can only ever have what you want, when you no longer want it?”