“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
- Jim Ryan
Now that you've planted your mental garden, you will start to see the beginnings of growth in yourself and your surroundings. At this stage, it is important to nurture the tender new beginnings of your confident, positive self. You should learn to recognize the effects of positive thinking in your life and encourage the development of strong roots to anchor yourself in success.
Tenacity helps.
The First Signs of Your Spring of Rebirth
“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
- Aldous Huxley
As you practice using positive thinking, you will find that things begin to change for you. Sometimes the change is so gradual you don't notice anything at all, until one day someone else tells you that you seem different. They may ask if you've gotten a new outfit, changed your hair, lost weight, or won the lottery. Tapping in to positive thinking not only makes you happier, it also makes you more attractive; the kind of person others want to be around.
Now that you've had some experience, you might recognize some of the common signs of positively charged people. Check out this list of things you have to look forward to.
You Know You're a Positive Thinker When:
Positive thinking has the power to change your life, as long as you believe it does. As you continue to use positive thinking techniques, you will find you don't have to put much effort into achieving what you want.
Conspiracy Theory: The Biggest Threat to the New You
“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.”
- Louis Nizer
Every path has its obstacles. Along the road to positive thinking, you will find only one: yourself. Human beings have a tendency to create conspiracies against themselves and impose the self-limiting beliefs that surround them on every aspect of their lives, whether these restrictive ideals result from environment, upbringing, or a combination of influential factors.
You may not even recognize your own self-defeating actions. However, the power to access the benefits of positive thinking rests solely within yourself- and you are the only one that can stand in your way. Therefore, you must learn how to step aside and allow yourself to develop to your full potential.
Following are some of the most common patterns of self-limiting behavior, along with steps you can take to get out of your own way and blaze your personal path to happiness and success.
There's Always Tomorrow: Eradicate Procrastination
“To be always intending to make a new and better life but never find time to set about it is as... to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.”
- Og Mandino
Procrastination is the easiest thing in the world to perfect- and one of the hardest habits to break. There will always be a good reason to put off whatever you want to accomplish, whether it's vacuuming the living room carpet or finally taking that European vacation you've been planning for years.
When you realize you're putting something off, one of the best things you can do is to ask yourself why you don't want to do it. The reasons for procrastination are as varied as the people who practice it: the task is boring or repetitive; you are afraid you won't be able to handle it; the project is difficult or time-consuming; it is going to be an unpleasant experience; you dread the possible consequences of seeing the task through to completion. Once you know what is stopping you from moving ahead, you can determine your strategy for accomplishing your goal and get un-stuck.
How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:
Just Say No: How Not to Take On Too Much
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
- Theodore Roosevelt
People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That's life. Often we are asked to make commitments we don't feel comfortable with, don't have time for, or just plain don't want to make- but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don't like.
Women especially fall victim to the over-commitment syndrome. You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don't over-extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results.
You can only fit so much through that door!
The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it's important to define your goals clearly when you begin using the power of positive thinking. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives.
When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, there are several ways to say no without hurting feelings or making yourself appear inconsiderate. Be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience.
Need an excuse? Here are the top ten ways to say no nicely:
Practice saying no both at home and at work, whenever you're asked to take on more than you know you can handle. Overextending yourself can be a hard habit to break, but it is an essential step in getting out of your own way so you can accomplish your life's goals. You deserve time for yourself, and you must be responsible for ensuring your personal needs are met.
Take Me As I Am: Kicking the Approval Habit
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
Everyone wants approval and acceptance from those we care about. However, too often we depend on approval so much that we lose sight of the most important approval of all: our own.
Do you find yourself agreeing just to avoid disagreeing? Are you constantly seeking out the approval of others before you make a decision? This approval addiction is damaging to your quest for improving your life through positive thinking. By feeding your approval habit, you become less reliant on your own thoughts and feelings, and therefore less in tune with your goals and what is truly best for you.
Though it's nice to have the support of other people, the only person you can make happy one hundred percent of the time is you.
How can you kick the approval habit and stop worrying about what other people think of your actions? Here are several action plans you can follow in order to make sure your people-pleasing prowess is used only where you want it to be, and not as a crutch for social acceptance.
In order to avoid seeking approval for approval's sake, you have to know your own beliefs and standards. Being aware of what you believe in will help you voice your opinions and choose the right path for yourself, even when others don't agree. Developing a healthy moral code is an important part of the process of positive thinking.
Writing down your moral code can help to cement your ideals and beliefs and serve as a guide for your decision-making process. Think about the issues that are important to you. Do you believe family values come before everything else? Is your career important to you? Where do you stand on politics: would you rather be vocal in your beliefs, or try to make a difference in the background through voting? Your moral code should govern your actions in every situation, and you should never violate your beliefs simply to gain approval from someone else.
Standing up for what you believe in can be an integral part of taking control of yourself and your life. When you stop seeking approval or validation for all of your thoughts and ideas, you become a stronger person- and the people who truly care about you will respect and admire you for it, rather than turning away. Be informed and develop your moral code, then stick to it. You will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself...and you won't need anyone else to second your opinion.
For many of us, the need for acceptance began in high school. The desire to fit in is strong for most teens, and generally when you're in school there is nothing more important than friends. Once we leave the structures confines of school and enter the adult world, it can be difficult to shake the feeling that you are only a worthy person if you have a lot of friends, or the “right” friends.
As adults, we need to discard the petty social pecking order of our school days. Life is not a popularity contest. It may not surprise you to learn that the most successful adults were social outcasts in school. A large part of the reason for this is because they did not cultivate the acceptance of their peers, they were free to invest in themselves, gaining knowledge and developing strong personalities that did not depend on validation from the “in” crowd.
In case you need proof, check out the following list of successful people who struggled through high school at the bottom of the food chain:
As an adult, you are much more capable of realizing that peer acceptance doesn't matter outside of high school. You should strive to be true to yourself. Remember, there is a place for everyone- it's a big planet.
Many of us tend to judge our worth by the number of friends we have. However, this is not always an accurate assessment, and it can be tiring to keep up with your lunch dates and Christmas card lists- particularly when you have friends who you can't be yourself with.
Take some time to evaluate your friendships. Are there people you spend time with who seem to drain you whenever you're around them? Do you constantly feel like a phony when you're interacting with them, and watch the clock until sufficient time has passed so you can excuse yourself from the conversation? Friends are wonderful to have, but some friendships just aren't worth cultivating.
The next time you find yourself trapped in an awkward situation and are afraid to voice your true thoughts, try speaking your mind anyway. It's likely that one of two things will happen: either the person you're talking with will be interested in your opinion and you'll find the conversation moving into genuine territory, or you will notice a sudden drop in temperature and hear those excuses you usually make to escape come from the other person. If the case is the former, you have improved your relationship and can relax around the person; if it's the latter, you have just rid yourself of an unnecessary drain on your energy and positive thought process.
There is nothing wrong with ending friendships that just aren't working out. Chances are, the other person will be just as relieved as you are, and you will both be able to strengthen the relationships you have with true friends. It will take some time to cull the weeds from your friendship garden, but it will be worth it for everyone involved. Freeing yourself from damaging relationships helps you kick the approval habit when you no longer have to “fake it” to get along with anyone.
Blood is Thicker than Embarrassment
It's one thing to sever relationships with friends, and quite another to do the same with family. Most of us are raised with the idea that family is important, and we tend to be more forgiving of family members as well as seek their approval for our actions more often. We are afraid to be ourselves around family members; often because people change, and we fear our close relatives won't like the changes that come into our lives. So we are forced to continue acting as if we are the same people we were five, ten, or fifteen years ago. This produces an uncomfortable relationship at best, and can lead to estrangement or avoidance if left unchecked.
Try to keep in mind that just as you are forgiving of your family members' collective flaws and personality quirks, they will be forgiving of yours. When you truly care about someone, you accept them for who they are and don't judge them on the basis of their thoughts, opinions and habits. Why wouldn't your family extend the same courtesy to you?
Being yourself and not requiring approval from your family may be even more important than doing so with friends. We tend to derive the basis of our self-security level from our interactions with our family, and if we cannot be comfortable around family, that sense of false security spreads into all areas of our lives. If you've been hiding some aspect of your personality or belief system from your family out of fear they won't accept you, try easing into your own opinions gradually. You may be surprised to discover that the people who care about you are more accepting than you think. Sometimes, they may have been practicing the same guarded emotional stance as you, and will be just as relieved when it's finally out in the open.
In any case, you don't need approval from even your family for the things you want to accomplish. Though it is more difficult to exclude a family member from your life, if it is more damaging to include them, perhaps you should consider putting some distance between yourself and the destructive family member. Many people are content with agreeing to disagree, and in time both of you may come to an understanding. Meanwhile, don't let your need for approval overshadow your need to be you. Please yourself first, because no one else is going to do it for you.
The Blame Game: Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?
“The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.”
- Doug Larson
We are a society driven by blame. We blame the government for running our lives, and our parents for ruining it. We blame the fast food industry for making us fat, the tobacco industry for giving us cancer, and the justice system for allowing criminals to roam among us while innocent people sit in jail. We blame our children for giving us gray hair, and our schools for equipping our children with the behaviors that make us old before our time. There is no wrong action, great or small, for which we cannot find someone else to blame. The last person we lay blame on is ourselves.
Too often, though, we are the first person we should point to when problems arise.
The government does make the rules- but we are in charge of electing the rule-makers, and most of us don't vote, while the majority of those who do are insufficiently informed. Our parents have an enormous impact on our lives- but they can only raise us as well as they were equipped to by their own parents, and once we become adults we are responsible for our own behavior. We choose to eat too much fast food, smoke cigarettes, and try to get out of punishment when we break the law. Our children reflect our own behavior back at us like living mirrors; and no matter how much of their time they spend in school, their behavior is determined almost exclusively by what we teach them at home.
It is up to each one of us to take responsibility for our lives. Even if the wrongs in our lives were someone else's fault, we are the one that control our reaction to the situation. When unfortunate events occur in your life, you can choose to be angry and point fingers- or you can choose to do something about it. Be clear on who is to blame for the problems in your life, and take steps to correct the situation.
Making Your Omelet: How to Learn From Your Mistakes
“Remember: you only have to succeed the last time.”
- Brian Tracy
Everyone makes mistakes. The good news is: failure can actually be good for you! The best way- and sometimes the only way- to learn how to make changes in your life and reach your goals is by figuring out how not to do things.
There is a process you can use to learn from your mistakes. The more you learn, the closer you will be to reaching your goals in life.
You know you're going to make mistakes, especially if you're trying to do something you've never done before. In order to be prepared for the inevitability of mishaps and misadventures, tell yourself that whe