Living Without Crutches by Samuel Ufot Ekekere - HTML preview

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CHAPTER NINE

FAMILY CRUTCHES

 

Our families are great assets. Primarily procreation stems from the family units. Every person has a family bow to shoot them as arrows into the world. A family is thus a base for the push of great minds. A failed family affects the offspring and there is a strong relationship between how a child does and the family from which he comes from.

No one comes into the world without a family. Everyone has an origin in a father or mother and is thus influenced by family genetic makeup.

I have a cousin who had never seen the father, my uncle since he was born until he was around twenty. When he was born, my uncle rejected him claiming he was not his child. It became too clear when he was grown after he took over all the qualities of my uncle. He wasn’t with my uncle to learn my uncle’s traits but they were transmitted through his genetic makeup because he had a father even though he never knew him. What I mean is that we are a composite of our genetic makeup.

Now, about the family crutches. Because we come from families, we tend to depend on them in some way for the push into life. It is saddening though that after the push has being made, most persons still are unable to find independence. They always run to their families for another push. Some persons who are mature to be independent from their families still hang on to their families and this can become an unnecessary crutch.

Sometimes families tend to make decisions for their offsprings. It isn’t bad when it’s a guiding decision but it is often wrong when it’s the endpoint decision, decisions that do not match the purpose for which God had sent their offsprings into the world. Children from renowned families often find themselves easy prey to this crutch. Parents decide who their children should marry, what school to attend, what course to study at school etc. It has had boomeranging effects.

Families don’t have to be crutches to those inside it. A family should be a place where one finds confidence about himself and not a place where fears and doubts are instigated.

I have observed that families that are crutches

  • Call themselves weird negative names at the smallest provocation
  • Retaliates when they are offended by family members
  • Unsettles the relationships of their children, parents or relations for self-profit
  • Trade tackles rather than resolve differences.
  • Crucify even the faultless because they have a small benefit they are hoping to get
  • Hate one another and refuse to come to terms.
  • Eschew the good virtues that a member has which should have being celebrated.
  • Seek for means to harm members of the family.

You don’t want to hang around a family that does not instigate or propel your movement to somewhere higher than you are now. You know the best you want to be and you want to hang around a family that will stay with you and support you through the hassles to becoming that best.

You want a family that will

  • Fill the empty voids of your life when all around you is empty
  • Activate your potentials by propelling the will to excel in you
  • Magnify your little strength and help you fulfill your dreams
  • Instill in you the discipline to make you excel
  • Leverage you, supporting you all the way till you excel
  • Yearn to see you at the very top of life’s ladder.

If you have a family that is a crutch, it could be very painful especially because of the difficulty of breaking out from the family. It’s never going to be easy however you can take the following actions

  • Create a platform for interaction amongst members of the family
  • Rally the family to see the need for unity and support for each other
  • Uplift the down casted and sad members of the family through support
  • Think of ways through which the family can work together for the development of every member
  • Concentrate on fulfilling positive roles in the family
  • Heal wounds fast and get going
  • Educate members of the family to see reasons why like you, they should be committed to the family project
  • Stay silent even when provoked by the other member of the family.

Everyone needs a family but we don’t need crutch families. What you need is a family that can enable you run on two legs.