Living Without Crutches by Samuel Ufot Ekekere - HTML preview

CHAPTER EIGHT

FRIENDS CRUTCHES

Everyone needs friends. Wiseman Solomon reckons that there is a friend that comes closer to you than a brother. Friends play very important roles in our lives. We find them dependable.

Sometimes though, our so dependable friends could become crutches we don’t need. There are times you have said “that my friend has being my soul, I just cannot do without him”. There are people like friends that you have developed intimate relationship with and seem always to hang around when you need them.

Life happens to take away our friends from us sometimes and we quiver at why they should go. Truth is, no matter how helpful a friend is, he has to go someday. His being around is a crutch that has never helped you find you.

I had a close friend who was like a brother. He was there during my darkest times and stood right there amidst odds. I just don’t know what I would have done without him during those times. I was broke and he stood there helping me financially. We were both students at the university but I observed that while he helped me with financial aid, I was drawing back academically. He didn’t priotize school work and I needed people who would help me develop my academic side. I knew I had to break away from him and connect with new people. Even though he helped me financially, my craving for academic success was not achieved. My yearning was to be amongst the best students in class and I knew a couple of persons that could have helped me achieve this feet. But I held on to my friend because of his help. He was a crutch.

Fate however moved me from the vicinity of my friend. The less we saw ourselves, the more distant we became. Yes, I still had my financial challenges but I braved up to face them and connected to more serious academic minded students. This time I learnt. I made no one a crutch. I sought help from my classmates but I never depended on them. I only asked for their guidance and they helped me while I went ahead to create an original me.

Yes we need friends, but even our best of friends sometimes makes us blind to the possibilities that we carry inside. You must not allow friendship spoil what God has destined for you. Some friends may be good to us but have values that influence us negatively. These friends may seduce us to doing things that you wouldn’t have done in your right mind. These friends are bad crutches that you should give up.

There are friends who are bad and you know they are bad but you don’t know how to break away from them. Well they are crutches and you just have to break from them.

There are good friends that we have to hang around with but we don’t have to make them crutches. Your friends are not necessary for support to make you stand, they are supposed to be supporters to keep you moving and moving faster. If your friend makes you depend on him, he isn’t a good friend but a crutch.

Crutch friends

• Chain you to them. They always want you to hang around and want to have overpowering influence on you
• Ruin you. You will never find the real you because they’d tune you by trying to make you conform to their ideas and policies
• Useless your capacity. They will never find the good things about you because they are also blind to good things. They conform you to their blindness
• Trick you. They are always full of tricks to ensure you tow their line every time and be dependent on them for even the smallest things
• Crucify you. Every time you get on their wrong side, they crucify you. They tell you they are too ingenious to be wrong and give you all the good reasons why you are always wrong.
• Hit you. They throw blows at you intentionally when you offend them. They never hear I’m sorry and only regret their actions after they have done the damage.
• Execute you.  They will kill you at the slightest provocation and may or may not regret it.
• Silence you. They never want to hear your side of any event. They think they know all and whatever you have to say is irrelevant

You have to break off from the types of friends above and find friends who will help

• Create space for partnership. Friends should be partners and not moles. Each person should see beauty in the other person and they both walk together to achieve the common goal
• Reach for greatness. No one was made for mediocrity. You are meant for the much more life of greatness. The kinds of friends you should have are those who see that greatness in you.
• Use your time wisely. Time is precious and useful friends are aware of this. Good friends will advise you on how best to use your time independently of them.
• Task your mind. Crutchless friends want to discover you and what you can do by drawing from your own deep well of resources. They don’t want you to depend on them. They think what you have is enough to make you into that goal oriented person that you should be.
• Climb mountains. Life is filled with mountains to climb. It’s actually the lifestyle of achievers. Crutchless friends will choose to climb along with you and hold your hands so that you don’t fall
• Hasten you towards the top. The top is where everyone wants to be. Unlike crutch friends who want you to depend on them, crutchless friend want you at the top soonest so they drag you if they are above and push you if they are beneath you
• Educate you. True friends will educate you and how best to live your life that will enable you achieve your goals. They won’t bully you, rather they will guide you with words of wisdom.
• Scale the heights with you. True crutchless friends want to join you at facing your challenges. They will stand by you, defend you and scale the heights to ensure you get to the other side.

Your friends should always be there not as crutches to always depend on but as partners to run life’s race together.