What has worked before? Can you try it again?
Intuition questions
What does your gut-feeling tell you? What does your
intuition tell you?
Answer within five seconds – what would you do if you
knew how you should behave?
Confronting your fears
What are you most afraid of?
What are you least afraid of?
What is the best thing that can happen if you make a
move, even if you are scared?
What is the worst that can happen?
If you were completely without fear, what would you do?
When others are frightened, what do you tell them?
Has it ever happened that you worried about something,
even after it turned out be alright in the end? Can you
draw any parallels to your current situation?
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What do you expect if you do nothing – how will you look
at that decision when you are eighty years old?
If you let your fears control you, does it help?
10 Personal Growth Questions to Ask Yourself
Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?"
We all have 24 hours each day. We cannot manage ‘time’, yet
we can choose how we manage ourselves with the time we
have. Time is your most valuable resource. You only have a
limited supply.
What is your present relationship with time? Does it give
you the satisfaction and fulfillment you seek? Do you feel
there are never enough hours in the day to achieve what you
want? Do you sometimes feel that others are managing your
time?
How you choose to spend your time is how you spend your
life.
The way you spend your time tells you much about your
priorities
and
what
you
value
in
life.
Do you know what your core values and priorities are?
Have you decided what the top ten things are that you want
to spend your time on this year?
"If you want to make good use of your time, you've got to
know what's most important and then give it all you've got."
(Lee Iacocca)
Take some time to reflect on the larger areas in your life,
such as your work/career, health, relationships, finances,
personal growth, fun and recreation.
How can you manage yourself more effectively allowing you
to spend more time in those areas that are most important in
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your life? What choices will you make? What will you say
'no' to in order to gain more balance and experience more
fulfillment in life?
If you choose to live a more balanced life, you must redefine
your relationship with time, to shift the emphasis from
quantity to quality, from frustration to fulfillment, from lack
to abundance, from pressure to peace.
Managing your time is a choice!
Question #9: What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?
What if failure was not an option? The fear of failure holds us
back more than anything else in all our pursuits in life. Many
people don’t even set goals because they are often so afraid
of failing that they do not even try.
How many opportunities have you missed in the past
because you lacked the courage to take a chance, to play full
out, all because you were afraid you might fail? How much
more pain and lost opportunities are you willing to endure
by continuing to allow fear and procrastination to rule your
life?
Failure is a concept that only exists in your ego’s mind. If
your ego would have a favorite slogan, it would probably be
“Playing It Safe.” Your ego operates in the emotional comfort
zone of your mind and will do anything in its power to keep
you there. It is that little voice in the back of your head
giving you all the reasons why you shouldn’t do this or try
that …
The only way to create results in your life is by taking action.
Realize that, succeed or fail, you will produce results from
which you will learn.
Don’t be afraid of failure; be afraid of not taking action!
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Question #8: Who Am I becoming?
How satisfied are you with the person you are becoming?
What kind of person do you see yourself becoming ? Do you
see someone who is becoming more stressed out or tired
with an unsatisfying job or an unbalanced work/home life,
or do you see someone who is enjoying a happy and fulfilling
lifestyle? How do you feel about your future self?
"If you want to have more and experience more in life, you
have to become more."
What are some of the personal qualities you would like to
further develop this year?
Perhaps you would like to become more skillful or
competent. More honest, sincere, genuine or congruent.
More compassionate, accepting, forgiving or grateful. More
creative or expressive. More courageous. More generous,
loving or happy. More responsible.
No matter how you feel about yourself right now, you can
make a decision to become more of who you really are. The
power to choose lies within your mind and how you think
about yourself. You will become what you think about, most
of the time.
Your thinking process determines how you feel, the choices
you make and the results you create.
If you seek to attract new experiences in your life or you
want to make certain changes, you need to begin the process
in your mind. Focus on continuous personal development;
with books, CD’s, seminars, personal coaching, studying,
listening, practicing, and nourishing your mind.
Become the mental architect of your own personal
transformation!
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Change your mind and change your life!
Question #7: What Am I Tolerating?
What are some of the things you have been putting up with
in your life? What have you been tolerating at work, at home
or in your social environment in the past year? What are the
things you wish would resolve themselves somehow?
Sometimes tolerations show up as minor inconveniences
such as a messy desk, a squeaking door or a friend who
always shows up late for appointments. Other tolerations
are more serious, such as mental or physical abuse or a
controlling or disrespectful boss.
Sometimes it is easier to ignore your 'tolerations' rather
than to take the necessary action to clean them up. Allowing
'tolerations' to hang around in your life will drain your
energy, try your patience and show up under the form of
stress and anxiety. They can chip away at your self-esteem,
confidence and enthusiasm.
Here are a few life coaching tips to help with the process:
Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with. Ask
yourself what each is costing you in terms of energy,
confidence and enthusiasm?
Resolve to take action. The decision to act on 'tolerations'
is very liberating and will improve the quality of your life.
Set target dates and make time in your schedule to
overcome your 'tolerations'.
Seek the support from friends, family or a personal coach
to keep you focused and stay on track.
Living a life you want not only means choosing the things
you want, but also eliminating the things that are hanging
around in your life that you no longer want.
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Now is the perfect time to do some personal housecleaning,
and remove some of the clutter around your house, at work
or in your relationships.
When you resolve to stop putting up, you will find a renewed
sense of freedom and balance in your life.
Question # 6: Where Do I Focus My Attention?
Your life becomes what you focus on. Your thought patterns
create the texture of your everyday life. You are always
focusing on something. The experiences you create in this
very moment, and the next, are based on where your focus
lies.
What you see depends on what you look for. What you hear
depends on what you listen for and what you feel depends
on the experiences you seek. Your expectations, based on
what you focus on, blossom into self-fulfilling prophecies.
The results you create are a result of your focus. If you're not
getting the results you are looking for, it is time to re-
examine what you focus on. If you keep focusing on the same
things and keep doing what you’ve always done, sure
enough, you’ll keep getting the same results.
Your mind cannot tell the difference between something you
think about or focus on that you do want, and the stuff you
think about that you don’t want. Your mind is a very
effective goal seeking mechanism and seeks to create
precisely what you focus on. The key is to direct your focus
on the goals and experiences that you do want in your life.
Think of your focus as a sticky boomerang. What you focus
on comes back to you, with more strength that it has
gathered along the way. If you send out anger, fear,
negativity or jealousy, you will invite the same thoughts
manifold.
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What you focus on expands.
Focus on what is going well in your life right now and what
is good for you moving forward. Focus on your innate talents
and capabilities. Focus on what you believe is possible and
you will see opportunities rather than constraints.
Question #5: How Am I Using My Talents?
When you talk with people who have achieved a high level of
success in their lives, you’ll find that they have found ways to
incorporate their passions and talents into their daily
activities. They also experience more fulfillment and balance
because they intentionally played to their talents and
strengths by developing the know-how and experience
through continued focus and practice.
Your talents influence how you think and the way you
respond to the situations in your life. Once you fully
understand and acknowledge your natural abilities, you will
develop a higher self awareness, which will lead to increased
self confidence, a healthier self esteem, more success and
personal satisfaction.
Talents by themselves are not that special, it is what you
decide to do with them that make them special. All too often
we deny our own talents, because to acknowledge them
would mean we have to use them.
Why is it sometimes difficult to identify our own talents?
First, it’s a question we don’t really ask ourselves. Second,
our talents feel so natural to us that we tend to take them for
granted. Third, we live in a culture where we tend to focus
on improving our weaknesses rather than developing our
talents into strengths.
Do you know what your talents are? How do you go about
discovering some of your talents or natural abilities?
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Answer the following questions and start to identify some of
the common themes within your answers.
What are some activities or special interests you enjoyed
growing up? What did you enjoy most about those
moments and why?
What are some of the skills or abilities you developed
over the years? What skills were easy for you to learn or
develop?
What are some of your favorite activities or projects that
give you the most satisfaction? At home? At work? What
are some activities that whenever you’re doing them,
everything just flows because it just feels right. It comes
natural to you and you tend to lose track of time. What
are some activities that you genuinely look forward to
doing again?
What would you enjoy doing even when you’re not
getting paid for it?
What do other people regularly ask you to do?
What are some of the qualities that other people think
you have?
Once you get a better understanding of your dominant
innate talents and abilities, start looking for ways to
incorporate them into your daily life. None of us have been
dealt the perfect hand, but it is your responsibility and
greatest joy to become the best you can with the cards you
have been dealt.
Question #4: Who Do I spend My Time With?
The people you spend most of your time with have a strong
influence on you. When you are surrounded by negative or
angry people, you will absorb some of their negativity or
anger.
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When you spend time with people who inspire you, support
you and believe in you, their positive energy will boost your
motivation, self-confidence and inner strength. Do not
underestimate the power of influence of the people you
surround yourself with.
Make a mental note of the people in your personal and
professional life with whom you most often associate and
think of how they are influencing you, both positively and
negatively.
Perhaps you've heard the story of the little bird. He had his
wing over his eye and he was crying. The owl said to the
bird, "You are crying." "Yes," said the little bird, and he
pulled his wing away from his eye. "Oh, I see," said the owl.
"You're crying because the big bird pecked out your eye."
And the little bird said, "No, I'm not crying because the big
bird pecked out my eye. I'm crying because I let him."
I believe that the quality of your life is greatly influenced by
the quality of your associations and relationships. Be
cautious of the people you allow yourself to associate with in
your personal life and business.
Choose to surround yourself with people who will move you
forward on your journey and let go of the negative
influences that impede your progress.
Question # 3: How Do I Honor My Core Values?
Your core values express the essence of who you are.
Although you may share similar values with others, you have
a unique set of values. Many of the important decisions that
you make, and the actions you take, are based on the values
that you hold. Your values, together with the beliefs that
support them, are an energetic driving force and provide
meaning and direction in your life.
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If you commit time and energy to something that violates or
neglects one of your core values, you will most likely feel
resentful and frustrated.
If your values are not respected at your job or in your
relationships, you will feel that something is missing.
While it is enormously helpful to know your core values, it is
not always easy to identify them.
Often these things are so much a part of who you are, that
they become invisible to you.
Take a moment and write down the unique qualities that
define you?
What are the qualities that are at the core of who you are?
Create a list for yourself by thinking about the ideas and
questions below. Don’t worry about getting it right and
capturing all of your values. Your list will be a work in
progress. Also, your values don’t have to be a single word;
they could be a string of words or sentences or themes. Find
the words that work best for you.
Think about the following questions:
What is important to you?
What do you really care about?
What do you really want in your life?
When do you feel happiest?
Select a time from your life when you felt particular
fulfilled. There may have been challenges,but you were
still on a roll. It may have been a few minutes, or hours or
days. What was important about that experience? What
values were you honoring?
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What do you react negatively to? What makes you angry
or frustrated?
What value is being violated? What kinds of situations
cause you to feel incongruent? When are you not being
true to yourself?
For each of us, there are usually values that are so much a
part of us that we don’t even think to put them on a list.
These are often our most dearly held values. A teacher
might fail to include learning; an artist might forget to
write down creativity, a business owner might overlook
financial success.
Question # 2: What Do I want?
The quality of your life's experiences amounts to the sum of
all the decisions you have ever made.
The power to make decisions is what gives you freedom. The
more freedom you have, the more options you can entertain.
The more options you have available, the more
opportunities you can create for yourself and others.
Have you ever been told what to believe? Have you ever had
someone tell you what you should do, how you should feel or
behave? Why would you have someone else decide for you in
your life? What is the cost of living that way? Life is short,
and time is your most valuable resource. Letting anyone else
decide for you is a waste of time! No one else knows you as
well as you do. You are the expert of your own life.
Think of yourself as the majority shareholder in your life.
What are some of the strategic decisions that will help you
grow and flourish in the New Year? What will you vote "yes"
for in your life? What will you vote "no" for? Recognizing
that you have a choice does not mean that there will never
be any uncomfortable consequences. But not making a
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decision is also a decision which could have consequences
that are just as negative.
Peter Drucker once said that whenever you see a successful
business, someone once made a courageous decision! In
what department of your life's organization - relationships,
money, health, fun, recreation, personal growth - do you
currently experience the most challenge? Where do you feel
trapped?
Whatever you believe is missing, it is yours, waiting to be
claimed. The first step is to make a conscious decision about
the things you would like to have more of and the things you
will need to let go off.
Some people get trapped in inaction. They have a hard time
saying yes, because that would mean that they have to close
off other possibilities. In economics, this is referred to as the
'opportunity cost'. The same principle is true in life. Saying
yes to one thing often means saying no to many other
possibilities.
Don't just dwell in possibility. Dwell in reality! Choose,
decide and take action.
Question #1: How Am I Committed?
Why is it that we tell ourselves we want certain things but
we don’t take action? We might have the best of intentions to
make certain changes in our lives, yet we do not follow
through on our resolutions?
Does that mean we are lazy or undisciplined?
Are we afraid of failure? Are we holding on to limiting beliefs
about ourselves?
We get frustrated when we think and say we are committed
to wanting something for ourselves, but no action follows
that voice of commitment.
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When you fully commit to something, action always follows
thought. There is no question, no debate, no doubt or
struggle. You don’t wonder whether or not you will take
action or not. Commitment goes beyond making a choice. I
have never met a mother who had to think about and decide
whether or not to feed her baby. People gain a mysterious
strength and resolve when they make a commitment.
Commitment is a unique personal experience. As a personal
coach I can offer you many possible commitment strategies,
yet the best personal style of commitment comes from a
deep emotional awareness within yourself. Often our
commitments are invisible to us and we don’t think about
them as commitments, it is what we do naturally. And that’s
the whole point.
Recall a time in your life when you were committed to
something. You were so deeply committed that there was no
doubt in your mind, and taking action was almost automatic
and effortless. Take some time to answer the following
questions to discover the underlying structure of your own
personal commitment strategy.
When and where were you committed? Was it a
commitment you made to yourself or others? Were there
any external influences?
What were some of the actions you took?
How did you go about taking action? What was your
strategy for taking action? Did you write down your goal
or commitment? Did you visualize your achievements? Did
you call a friend or work with a personal life coach? What
skills or capabilities did you use?
What were some of the emotional reasons why you were
committed? Reflect on the values and beliefs that
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motivated you to take action and follow through on your
commitment.
How did you benefit from taking action? What was the
cost of not taking action at all?
How did you think and feel about yourself as a person?
Maybe you felt like a successful individual or a
compassionate person.
How did your commitment impact others?
Understanding and modeling your personal commitment
strategy will help you create resolve to follow through and
achieve your goals.
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3.3 HERON’S CATEGORIES OF
INTERVENTION
John Heron (1986) defines six major styles of intervention
that we can use to increase the effectiveness of our
communication skills in coaching relationships.
In the list below, the interventions are described according
to their intention rather than content. Pay attention to
which of these styles of intervention you use most and least
in your own communication. Notice whether you use some
more than others.
AUTHORITATIVE INTERVENTIONS
1 Prescriptive: A prescriptive intervention seeks to direct
the behaviour of the patient/colleague, usually behaviour
that is outside of the coach / coachee relationship.
For example – ”I would like you t