client. So how do you know if your emotional reaction is a genuine
response to a client or ‘your own stuff ’ (technically known as
countertransference? Sometimes it is obvious, as when a client reminds
you of someone else, or brings material which evokes a strong reaction
that reactivates a past event or relationship of your own, or touches on
a strong value that you hold. Here it is probably more appropriate to
refrain from disclosing, reflect further and take your reaction to
supervision. One question to ask yourself is how frequently something
happens. For example, are you working on the same issue with every
coaching client that you have? If you are, then it is highly possible that
you are (unconsciously) shaping the agenda because it’s your interest
(or your expertise).
This is why supervision is so essential.
3. How to disclose
• When noticing your internal world, make sure you articulate it first to
yourself and then to the client using language which is both non-
judgemental and non-interpretive, and which is phrased in the present
‘here and now’, e.g. “that’s interesting, I notice that my attention is
drifting” as opposed to “this is (she is) really boring!”.
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• Then, when you articulate your awareness, own what you say using ‘I’
rather than ‘you’language (“I notice that my energy level dropped in the
last few minutes. What’s happening for you as you talk about this?”).
Notice how important it is to make the link back to the client’s
experience… simply saying “I notice that my energy level dropped in
the last few minutes” without checking what is going on for the the
client is likely to be received as a criticism, when if fact you are trying to
see if you are picking up some of the client’s own boredom with his
situation.
• Having made your intervention be attentive to the client’s reaction by
noticing the impact on the client, and be ready to help the client express
a reaction to what you said. There is no right or wrong in this. You are
not making an interpretation or casting a judgement, but offering your
self-reflections lightly, with curiosity and wonderment. Track your
client’s energy and interest. If your disclosure does not ‘land’ fully with
the client, he/she will let you know and something will happen. Your
intervention may help the client to get clear about something else, or
you may opt to ‘let it go’. It will come around again if it is significant, it
might simply be that the client isn’t quite ready to explore this area yet.
• We talk a lot about the use of intuition in coaching, i.e. the hunches we
have. In a Gestalt way of working, our hunches are backed up with
observational data in the room. For example, in a coaching
demonstration as part of a Gestalt workshop I shared a hunch which
had materialised for me from data offered by the client, in her use of
language, changes in her energy levels when she referred to a particular
relationship, as well as my own feelings of increasing sadness as she
talked. I shared my hunch (owning it as mine, and not an
interpretation) and this struck a chord for her. In the debrief following
there was comment from an observer about ‘how I had instilled’ my
thoughts into the client. Drawing on my own ‘internal supervisor’ there
were two ways I could double check the ‘integrity’ of my intervention.
First, I referred back to the client’s experience and her response to
what I’d said, which had been very positive. Second, I had supported my
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intervention with the data I had observed (e.g. the client’s energy level
shift).
4. How much to disclose
• As a general rule, less is always better than more. In the event that
you have a number of responses that you could make, it pays to keep
paying attention to your own evolving reactions for a while, and
eventually something will begin to stand out (e.g. a particularly strong
image or sensation), or what started as multiple reactions will suddenly
synthesise into a single and, therefore, potentially potent response.
Guidelines for Practice: a summary
1. Tune into yourself: what impact does the client have on you?
2. Selectively disclose in service of the client;
3. Trust the validity of your self disclosure;
4. Check the impact this has on the client, what meaning it holds for
them;
5. Don’t be too attached to your reaction. Be prepared to let it go if it
has little/no resonance for the client;
6. Use supervision as a place to talk through strong reactions you have
to your clients and the issues they bring.
5. Examples:
The outside world seems to think that after two weeks you should go
on as if nothing happened. I can't do that. Nothing seems fun anymore
since my mother died and all I can think of are her last days.
I understand. When my mother died, it took me quite some time to
get over it. I did notice that after a while, the good memories about
her came back, and that I could enjoy them again.
I am afraid to speak in public. The times that I had to do it, I broke out
in such a sweat I virtually floated of the stage.
Fear of failure, stage fright, fear of speaking in public - a lot of
people are troubled by it. I shall let you in on a secret. When I first
started, I had to give a seminar about counselling in a big firm to
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their employees. The entire management was present, 20 men in
three-piece suits. I blacked out, completely forgot what I had
prepared and could hardly get a word out - me being a professional
coach... Please don't tell anyone. Luckily a colleague lend me a good
book with lots of tips and a friend provided me with some good
training on speaking in public. Nowadays it's not a problem
anymore.
I feel like shit. The stupid girl dumped me for some dickhead. I will
never get over it.
It can happen to anyone. It happened to one of my friends a while
back. He also thought he would never get over it. He was still
hopelessly in love and felt completely lost without her. But in spite
of feeling desperate, he made a full recovery. He married a woman
who is much more suited to him and they have two children. In
hindsight he is glad his former girlfriend left him.
References
Buber, M. (1970). I and Thou. New York: Scribner’s Sons.
De Haan, E. (2008). Relational Coaching: Journeys towards mastering
one-to-one learning. John Wiley - & Son, Ltd. West Sussex, UK.
Perls, F. S. (1978) Finding self through Gestalt Therapy. Gestalt Journal,
Siminovitch, D., & Van Eron, A. (2006). The Pragmatics of Magic. OD
Practitioner, 38:1.
Sources:
AoEC Conference 2010: Marjorie Shackleton and Marion Gillie
http://www.thegilliepartnership.co.uk/Use-of-self-and-self-disclosure-
in-coaching.pdf
The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen
© Copyright Owner:
Academy for Counselling and Coaching - The
Netherlands - Paul van Schaik
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3.22 USING INTUITION
This is a thought-provoking article, on an intriguing subject – the
potential links between intuition and coaching. As human beings, we all
use intuition to varying degrees. The same, argues Mavor, can be said
about our role as coaches. She acknowledges, however, that apart from
a trickle of studies, very little research has been undertaken on this
subject.
But what do we mean by intuition? There is, as yet, no universally
accepted definition. Mavor presents a number of alternative
perspectives. Dane and Pratt (2007: 40) for example, regard intuitions
as ‘affectively charged judgements that arise through rapid,
nonconscious, and holistic associations’. Hence, intuition contains
features such as: ‘gut feelings or gut instincts’; speed – they arise
rapidly; nonconscious information processing; and holistic associations
including patterns, structures or schemas held in long-term memory.
The Mavor study used semi-structured interviews with 14 experienced
executive coaches (8 males and 6 females) with an average of 14.5
years experience as a coach. The coaches were asked to report
retrospectively on intuitive experiences in either one-to-one or group
coaching. A series of 15 broad questions, elicited from the literature on
intuition, were posed, each interview lasting approximately two hours.
The findings suggest that intuition is, indeed, very much present in
coaching conversations. One coach, for example, talked about ‘out of the
blue’ experience. The intuition ‘came from nowhere’. But it cannot be
deliberately ‘called up’. Looking for it makes it difficult to find. The key
seems to be being open and maintaining a ‘soft focus’, allowing intuition
to give you messages and clues.
Intuition is more likely to be accessed if the coach has self-belief and
self-confidence in what they do. But it is also essential that the coach
gets themselves in the right physical, mental and emotional state to
help them access and apply their intuition. This includes the coach’s:
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Attention to their own well-being
- The preparation they undertake before the coaching session
- The rituals or routines they use before the session to get into ‘the
zone’
- Their ability to stay present and focused during the session
Preparation for a session depends on the individual coach. Some would
read through the notes from previous sessions; others would look
through coaching models or frameworks. The key, however, was letting
go of analytical thoughts, of getting ‘grounded’ and quieting the mind. It
meant being congruent, receptive, fresh, attentive and calm. This helps
to develop the vital ingredient of rapport which allows the coaching
conversation to access deeper levels of communication and beliefs,
attitudes, emotions and feelings. Yet it also means having a level of
detachment and objectiveness in accessing and applying intuition, and
to present an observation as an offering as opposed to a profound truth.
As one coach said, it means being “willing to put it out there and willing
to get it wrong”. This is not a celebration of ignorance. As one coach
commented, “you have to know your stuff”. Hence, intuition is mainly
used by more experienced coaches. This is because they operate at an
unconscious competence level. Experience enables coaches to chunk
information so that they can store and retrieve it easily (Hayashi 2001).
It would be wrong to read too much into what is, at best, a small scale
study. However, the findings here on intuition in coaching, seem largely
consistent with much of the general literature on intuition. The study
raises some important themes that are certainly worthy of further
exploration.
It is often possible to know things or have a gut feeling about something
without having any real tangible indication or evidence, by just having a
feeling, an impression. The coach could express this intuition. Be
cautious though, because the coachee is usually not aware of it yet and
it may be hard to tell initially whether your intuition is right or not.
Take into account that the feeling you get with this coachee is an
interpretation based on your own experience, it doesn't have to match
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the coachee's feeling or experience. Be sure the coachee doesn't get a
sense of being exposed or unmasked. Throw out a feeler or say
something in casual manner.
Intuition and Intuitive Awareness
If you could...
Know Your true Self... Would you?
Be totally aware, always... Would you?
Activate your inner guidance... Would you?
Enjoy ultimate support to discover the authentic You... Would you?
What kind of a person wouldn't?
Intuitive awareness is being in touch with your True Self. Intuitive
awareness is the unmoving bedrock of my life coaching work. My
intuition coaching work includes:
Combining life skills coaching with intuition coaching
Customised personal intuition coaching programs
Life purpose awareness
Integration of intuition and awareness into your everyday life
You can know exactly what you need to know—right when you
need to know it.
Are you overwhelmed by the volume of information and tasks you face?
Have you noticed that logic and will power don't get the same results
anymore? Whether in your personal life or in business, to cut through
today's noise in pursuit of authentic answers and purposeful action,
you need a new way of perceiving that integrates the direct knowing of
the body and soul with the logical mind. With intuition, your insights,
choices, and timing will be immediate and in perfect alignment with
what's right for you.
I'd love to share what I've discovered about intuitive awareness with
you!
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The more I've studied the mysteries and searched for the sanity of the
soul, the more I've found that intuition is the key to knowing our life
purpose, our whole self, and our basic interrelatedness with all people,
all forms of life, and all dimensions of awareness; in other words the
key to life itself! Life functions according to elegant innate principles,
and if we can live in alignment with these truths, things work more
smoothly and effectively—and with higher quality. With increased
intuition, you can easily discern new channels for creativity in your
personal life or business. Your intuition might give you insight into
techniques for putting problems into a new context, yielding a more
rapid solution, or potentials for success on any given action path.
Intuition, awareness and life coaching
Maybe you recognise intuition as a hunch, an inner voice, gut instinct,
common sense or inspiration. At all times we are unconsciously in tune
with both our universe and our immediate environment, intuition
allows us to discriminate the preverbal data our body is constantly
picking up from the environment. An incredible resource that is there
for the taking.
Intuitive awareness has been described as the art of "skilful
perception"—using our awareness to create more harmony in
ourselves and the world. Your intuitive awareness is your unmovable
solid ground upon which I build a quality life coaching regimen for you.
Intuition is a method for continually staying in touch with your life
vision or dreams enabling you to accurately live out your evolving life
purpose; it can act as a vehicle to bring you an experience of
connectedness with life, which is true spiritual knowing.
As a coach I will work with you to unlock the inspired guidance that
comes from your higher mind, or your soul. By increasing your
attention on your sensory awareness, and learning how to trust and
interpret sensations, symbols, and the imagery that is constantly
streaming from your unconscious, you'll find a source of information
that is direct and highly useful in all aspects of your life. You can apply
this kind of attentiveness to various micro-aspects of your life, like
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problem-solving, creativity and innovation, self-guidance and
relationships and communication; and at a macro level we can use your
intuitive awareness to tap into your evolving life purpose. There are no
new discoveries here -- we simply work together to heighten your
awareness of a phenomenon that you are doing already! Very exciting
indeed!
Inspirational messages Emotional awareness Recognise your unique
gifts Enhance and develop spiritual growth Activate your inner
guidance Discover the essence of divine purpose Partner with your
inner self and understand your innermost reality Personal Intuition
As a skilled intuitive I can help cut through the "noise" in your mind to
put you back in touch with your most central truths, the goals that fulfil
all aspects of your self and the most efficient and joyful paths of action.
Looking below the surface into the hidden patterns of your life. By
bringing light to your blind spots, and helping you see your talents and
gifts, I can help you reveal applicable insights about streamlining your
personal growth process.
Higher perspective on your life Understand fully what intuition is, what
frees and blocks it Guidance in your personal life or business Values,
energy and destination follow your purpose Getting un-stuck and
finding clarity in your way forwards Heightened perception Address
spiritual purpose Encourages you to make your own decisions
Delineates your life purpose, lessons, and the probability for success on
various action paths. Be more, do more, have more, and know more
Professional Intuition
Intuitive awareness is being in touch with your True Self. My intuition
coaching for professionals includes:
Combining professional coaching with intuition coaching
Customised professional intuition coaching programs
Life purpose awareness
Integration of purpose, intuition and awareness into your work life
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In business, as a skilled intuitive you can penetrate into the inner
workings of your organization and shed light on underlying
unconscious "yes, buts" that interfere with success, whether they be
yours, or shared with your partners, management team, or employees.
Calling out these hidden agendas can help you create from the clearest
level possible and initiate actions that won't be sabotaged by people,
circumstance, or procrastination. Looking under the surface for
intangible influences can help solve personnel problems, assess
prospective business partnerships, identify trends in pertinent
markets, name and position new companies and ventures, pinpoint
timing, estimate sales figures, and create and double check strategies.
You can also define the most comprehensive, accurate and current
vision statement for your career path and company. With alignment
between true inner purpose and appropriate outer action, you and your
employees will characteristically respond with increased motivation
and productivity.
Intuition always needs to be grounded and related to what's practical.
Intuition should fund your logical mind, not the other way around--you
cannot live without logistics. In spite of your feelings You can learn how
to take charge of your professional life. Finding solutions from within
and moving forward with increased insight into professional potential
for positive living.
Take up the challenge of confident intuitive and awareness coaching.
Using a safe and supportive foundation of trust, freedom of expression
and commitment, I always work to help you explore your inner being,
to regain balance in your personal and working life and to align with
your true values and fullest potential. Using a stimulating face-to-face,
phone support and email program customised to fit your current
personal development needs, my coaching focuses on your inner
guidance, purpose, skills, beliefs, techniques and processes necessary to
take you into a great future.
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I partner with intelligent, successful people who want to excel at their
passion, gifts and unique talents in a way that brings them success,
happiness and balance.
Examples:
Since my wife's passing, I am at loose ends. What am I still doing here...?
Being together was nice but... You can't bring her back either, so let's
just end this here.
It must be awful to lose your wife after forty years of marriage.
That's not something you get over in just a couple of months.
Hearing you talk, it seems like you have given up on life.
Me? No, I haven't hacked a single site the last couple of weeks. Didn't
even download illegal software or sell it. I'm studying now to be an IT
specialist and I am well on my way...
Sounds good, but I have this whispering voice inside of me saying
you are still a bit tempted. You know I adhere to strict
confidentiality, so what we discuss will go no further...
Sources:
The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen
© Copyright Owner:
Academy for Counselling and Coaching - The
Netherlands - Paul van Schaik
Professor David E. Graig:
http://realworldresearch.blogspot.com/2009/06/intuition-in-
coaching.html
Coach Lee:
http://www.greatlifecoach.co.uk/great-life-coach/topics/intuition-
and-intuitive-awareness
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3.23 RECOGNISING LIFE PATTERNS
Though every person is unique, you can often recognise general
patterns in people's lives. For example certain problems are related to
age, gender, social status, the spirit of the time or the religious belief of
the coachee. Having knowledge of these general human patterns
enables you as coach to see similarities or rather to recognise when a
coachee deviates from standard patterns. Through life experience and
knowledge, you can possibly reassure coachees that it is not unusual to
be faced with certain problems in particular phases of life.
3.23.1 THE PHASES OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT
No individual is born complete or fully developed. Throughout life we
continue to learn and grow, although what we learn is often dictated by
what stage of life we are at. This process can be seen as continuous,
while at the same time moving through stages or phases. Although each
individual life path is different, human life has certain common phases.
There have been many interpretations of these phases, and one can find
many different models of human development in modern
developmental psychology. These models go back to the theoretical
foundations laid by Aristotle and other classical scholars, which were
subsequently elaborated during the 18th century by Descartes and
other Enlightenment philosophers.
In the 20th century, Freud outlined five stages of psychosexual
development and Rudolf Steiner described 10 stages of development
throughout human life. Whatever model one chooses, however, it
becomes clear that these are all variations of the archetypal model in
terms of which human life is divided into three phases: Childhood,
Adulthood and Old Age. In terms of our relationships with each other,
these phases are characterised by three states of being: Dependence,
Independence and Interdependence.
These phases are not only found in Western thinking, but appear to be
an archetype common to many cultures. For example, ancient Chinese
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teachings refl ects similar phases, known as a time to learn, a time to fi
ght and a time to grow wise.