Chapter 8 - Loving the Unlovable
Mother Teresa was once giving a radio interview. The interviewer waited for a commercial break and then, check book in hand, asked Mother Teresa how he could help. She looked at him and said "Find someone no one else loves and love them." That is the real test of love. How do we treat people who seem ungrateful or undeserving. What if someone appears to be doing nothing to help themselves? How do we treat them? These are the hard questions. Anyone can be nice to people like themselves it's hard to reach out to those that are different. How do we love those that seem unlovable?
How should we react to those who appear undeserving or unappreciative of our help? The parent who has given up getting ahead and sees "playing the system" as their only option. The man who's addictions have him held so tightly that he can't make good decisions. The child so used to being tossed around, ignored and abused that the only responses he knows are bad ones. I believe these are the people Mother Teresa was talking about and, more importantly, I am convinced these are the people Jesus calls us to love.
I'm not talking about "enabling", I'm talking about treating all people with a level of dignity. Listening to their stories and reaching out our hands in a non-judgmental way. John Harrigan said "People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."
"Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of being" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
In my dealings I've encountered many people that, from a distance, it would be easy to judge and condemn. People who have made many, and sometimes continue to make, bad choices. When we put away our judgements and really listen to their stories we can start to see the layers of hurt and hopelessness that led them to where they are. Many times they don't see a way out or the way out seems to hard so they slip into all the bad habits they were raised with. Slip into the only reality they really know.
How do we love them? By treating them with dignity and listening to their stories. It is hard to hate up close. We need to view them as broken and hurting people, even if they are putting up a defense that looks like anger or bitterness. Dealing with some parents at the center, I've come to accept that what often comes across as anger is often fear of being judged. When they realize I am there to help, not condemn, most come around. I now have a good relationship with some parents that would hardly talk to me the first time we met.