Chapter 9 - I Thought You Were a Man
One afternoon at the shelter I was playing with a 4 year old boy. We were joking around and he kicked at me. I looked at him and said that we don't kick each other at the center. He looked back and said "I thought you were a man."
A baby woke up and was crying. I got up to go back to the bedroom to get him when another child asked if I was going to go back and "beat his ass".
A little girl was playing with dolls and came over and said "Pop pop the kids just won't listen and I want you to go in and beat them".
A family with 4 kids under six came in because their mother was in the hospital after their father beat her while they were home. The oldest girl told me that she doesn't like "old men".
As the only man working at the center, I take seriously the messages my actions and words send. I make sure the kids clearly understand that, no matter what they do, I would never hit them. I also realize how important it is that I react in a calm, gentle way. I try to show them that discipline does not have to include yelling and hitting. Am I making a difference? Will they remember these lessons? I'm not sure, but I am sure when they are with me I will always try to show them a better way.
Because of my experiences I have a hard line opinion of corporal punishment. I believe that we should never touch a child in anger. I also believe that we, as humans, can not be trusted to never touch a child in anger if we have already given ourselves permission to hit. There are other, better, ways to discipline. Spanking is the easy way to enforce our power over a child, but all it really teaches is that the biggest, strongest one wins.