Chapter 15 – Cate
As a child I had a severe stutter. Not the occasional vocal stumble like Jimmy Stewart (those of us old enough to remember him) but the kind of stutter where you were happy if two or three words in a row came out o.k. Kids can be cruel, so I spent the better part of my grade school years trying to fade into the back of the class and avoid being called on or speaking. As you can imagine, this did a number on my self-confidence.
God redeems and plans everything. He used this experience to develop in me a heart for his broken and hurting children. As I grew that heart lead me to help start a camp for children with special needs (that I served at for 20 years). While my confidence grew as I got older, I still had trouble picturing me being used like the great men in the Bible stories I would share. I couldn’t see me as a Moses, Joshua or David.
That changed one year at camp with the help of Cate. Cate was a cute little 10 year old with Cerebral Palsy. She could not walk, had some use of her arms, and could talk in short, forced breathes. The hard “D” in Dan was to difficult for her so I became “Him”. When she needed help, and someone else went to help her, you would often here her ask “Him Help Me”. We quickly developed a bond. You have really been hugged when you are hugged by little arms that struggle to lift up to hug you.
One night I was laying in my cabin when I heard someone knock and enter. It was a counselor from Cate’s cabin. She said Cate was really crying and they didn’t’ know why. I got up and headed over.
The difficult thing about dealing with kids with speech difficulty is that when they are upset it is impossible to figure out what is wrong. First you have to get them to calm down, then begin the process of finding the issue. I entered the cabin and scooped her up in my arms. By the time we reached the door the wail was down to a cry. By the time we sat on the rocking chair on the porch the cry was down to a sob. I held her close and talked softly to her. In a few minutes she was asleep in my arms.
It was then I truly felt God speaking. He was saying I didn’t need you to part the Red Sea because he perfectly made and perfectly prepared Moses for that. I didn’t need you to see the walls of Jericho crumble because he perfectly made and perfectly prepared Joshua for that. I didn’t need you to slay Goliath. I perfectly made and perfectly prepared David for that. But for this night, in the hills of central Pa, for this little girl, I perfectly made and perfectly prepared you for that.
I realized that if I could go back in time and relive my childhood as the star athlete or eloquent class president, but it meant that on this night, this little girl would not have found comfort in my arms; I would decline the offer. God’s plan is perfect even if we can’t see it.