Chapter 55 Building your Charm and Charisma.
Tonight, I searched for a famous world leader or show-business star without charisma; I couldnt find any! Take Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby, Sean Connery, John Kennedy, Ronald Reagan or Gorbachev, they all captivate people and remain in their memory. Successful people have a certain edge - the human touch, that is why some doctors are so much busier than others! People are allured more to your human side, than to your possession and position. The charismatic person has magnetism deep within, which vents through with drawing power. He pulls and influences with a strength from his heart and soul. His charm emanates from inner qualities, health, vitality, naturalness, excellent appearance, body-language and communication; it oozes leadership and draws esteem. Here are good steps towards that winning personality:
Firstly, Integrate and beautify your inner self. Much of your charm is rooted in your heart and soul, in spiritual and moral qualities that are seeping outwards. Your internal compositions are very important. Cultivate a kind, contented, forgiving, generous, healthy and jubilant nature, which inevitably breaks through your skin with attraction and radiance. W. T. Bacon wrote, „All our actions take their hue from the complexion of the heart, as landscape do their variety from light. Lady Blessington noted, „There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness. The great writer Keats made a lasting remark: „A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
Secondly, Be yourself. The days of full feather, theatrical entrance, ironfisted handshake and locking hypnotists stare are over. That will drive everyone crazy, including yourself! Nothing beats naturalness, so be your best self, consistently. After all, everyone is beautifully unique and should remain so. Build that unique image by being yourself. Naturalness goes with sincerity and congruency. If you wear masks and your words clash with your thoughts and actions, they show and you have ruined everything; you may end up with a frayed facade!
Thirdly, perfect your appearance and behaviour. Which would you rather meet, a dead rat or a lively hummingbird? You will not get a second chance to make that first impression. Sid Ascher said, „Your expression is the most important thing you can wear. Your age or the appearance you are born with is not important, it is how you project it. Havent you heard of „charming old ladies? Be calm, comfortable, human, easy to reach and pleasant to be with, yet alert and elated. Nobody wants to be with a nervous and difficult person. Be the centre of peace, poise, pleasantness, positivism, power and plenty!
Smile with your eyes. Act enthusiastic and you become enthusiastic. Move, and you are motivated. Spend time improving and refining your standing and sitting postures, style of walking and talking, disposition, facial habits and expressions. Sleep, exercise and nutrition are vital, they put the twinkle into your eyes. Let me tell you a secret: In recent years I discovered to my amazement that people who routinely do Taichi exercise look sparkling, and much younger. Taichi draws in an enormous amount of oxygen. Try inhaling fresh oxygen in abundance for an hour, and you will find that your IQ, alertness, well-being, creative and analytical capacities increase by 30%. Try it! Experts found that increased oxygen in blood cells reduces the incidents of cancer. Have heaps of oxygen each day, it works wonders.
Fourthly, draw and capture attentions. I have no doubt which you prefer: Your puppy looking into your eyes or looking at a cat nearby? Notice people quickly and smile to them in a free, gentle way. Look attentively at the one you are talking to. Listen more and learn from others. Receive and „absorb other people before projecting yourself; find things to like about them. Focus your energy on them and exude enthusiasm. I suggest you read books on „working the room and mingling, and revise Chapter 20 on communication skills again. These skills are indispensable in your incessant interaction with people. Your verbal speed, tempo and pauses, tone and pitch of voice, eye expressions and physical gestures are all important and must harmonise with existing people and places. Learn to use words that are vivid, alive, catchy, simple yet powerful; words like life, love, joy, beauty, heart, soul, hope, peace and warmth. Speak with boundless energy, sincerity and conviction, and you will get across to people with such electrical intensity. Share jokes and laughter, they are dynamic.
Another skill I want to emphasize here is the matching and pacing of the other persons thoughts, words and deeds. Be a mirror of his breathing, posture, moods, language, gestures, thinking and interests. Handle situations in a you-andme-against-the-world fashion. This magical bond strengthens your spiritual and business domain remarkably. Greater rapport makes the sharing of ideas and work a piece of cake and a bundle of joy. You exert influence and win support naturally and powerfully, it is fantastic! R. Rolland declared: „The friend who understands you, creates you. William James, the American philosopher said, „The most immutable barrier in nature is between one mans thoughts and anothers.
Remember names of people. Be someone people would love to meet again; the interesting and humorous person, from whom they gain a wealth of knowledge, wisdom and fun. Seize opportunities to congratulate people on their accomplishment or windfall. Pet peoples ego, not your own. Make them feel needed and useful. Experiences have shown that the person who appreciates the value of others ends up being the most appreciated. The ability to win and keep affection is a great treasure.
Next, win confidence, trust and admiration. Humbleness and simplicity win respect, the world is so big and complex, you do not know it all. Emerson said: „To be simple is to be great. Keep secrets and confidence and you win reverence and loyalty. Give before getting, especially when its least expected. Show your human side instead of being cold and calculative. Carry no grudge or grievance; you should never allow any misunderstanding to arise and exist in the first place. Allow no negativism in your life.
Lastly, leadership qualities boost your charisma. They include: A positive, proactive, polite, relaxed, confident, elegant and balanced personality; good priority, time and habit management; dignity, influence, resourcefulness, competence, assertiveness, decisiveness, excellent self-image and social skills; the ability to empower others, gain support and to solve problems quickly. Now all your talents are at your disposal, build your charisma, go forth, live with intensity and affection, charm and enrich everyone you meet!