LOVE
Why does love seem so difficult?
If you look at love differently, it might help to understand it. Love comes from the heart. I see no point to de-value love and romance for singles. But, there is a real process to human grouping that leads to finding a mate and then creating a feeling of family. It is not random, nor mysterious. To compress the love process into simple, easy to understand the steps here is my own explanation of the process:
Basic social skills to meet someone,
1. Places to group
2. To get a fix of safety in a this group (all humans instinctively need this),
3. Achieve appropriate intimacy and safety with a person for romance.
4. Share passion.
I probably left a few things out, but when this occurs, two people can begin to share their physical space and create a family unit. It takes only two people to create that safe feeling of a new family and it's not about sex.
When it happens to teens, it usually means big drama for parents. Young love feels so real to teens, but it is mostly chemistry. At about age twenty-five the notion of creating family unit seems hinge one more practical concerns like career choices, political and religious views, family backgrounds, the opportunity for future financial success. Until then, immature love almost always disregards these relationship factors.
When couples begin to process these practical components of love within a relationship, it is a signal of a maturity. These practical notions, become more and more important with age.
Again, I think these practical tests do not factor into teenage love or a youthful crush. It is not because they don’t exist, but rather they get trumped by something else. Maybe it’s very early survival mechanism in humans to break away from family groups. I really don’t know.
Maybe it goes back to the time when a girl was thought by her society to be ready for children and marriage at age fourteen or sixteen. Again, I don’t know.
Back to the steps
The five steps are natural, almost instinctive and operate in very subtle ways. Single adults go through these steps each day blindly without thinking about them. All peoples, on all parts of this planet do the steps regardless of their system of government, their religions, educational system or culture. Teens should try to learn about it. There is more teen stuff later.
NOTES
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