I
Intimacy Rules
The instincts that create the need for intimacy rules some humans like a vicious dictator. They cannot break the hold it has on them no matter what they do. If you finish your study of Singleship, you can make it work for you too.
This is my personal belief and may not fit into the ideas in some religions as it depends largely on the fact humans have survived and developed all their achievements in a group setting. It is not to say individuals don’t do great things all alone, but even the cave painters essentially were part of some sort of social group to survive.
You can stop having sex, but you cannot stop the need to be with others to feel safe. The need inside of you to connect with other humans often challenges the logical parts of mind.
At this point, you may ask yourself why does this need affect (or afflict) so many people. The answer is: we can't help it. We need food and water too and there is nothing you can do about these needs either.
If your body never told you when you needed food, you could eventually die.
Most relationship problems swirl around a need for this thing called intimacy. I am just a writer and the word was defined for me by happy and unhappy singles and not by the good and patient people in any of the professional disciplines that study and repair human relationship.
For the average single person Intimacy it is cloudy wisp, a vapor, a dust bunny under the bed. It has a paper-lace like reputation. It’s that spider web in your garage. Singles really don't understand how to craft it and probably think they don't need to know. They are wrong.
We know couples need it. Intimacy is the bricks and mortar of the marriage counseling industry. These pros sing the praises of its economy and purpose for hundreds of dollars per hour and all single people, in my opinion, need it too.
Though I skimmed over the basic positive and negative aspects of intimacy in the beginning of the book, here is more on intimacy.
Let us look into romantic intimacy. I hope no one takes offense from this, but let us make this concept more real, a person, a woman perhaps. Imagine a long-haired leprechaun, if you will, in a referee-styled evening gown with matching pumps, of course, holding a whistle and standing over a pot of gold called "romantic happiness."
If you are at the kitchen table with a partner, Miss Intimacy is there too. You can't see her, but she is there. She is hiding behind your coffee cup or under the place mats. She makes couples feel safe and cozy. Most people know by instinct alone that this gal can make or break your romantic relationships. Sometimes she is just down the road or out to bowling practice (I heard she likes to bowl) when a couple needs her most. And when she leaves, trouble fills her place.
Some of the singles I met told me that Miss I. was murdered by an intruder (one of the parties became involved with another person). Either by neglect or by the knife, when Miss Intimacy rolled away in the funeral hearse, the hope of a good romance went away with her.
In Singleship your happiness comes first. You may be attracted to multiple partners, but romantic love is a different thing and the romantic physical intimacy associated with it is usually exclusive to one person at a time. Some try to extend it to multiple partners, but it never works. The lies that are necessary to start and maintain multiple romantic relationships are like a short noose that can strangle you. It does not make the world a better place.
Social Intimacy, her cousin, is a little less dramatic and more polite. She is less formal, but has good manners that your great-grandmother would appreciate. She prefers a jogging suit and good running shoes and is happy to work a room at a party with you or share a lunch with a best friend. She is not exclusive. She likes to move around. She is not going to stop the action with a flag or whistle if someone gets a little out of bounds either. She just taps you on the shoulder when things are slightly off.
This kind of non-physical intimacy is very important to people in Singleship.
When you are learning about Singleship, you will feel the instincts that make you want to connect with others. Take steps to manage them in positive ways. If you can do things like volunteer to work with a charity or cook a meal for a friend, it can make the world a better place for all of us.
One mark of a mature and happy person is to be aware of these needs and then make plans to address these basic human instincts in positive ways.
Write about how this need affects you. See if you can spot the instinct in other people you see around you. What can you do differently to bend this instinct into something positive for your life?