B
Be single for a reason
There is a reason for you to be single right now. It might not seem that way especially if you believe having a partner to share your life is important. If you have just been through a rough break up, then your world may seem upside down for a while or at least tilted sideways as though you have put a different style of shoe on each foot.
Romance makes us feel alive. Our senses tingle and the world looks better and we are overcome with a sensation of well being, warmth, and desire. After a relationship ends, singles feel as though they are lost in a fog of self-doubt and grief.
These feelings of loss can affect your day-to-day life. When you try to replace the old feelings by seeking a new love interest, you can get trapped in a cycle that is very bad for you.
Unhappy singles I met often said being in the cycle was a big regret. They probably missed out on the chance to have a long-term relationship with a wonderful someone. A good way to know if you have this problem is to count the number of door knobs you have in your living space (the front door, bedroom door, closets etc.). If you have more door knobs than romances in your life in the past couple of years, it might be a habit. This is not to imply that you don't know the difference between a door knob and a good partner. It is to remind you that you are likely seeking new dates to get over a past love. You are in a bad dating cycle. You might be ruining your chances at real happiness with a good partner.
Everyone knows someone that stays in this a bad dating cycle. They date get energy from the highs of a new romance, but lose it all with the lows. These folks cannot be single. It feels like the world is caving in on top of them during a breakup (too many door knobs). The thrill of the new person too soon after a break up does feel good and they will feed off the energy of a new romantic interest. In extreme cases they may breakup just to get the "new" feeling again.
In Singleship you must replace this energy with something else that really helps you. You need the inspiration of new love without the heartache. You need to find energy from a new source: a place that will give you a new kind of inspiration. You will draw power from this new energy source each day. This power is your purpose, your reason for being single now.
Being in good Singleship means having a reason, some purpose or plan, which keeps you focused.
Is there only one purpose for your life? There may not be just one purpose. There could be a long list of things for you to do. A few singles I met had big ideas to change the world, but most were focused on short-term goals like completing an education or focusing on their families and careers. All these goals have smaller steps in between. Understand this: the smaller steps make the bigger dreams come true.
Do the small steps first.
You may be a parent and your children will need your attention. You may want to advance your career. Maybe you have a business idea or maybe you need to get more education to complete other goals. Having a purpose is the beginning, the starting line of Singleship. It would be the zero-point on a "happiness scale," if there was such a thing.
This starting point for singles is very much like putting on an ultra-hip, new pair of sunglasses as everything you see will be affected or tinted by the lens of your new purpose. The things you say, the way you spend your money, the type of people that interest you, etc., will get new focus through this purpose. When you have a purpose, you can smile when you are all alone. This is the Singleship smile of purpose.
While you are seeking your purpose, you may get some advice from others that know you well. The rest of the concepts in this book will help you do some soul searching too.
This defense was common in the happiest single folks I met. As one smart single person said, "No matter what life throws at you, you need to always have own your thing to throw right back at it."
Form your notes and thoughts into the beginning of a purpose. You will refine it later. If you doubt you can do this, check the reading list to help you get beyond it.
A purpose will defend you like a shield against many of the troubles of life.
