If you’re having trouble in relationships, feeling like you give more than you get, feeling disappointed that your needs aren’t met or simply frustrated and resentful that you HAVE TO EVEN ASK, then sit up and pay attention. This chapter will rock your socks off in radical ways!
You see there’s a fundamental difference between men and women. A mark of a good woman is the ability to know what another woman wants and expects without her even asking. That shows compassion, caring and the mark of a truly exceptional woman is about intuitively KNOWING what another woman needs. It is an unspoken expectation that women easily meet. This is the absolute opposite with men. Men have no problem giving you what you want but, you have to ask them and then they’re more than happy to give it to you.
When women feel resentful it’s usually, because their needs are not being met and always at the root of this is a disconnection between being really honest about what you want! Showing up and taking your Power Back demands radical honesty with yourself first so that you can later communicate that to others.
Take the example of my client Denise who came to see me wanting to work on her mindset and to stop procrastinating in her business. When we got down to it, it was evident that what Denise really wanted was to have a lot more fun. She gave herself permission to really want what she wanted and we worked on clearing away some of the resistance and mental cobwebs that prevented her from having a more balanced life, putting her pleasure first and then focusing on the ideal clients she would like to serve. Well it didn’t take long, only two short weeks after Denise was emailing me and celebrating the fact that she closed a new contract for $13,000! The next time I saw her she was absolutely, glowing, radiant, vibrant, looking sexy, had a new haircut and had put herself back on the dating scene! Amazing what a little permission can do!
I can’t tell you the number of calls I have been on with hundreds of women entrepreneurs who are struggling and suffering simply because they have a mental program that’s telling them either you can’t have xyz or it’s not possible for them and it will never happen. Instead, they suffer in silence, not even allowing the possibility of their experience becoming public. What you become aware of, you allow into your vibration. Give yourself the permission to want what you want, then if you need to, go and research other examples, people who have done what you are doing and then some. Fill your mind and your consciousness with a ton of proof; build momentum on why it’s possible, versus why it’s not.
Here’s a fun story about a house I was looking to buy here on Kauai. It was a mansion listed at $1.6 million on Kapuna Road with mature fruit trees and lots of land. I had met the owners, exchanged a few emails and photos of the house and asked myself how I would pull together a $300,000 deposit. I even deduced which driveway it was on because I had briefly lived on the same road. Then fast-forward, 8 - 9 months; I was invited by my good friend to rent out a room in the exact same house! Yup, funny how that happens. I went to take a look at it and I’m not surprised it is the same house. Crazy synchronicities like this happen often in my life.
The only problem was that the room needed to be rented within 10 days at the beginning of August. I had just come back from a 60-day speaking, networking tour on the mainland and all settled into this beautiful house on the north shore for the summer. The north shore is the best place to be for summer fun on the island. I was in no mood to move and then have to move again because come first week of September; I had travel plans for an 8-week tour. I wanted to say yes to the house yet; I wanted to move only in November, which meant I would need to sublet my room for 3 months to someone who would be willing to have me come in with all of my belongings halfway through September. That person would also lose half the closet with my things. Now, this is a dream house, a serious Goddess temple. All the women living there are high priestesses, rock stars, serious rock stars for God, my kind of people; the house is stunning, the land amazing and still, I choose to honor my feelings. My feelings told me to stay where I am, not rush into moving and find someone who would be a perfect fit to sublet this Goddess room for 3 months.
Now, 2 days prior to seeing the house I had a chat with a woman named Kelly who randomly connected and friended me on Facebook. I was not selling her anything, she wasn’t selling me anything and it was only a friendly chat. Well as soon as I posted the room for sublet on my Facebook page a woman Kelly calls me up and says, “Yes that’s exactly the right fit for me!” She paid the rent and agreed to have my stuff moved in halfway through September. She’s a totally aligned rock star for God and everything worked out perfectly because I was radically honest about my feelings, chose to communicate them to all parties involved and in doing so God showed up. Even before this all came about it was handled. Do you see that? This woman Kelly I had only spoken to a day or so before seeing the house.
If I hadn’t been radically honest with myself about what I really wanted I could have caused myself unnecessary toil, frustration over moving twice, all from the fear of who knows - I might miss out if I don’t jump right away etc. See what I mean?
Radical honesty is required if you’re going to have smooth clean transactions and agreements with people. Stop the drama and have the courage to speak your truth. I see women all of the time who are desperate for money, they say yes to any opportunity to work without first asking how much the pay is or what is the daily rate or hourly wage. Women are willing to run all over Gods creation for an opportunity for something instead, of having a 2-minute phone conversation that will save them the hassle. There is so much time and anguish wasted.
Life is an agreement. Relationships are agreements. Don’t work with anyone you don’t feel totally jazzed about;; it’s not worth the trouble. It will always backfire. When you get clear and honor how you feel, you do end up saying no to certain things, which opens doors for God to give you what you really want.
I see so many women who come from dysfunctional families who really struggle with this. Hey, what family is not dysfunctional these days - mine certainly was not filled with loving guidance to say the least. What I noticed is that some of us grow up in a family where you have to ignore your own feelings in order to get love for survival because as small children you need your parents to survive. In those families, you are taught that your feelings aren’t important and won’t be noticed. Think about how some women totally cut themselves off from their feelings. This results in having a really hard time honoring something that they are so cut off from feeling.
If you’ve been trained to suppress your feelings, all of that is about to change! You’ll never get what you want unless and until you can identify it and voice it, take a stand for it because you are worth it!
I remember doing an interview with Joe Vitale from the hit movie The Secret, back in the day when I was still hiding out and feeling frustrated while trying to start my business. I created an info product called Passion to Profit and I interviewed several successful internet marketers and social media experts, law of attraction experts to find out how to breakthrough my own fears about being able to travel, make money and be FREE! At the time I was spending money like crazy but, not making any and I asked Joe a question, “Joe what do you say to people who don’t know what their passion is?” I’ll never forget his response.
He said, “I call them liars flat out.” You see the reason people don’t want to commit to their passion, own it or define it, is because if they do, then they’ll have to actually show up and do something about it and that involves risks and failure. No one wants to fail. He was right! At that time, I was spinning around taking all kinds of courses unsure of what I wanted to do while in my, when I grow up syndrome.
Radical honesty is the way to open the doorway that takes your Power Back. Test it out with yourself and then have the courage to be vulnerable with others. Don’t worry about rocking the boat, be brave and it will bring results. After all being radically honest and open in your dealings and agreements will help you avoid confrontation in the long run, help avoid a lot of frustration and heartache. If you ask upfront before committing to anything, what, when, how and where it all goes down, you won’t be surprised when someone doesn’t pay you when you expected to be paid because it wasn’t clear upfront. Don’t wait for people to assume they know how to honor your feelings and boundaries. Have the courage to speak up and ask, inform yourself. When you respect yourself enough to make it clear on the details this is someone who values her own time and that speaks volumes about your self-worth.
One of my all time favorite processes for manifesting what I want, be it a car, home, new client or ideal relationship is to use this law of attraction process called, “My Ideal ,” fill in the blank. I learned it from Michael Losier, a Canadian Law of Attraction coach and it’s a simple easily written process to help you get crystal clear about what you want and what you don’t want so that you can create the space in your vibration, call in what you want and rid yourself of any lingering animosity. It helps you focus and streamline your vibration so you can call into your experience with ease, the focus of your goals and intentions. It’s the same process I still use to this day and teach my clients how to apply it to business to attract their ideal clients!