A Lesson on Focus
On the morning of the next class, I didn’t need an alarm clock to wake me up. If anything, I had been thinking continuously about what Professor Izmir had said. Success and failure were not giant events; they were the eventual consequence of what I did or didn’t do every day. I began to identify certain patterns in my choices as well as the small things I was doing everyday that were affecting my beliefs about myself. I began to recognize that if I kept doing the same things, I was going to continue getting the same results.
I tried to apply the concepts to my Dad’s life, and it made sense. Dad was never a fan of personal development seminars or adult education; he was content with how things were and he had accepted his life for what it was. He hated what he was doing but he continued to do it. Life didn’t change for him. Even my best friend Furqan had decided not to go to school but run a grocery store and true to Professor Izmir’s word, his life hadn’t changed that much.
However, while all of this perplexed me, it also gave me hope. At least I was beginning to see what I could do. If other people could do it, I could do it too. If it was possible for them, it was possible for me.
As part of this week’s reflection paper, we were required to record our predominant thoughts. By the time it was done, I was surprised to see how much I had written. I didn’t realize but I had far exceeded the page limit.
There was a burning desire to let it all out. There was a burning desire to identify everything inside me that was holding me back. There were many jumbled voices that compelled me to act in a certain way but very few of those voices actually helped me in achieving my goals. I had to stand guard at the door of my mind. As I became more conscious of my thoughts, I recognized the daily of struggle of standing up to the disempowering voices in my head and choosing to believe in myself.
On the morning of the next class, I hurried out of bed and caught the bus to make sure I wasn’t late. According to Sarah, there had been so much demand for Professor Izmir’s class that the Academic team had decided to reschedule the class for a morning time slot. A larger classroom had been allotted to facilitate the increased demand. Instead of staying at home coordinating over email, I waited for over an hour outside the Registration Office and refused to leave before I got a seat. I had to make sure I got the course; this was too important to leave to chance. My persistence paid off when after multiple exchanges with the administrator, I finally became a registered student in Professor Izmir’s class.
***
“Hey! Want some coffee?” I heard a familiar voice as I was about to enter the classroom. It was Sarah, holding out a cup of coffee.
Well, she is pretty great, I thought to myself. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never even taken this course.
‘Yes, thank you! Ready to go?” I asked excitedly as I held open the door for her.
“You bet!” she responded with a smile as we both entered the classroom.
***
“Good morning!” said Professor Izmir with an energy that was contagious. Unlike most other morning classes, this class was full. It seemed like Professor Izmir had struck a chord.
“Today, I want to talk about focusing on the right things before we move on to the growth mindset. A good place to start would be to see what the Roman Stoic Philosopher Seneca said hundreds of years ago,” continued Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker and the projector screen lit up.
Professor Izmir picked up her coffee mug and continued.
“There’s a tendency for all of us to keep thinking about the past and things that didn’t go right. We think about what someone said or how we responded, or even how we might have done things differently if we could go get the opportunity again,” said Professor Izmir as she paused to take a sip.
“Often, we focus too much energy focusing on the wrong things. As the author Earl Nightingale suggests, the amount of time we spend on different worries falls somewhere along the following lines,” said Professor Izmir as she pulled up another slide.
Things over and past that can’t be changed by all the worry in the world: 30%.
Needless worries about our health: 12%. Petty, miscellaneous worries: 10%.
Real, legitimate worries: 8%. Only 8% of your worries are worth concerning yourself about. Ninety-two percent are pure fog with no substance at all.
She took another sip before continuing. “According to the author Bob Proctor, while all the greatest leaders in the world virtually disagree on everything, they agree on this one thing. They agree that we become what we think about!” emphasized Professor Izmir.
“The National Science Foundation reported that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts. Can you imagine the impact negative thinking will have on our subconscious mind? From worrying about what someone said to us to how something might shape up, we spend more time dwelling in the realms of negativity rather than focusing on the things we want to achieve,” asked Professor Izmir with a concerned expression.
“As we grow older, we often become our worst critics. We spend so much time with ourselves that we see our flaws as clearly as night and day. If you don’t build up your self-esteem, who else will? The world is too busy to be concerned about the problems in your life - most of them don’t care and the others are glad it’s you rather than them. You have to be your greatest supporter and motivator; you have to be someone who will always be there when times get tough. Be your own cheerleader. You have a responsibility to keep your mind fixed on the things that inspire you and keep you in the realm of positive thinking,” she continued.
“Our conscious mind is a wonderful mechanism. However, it is also something that needs to be controlled. If we let it wander, we will often find it roaming amidst self-doubt, fear, and negativity. You will often have to fight these negative tendencies and clear your mind to make room for positivity. What you listen to or think about has a tremendous impact on your conscious mind and eventually your life. Could you keep dumping negativity and self-doubt into your conscious mind and expect to live a happy, positive and fulfilling life? Certainly not!” she exclaimed.
“Always try to stay in the realm of positive thinking. To change your life, you must first change your mind. This does not imply that you ignore the problems that you face in life but rather that you have a self-reinforcing belief that regardless of whatever you face in life, you will be okay. You have made it so far despite all the challenges you faced - there is no reason to believe that you won’t make it moving forward. Having this belief is also the root of self-confidence; you know you will be alright no matter you’re your current situation is. Spend some time every day on positive affirmations and visualization - the utility of the exercise is in the reinforcement it will provide your subconscious mind alongside giving it ideas for attaining whatever goal it is that you’ve set for yourself,” continued Professor Izmir.
“How you talk to yourself and what you say about yourself is essential on your journey; you have to love and respect yourself before others can love and respect you. You have to expect great things of yourself and believe in your potential before others can do the name. Finance Gurus will tell you about the transformative power of compound interest; can you imagine how your self-talk day in, and day out has affected and shaped who you are and how you think? It shapes almost everything you think and do! The cumulative effect of your beliefs and actions have made you the person you are and the habits that you’ve developed. Look at what the writer Samuel Johnson wrote,” said Professor Izmir as she pulled up the next slide.
“You have to develop positive thinking like a muscle. The more you challenge yourself, the more you will grow. The more you visualize, the more clearly you’ll see what you need to do to get to where you want to go,” she continued.
“'Imagination is more important than reality’, as Einstein rightly pointed out. Imagine the kind of life you want to live - not only will it counter the negativity and pessimism that tries to enter your mind, but it will also give you a positive ideal to strive towards!” said Professor Izmir as she paused to take another sip.
“Now, instead of wasting time on what we have no control over, we should instead concentrate our attention on things we can influence. Imagine the worry and stress you would be relieved from if you only focused on important things?” asked Professor Izmir with a smile.
“It would be difficult at first but learning to differentiate between things you have control over and things you don’t is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. This perspective is also demonstrated in the well-known serenity prayer by the American Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr,” continued Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker again.
“When we focus on the things we cannot control, we needlessly add to our worries and disturb what the ancient Stoics would refer to as tranquility,” added Professor Izmir before taking another sip. “In his wonderful book, ‘A Guide to the Good Life’, Author William B. Irvine provides an interpretation of how the ancient Stoics would put this to use in today’s world. He argues that the kind of control we have over things can be broken down into a trichotomy,” said Professor Izmir as she moved on to the next slide.
“It is worth considering the third branch of the trichotomy,” continued Professor Izmir. “Even though we’re not certain that we can win the match, we can hope and through our efforts try to influence the outcome; we, therefore, have some but not complete control. As a result, the Stoic will be careful in setting their goals as they realize that their tranquility could be disturbed if the goal for them is to win the match,” emphasized Professor Izmir.
“However, this is where the important distinction comes in - a Stoic will be careful to set internal rather than external goals. Therefore, the goal of the Stoic would be not to win the tennis match, over which they have limited control, but to play to the best of their ability, over which they have complete control. The goal of the Stoic would not be to get that job; the goal of the Stoic would be to prepare for the interview process as best as they can,” she continued.
“Internalizing goals in this manner gives you control over events. It helps you maintain your tranquility, and more often than not if you give your very best, you end up realizing the external success that you seek. Another way to understand this principle is in the words of Helen Hayes, an American actress whose career spanned 80 years and was one of 15 people to have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony Award,” added Professor Izmir, pulling up the next slide.
Professor Izmir took a sip of her coffee before she continued.
“However, as you go about setting goals for yourself, it is worth considering a basic tenet of human nature - hedonistic adaptation or what is also referred to as the hedonistic treadmill. This is our tendency to swiftly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major life changes or positive or negative events. This means that despite whatever goals you set for yourself, once you reach them, you will strive for something else! There never will be enough!” exclaimed Professor Izmir. The students gazed at her intently.
“The author Louis Binstock in his book “The Power of Maturity” provides various examples of this basic human tendency to always want more and to add conditions to our happiness. One example he provides is of a mother who believes that she’ll be happy once her child gets out of elementary school and for a certain period, she is. The next belief is that she’ll be happy once the child graduates from high school and for a certain period, she is. The same process is followed with her child’s college graduation, their marriage, or the birth of their first child when she becomes a grandmother. She falls into this trap of seeking happiness in the next big thing instead of realizing her happiness between these special blessings!” continued Professor Izmir.
“If you think about your own life, you will unfortunately see a similar pattern playing out. If you believe that you will be happy when you achieve success or the next big thing you’re striving for, you are walking down this hedonistic path,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“Do not tie your happiness to your success; your happiness is your responsibility! It is not a result of where you live, the job you have, or the clothes you wear, but who you are as a person. Tie your happiness to progress and the person that you become. The seeds of happiness are inside yourself. It is a personal matter and ultimately, your life is a result of what you make of it. This is how Mark Twain put it,” added Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker.
“It is vital to set goals and see big dreams for yourself. However, take a moment