A Lesson on Personal Greatness
I spent most of the week thinking about what the Professor had said. As part of the course requirements, we had to complete a reflection paper after every session. This included reflecting on what we were learning, how we could apply it in our own lives, and some additional ideas to experiment with. One of the first experiments was trying to live more consciously by thinking through our decisions and mode of action instead of giving in to a habit. It involved thinking about the personal freedom we had to choose how we were going to respond to everything that was happening around us.
As I tried becoming more conscious of what I thought and how I responded to the things around me, I began to realize how difficult it was. It wasn’t easy to put the 100% responsibility principle to practice. After all, I had spent years placing blame outside instead of taking a hard look inside the mirror. It hadn’t made my life any better, but I had continued to seek the answer to my problems elsewhere. I had continued imposing limitations on who I was and what I could achieve. It was no surprise that I felt helpless.
However, by trying to take more responsibility for what was happening in my life and living more consciously, I began to feel small a sense of control which I hadn’t felt in a long time. If there was one thing that kept coming back to me from the last class, it was the idea that no one was going to come save me. There was no use waiting. As Professor Izmir had bluntly said, there were no saviors. If my life was going to change, I was going to have to do something about it. Part of me wished that I had had this courage and realization earlier. Perhaps I would have pursued that journalism degree I was passionate about. Perhaps I wouldn’t have readily accepted the first job offer that came my way. If only, I thought.
As I began to think about my life, I couldn’t help but feel despondent. If what the professor had said was true, hadn’t I wasted over 20 years of my life? Perhaps for the first time in my life, I began to feel a sense of regret.
I chose not to talk to my Dad about it. I didn’t even tell Furqan for a change. I wasn’t sure they would understand. Moreover, if what Professor Izmir said was true, I was beginning to realize that my immediate circle of family
and friends wasn’t perhaps the best source of advice.
I recalled what the professor had said about how people judge us based on where we currently are in life instead of what is possible for us. I recalled time and again sharing my ideas with those around me only to be shut down or laughed at. With the passage of time, I had stopped trying. I realized that it’s often the people closest to us who are the biggest dream killers. Instead of being on our cheerleading squad, they join the discouragement squad because they can’t see beyond who we are today. I felt paralyzed, not sure how to proceed.
The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that contrary to what I believed, I had been living a mediocre life because I accepted my limitations. If others could go through much worse and still succeed, why couldn’t I? If Oprah and Disraeli could, why couldn’t I? I couldn’t find a compelling reason.
I sent a text message to check with Sarah if Shehryar would be attending the next session. I had reached out to the Registration Office once again earlier, but they refused to budge from their stance of not increasing the student enrollment. It had seemed like an eternity before Sarah replied but to my delight, I found out that Shehryar was still confined to his bed. While I knew I shouldn’t have been taking delight in his illness, the excitement of attending another session with Professor Izmir overrode all that guilt. The night before class, I lay in my bed unable to go to sleep.
***
On the day of our next session, I arrived early only to find that most of the students were already in their seats. The students excitedly chatted away, barely noticing my entrance. Sarah, as promised, had saved a seat for me right next to her.
“Hey, look who’s here!” she exclaimed as I walked in. I raised my eyebrows in surprise and smiled back.
“Good to see you too, Sarah,” I responded.
Before Sarah could respond, the door opened and Professor Izmir walked in. A hush fell over the classroom. Ordinarily, professors usually had to spend at least a minute or two asking the class to settle down so we could start. But then again, this was different. This was Professor Izmir.
She looked as elegant as always with a light gray dress and an emerald necklace. She kept her bag to the side and turned towards the class.
“Good afternoon, children,” she said, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m delighted to see so many of you today,” she smiled, as she looked around the classroom. She was right. I had expected many students to drop out but if anything, the class felt even more packed today.
“So, who would like to build on Mahnoor’s brilliant work the other day and start us off today?” she asked. I saw Mahnoor smile at the professor’s remark.
Immediately about a dozen students raised their hands. The professor called out on a student in the 3rd row who got up in her seat and pulled out her notes. She flipped a few pages and then began speaking.
“As you all are aware, Professor Izmir asked us to find out more about the Stockdale paradox,” said the student as she glanced at the professor to make sure she was on the right track. Professor Izmir responded with a quick smile, encouraging her to continue. Meanwhile, she pulled a chair to the side and took a seat.
“The author Jim Collins in his research for the best-seller Good to Great came across an example of Admiral James Stockdale to illustrate a concept called the Stockdale paradox. Admiral James Stockdale was a former U.S. vice-presidential candidate and was the highest-ranking naval officer during the Vietnam War. Held captive as a prisoner in Vietnam for over 7 years, Stockdale had no reason to believe that he would make it out alive. However, despite the grim reality, Stockdale found a way to stay alive through accepting the harshness of his reality alongside a balance of healthy optimism,” the student said as she paused to turn the page.
“This is what is today referred to as the Stockdale paradox, the concept of confronting the most brutal aspects of your existence while also having the belief that you will succeed at the end,” the student continued.
“To quote Admiral Stockdale, ‘You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.’” added the student, before sitting down back on her seat.
The students turned their eyes towards Professor Izmir who took another sip and slowly got up from her comfortable position. After applauding the student’s effort, Professor Izmir turned her attention to the entire class.
“Students, if you have been thinking about what we discussed last time, it is natural to feel a bit disappointed,” said the Professor. You bet, I thought to myself. This had been a week of sleepless nights.
“It’s hard recognizing and then accepting that in getting to where you are today, you played a role. It’s hard to accept that we created our current present circumstances by our past choices,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“The reality of your current situation may seem incredibly bleak. However, this discomfort is good. It tells you that you have more inside you that you still have to explore,” she added. “But regardless of how you feel, there are hundreds if not thousands of individuals who have been in worse situations than you are but chose to make the most of their lives. They started much later in life, with little or no money in the bank. More often than not, they didn’t have any support. Many of them didn’t even have a quality education,” continued Professor Izmir as she took another sip.
“What they did have was a strong desire to make the most out of themselves. What they did have was the courage to confront the most brutal aspects of their existence and then take responsibility for it. The desire and courage to take full responsibility encouraged them to change their lives. If I take full responsibility for my life, then I, not someone else, has the power to change it for the better. It is an empowering feeling, isn’t it? It’s also scary, but no doubt empowering,” said Professor Izmir. She took a deep breath and smiled as if the idea reminded her of a personal experience.
“The reason I asked you to look up the Stockdale paradox is that it’s important to consider the brutal facts of your existence and not lie to yourself about where you are and what you lack. It takes a lot of courage to objectively look at who you’ve become and what it will take to get to where you want to go. You’ve got to be brutally honest about where you are in life and what you lack. It is awful tasting medicine, but the patient needs it,” she continued. I couldn’t help but smile at this description.
“No one can do this assessment for you. You’ll have to do it for yourself.
And please, don’t lie to yourself,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“However, as you begin to take 100% responsibility for what happened to you and perhaps the role that you played in arriving where you today, while it is important to confront the most brutal facts about your existence, it is also absolutely important to have faith that in the end, you will persevere!” emphasized Professor Izmir.
“While you must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts that you face, you must also have unwavering faith that you will find a way to prevail in the end. Whatever situation you are in, you can get yourself out of it. Tell yourself that you got yourself here, you can get yourself out, and most importantly, that you’re now getting out! Learn the lesson and move on!” she added, as she pressed the clicker and projector screen lit up.
Friedrich Nietzsche
20th Century Philosopher
“If where you are is rock-bottom, you can only get better from here,” continued Professor Izmir. “You are not your past. Remember that. Regardless of where you are today, remember that your current situation is not representative of your potential. It is only a representation of who you are today. It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you know where you’re going. That’s the only thing that matters,” she added.
For the first time in two years, I finally took out my notepad to take notes.
What a powerful idea, I thought to myself; it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you know where you’re going. Realizing I didn’t have a pen, I plucked one out from Sarah’s case and began writing. She looked up at me and smiled. Professor Izmir continued.
“Equipped with the knowledge that only you have the power to turn your life around, you can begin immediately. Today can be the first page of an entirely new chapter in your life if you choose to make it so. You can choose to become all that you can be, or you can choose to become less than you can be. No one else will do it for you. It will be hard and require a lot of courage on your part but the journey will be worth it,” said Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker again.
Marianne Williamson
Author
She took another sip before continuing.
“While the inertia to change can feel overwhelming, ask yourself a question - if not now, then when? Don’t settle for anything but the absolute best for yourself. Imagine what is possible for you. You have one life and it belongs to you! You’re not here on this earth to live up to someone else’s expectations!” emphasized Professor Izmir with sudden intensity.
“Your destiny is in your hands and you have the power to do something about it. It all starts with taking a hard look in the mirror and courageously figuring out what it will take for you to turn your life around. You have to impartially reflect on what you have been doing thus far and then start doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t. It’s really that simple!” she exclaimed.
“Taking self-responsibility can be a transformative and empowering experience. Once you begin to accept the harsh reality that you have agency and you have consciously or unconsciously played a major role in shaping the life that you currently have, you can now begin to take control. If you were to disregard this principle force, you will continue to seek external forces to change your life for the better,” she added.
“However, with this reality-check, you can develop the inner strength that you need because you recognize that when all is said and done, you are responsible. If things are to get better, you will have to get better,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“The power to change is in your hands and your hands only. You can now do something about it; you can take action. It is often said that true change takes place when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing,” added Professor Izmir as paused to take another sip of coffee.
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