A Lesson on the Right Company
“So, are you ready for today’s lecture?” asked Professor Izmir as she took out her notes. The students responded with a resounding yes!
“It’s good to see your enthusiasm, you might not feel the same way by the time you leave the room,” said Professor Izmir with a laugh. The class erupted in laughter.
“Alright then, let’s get started!” said Professor Izmir as she put her mug down. “If I was to sum up today’s lecture in a sentence, it would be this - do the things today others don’t do in order to have the things tomorrow others won’t have,” she paused, waiting for the words to sink in.
“Everything matters. Take a moment to analyze why some people tend to do better than others. You may come across two individuals who are the same age, were born in the same neighborhood, went to the same schools, and even work for the same companies, but one might be making twice or thrice as much money as the other one. What contributes to this difference between people? As we talked about earlier, it’s the value each of them brings to the marketplace,” said Professor Izmir in a matter-of-fact tone.
“The more value you add to the marketplace, the more value you can get in return. The more you develop yourself, the more value you’re able to add. But then again you may ask - if the answer is so straightforward, why isn’t everyone commanding tremendous amounts of value from the marketplace?” she said with a puzzled expression, trying to challenge our thinking.
“The simple answer is that not everyone is willing to commit themselves to a regimen of self-development. The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do. Some people would spend the entire weekend lounging around and doing nothing rather than developing a skill that they know will help them move forward in their careers. Successful people know that to have the things they want tomorrow they must do the things today that other people aren’t doing,” emphasized Professor Izmir.
“They will read that book regardless of their schedule. They will go to the gym despite being tired. They will continue to persist in the face of difficulties and hardship. It’s an ongoing process of trying to identify your shortcomings and then deliberately working to overcome them. Of course, the temptation to lounge around will certainly be there; however, how you subjugate this temptation to your principles will make the difference,” continued Professor Izmir as she picked up her coffee mug to take a quick sip.
“Learn to say no to things that don’t add value to your life. If it upsets someone in the process, then let it be. Tomorrow, when you’re living a life that’s aligned with your worthy ideal, all these sacrifices will be worth it. You will know that your success was hard-earned because you said ‘no’ to the things that mediocre men and women would have been tempted to do. Instead, you said ‘yes’ to the things that truly matter,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“This brings me to the concept of surrounding yourself with the right people. I couldn’t agree more with what the 50-billion-dollar man Dan Peña said,” added Professor Izmir as she pulled up a slide.
“Out of all the people you spent time with over the past week, how many of them actually contributed towards the goals you’ve set for yourself?” she asked.
“Children, it is vital to choose the right group of friends to hang out with. Jim Rohn says that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You subconsciously incorporate their habits and their perspectives on life. The people around your subconsciously influence what you believe about yourself and who you become. Doesn’t this call for thoroughness and relentlessness in deciding who those individuals will be?” she continued. Professor Izmir’s words reminded me about Furqan and how I had gotten into trouble because of him repeatedly. With time I had simply chosen to ignore things about him that I felt were questionable as I believed friends weren’t supposed to judge each other. Things had to change despite the cost, I thought. The professor continued, breaking off my thoughts.
“We spend so much time trying to get people to like us not realizing that what’s more important is whether we like them or not and whether they can help us become better individuals. We have a personal responsibility to ourselves to expose ourselves to the best individuals and ideas. Make sure you’re fulfilling that responsibility by keeping the right people in your life. You are a valuable commodity. Don’t shortchange your value. Not everyone is made for you and nor are you made for everyone,” emphasized Professor Izmir as the students continued to expeditiously take notes. Not everyone is made for me, nor am I made for everyone.
“Find your people and stick with them - your circle should be helping you gravitate upwards rather than pulling you downwards. And don’t worry, you will find your people. Keep Les Brown’s advice in mind as you go about selecting your friends,” continued Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker.
“While this may sound harsh at first sight, you’re doing an injustice to yourself by sticking with people who will not contribute to your personal development. It’s hard to let some friends go but then again, it’s not easy to become a high-performance person. You have to make sacrifices that the vast majority of people are unwilling to make. As I said, you have to do the things today others won’t do in order to have the things tomorrow others won’t have,” stressed Professor Izmir before pausing to take another sip. Noticing that the class was hungry for more, Professor Izmir continued.
“Now, children. Related to the previous principle, recognize that at times there will be individuals in your life including not only your friends but also your family and loved ones who will fail to understand and comprehend what you’re trying to achieve in your life. It’s most definitely a lonely feeling,” said Professor Izmir despondently.
“Someone once said that those that we care the most about have the most power over us. Isn’t that true?” she asked the class. “Anything negative these people say hurts us the most. It doesn’t matter whether it’s members of your family or your closest friends, rarely if ever will you find these people being able to see beyond their current perception of you. They will give you advice that will be well-meaning but ill-serving; after all, how can someone who has never been in your shoes give you advice about what will give your life meaning and value?” declared Professor Izmir gravely.
“Some people don’t dream big. As indicated earlier, they’ve settled for mediocre lives. You have to go to the right people for advice. Sometimes we reach out to anyone we can find and then let their judgments influence our decision making,” she added.
“You will recognize the futility of this approach when you consider where these individuals are in life and whether it even made sense in the first place to take advice from them. Everyone enjoys giving advice and feeling smart; the world is full of people who will be willing to chip in their two cents at every step of the way. Remember, it is your responsibility and yours alone to separate the wheat from the chaff. You know better,” she continued.
“Now, I am not preaching separatism. If there are people that you absolutely cannot do without, there is time for that as well. You may have responsibilities that you have to cater to. It possible, follow the 80/20 rule wherever you can. But after all said and done, you ought to remember that the key to your better future is you. You know your circumstances best and more often than not, you do have an idea as to what you need to do to improve. Don’t let inertia stop you. Moreover, keep your professional and personal lives separate. It will yield massive contentment in the long run,” stressed Professor Izmir as she took another sip.
“If you want to be a high-performance person, you have to surround yourself with high-performance people. Birds of a feather flock together - if you run around with losers, you will end up a loser. People say that you become the things that you think about but perhaps equally important is the fact that you become like the people you hang around with!” she exclaimed.
“Rarely will you be able to develop further amid people who will only pull you down rather than help you go forward. You may feel good about yourself while you’re with them, but it’s not helping you achieve your goals,” continued Professor Izmir.
I realized that subconsciously, one reason I had stayed friends with Furqan for so long was that he made me feel good about where I was in life. After all, I wasn’t doing great, but I was still much better off than he was. Professor Izmir’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Once you choose the right group, you may feel nervous or insecure among such individuals but in the long run, all this uneasiness will be worth it. Success leaves clues ladies and gentlemen; you assimilate the habits and mindset of those around you. Again, if you want to become successful, stay around successful people,” said Professor Izmir as she glanced at her watch.
“Now, I recognize that we’re a time boundary for today’s session. As I said, if there’s one thing you want to take away from this lecture, it is this,” she added as she pulled up another slide.
“It is time to make hard decisions and I will help you as much as I can. But in the end, it is a choice that only you can make for you,” she added as she put the notes back in her bag.
“Now, we only have two more sessions together!” continued Professor Izmir with a sad smile. “I will cover some other principles which I believe will serve you well but if there is something you would like me to discuss with you, do let me know. I look forward to reading your reflection papers and seeing you next week,” concluded Professor Izmir with a smile.