A Lesson on the Impermanence of Failure
“I’ve been very impressed by your reflection papers,” said Professor Izmir with a smile before starting our penultimate session. I thought about how I had spent the better part of the weekend working on it.
“Based on where we are in our journey, this week I want to talk about some quick strategies that you can implement that can get you going on your journey. Subsequently, I want to talk a little about the ‘breaking point’,” she added as she pulled out her notes.
“Deep down, most of us know what it is that we need to do to succeed. Like we talked about, success and failure are not catastrophic events. They’re a result of following, or in some cases, not following a set of daily disciplines over time. This is how Jim Rohn eloquently put it,” she continued as she pulled up a slide.
“Jim Rohn also said that everything matters. Everything affects everything else,” continued Professor Izmir. “We can’t expect to ignore one aspect of our lives saying that this is the only area we’ll neglect while we excel in others. Don’t let neglect destroy your life; as we talked about, the things that are easy to do are very often the things that are also easy not to do. That is why a lot of people fail to follow through on their dreams,” said Professor Izmir gravely.
“Your disciplines from one area of life are bound to trickle down into others. You cannot be undisciplined in one area and disciplined in another. Maybe you can pull it off for a while but in the long run, your lack of discipline will catch up with you!” exclaimed Professor Izmir. Sensing a few puzzled faces, she continued.
“What does this principle mean from a practical perspective? It means that you don’t change your personality and attitude towards things based on how important they are. Attempt everything as if it is a representation of you; everything you do should be done to the best of your ability because it is a representation of who you are. Do your best to excel in every area of your life, not just the ones you prefer excelling in,” she added.
“On a more positive note, Jim also says that all new disciplines affect all other disciplines. If you incorporate a positive and healthy habit into your lifestyle, the boost of confidence that you get will affect your commitment to all your other positive habits. Your self-esteem will improve, and you will be more inclined to achieve all your other goals,” said Professor Izmir with a smile.
“Discipline empowers rather than restricts. When you trust yourself to follow through on your daily disciplines, you have more time to consciously spend on other areas of your life,” said Professor Izmir as she took another sip. “Based on the goal-setting exercises we’ve done; we can figure out what most of us need to do to progress. However, the problem comes when we have to actually start doing it!” she remarked as the class cracked up laughing.
“I want to share some ideas with you that you can benefit from immediately. Something I initially disregarded as being too trivial to be true was the 5- second rule popularized by Mel Robbins. Mel found herself trying all sorts of things but unable to succeed in life. Even waking up in the morning on time was a struggle. Probably most of us can relate to feeling the power of inertia and bad habits when we decide to change, huh?” asked Professor Izmir as the students nodded.
“Change is hard, and we humans don’t really like change unless it’s good for us. We often want to stay in our comfort zone and keep doing what we’ve been doing all these years. However, this is where Mel’s brilliance comes in. She recognized the power of our subconscious mind and how giving herself a ticking bomb deadline would work. Here’s what she said,” continued Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker.
“Every time we hesitate before doing something, we should count backward from 5-, 4-, 3-, 2-, and 1 then immediately take action. This is especially important because we should continuously attack what we’re afraid. Fear acts as a compass, telling us what we need to work on next,” continued Professor Izmir.
“One example that Mel provides is about speaking up in meetings. You can think of it as speaking up in class if you want to. We have a wonderful idea, but the fear of appearing stupid or what others will think often discourages us from saying it out loud,” she stated.
“The next time you feel something similar, count backward from 5 and simply raise your hand so that you’re forced to speak. The more you start taking action, the more courage you’ll have. As always, it’s not as much about the action you take but the person you become in the process,” emphasized Professor Izmir.
“Another example from Mel herself is how she struggled to wake up in the morning. The next time you’re struggling to get out of bed because it’s cold outside, count backward from 5 and then jump out of bed. This may sound too simple to be true, but I have found that it works for many people. However, as with most other principles, you need to work it in order for it to work,” said Professor Izmir with a smile as she flipped a page of her notes.
“Now, this next idea may be useful to a few of you. A related principle that I came across in a wonderful book, ‘Psycho-Cybernetics’, is the idea of subconsciously repeating the phrase ‘Cancel’ whenever a negative thought enters your mind. This is what Jim Rohn says,” said Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker.
“Mental health is incredibly important. It’s vital that you only allow those things to enter your mind that will serve you well on your purpose. If something says something discouraging, rephrase it in your head or tell yourself that things aren’t as bleak as someone else makes them out to be. Stay cautious about the company you keep and whether it adds value to your life. As the old African proverb goes, ‘when there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm’,” continued Professor Izmir.
“Often, we are our biggest critics because we spend every second of our lives together and have a clear idea of everything that we do. We feel that others are perfect and that there must be something wrong with us. Wrong!” she exclaimed. “All of us are humans and make mistakes. Most, if not all of us, struggle with self-esteem. Deep down, all of us want to feel that we’re important. We’re not as different as we think we are, you know,” she continued.
“We are too critical of ourselves simply because we spend the most time with ourselves and have limited or no information about the struggles of other people,” said Professor Izmir ardently. I felt as if she was determined to see in us potential we couldn’t even see in ourselves.
“The next time your mind says something negative to discourage you, repeat ‘Cancel’ and replace that negative thought with a positive affirmation. For instance, if your mind plays the old repeated tape that you are boring and don’t deserve anyone’ s attention, immediately say ‘Cancel’ and change it with a positive affirmation. One example could be realizing that you’ve made mistakes in the past but that you’re an interesting person and that you can be a wonderful friend,” she continued.
“You can set reminders on your phone if that helps. It could be anything that works for you. It doesn’t matter what the affirmation is as long as it positively influences your self-image. Self-talk is more important than you realize. Perhaps once you’ve repeated this affirmation, you could incorporate the 5-second rule and take action before your mind convinces you otherwise. It’s a daily if not hourly process of seeking to become what you can be and these ideas can help,” continued Professor Izmir.
“Now, since we have a longer session today, I also want to spend some time talking about a principle I refer to as the impermanence of failure. There will inadvertently be times in your life when nothing goes to seem right. You will feel that all the energy you have to spend on achieving your goals is not worth it. These are times referred to as ‘breaking points’ and it is crucial you understand their significance” she paused, making sure we understood what she meant.
“It is natural to feel overwhelmed when life is kicking you from all directions. However, you must remember that it doesn’t take any effort to stay at the bottom. If things are getting hard, it is proof that what you’re doing is working. This will be a fight, but it will be your fight. You’ve got to do what it takes even when you don’t feel like it. You may not get everything you fight for but everything you get will be a fight,” she continued.
“You’ve got to keep coming back no matter how hard you’re hit. Don’t quit until you win. You’ve made it thus far and there’s no reason that you won’t make it here onwards. There may be moments when you won’t want to get out of bed or step out of the house. There will be times as Les Brown says when everything that can happen will happen. Murphy’s law will be in full force!” she exclaimed. “However, you must remember that it is in these moments that real growth takes place. This is a breaking point that you must master in order to get to the next level as the author T.D. Jakes would say. These difficulties are there for a reason. As it’s often said,” continued Professor Izmir as she pressed the clicker.
“If you seek to attain personal greatness, you will have to pay the price. All your heroes in life have failed repeatedly; the only difference between them and millions of others is that your heroes kept at it. They didn’t let setbacks stop them. Here’s Lincoln again on failure,” she added as she pulled the next slide.
After taking another sip, she continued.
“Failure and setbacks can either make you or break you. You have to decide which one it’s going to be. Success requires ongoing work; on your journey of personal greatness, you are never really done. It’s a beautiful adventure to keep on discovering what you can become. You’ve got to be fanatical about achieving what gives your life meaning and value. You’ve got to say enough is enough and that you will do it, or die!“, declared Professor Izmir with an enthusiasm and intensity that was contagious.
“It’s as simple as that. If you’re willing to give everything you’ve got, nothing can stop you. Nothing will stop you. And if you encounter failure in the way, you’ll recognize that it’s just a part of your journey! When you decide to commit no matter what, the universe will respond to you. Go for it and control your destiny. Never be afraid. Be willing to fail and be rejected. Be alone sometimes, if required,” she continued solemnly.
“However, never turn around without attaining your goal. Never give up because you didn’t do your best. Nothing can resist a person that has that kind of a commitment,” said Professor Izmir with a smile.
“Learn from the experience and move on. Use your past as a lesson, not a weapon. Jim Rohn says that life is like the seasons; opportunity follows difficulty. Winter follows fall. Some winters will be long, painful, and rough, but while you can’t change the seasons, you can change yourself,” said Professor Izmir as she moved on to the next slide.
“Remember that if it was easy, everyone would do it. The strong habits that you’ve developed for yourself, follow through on them despite how bad or down you feel. The boost you feel in your self-esteem the next day will prove to you that success and failure are nothing but temporary; what matters is who you become in the process,” she continued.
“Another way to look at all the difficulties that we go through is to consider them as proof of our success. They’re our footprints of success that we can look back on and cherish because we understand that we were willing to do everything it took to get to where we wanted to get. These obstacles and your willingness to climb over them will only reflect your tenacity and the strength of your purpose,” she continued.
“Moreover, considering the obstacles that you encounter as a series of challenges or levels is another valuable paradigm. At every obstacle that you encounter, many individuals trying to achieve what you are trying <