A Lesson on Personal Responsibility
Thank you for taking out the time to be here,” said Professor Izmir with a pleasant smile. Her wrinkles and deep eyes exhibited a life full of experience and adventure.
“Your time is valuable, and I will make sure that your being here is worth your while. However, in return, I have one request,” she added as we all looked at each other, not sure what she was going to ask.
“As we spend time together, you will come across some ideas that will be uncomfortable. These ideas might contradict everything that you’ve been conditioned to believe. My only request is that you keep an open mind and when you sense that discomfort, you let it sit with you for a while. Does that sound fair?” asked Professor Izmir. The class nodded.
“Great, let’s jump right in then,” continued Professor Izmir confidently as she pulled out a file from her bag.
From what I could gather, she seemed like a woman who knew what she was talking about. Unlike most of the other teachers, she didn’t pause to seek our approval. She knew what she was here to do and more importantly, she seemed fiercely determined to do it. Dressed immaculately with a light blue dress alongside an elegant pearl necklace, it felt like she was from a different planet altogether.
“Does anyone want to start us off with something or someone that inspired them?” she asked, looking up from the file.
A couple of hands shot up. I had a striking realization. In the events of the past few hours, I had completely forgotten to do the prework. I shrank in my seat hoping she wouldn’t call me out. It seemed like an eternity before Professor Izmir finally settled on someone in the first row.
“Mahnoor?” the Professor asked, taking a close look at the name card on the desk.
“Yes,” came back a timid voice. I knew Mahnoor from another one of my classes. She barely ever spoke in any of the other classes so I was rather surprised to see her raise her hand.
“Why don’t you go ahead and share with us what you have?” said Professor Izmir with a smile.
“Umm, sure. Though I’m not sure if everyone is familiar with the person I’m going to talk about,” responded Mahnoor as she stood up in her seat.
“Oh dear, don’t worry about that. Who is it?” asked Professor Izmir.
“It’s Oprah Winfrey, an American show host. Does anyone know her?” asked Mahnoor not expecting to get a response. To her surprise, a few students raised their hands. This gave Mahnoor the inspiration to move on and she took out a piece of paper to refer to her notes.
“Okay. So for those who don’t know, Oprah Gail Winfrey was the richest African American of the 20th century and North America’s first black multi-billionaire who first became famous for her talk show, ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’. She was ranked as the most influential woman in the world and dubbed as the “Queen of All Media”. Today, she is considered as one of the greatest philanthropists of all time,” said Mahnoor as she turned over the page.
The students seemed disinterested. Before proceeding, Mahnoor glanced in Professor Izmir’s direction to assess whether she was on the right track. The Professor smiled and Mahnoor continued.
“What most people don’t know is that Oprah was born into rural poverty in Mississippi to a teenage single mother who worked as a housemaid,” said Mahnoor as a couple of students raised their heads.
“Growing up on welfare, Oprah till the age of 6 lived with her strict grandmother who was reportedly so poor that Oprah’s school dresses were often made of potato sacks,” she added.
I could sense the curiosity in the room beginning to rise as more and more students expectantly began to look at Mahnoor, waiting to hear what she was going to say next.
“Her grandmother would often beat her up and in the words of Oprah herself, ‘She whipped me so badly that I had welts on my back and the welts would bleed. So then I got another whipping for getting blood on the dress.’” said Mahnoor as she flipped another page.
“Later, Oprah was sent to live with her coal miner father in Nashville and at the age of 9, she was raped by her cousin. Subsequently, she was raped by her uncle. After that, she was raped by a family friend. Pregnant at 14 as a result of the sexual abuse, Oprah’s son was born prematurely and died at the hospital shortly after being born,” continued Mahnoor.
Everyone stayed glued to their seats. For the first time in my life, I experienced what pin-drop silence felt like. After a brief pause, Mahnoor continued.
“Despite all these obstacles, Oprah flourished at school. She won a full scholarship to Tennessee State University and then went on to occupy several successful professional roles. Today, she is a globally renowned world icon,” said Mahnoor as she turned another page.
“I wanted to share a few of her sayings if that’s alright,” continued Mahnoor, glancing in Professor Izmir’s direction. Professor Izmir quickly nodded, delighted to see the amount of effort Mahnoor had put into the assignment. Mahnoor continued.
“In one of her talks, this is what Opera said. ‘I’ve always had the deep understanding for myself that if anything was going to move forward in my life, I was going to have to be responsible for making that happen. You are responsible for your life. And if you’re sitting around waiting for somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time because only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward. And the sooner you get that, the sooner your life gets into gear.’” Mahnoor paused for a moment and then went on.
“‘It does not matter where you come from. It doesn’t matter what your Mama did. What matters is now. This moment, and your willingness to see this moment for what this is, accept it, forgive the past, take responsibility, and move forward’,” said Mahnoor as she concluded and sat back on her
seat. She nervously folded the piece of paper she had been using and placed it on her desk.
No one spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Professor Izmir didn’t intervene either. I tried to comprehend what I had just heard. I had always been holding myself back for reasons that seemed largely insignificant and irrelevant in comparison. It didn’t make sense.
When had I imposed these limitations on what was possible for me based on where I came from? I shuddered to truly answer that question for the fear of what it might reveal. Finally, sensing our confusion, Professor Izmir stepped in.
“Thank you Mahnoor. You must have worked hard and practiced this story multiple times to deliver it so fluently. Keep it up,” said Professor Izmir as Mahnoor’s face gleamed. Then, turning towards the entire class, Professor Izmir began her first masterclass.
“Today, all of you have made a very important decision in your life. If you want, this can be the moment that changes your life forever,” she continued.
“You’ve started a journey for personal greatness. If you decide to pursue it despite all that you’ll encounter, you’ll discover that it’s worth more than your wildest dreams. It’s worth more than anything you can imagine. But let me emphasize, this is only the beginning,” she added.
“What you get out of this experience will depend on how much you put into it. It’s not going to be easy but I know all of you have potential inside you that even you can’t see, yet,” stressed Professor Izmir.
“I don’t know what you’ve been through in life. I don’t even know what you’re going through right now. If there’s anything I do know, it’s that life is hard, and it hurts. However, despite what you’ve been through and what you’re going through right now, the most important realization you can have is that you absolutely and always have the power to become greater than your circumstances. You have the power to change your life one choice at a time,” said Professor Izmir confidently.
“You can let your situation define the kind of life you will live, or you can actively challenge the situation you’re in. But no other person in the world can do this for you; you must do it for yourself. You can recognize the power of personal greatness that many before you have recognized and your ability to turn your life around,” she continued.
“Does anyone know who Benjamin Disraeli was?” she asked as she pressed the clicker and a black and white picture appeared on the screen.
“I think he was a British Prime Minister?” said someone from the third row.
“Correct. More importantly for our purposes perhaps, he was Britain’s first and only Jewish leader. He became Prime Minister at a time when Jews were discriminated against and excluded from hotels, resorts, and many neighborhoods while also facing limits on access to jobs and education. Non-Jewish hotels regularly posted signs such as ‘No Dogs, No Jews, No Consumptives’, making clear a preference for their ‘Christian’ clientele and to keep Jews out. Disraeli did not let all this discourage him and instead, this is what he had to say,” said Professor Izmir as she pulled up a slide.
For the first time during my time at college, I felt an urge to take out a pen and paper and take notes. I decided to wait and see. The professor’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“You see, the greater the obstacles that you’ve faced in life, the greater your comeback will be,” said Professor Izmir. “It doesn’t matter where you are right now; what matters is where you want to go from here. What matters is not how much you’ve been hurt, but rather how you channel that hurt and pain to bounce back even stronger,” she added.
“Your circumstances don’t determine your destiny; they only determine where you start. Your circumstances and background have undoubtedly affected who you are but you, and no one else, is responsible for who you become,” she emphasized.
“I’m glad that Mahnoor brought up Opera. There’s so much for all of us to learn from her story. This is one of her quotes,” said Professor Izmir, revealing the next slide.
“Whatever you have faced up to this point in your life is a part of your own story. It is what it is and there is nothing you can do to change the past. You can’t change where you were born or who your parents were. You can’t change your race or your color. More often than not, despite how hard you try, you can’t even completely change the way you look,” said Professor Izmir as a few girls in the front row giggled. Professor Izmir smiled and then continued.
“What you can do is accept where you are today and then start taking action to change your life. The pain and hurt will be there. However, what you can change is how you approach life and the attitude you adopt. What you can change is what you do about your circumstances. Every setback you face has the potential to make you or break you. You have to decide which one it is going to be. You can stay stuck or you can decide to become better,” said Professor Izmir as she paused to take a sip of her coffee.
“Your attitude and mindset influence almost everything you do. Would you believe it if I told you that your mindset even influences how smart you think you are?” asked Professor Izmir with a sparkle in her eyes.
A student raised his hand.
It was Zeeshan. I was surprised to see him in a Personal Development course. Zeeshan was the college bully, notorious for making fun of other students and attending class just to distract them from studying. His father was a rich businessman, and many believed that the only reason that Zeeshan got admitted was that his Dad had made generous contributions to the school fund.
“Yes?” asked Professor Izmir pointing in Zeeshan’s direction.
“You’re saying that dumb Hassan here can change how smart he is?” asked Zeeshan, pointing towards the corner of the room where Hassan was seated. A few of his friends seated around him laughed.
“With all due respect, he can barely do simple arithmetic, Professor,” he continued.
Everyone’s eyes turned to Hassan as he shrank further down in his seat. I didn’t know much about Hassan but from what I did know, Hassan was just one of those kids who found themselves at the butt-end of most jokes. Since he never retaliated, Zeeshan seemed to enjoy picking on him. It took Hassan longer to understand some topics and while I didn’t see any issue with it, apparently not everyone felt that way. From a curious student asking dozens of questions when school first started, Hassan had gone on to become aloof. He was always sitting alone in the corner, both inside and outside the classroom.
The professor slowly turned in Hassan’s direction and then approached his desk. Then, as she had done with me earlier, she raised her hand to keep it on Hassan’s shoulder. She smiled at him for an instant and then continued.
“Hassan? What a beautiful name! You know it means handsome in Arabic?” asked Professor Izmir. Hassan looked up, not sure how to respond. He stayed silent.
“Well Hassan, the great physicist Einstein once said that everyone is a genius. However, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that is stupid,” she gleamed.
For the first time, I saw Hassan smile.
“Young man, I’m glad to have met you and I am certain you have tremendous potential inside you. However, no one will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself,” she stressed. Hassan nodded.
“There is one thing I want you to remember before we move on though,” she continued.
“Yes, Professor?” asked Hassan, earnestly looking into the professor’s eyes.
“Don’t ever let anyone’s opinions of you affect your reality,” emphasized Professor Izmir, as she tapped on Hassan’s shoulder a few times before stepping back. Satisfied that she had made her point, Professor Izmir now turned her full attention towards Zeeshan and continued in a grave tone.
“Zeeshan, is it?” she asked, trying to read Zeeshan’s lopsided placard. “Yes,” responded Zeeshan flamboyantly.
“You have the right to have your opinions. But this behavior will not be tolerated in this classroom,” Zeeshan sat still, unsure what to respond. His arrogant smile left his face.
“The next time I hear such a derogatory remark, I will expel you from my class. Is that understood?” said Professor Izmir sternly. Zeeshan quickly nodded his head. “Be better next time,” continued Professor Izmir.
Zeeshan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. No professor had ever called him out on his behavior because of how ‘connected’ he was. He was one of those students that you just had to deal with. For a moment, I thought he was going to retaliate. However, sensing the resolve in the professor’s eyes, he rightly kept his mouth shut. He nodded his head again and straightened up in his seat.
Professor Izmir paused before continuing.
“Now, get up from your seat and go sit next to Hassan,” the professor said with a pleasant smile. Without resisting, Zeeshan quickly picked up his bag and went to sit down next to Hassan. Despite sitting in the corner, I could see the wide smile on Hassan’s face. Zeeshan meanwhile, crossed his arms like a bossy two-year-old.
“Now, where were we,” said the Professor as she moved back to the center of the class.
“You were telling us how our attitude determines how smart we think we are,” came a voice from the front row. It was hard not to sense the optimism in the student’s tone.
“Ah