A danger
Dope is a danger because it re-aliens ones priorities and like any love that can be one-way and potentially very costly in a subtle manner.
I loved using marijuana and when anyone told me to stop I felt they were being the ‘fun police’, infringing my personal sovereignty and stopping me enjoy a pain free day.
The social isolation and financial consequences that followed were far worse than the short-term pleasure.
People highlighted my behavior had changed and my moods were different and my heightened emotional sensitivity made it difficult for them to deal with me.
Life can be fun when your high but it also threw me into a world where my perception was blurred and my heightened sensitivity became very negative.
My ability to expand the emotional spectrum incorporated highs but equally the depression was severe.
Most stoners are broke for a variety of reasons but there is something about the habit that mixes like oil and water.
My opinion is that poverty and financial adversity is hard enough to deal normally but drug use genuinely adds petrol to this fire that stamps out most of sympathy or assistance you need.
Our society has broken down family and social structures while people are aspiring to self-sufficiency but that leads to isolation and loneliness.
Did I get high because I was bored and alone or was I bored and alone because I was getting high? Its difficult to clarify.
Similarly; was I broke because I was getting high or was I getting stoned with the rejection of not finding work?
Nutella, Pringles, French fries and Haagen Daz are items I would challenge anyone to test their self-discipline with as our instinctive enjoyment is unfortunately directly related to poor health consequences.
We all develop through being parented and essentially loved primarily through food and warmth, then socially we encounter the pursuit of sex, drink and drugs as external factors.
Food is an excellent example here where an obese 10 year old can only blame the person responsible for feeding that child. One does not have to be very well versed to realize that sugar and carbs are the primary cause for inflammation and vegetables and protein are the healthier solution.
Drugs are much more subtle in the fact that they highjack the reward mechanism and the initial introduction to drugs which normally through friends or social connections and environment and keenly associated with leisure and pleasure.
This is the most dangerous element because the drug then becomes more important than the hierarchical needs of the individual and poses a serious threat to all the other more important aspects of their life.
Family, friends, a home, partner, work, food are all sacrificed or threatened by getting high, this clearly is not self sovereignty but more like self sabotage.
The very notion of freedom or being free to enjoy self expression or exploration is not removing the strength and foundation of ones life but potentially adding to it. It’s a huge sacrifice.
It seemed like a long stretch from smoking the first joint to then being washed up with nothing but some how this course is universally trodden.
The truth is drug users are not really well tolerated and perhaps even persecuted in modern society and only those who keep their habit very well hidden or moderate have a chance of escaping the consequences.
The people who stop and take control of their priorities often return stronger and with more resolve to not fall victim of themselves.
It's my feeling that I am stronger for having experienced adversity and know myself better having challenged my tolerances or pushed my limits. I know I need to be more self-aware regarding the temptation to indulge to my personal detriment.
The fine line of use and abuse is perhaps subjective issue and perhaps determined by the individual and the people judging his behavior.
A genuine difficulty I found was that pot proved to be a great training partner and I got into excellent physical shape.
Marijuana is not an inconsequential drug and whilst it is growing in popularity with massive celebrity endorsement it still remains a potential problem.
Adding drug use to an existing adverse situation is a bad idea.
For me marijuana seemed to act like a magnifying glass and expose the truth of any given circumstance.
Whilst there was an upside when funny or comedic situations were enhanced it also presented a darker and problematic side.
Any form of criticism or conflict of perspective was undeniably a real problem for me.
I feel that marijuana has its place in the world of therapy perhaps in its capacity to unmask people and expose the user to his or her true emotion as or responses and perhaps to exaggerate them.
If one suffers from any depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder or anxiety I would definitely advise against it.
I'm not a doctor but from my experience drugs don't mix well with pre existing conditions and could make them worse.
It felt like that marijuana put me through a ptsd experience actually stimulating memories that were very thought provoking and questioning of ones motivations.
Paranoia is a real issue with pot regarding punishment and criminal sanctions whether it be a consequence of the legislation or the social stigma.
Friends and family will talk about your behavior both to your face and in private, because no one knows of a drug users habit leading to a positive outcome.
There is always a cost and it's obvious to others that it takes a toll on the users health, wealth and happiness.
Put simply no parent wants their kids to use drugs primarily because they pay such a high price.
We all have a universal struggle in seeking happiness and our place on the world and the sensitivity produced by drug use makes this task harder.
The ability to shrug ones shoulders and laugh off adversity is lost and the sense of impending doom is enhanced.
Who ever cares for you enough to advise against using drugs will be the very person you potentially then lose by your continued use.
This is the very real and high price of addiction.
Only those who really care will try to stop you and due to your blindness to addiction, ego and belligerence they will eventually give up or stop speaking to you.
Normalizing a drug habit is not possible and seeking acceptance is unrealistic, as everyone who knew you before will not accept that your better with drugs as they will see your use as dependence and any irregular behavior as a red flag.
I can now see in retrospect that my behavior changed substantially and whilst slow and subtle it is a strong and powerful perspective changer but with all the pro marijuana news I did not see that it had a negative impact on me. I was brainwashed by it all.
Marijuana and the history of its prohibition is almost the perfect subject to make anyone question and defend it.
I still am a strong advocate for the legalization and ending criminal punishment on a pro choice basis allowing people the sovereignty of choice but am very aware that marijuana can be abused.
No hangover after using pot contributes to its innocence so you don’t wake up with a great sense of regret.
My depression and anxiety I blamed on financial problems and never really blamed weed.
Because no one ever died of weed does not mean that it is a inconsequential drug as it needs to be respected because its effects are often much more subtly damaging.
By discovering my initial enjoyment of pot I then questioned the government and their approach and the distinct cruel disproportionate punishment that people faced for using what appeared to be an innocent plant.
This moral high ground proved very dangerous and it gave me a point to argue and advocate the cause with no real benefit other than to isolate myself.
The soapbox politics is very seductive but has very little personal benefit any future change will not be a result of personal abuse.
Marijuana will reveal aspects of your personality without reserved guard and areas of insecurity you might not want publicly known or even knew existed.
The irony of prohibition is it actually comes after the abuse or dependence.
Its when you've over used or had a bad experience that one has to accept that normal life is better than a life of abuse or dependence.
The threat of losing your children, wife, close relatives or friends is a normal consequence of drug use and if it has compromised your work and livelihood, its a price I would advise against paying.
Watching someone trying to get a fix or get high excludes them from many normal activities primarily family and work as this constant recreational pursuit is unsustainable.
I would say that solo drinking or drug use is the real red flag and something that I would advise should be avoided.
I write this book as a cautionary tale for those who find themselves with the very real problem of using a substance that has the potential to cause as much harm as good.
Its not all hippy happy endings when it comes to drugs and one needs to be aware that a personal line of recreation can quickly turn into a habitual dependent relationship that turns to decadence or abuse.
Keep aware that if you are using marijuana on a daily basis you have crossed that line so take a break.
Don't let it become your persona or identity and draw a distinct line of where and when it should be enjoyed, the less you use it the more enjoyable it is and the less likely you are to become labeled as a drug user who has a problem.
If things are starting to go wrong in areas of your life remember drink and drugs are never the solution and worth avoiding during tough times.
Be aware that the true price is not the immediate financial cost and is often not revealed for some time and often in hindsight.