12. How to clean up your inner self!
Understanding the previous chapter is an absolute requirement for forgiving! Because not until you have internalized the fact that every person only does whatever they themselves see as right or necessary, will you be able to give up your negative feelings toward others.
Basically it's always the same process, by forgiving you cancel the negative content in your subconscious and by visualizing you make it positive.
To my mind, forgiving is the most important action that a person can engage in in order to decisively improve the circumstances of their life. I believe that no matter how many techniques you use, you will still not experience true success if your heart is full of hate and hostility towards others and shame towards yourself!
Let's say you didn't have a good childhood and were hit and teased at school. As a 40 year old you won't think about this every day. Nevertheless a great part of your subconscious is poisoned and radiates negativity. This is like radioactive material: you don't notice it, but it destroys from the inside.
If your PC is infested by many viruses, then all of its functionality will be affected. Most of the programs will run slower or not at all. The more viruses there are on the hard drive, the more difficult it is for it to operate smoothly. The same applies to your life: the more hate, anger, resentment and other negative feelings of injustice, guilt or inadequacies you have stored, the more incomplete you will believe your life to be. It would be very helpful for your existence if you realized that these emotions must disappear from your inner life in order to permanently change your life into a wonderful existence. Often you don't feel this resentment as it is deeply buried within, but it is nevertheless there and causes damage!
Many try to change the outer circumstances of their lives by manipulating people to their advantage.
That is like applying perfume instead of taking a bath in order to save time.
Just as there is no substitute for personal hygiene, there is also none for cleaning your subconscious.
In a garden where weeds are allowed to grow uncontrollably, beautiful flowers will not be able to thrive.
As long as your inner self is a battlefield full of negative emotions against others, as well as feelings of shame towards yourself, your external life will not function. Not until you create harmony in your heart, will this also spread to the rest of your life. You have also learned in your childhood to condemn “the bad”. You have learned to gloat when “bad people” falter.
Many people say that they don't feel hate towards anyone, but you still hear them talk about what should be done to those who have gone astray. Some talk about using physical violence against such people or even capital punishment. The wish for vengeance is a sure sign of hate, even if you see your demand as completely justified and you avoid the word “hate” because you were taught that you shouldn't hate. Just because you choose a different word, do you believe that makes it any better? Hate is hate, no matter what you call this feeling. And if you wish for someone to get a life sentence or even to be executed, that is nothing less than hate! It is your hatred, it belongs to you alone and is in your heart, nowhere else! The object of your bad feelings has less to do with this than you realize. For this person also has friends who like him, some who even love him, so he can't be the reason for your resentment.
If hate is only internal, then of course only you yourself can remove it.
Forgiving is systematic soul detoxification and eliminates hate.
Only the weak commit to eternal revenge and animosity. They are too powerless to overcome feelings of hatred. Forgiving is a sign of mental strength! That is something to consider if you feel hatred towards others. If I forgive, then I am the winner because negativity has been removed from my mind!
Of course you can insist on your opinions being correct, but an attitude of “my opinion is right!” is usually not very effective when dealing with others. That only increases the confrontation and no one reaches their goal. If you decide you want to be the bigger one, then forgive your opponent and in the process you'll achieve your goals and, best of all, you'll be free of all hate and resentment!
Can you imagine that a person whose heart is full of criticism, anger, bitterness and animosity is able to experience radiant health and live in a joyful relationship? Or would you like to have that sort of partner on your side? Many believe that if they forgive, then they should be recognized by the person who they are forgiving, as the person they are forgiving has not earned it. But this is actually something you should be doing just for yourself.
I would like to remark that the one being forgiven usually doesn't even notice. You don't have to start spending your free time with them or ever tell them that you have forgiven them.
You should not expect the other one to feel regretful and to apologize to you. Regret and atonement are terms that imply guilt. But how can new pain, eg, through penitence, cancel out old pain? That means that there were good and bad actors in this situation. And this in turn means that there must be generally accepted right and wrong actions. Thinking this way would mean that everyone should try to be the same so that everyone would finally be “right”. That would mean conformity in all areas of life!
I can't imagine that most religious people would be prepared to leave their religion and to convert to a new denomination because another is a “better” or “truer” religion. The same applies to political stances and private life plans, and also to wishes, needs and opinions of different individuals.
Of course, you can criticize others and scorn them if you want, but in the process you yourself will not reach your goals!
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
Practicing forgiveness is very simple:
Simply take a piece of paper and begin to write:
I have forgiven myself and every other person in this world completely and absolutely; I have forgiven everyone for everything!
After you have written this sentence down the first time, close your eyes and return to any situation in your past. Take, for example, the school classroom.
You go there as an adult and return to a classmate of that time who you didn't particularly like. You go to him and say something like: “I never liked you in the past. I'm sorry about that. I forgive you for everything you did that triggered this feeling.”
Or something like this, the exact wording in this case is not important, it just has to sound right to you. After that you go to the next one that you didn't particularly like, etc. So, always write this sentence once, then close your eyes and go to a person and forgive them.
If you can't find any more from your school, then just go into the teachers' room or to the school yard and continue the process there. Usually your subconscious shows you people who you can go to and you should forgive; it will happen completely automatically and will cause no strain.
I suggest not taking on any acute cases. So if a colleague made you terribly angry today, don't include them that evening in the forgiving process because much more recent emotions then will be in play. You will then get yourself angrier, which won't be beneficial. Always begin with the older cases from which you have already gained some distance.
You will also be led to downright difficult situations from your past and might have to relive them again. This can – no, actually will – be awfully painful, but you should give everyone involved your heartfelt forgiveness. Now acceptance will come into play which was discussed in the previous chapter. The person was just the way they were, and you were just the way you were.
They did what they did because they believed it to be right or at least necessary! Often it is the ending of romantic relationships which bring about especially intense accusations and negative feelings. During the forgiving process, you must recognize that this ex-partner simply behaved the way they did and had their reasons for doing so: it was okay! After all it was you yourself who chose this ex-partner! It was your choice. Surely you have also ended a relationship at some point and also had your reasons! Even if others couldn't understand your reasons, you behaved as you did because you – in accordance with your subconscious – couldn't behave in any other way. Your ex-partner experienced the same; it's okay. Maybe you will experience the same a few months later while in the process of forgiving and you notice that it has become a neutral memory. And that is exactly the intention: old memories associated with negative feelings are still within you and even if you only very rarely feel them, they are nevertheless in your subconscious and affect your “being”.
By writing this sentence it will follow you like a mantra, like background music; often it endures a while after this exercise is over.
It's important that you carry out this exercise very consciously; that means the radio, television and PC must be turned off: only you, your pencil and your piece of paper! If you don't like total silence, put on some relaxing music.
Writing this is considerably more intense than if you were to simply think it: doing it this way involves thinking it, writing it, seeing it, saying it quietly to yourself, hearing it, as well as your hand feeling it. This strengthens it immeasurably.
If you do this every day, you will notice that unconsciously you will often be led to the same person or situations. That is not a problem. A single imaginary handshake or pat on the back is not sufficient. This is like a very dirty item which you can't only wipe once to make it shiny, but countless times are instead needed.
As simple as this exercise is, it is the strongest tool to manifest a wonderful future, provided you carry it out intensively, constantly and persistently.