5.The iron bath.
I was in bed, again, resting my weary bones and who should come galloping into my bedroom but Robroy, it was a Saturday as I remember thus the arrival of a boy who normally would have been at school, locked up and forced to learn whatever they were teaching him these days. I learnt nothing when I went to school and my parents wasted their money sending we boys away, our local primary school taught us everything we needed to learn, the higher school was sports mad, thus a condemnation of their teachers and their non-ability to teach! I diverge.
'Well that door was closed for a purpose!'
“Was it to keep others out Grand-papa?”
'Amongst some I suppose, so why the impetuosity ?'
“I've been doing some checking up, on the computer.”
'And I suppose you discovered some keys you had to touch and the screen lit up and wonders of wonders you discovered a means of finding out things on the net.'
“Yes and no Grand-papa can I start?” I grunted so Robroy began first by hushing me to be quite and then continued in his usual pedantic way!
“I went down to the basement and looked at the bath we were sending up to High Hill, I borrowed Mothers mobile and took some pictures, then I opened up my computer, the one in the library, and went on line to research the iron bath, I had a feeling it was old and worth money. It had lions feet on the base so I looked at my pictures and compared them to the antique baths on the web and guess what?”
'What!'
“No you have to guess.”
'Its made of solid gold and painted black just to fool we older ones and it was my clever clogs grandson who scratched it and discovered a glean of sunlight coloured metal and..'
“No that's not it at all Grand-papa do stop!”
'I have not finished Robroy, be quite. And when we discovered how heavy the bath was we sold it for a huge price to a rich oil sheik who took it away and gave us millions so we could move away from this old grey dilapidated castle and buy a proper modern house with all the mod cons and then send our precocious children to a real school where they got thrashed regularly.'
“Can I have pear drop Grand-papa please I think this story has got legs on it and might take some time.”
'I've finished now.'
“A humbug then please.”
'Yes under the bed, and whilst you are sucking you can tell me what you have discovered and I have a feeling Uncle Gideon will not be pleased at the outcome.'
In between sucks Robroy unravelled his tale. Apparently the bath indeed was old and a remarkable design with roll top edges and lions feet. Big money was being spent at auctions by the arty set, whereas a cheap galvanised trough could be bought from the local hardware store. He had done well, the lad, to find all this out.
'One thing Robroy, the computer in the library is not yours yet, not until you start work as my secretary, it remains your mothers and mine and I presume you turned it off when you finished using it.'
A nod between sucks.
'So now off you go and find Uncle Gideon and tell him what you told me, that's if he is up. Yes I think a galvanised trough will do fine and he can order the tank and plumbing from the hardware store. I think your father should take care of selling the bath, don't you?'
“With me to help him of course.”
'Of course, was there any doubt, now go away.'
Well Robroy closed the door very quietly and tripped on downstairs, I heard his Grandmother ask what he had been doing. Dulcie had the room under mine so as soon as she heard her beloved grandson tripping down those stone steps she must have been keen to know what plans we had been hatching.
'The bath!' I yelled.
“I don't want a bath silly man.” Came her answer.
A week followed and a big lorry came up the drive and was directed around the back to the kitchen stairs where my two brothers and my sons had erected planks down the foot-well to the kitchen. They had already, with the help of the young ones, pulled the bath out, loaded on a length of hallway carpet to help it glide along the stone flags. As it was school day, the children were not there, so the adults were going to pull the bath up on the planks using the tractor and a long piece of wire rope. I went down to view the action and it was swiftly pulled up and loaded with the lorry's on-board crane. The lorry men signed for it and away they went.
'And the money?' I said somewhat sharply to Gideon.
“Already in the bank, alas some of it spent on the new water tank and trough which we will erect tomorrow. And Heir, our first sheep are due this weekend. Nick has arranged for all the children to help channel them into the field and I presume you don't want to be left out.”
'So you want them to channel me into High Hill as well, well if that's the case, you can leave me in with the shires for protection!' But Gideon just laughed.
Just a note on courtesy titles in our family which I might add we rarely use. Nick my son is a Marquess and Robin a Lord, normally in the old days they would be addressed as such and I presume young Robroy would be a Vicount. Yes all very complicated and quite frankly nobody bothers and I think its due to schooling and the estate workers and of course to the boys. As far as I know Sofia and Auntie Vi were the only ones who insisted on their rights to be called my lady or whatever. But living here Sofia has at last conformed to the family will and that was to treat everyone as equals, and that includes me. Though of course in view of my grand position as head of the family strangers call me by my proper title, and so they should!
“Uncle Heir are you coming down to see the sheep now?” Young Tom eager to get away so I looked out of my window and saw both Shires strapped up and ready to go with the cart almost full of children. And a big double story lorry full of bleating sheep. So I grabbed my old Tweed coat and trundled off down the stairs. Well they just have to wait I was not going to race down like the children, I had my back and my legs to watch out for! And when I got there at last I had to bundle Fig out of my chair placed at the back, well I did ask nicely.
'Out Figaro find your own.'
“You never call me Figaro unless you are cross Uncle Heir!”
'Well I'm not cross, just anxious to finally sit in comfort, you can sit on the arm of the chair if you like Fig.' And so he did, a smile returning to his little face.
Nick got the Shires moving, and Robin sitting in the lorry, had the lorry driver follow behind. So we made our way up to Home farm and onto High Hill. Alas the lorry could not make it, the slope being too steep. Gideon had considered this and had erected some Hessian channel going up to the field gate. He called all the children off the Shires wagon, including me as I foisted Tommy down to his sister Jess, Fig then I stepped off myself. Meanwhile the lorry had the back down and reversed back to the Hessian channel. Gideon arranged the children at the back of the lorry and sent the older ones up the slope to encourage the sheep into the field. I imagined there was to be a great deal of shouting but the bottom layer were released and immediately sprang up the hill into the field. Robroy closed the gate once they were in. Then the ramps were adjusted up to the second level and the sheep slide and scurried down the planks and swiftly galloped up the hill to join their flock. Robroy only managed to open the gate in time as they pushed through and knocked him over.
“I am OK grand-papa, don't worry.” Came a somewhat chastened voice as he scrambled to his feet and closed the gate. “Off now to fill the trough.” I looked at Gideon and he just shrugged his shoulders. Then a howl from above. Gideon raced up the hill and jumped the gate and rescued Robroy from the deluge. I heard him say it was the inlet tap Robroy had opened the one you screw the inlet hose onto. So he pointed to the outlet cock and Robroy manfully turned that on. They had a ball cock attached to the trough so they checked that all was working. Meanwhile the lorry left and all the children chambered up the hill to join the sheep. Then various cries rang out.
“That's going to be mine I'll call him Fred!”
“Its a female sheep.” From Gideon trying to hold back the throng of children. Then he shouted down to me.
“Heir for Gods sake call them back, they will stampede the sheep!”
I pulled an old police whistle from my coat and blew. All stopped in their tracks.
'This afternoon after lunch you can all go up and see the sheep but come down now as my Shires are in need of food and rest!' Actually Nick had let them off the cart and they were tucking into the green sward. But the whistle had made the children to think and they helped Gideon and Robin gather up the Hessian and poles to place them on the cart. I was helped up into my armchair and immediately pushed to side arm by a very wet Robroy.
'You are wetting my chair Robroy.'
“Well that's good Grand-papa its better off me and onto some absorbent cloth!”
'Your Grand-mama will have words no doubt!'
“But it wasn't your fault Grand-papa you were safely down by the cart!”
Well that was a relief, Dulcie's tongue lashings can be quite hurtful.