6.
It became a daily routine to go down to the children's burn unit. Every day saw a change in the number of children, some days there were fewer as they went home and other days an increase as children got added to the ward. Without knowing, I was being drawn into their little cushion of happiness and found myself smiling a few times. The little girl with black hair, Leah, was still there and always remained at my side as soon as I arrived. We talked a lot, and I even read her stories from her favourite books. All the children would gather around me when I began to read, and eventually, I got given the books to read the minute I entered the ward.
Physiotherapy was painful, and I hated it since it bore the reminder that I was less than perfect. The steel pins were finally removed from my broken leg and arm and replaced with specially fitted casts made of a hard plastic. I was grateful not to have the old white plaster stuff that they normally used.
One morning I hobbled into the children's ward on crutches and, as usual, was greeted by happy little faces. Leah said hello briefly then turned around and headed towards the door.
'Where are you going Leah?'
'To the chapel,' she replied so matter-of-factly that I was rather curious about this chapel.
'May I join you today?'
She simply waved her hand to indicate that I could. I didn't hesitate just in case she changed her mind. She walked with a brisk limp, and I hobbled along next to her with my crutches, still getting used to them, and before long we were at the entrance to the hospital chapel. It was quiet, peaceful and lit dimly but had an atmosphere of serenity not gloom. I had no idea what to do there, so I followed Leah. She made her way to a seat two rows from the front and sat down. I sat down too. She bent her head and closed her eyes, but I had no idea what she was doing so just sat next to her and stared around at the room. My heart beat slower and steadily, and I sat back and leant against the backrest of the pew, it hurt the scars on my back, so I sat forward again. As I did, I felt a sense of calm wash over me; it was the first time I had felt so relaxed since all the madness of the accident began. The stillness, the calm, the peace filtered through my body, and I simply sat there staring ahead at nothing. Leah lifted her head and looked at the cross hanging in front of the chapel with love in her eyes.
'What am I supposed to do?' I finally whispered to her.
'Nothing, just pray to Jesus.'
'How do I do that?'
'Close your eyes and talk to him. Ask Him to heal you, but first ask Him to help you to come into His life.'
This little girl, no more than twelve years old was so confident in her Jesus, she seemed so mature for her age, and she knew her faith was all she needed to survive. I closed my eyes and spoke to Jesus, not knowing at all whether what I was saying was wrong or right. I just told Him how unhappy I was and asked Him why I had to live like this. Strangely when I was finished talking to Him, I felt warm and refreshed, as if I had unloaded a burden I had been carrying around for eternity. The calm feeling I had remained and I felt at ease. When we returned to the ward, Mary looked at me curiously, and I smiled back at her. She came up to me and gently hugged me. I had no words to explain the peace I was feeling.
Every day until Leah was finally able to leave the hospital we went to the chapel together, and on Sundays Leah's parents joined us and it was such a pleasure to have the simple hospital chapel service with them. Leah's father was a minister, which explained a lot about her dedication. The last Sunday we spent together Leah's father handed me a book. I looked at it bewildered. Was I meant to read it? I could not remember the last time I had read a book.
'Don't look so scared of it,' he laughed and Leah giggled, 'it is a Bible, God's Word spoken through his apostles. It is the guide to life and eternity.'
I looked at the black leather-bound Bible in my hands. I flipped through the pages and noticed highlighted passages marked in pink.
'What are the highlighted parts for?'
'Those are scriptures of importance, which will help you hopefully, find Jesus.'
'Thank you,' I said.
Then Leah handed me a small booklet, 'It will help you read the Bible.'
She was too special and I bent down and hugged her so hard it hurt us both. The hospital seemed empty without Leah but every day I went to the children's ward and read to them and played games with them. I also went to the chapel every day and found myself longing to know Jesus more and more. My prayers slowly became less about me and more about the children who were as burnt and scarred as I was. The hair implants took as well as the doctors had expected and my broken limbs healed well too.
***
Eventually, the time came for me to leave the hospital. I was hesitant to go, I was safe here, cared for and had a support system in place around me. I was not prepared to care for myself yet or ever! What if I bumped into someone that knew me from the modelling world? That world seemed an eternity ago, and clearly it was not the world that missed me. In the entire time since my accident, my agent had visited me once, and it was obvious she had only done so to clear up business matters. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life now; I only knew how to be a spoilt, selfish, self-absorbed career-obsessed perfectly beautiful model.
My apartment smelt musty, and I felt lost in my home. I was so incredibly alone. I shuffled up and down the apartment, wandering around trying to find a comfortable spot to relax. I lifted up magazines and newspapers, went through all my mail and threw most of it away. I tried to watch TV, but even that finally got switched off. There was just nothing in the apartment that convinced me that it was mine, or made me feel that I belonged. I stood by the kettle for yet another cup of herbal tea waiting as the water came to a boil. On the counter in the kitchen was a flyer from the hotel I had stayed in when I had done the disastrous shoot in Mauritius. I flipped it over and read its offers and was startled when suddenly my phone rang. When was the last time I had received a phone call? I could not remember.
'Hello, this is Jade speaking,' I answered in what I remembered my professional tone to be.
'Hello Jade, this is Leah's father.'
I was so relieved to hear his voice on the other end of the line and not anyone related to my past.
'We want to invite you to come to church with us tomorrow. We can fetch you and drop you off, and Leah will be so happy if you say yes.'
He was gently persuasive but I resisted and that evening I did as I had always done and wallowed in my self-pity, wondering why the only friend I had in the world was a twelve-year-old girl when before I'd never given children the time of day. What was I going to do with my life? Modelling certainly was not an option anymore, and unfortunately, it was the only thing I knew how to do. I was unable to do anything too physical as my lungs had weakened considerably from the smoke inhalation and just going down to the local store was a huge effort. In the past, I had always been hounded for an autograph or photo, and I had thrived knowing I was being noticed – now if someone so much as looked at me for a second too long I wanted to slap them. I was also growing very weary of the false sympathy shown by some.
A knock on my door early one evening was an unusual sound; it startled me and I contemplated not answering so I waited, hoping whoever it was would go away. But the knock came again – and hesitantly I plodded to the door opening it just enough to see who it was.
'Hello, Jade. We made you a cake.'
It was Leah holding up a cute pink cake with silver balls sprinkled all over the icing. I stepped back and opened the door to allow in Leah, the cake and her parents.
'Please excuse the mess I look and that goes for the apartment too. Coffee or tea?' I offered and I had to admit to myself that I was very happy to see them.
We settled down in the lounge to eat Leah's yummy pink cake. She told me how she had made it herself with only a little help from her mother. Her parents, Merwyn and Molly, were contagiously happy people, they reminded me of the Gummi Bears, and Leah was their only child.
'So what do you plan on doing in the future Jade?' Merwyn asked before slaying the last slice of cake.
'I have no idea. I only know the modelling world and, well, I can't go back to that now can I?'
Instinctively I rubbed my left arm and the back of my neck.
'Well, would you mind if we came, say, once a week and had a little study with you? It might help you. We hope it will help you.'
I knew Molly was referring to a Bible study, and I remembered how easy and calmed the hospital chapel had made me feel.
'That might be nice. Yes, I think so but as long as you bring cake like this with you.'
I was surprised at my willingness to accept. We arranged to meet every Thursday evening at six-thirty and after a couple of sessions, I looked forward to it eagerly. I made sure my home was spotless for their arrival, and when their knock sounded on the door, I opened it almost instantly with a smile.
'Have you ever been in a place where you have felt relaxed and at peace?' Merwyn asked before, as always, eating the last slice of cake.
I had to think about it. Thinking about it took me to the many places and the many countries I had visited. It took me back to my previous world of fast and furious chaos, but suddenly in all that rush an image of a beach and a silent mesmerising sunset brought my memories to a standstill.
'Yes, in Mauritius, once,' I replied, still holding that image in my head, clinging to it for a few more seconds.
'Is there any reason you can't go back there for a while? A few weeks in a place like that will be just the medicine you need, and you won't get recognised there.'
'That is not a bad idea. I'll look into it. Thanks.'
After several weeks of studying with this wonderful family, I gave my life to Jesus. I got baptised in my bath by Merwyn and welcomed to my new life by a very over-excited Molly and Leah. The following Sunday I ventured out of my apartment and to church. I was overwhelmed by the friendliness and love I received from everyone. Why did it have to take such a major catastrophe in my life for me to find the Truth? But I had found it and it was exhilarating.
The Mauritius idea was growing on me more and more. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and wondered what kept me in this town, nothing did. I had no job and had no job lined up in the near future either. I had no friends except Leah and her parents and, yes, I was going to church now and had met some lovely people, but were they a reason for me to stay here? No! Molly suggested a lady from church who could sell my apartment and so I phoned her and gave her the mandate the very next day.