12.
The old man, his son and his grandson sat on the porch of their home, sipping hot chocolate and watching the sunset amongst the thick balls of clouds in the sky. It was a chilly evening as the autumn winds blew directly off the ocean bringing with them the colder taste of winter. They all had their warm sweaters on to protect them from the air and the gusts of the wind that swirled around the porch.
'Looks like the typhoon season is coming early,' Markl said to his father as they both rocked in their weathered rockers that had seen centuries of change from their prime positions overlooking the harbour and the glorious vast expanse of ocean.
'Hmmm, the weather station is already starting to send out the warnings,' Estaban replied clacking his teeth on his unlit pipe.
They both sighed and returned their gazes to the ocean, their hearts still heavy, and the events of the funeral that morning fresh in their minds. Kylar vroomed his toy monster truck up and down the wooden slats of the porch, the wheels making a diggy-dig noise as they rumbled over the grooves. He stopped, took a deep breath, picked up his truck, walked over to Markl placing the truck next to the rocker and climbed onto his father's lap. He too stared out over the ocean, at the small sailboats, fishing trawlers and other enormously expensive catamarans and large yachts. The sky grew darker as the sun slid below the horizon, becoming a bright orange ball forming a jigsaw puzzle with the clouds.
The chairs squeaked as the men rocked forwards and backwards in a soothing motion, the creaking noises playing a tune of their own as the three generations of males in the Jaxson family sat glued to the movie of the world they knew so well playing out before their eyes. Kylar leant back into Markl's chest and sniffed as he snuggled closer wrapping his arms around his father's neck. Markl cuddled his son with love and compassion and rubbed his back comfortingly.
'It will be okay son. It will be okay.'
He was trying hard to reassure his son that living the rest of their lives without the woman they called wife and mother would be okay. He fought down the chunk of painful sorrow flooding his chest, trying to keep it from bursting into a river of despair through the tears that brimmed at the edges of his eyelids. Estaban grunted and stuck the pipe back in his mouth ensuring his emotions did not spill over.
'Your mommy was sick son; it was better that God took her to be an angel so she can watch over you and your daddy without having all that pain. Now she can smile all the time watching you just like a guardian angel.'
Markl bent his head forward into Kylar's neck hiding the tears dribbling down his cheeks. Kylar took a staggered breath as the pain his heart was encasing broke at the seams and at that moment the desire to rather be in his precious most adored mother's arms was overwhelming. He longed for her; he longed for her touch, her voice, and he longed to be loved by her. He wanted to feel her arms around his tiny body and have her fingers run down his cheeks and then her forefinger tap his nose as she smiled at him and whispered, 'I love you.'
His heart broke open, and he cried aloud with longing for the mother he had just seen buried in the family graveyard, and while he knew how much his father loved him, he knew that he had just buried the most important person his world had ever known.
Markl held him tightly, his chest heaving as he sobbed his sorrow. Together they cried for a person who had been loved so dearly and for a moment, time stood still allowing the passion of love to comfort their hurting souls.
Estaban stood up from his rocking chair with a grunt and walked to the edge of the porch wiping his face with his sleeve. Markl rocked the chair soothing their heavy hearts, and slowly they calmed their tears until they stayed at bay for the time being. Estaban moved from his spot on the porch and walked to the front door hesitating by his son and grandson and affectionately placing his hand on Markl's shoulder. Markl placed his hand on his father's and leant his head on their hands appreciating Estaban's compassion without any words. They did not need words; their actions spoke volumes.
Markl stood up from the rocking chair with Kylar in his arms and followed his father into the house. He laid Kylar on the couch and put the TV on hoping something decent was on for his son to watch. After flipping through almost every channel, SpongeBob was selected, and Kylar curled up hugging a cushion bringing his knees into his chest. Markl covered him with the crocheted blanket that his mother had made for him when he had been a baby. When he was sure Kylar was comfortable, he went to the kitchen and joined Estaban at the kitchen table. He sat down with a thump, totally exhausted.
'It will take time son. The best remedy will be for you to get back on the sea and Kylar must get back to school and be around his friends. Kids get through these things much quicker than we do.'
'Yeah, I know you're right. I can still remember when mom died. I just never imagined in my wildest dreams I would ever be in the shoes you wore.'
'It's what they call life son. Fortunately, for you, I am still around and ever more, so God is around.'
He smiled and patted Markl on the shoulder. It had been a long day starting off at four in the morning, not for any other reason than it was a habit. When a member of the community passed on in this laidback little Mauritian town, it was felt in the hearts of everyone, and they all felt it was their duty to help carry the burden. Thus, a little after six that morning the first of the community had shown up with a plate of food or snacks for after the funeral service. And so it went on until the memorial service at noon, then to the graveyard for the burial service and then everyone remained to show their respects to the Jaxson family and to have tea and snacks after the service. The community, closely knitted together despite the continuous influx of tourists, was held together most strongly when someone was hurting. Everyone felt that if they left the bereaved family, they would be letting them down, and the family would not be able to cope, and so they hung around until someone else made the first move. It meant for a long day.
Markl put his arms on the kitchen table and rested his head on them. He closed his eyes just for a few minutes and not any longer or else he might just find himself falling asleep right there. Sleep was not a bad option even if it was only seven in the evening.
'Think I might go sleep,' Markl said forcing himself up from the table.
He lifted the fast asleep Kylar off the couch, and carried him to his bed, tucking him in before climbing in on the other side. Kylar did not stir once even when his shoes got removed. Markl's head had barely hit the pillow, and he was asleep.
Estaban went back outside to the porch biting on his pipe and sat in his faithful rocking chair. He rocked himself a few times before he stopped, put his head in his hands and burst into the tears that had been long in waiting. When he eventually got his breath back, he sniffed and wiped his eyes and looked to the sky.
'Well Rue, you finally got to meet her now, I know you will both watch over us down here.'
He stopped talking as his gruff voice crackled and his heart broke at the longing for his beloved wife who had left this earth fifteen years ago. The passing of his dearest daughter-in-law had brought back the agony he had felt long ago.
As always, at four in the morning, the three men sat on the porch drinking coffee. Although not preparing for a day at sea, they found solace in their usual routine. As always, Estaban read from the Bible, and they prayed together. Kylar sat at the top of the stairs leading from the porch to the front garden. He stared towards the harbour watching the birds fluttering around the trawlers encouraging them to get a move on and get their haul in as they were hungry too.
'Aunty Mea says Mommy was beautiful on the inside, it did not matter what she looked like on the outside,' Kylar said casually, still watching the seagulls.
Markl flew from his rocking chair in a rage and stomped to the edge of the porch almost breaking the timber railing with his grip of steel as he fought down his anger.
'Your mother was beautiful inside and out. Aunty Mea needs to learn to keep her opinion to herself,' he snarled.
'No need upsetting yourself son. You know that woman is as silly and harmless as women come. She meant no harm,' Estaban said waving his hand at Markl and shaking his head.
Markl's grip on the railing loosened, he took a deep breath of early morning air, closed his eyes and let go of the railing.
'Let's go down to the harbour, and watch the fellows go out,' he said reaching for Kylar's hand and patting Estaban on the shoulder as he walked past his father.
Estaban bit his pipe and followed them. Down at the harbour they felt at peace, they felt eased from the anguish that filled their hearts, and even though they weren't going out to sea themselves, they felt better for being there. They felt God's presence holding them together should they fear to break apart. They drew on God's strength guiding them through the passage of grief.