When Jill woke up in the morning, the wind was howling fiercely and it was spitting rain. The corrugated iron roof of the house rattled and creaked. Berenice was stirring beside her. “Morning, sleepy head,” said Berenice, yawning and reaching over to turn off the alarm on her phone. “You didn’t even stir when I came to bed last night.”
“No,” said Jill. “Must be the meds my dodgy doctors gave me.”
Berenice laughed loudly. “How’s it feeling? Let me see.” Jill held out her wrist.
“Looks fine,” said Berenice, giving a dismissive wave of her hand.
“I feel like such a sissy,” said Jill. “I don’t usually get squeamish around blood. I’ve patched Simon up enough times.”
“Don’t stress. It’s always different when it’s you.”
The two got up and dressed, wishing they could have a hot shower, but not managing to face the thought of a tub bath. They made their way to the church, finding it hard even to walk straight in the wind. Melissa was already there, starting breakfast, and except for Dave, who was still sleeping in his corner, the guys were up and dressed. As she stood at the door, stamping the dirt off her shoes,
Jill had a feeling that she was looking forward to something. What is it? she wondered, and then she realised – Alex. Alex was inside, and she was looking forward to seeing him. She shook her head to chase the thought away. Don’t be silly, she thought. It was just Alex.
She didn’t have to look for him; he was waiting at the door. “Hi,” he said, as she came in, trying to smooth down her windswept hair. “How’s your arm?”
“It’s feeling good, thanks. A little tender. But good.” She held out her wrist and pushed up her sleeve for him to see.
He took her arm in his hand to look. “Great,” he said. “No more bleeding. You can keep that on until tomorrow, I think. Then we can change the dressing.”
“Thanks,” she said, covering it up again with her jacket and feeling suddenly shy.
“Come on, everyone,” called James. “Time to pray before we start.”
After breakfast they set up the clinic for the third time. They were getting pretty quick at it now. They had to wake Dave up eventually. Because of the weather, the people who were visiting the clinic needed to be able to wait inside, so the cubicles were a little more squashed up than they had been before. They set up as many benches and chairs as they could along one side of the hall for a waiting area. Today had been set aside for women to visit the clinic, and some had brought their babies and children. Jill found some paper and crayons, and set up a makeshift creche in the kitchen. The children were mostly very happy to sit at the table and draw, and two little girls were delighted when Jill showed them a clapping game she remembered from primary school. Dave and Brad didn’t have anything to do today because of the wind, so she roped them in too. By mid-morning Dave had an excited bunch of small boys around him, watching him drawing planes and cars. Jill was carrying a miserable one-year-old whose mother was with JP having a minor procedure done, when Berenice poked her head into the kitchen, a tiny bundle in her arms.
“Jill – can you hold this newborn for a while? His mother gave birth a few days ago and she has a nasty childbirth injury. We need to stitch her up.” Jill shuddered at the thought of that. Berenice said it as casually as if she had said she needed to make a sandwich. She tried to put the one-year-old down but he cried and clung onto her.
“I will,” said Brad, holding out his arms for the baby.
“Thanks,” said Berenice, handing the baby over. “Stay in here, though. The mother might not be too thrilled at a man holding the baby.” She disappeared.
Jill watched Brad as he sat on the kitchen bench with the baby. “You’ve done that before, Brad,” she said, jiggling her own tearful burden around and letting him play with her clay beads.
“I have a daughter,” he said. “She lives with her Mom in Joburg.” “That must be hard, Brad,” said Jill. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah,” he said, gently rocking the baby as it stirred in its sleep. “She’s ten now. I took care of her a lot when she was a baby. Now I see her twice a year. Been divorced for seven years.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Brad.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s nice to hold a baby again. It’s been a while.”
Jill smiled, taking in the picture of the big, burly man holding the tiny child. It reminded her of a dream she held close to her heart – of a baby of her own, in the arms of a man she loved. It was such a precious dream that she rarely let herself think about it, but seeing Brad now had brought it to the front of her mind. For a second she tried to put Mark into the picture in her head, but she couldn’t do it. No, he would never be that to her. Before she could help it, she had swapped him for Alex. In the moment before she shook her head, chiding herself for being silly, the image had settled itself quite comfortably and wouldn’t budge, so that when the little boy in her arms began to cry for his mother again, she was grateful for the distraction. But one thought remained – if Alex had Huntington’s he wouldn’t be able to have kids without risking passing it on to them, and she couldn’t imagine that he would knowingly do that. When she handed her young charge back to his mother her heart was still heavy for him, and she wished as she had so often before that she could take it all away.
The team packed away the clinic and ate lunch together. Today they left one of the cubicles up, because a few of the patients were coming back in the afternoon.
“One of my patients has a lipoma on her arm I’m going to remove,” said JP, as he ate his sandwich. “It’s just a benign lump but it’s at the joint and bothering her. It should only take about half an hour. Someone else is bringing her son who burnt his arm yesterday, and then there’s a lady who shut her finger in a door a couple of weeks ago and needs the nail removed.”
“Ew,” said Jill. “Respect to you guys – and this is what you do all day. I’m so glad I can stick to nice clean words on a page or a screen.” “That’s why I picked physio,” said Nicky. “No blood and guts.”
“It doesn’t bother me,” said Kelly. “Good thing or I wouldn’t be able to do my job!”
Berenice laughed. “Medicine isn’t nice and clean, that’s for sure. Hey, Alex? How did you like the suturing today?”
“It was hectic,” said Alex, taking his second sandwich. “Poor woman.”
“You let him do that?” asked Jill. “The mother with the newborn?”
“Sure!” said Berenice. “How else is he going to learn?”
Jill felt embarrassed at the thought of Alex sewing up someone’s childbirth injury. “I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a childbirth injury,” she said. “I wish I still didn’t.” “Not a nice thought,” said James.
“Is Stef feeling worried about giving birth?” asked Berenice. “Three more months, is it?”
“Maybe a bit,” said James, “but I know she’s prepared for whatever it takes. Once the baby’s on the way it’s inevitable, right?”
Jill smiled at the thought of James and Stef’s very much anticipated baby. She was looking forward to being an aunt of sorts. She looked over at Alex and caught his eye. He didn’t drop his gaze and their eyes locked for a moment before she looked away. This conversation was getting a bit much, she thought. “More tea, anyone?” she asked, and got up from her chair. She busied herself rinsing cups and boiling the kettle, willing herself to stop having silly thoughts about Alex.
The afternoon went by slowly. Except for JP, who was seeing his patients, and Kelly who was assisting him, the others were pretty bored. The wind howled and at one point they thought it might be snowing, but it was just a little frozen sleet. They all hoped it would stop the next day so that they could go on their pony trek with Solomon. For some of the time, Alex sat on his mattress and read a book. Jill wondered if it was the one Simon had given him but he was resting it on his knees and she couldn’t see the cover. She made a dash to her room to fetch her notebook and pen, thinking she would work on a poem she had started thinking about that morning. As she sat at the table she found herself wondering about what it would be like if he did become a Christian. Imagine – Alex standing in church singing the words of the songs. Alex coming to a Bible study, asking questions and listening to the answers. Alex turning his life around, focussing on God and on what he could do for others rather than what he could achieve for himself. As she had so often, she sent up a prayer for him – a heart-felt plea to God to work in his heart, to use the words of the book and the time here to change his heart and turn it towards him.
Jill got up from the table. She had scribbled a few lines but she wasn’t happy with them yet. She thought she would make some hot chocolate and offer some to the others in the hall. As she walked into the hall she looked across at where Alex was sitting, still leaning against the wall but not looking at the book now. He held his hands palms-up on his knees, making fists and flexing the tendons in his wrists. Then he laid them in his lap and looked up towards the ceiling, closing his eyes. He’s thinking about Huntington’s, she thought. He’s wondering if his hands will let him down one day. Her heart ached for him as she noticed, even from a distance, the deep breaths he was taking and the tension in his brow. She turned and went back into the kitchen. She would make him a cup of hot chocolate and take it to him, and provide that tiny bit of comfort amid his dark thoughts. She could at least do that.
Wishful Stitches
A tiny needle, a tiny thread
A pull I hardly feel
You tie the knots and close a wound And I begin to heal
If only I could fix your fear
And stitch your grief away
If only I possessed the skill To heal your heart today
-Jill
Jill loved serving the meals to the kids. She had learned a few names and tried to recall them as the children held out their plates to her, but their names were so different to anything she had heard before that it was difficult to remember them. Today the team had peeled a mountain of potatoes and the guys had taken turns mashing them, and she and Melissa had stood by the stove for hours frying pieces of chicken. There were many happy, greasy faces in the hall that evening, despite the biting cold that seemed to penetrate even deeper by the end of the harsh grey day. It was Friday, so there wouldn’t be any more evening meals until Monday, and on top of the treat of the chicken, each child also got a big, chewy chocolate cookie, made by Melissa and Jill that afternoon. In the absence of an oven Melissa had invented a sticky concoction of oats, sugar, cocoa powder and syrup that she cooked in a pot and shaped into cookies on big trays. The smiles on the children’s faces were worth all the mountains of cleaning up, Jill thought, even though she had been banned from washing pots and pans because of her wrist.
This evening the team waited until the children were gone before they sat down to eat their meal. They pulled two tables together and sat around them with their own cookies, tired but satisfied with their evening’s work.
“So, guys,” said James. “Let’s play a game.”
There were a few groans and moans from the group. “We are not your youth group, James!” said Dave.
“We’re a bit old for that, don’t you think?” said Berenice, yawning. “What do you have in mind, charades or something?”
“No, no,” said James. “I was thinking we should play Highlight and Lowlight. You won’t even have to move.”
“That’s a good idea,” said Melissa. “We’ve been doing so many different things – it will be nice to hear how everyone’s doing.”
“Okay,” said James. “We go around the table, and you all share a highlight and a lowlight of the trip so far. Starting with you, Dave.”
Dave groaned. “Okay, I’ll get my turn over with. A highlight … definitely seeing how much this hall is used after all the work we put in to build it. Awesome feeling. And a lowlight – I’d say missing my dog.”
Everyone laughed. Dave and his dog were inseparable at home.
“You’re next, Kelly,” said James.
“Highlight for me – assisting JP this afternoon,” said Kelly. “I loved it. And a lowlight – I have to say the cold at night. I miss my bed!”
Nicky agreed that the cold was bottom of her list, and said that her physio session with a little boy who had broken his arm a few months before was her highlight. “His arm is weak and if he does the exercises I showed him it will get strong again,” she said. “It was so cool.”
Melissa was next. “My highlight has been spending all this time with my guy,” she said, leaning her head on JP’s arm. “He’s been working so much lately I’ve missed him. And feeling so proud of him for what he does.” The two looked at each other so affectionately that Jill felt a tug at her heart. “And a lowlight would be that my guy hasn’t had a bath for a few days.”
Everyone laughed. “Sorry, babe,” said JP. “Soon I’ll be smelling of roses again. My highlight has been the people I’ve met at the clinics. They are so respectful to me and grateful, no matter how long they have waited. Unlike many of my patients at home. And a lowlight … I can’t think of one!”
“Come on,” said James. “There must be something.”
“Okay then – I guess when I thought Mel got burned at the stove yesterday. That was a scary moment. Now your turn, James.”
“My lowlight has definitely been missing Stef like crazy and wishing she was here,” said James. “And my highlight has been seeing the amazing work that Pastor Isaac is doing here, training pastors. It is so inspiring, and gives me so much hope for the future.”
“Cool,” said Berenice. “My worst is having to sleep with Jill. She snores.”
Everyone burst out laughing. Jill opened her mouth in surprise.
“Only joking, Chickee!” laughed Berenice. “You don’t snore.
You sleep like an angel. I probably snore like a train.” “You don’t,” said Jill, hoping she wasn’t blushing.
“I think actually my best has been working with this lighty,” she said, giving Alex’s arm a pat. “It’s exciting to see his potential. What a pleasure to have such a smart, passionate student.”
Now it was Alex’s turn to be surprised. “Wow. Thanks Berenice. That means a lot coming from you.”
“I mean it,” she said. “And my actual lowlight – I’m with Kelly and Nicky. Next time we come in summer, okay?”
Now it was Alex’s turn. He looked around at the table. “I don’t know what to say,” he said. “To be honest this trip feels like a highlight of my whole life. For a lot of reasons. The clinic, being in Lesotho – everything.”
“Wow,” said Dave. “That’s heavy.”
“And a lowlight – I guess knowing I have to go back to real life next week. But I’m trying not to think about that too much.”
Now it was Jill’s turn. She felt a little awkward, because she knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that seeing Alex soften and change, and open up to Christianity, was the highlight of this trip by far. And the worst thing was the threat of Huntington’s hanging over him. But she couldn’t say either of those.
“My highlight has been spending time with all of you, and seeing this beautiful country,” said Jill. “And on the other side – I miss my comfortable house, I have to admit that. And nearly passing out yesterday. Didn’t enjoy that.”
“My turn,” said Brad. “Highlight for me – holding the baby this morning.”
“Awww,” said Jill, Melissa and Kelly together.
“Okay, okay,” said Brad. “And a lowlight – all those sick kids yesterday. The HIV and the hungry tummies. Breaks my heart.”
There was just Mark left now. They hadn’t seen him much that day, as he and James had been working in the office. He was sitting straight up in his chair, his hands on his lap, his mug of tea in front of him. “A highlight of this trip so far has been fixing the mess with the donations for the feeding scheme. And a lowlight has been that I haven’t spent as much time with the rest of the team as I had hoped.”
Everyone nodded, but Jill felt embarrassed. Did he mean everyone on the team, or her? She hoped not, but still, she avoided his eye.
That evening James and Alex sat together over the Bible again. They were reading through the book of John, and Alex, who had thought he had a pretty good idea of what was in the Bible, was discovering that he had been wrong. What he was reading was nothing like the lists of rules or boring stories he had pictured. It felt as if every line was something important, something God was saying to him that he needed to understand. He kept James busy with his questions until it was clear they were keeping the other guys up.
On Saturday morning most of the team were up early, excited for their first pony trek. Dave and Brad had decided to stay behind – they had both been on pony treks before and decided to take advantage of the day’s clear weather and do some work on the church roof instead. The plan was to visit a village about ten kilometres away. Solomon had a few friends there, and Pastor Isaac had visited the village a few times. As Solomon had said before, there were a few people who had shown interest in talking about Christianity, but it was too far for them to come to the church in his village. He had suggested that the team take Solomon and some of the Sesotho Bibles that they had brought, and that James prepare a short talk which Solomon could translate.
They had a quick breakfast in the hall, and Alex sat with Jill and changed the dressing on her cut. JP agreed that it looked great, there was no infection and it was starting to knit together nicely. It didn’t hurt at all any more. They packed the lunches that Jill and Melissa had made the previous day, and gathered in a clearing behind the church to wait for Solomon and his friends who were bringing the ponies. Alex wore the Lesotho hat he had bought, but everyone else had bundled up warm in beanies and scarves. Jill was looking forward to riding a pony again. She had last done it years before on a school trip.
“Have you ever ridden a horse before, Alex?” asked Mark, as the team waited, rubbing their hands together and stamping their feet to keep warm.
“I haven’t,” said Alex. “A camel once, but never a pony for some reason. Have you?”
“Yes, I rode horses on my grandparents’ farm,” said Mark. “It’s been a few years though.”
Alex nodded. “What about you, Jill?”
“I’ve been on a few rides,” she said. “Enough to know the basics and that I’m not exactly a natural. But it’s fun.”
There was a shout from Solomon as he arrived at last with his friends, three young men around his age, who were leading the group of ponies. The Basotho ponies were small but strong, a vital form of transport for people in the more remote areas. There were many villages that were accessible only by foot or pony. Jill managed to mount hers with a little push from one of the local boys. She wasn’t surprised to see that Alex got on his pony as if he had done it a hundred times before.
It was wonderful setting off into the morning. Jill soon got used to the jolting, swaying motion, remembering how to lean back on the downhills and stabilize herself with only her legs. For a while Mark rode in front of her, until he and James made their way to the front of the group with Solomon to try out some cantering. “Hi,” said Alex, riding up alongside Jill’s pony. “It suits you.” “What, riding a horse?” she asked.
“Yes, it looks good on you. I suppose I should rather say you look good on it.”
“Thanks,” said Jill. “But I haven’t washed my hair and I’m scruffy and messy, so I don’t really believe you.”
“We’re all scruffy,” said Alex, grinning at her. “That doesn’t mean you don’t look good to me.”
Jill felt something in her chest do a loop, and she was pretty sure she blushed. She couldn’t decide if this strange feeling made her happy or not. Years ago, when Alex had dished out the compliments she had laughed and brushed him off. Now, it felt different.
“Well, you don’t look scruffy,” she said. “You never do. It’s a gift you have.”
“If you say so,” he said. “But I am enjoying my hat. Even though it threatens to fall off when I trot.”
Jill laughed. “Isn’t this great?” she said. “I feel as if I’ve gone back in time.”
“I know what you mean,” said Alex. “I feel as if real life has paused for a while. I know I have to hit play again at some point but I don’t want to.”
“You mean going home?”
“Yup. I’m not ready yet.”
“That’s okay. Four more days of the time bubble. You can forget about real life until then if you want.”
“I definitely want,” said Alex. They smiled at each other as the ponies clip-clopped along the stony path. What is it with that smile?
thought Jill. Anya had once said it was dreamy. It really was.
They reached the village about two hours after they had set out. As usual the children ran out to meet them as they approached. Jill was amazed that some of them were barefoot. Her feet were cold even in her shoes and thick socks. All of them seemed to be wearing blankets of various sizes and colours. Just outside the group of huts they dismounted, and Solomon took charge, greeting those who had come to meet them. For the next while they congregated in what seemed to be the centre of the group of huts, sitting on rocks and some rough benches, and allowing themselves to be examined and inspected by the children. The team practiced their Sesotho greetings, and Jill soon had two little children in her lap. A little girl, about four years old, kept repeating something as she stroked Jill’s hair. Jill called one of Solomon’s friends over to ask him what she was saying.
“She say your hair like sun going down,” said the boy, grinning at her.
Jill laughed. “Kealeboha,” she said to the girl. “Thank you. Your hair is soft like a blanket. Can you tell her that?”
The boy repeated what she had said, and the little girl giggled, hiding her face in her hands.
The villagers trickled in for the next while, curious to see their visitors. Solomon was trying to organise a gathering so James could give his talk, and arrange for the team to meet the chief. It took a long time, during which nothing really seemed to be happening. Jill didn’t mind. She was just enjoying sitting in this remote place, gazing around her at the hills dotted with huts, enjoying the attention of the children.
After nearly an hour Solomon reported that the gathering was going to happen soon. He suggested that they move away from the centre of the village to a small open area beside one of the huts to eat their lunches. After that they would gather again for James to preach. Some of the children hung around as they ate, and were rewarded with sandwiches and biscuits. Jill was so hungry after the ride and the early start, that even the leathery apples and slightly stale peanut butter sandwiches seemed like a feast.
Just as she finished her lunch, Berenice came up to her. “Come, Jill,” she said. “Solomon says that a woman here had a baby two days ago. She’s in isolation inside her hut and they’re inviting us to see the baby.”
Jill jumped at the chance, and found the bag with the Bibles so she could give one to the new mother. She was interested to see inside the hut and of course to see the newborn baby. She, Berenice, Kelly, Nicky and Melissa followed Solomon up a little hillside to a tiny hut with just a door, and no windows. Only the women were allowed in. Solomon explained that after giving birth, traditional Basotho women remain in their huts for three months with their babies, not venturing out at all. Men were not allowed to look at them at all during this time. The mother was sitting on a pile of mats against the wall, wrapped in many layers of blankets. The hut smelled musty and close, and Jill wondered how she could bear to stay in there for so long. Surely it was unhealthy? The tiny baby was in her arms. Jill approached reverently, crouching beside the new mother. She looked so young, probably seventeen or eighteen at the most, she thought. The baby was so tiny, so perfect. What a different world this baby is coming into, she thought, reaching out her hand to touch the tiny head. They were all a little awed, speaking their greetings and thanks softly. The mother accepted the Bible gratefully.
Afterwards, they went to see the chief a little way from where they had gathered. Solomon motioned for them to enter the small hut, and when Jill’s eyes adjusted to the dim light she was surprised to see that the chief was a woman, an old woman sitting on a chair with a small child at her feet. The room was simply furnished with a sleeping mat, the chair on which the chief sat, and a few other things she could not distinguish in the darkness. Solomon gave her a Bible and the bag of groceries, then spoke at length in Sesotho. Jill assumed he was explaining who they were and why they were here.
The chief nodded as he spoke, and then spoke herself. Solomon smiled.