Chapter 2
This was not the best time to be in school. A million things ran through my head. I was thinking of almost every possible thing wrong in my life (going as far back as when my father left us). I just wanted to be home in Samuel’s arms, talking about nothing. Just being safe and out of my mind. Just being me. What I wanted to do the most was be at home sitting right beside Samuel as he strokes my star blonde hair and tells me that everything will be alright. That it is alright. I couldn’t focus at all in class.
My friend Erika (who I talk to more, now that my best friend is dead) kept trying to get me to stop dozing off. But, the truth is no one could get me to focus. I knew I would have a lot of homework since I was not paying attention in class.
“Charlotte?!” I quickly turned my head to where the voice was coming from. Shit! It was my teacher. I didn’t want to deal with her, but I had no choice.
Her dark brown hair and her hazel, narrowed eyes. Her hands on her curved hips. Her nice blue, silk jacket hanging over her cotton, black, summer top. Her multicolored, long skirt covering her legs. Her earrings were plain red studs and her shoes were just brown flats.
“Yes, Mrs. Jones?” Her voice was serious and annoyed (first time I’ve ever heard it like that, addressed to me).
“You haven’t been paying attention,” she said while walking up to my desk. I could tell she was angry (or was it annoyed) just by the tone of her voice. Her arms crossed over her chest and that confirmed it for me. Her eyes grew narrower and her cheeks got more red. I was actually starting to enjoy this a little. The first time in my life, I was happy to be making a teacher/adult mad and wanted to keep going. Who am I? What have I become? “I have no choice but to write you up and call your pare…brother,” she continued.
And of course, she had to remind me that I have no parents. She gave me a look that said ‘I’m disappointed in you, and you need to pay attention.’ But in that look, I could also tell that she was annoyed at how many times she’s called my name. Of course, she went easy on me…again…because this is the first year I’ve acted out. And, again, its because I don’t care.
I gave a sympathetic nod which was a total lie. I wasn’t sympathetic toward hardly anything these days. Everyday is living hell for me. Ever since July that is. Honestly, before July I thought I lived in heaven. My life was so awesome. I loved it. Now it feels like hell. My life changed in the blink of an eye. Going from heaven to hell in one day. Could you ever imagine that?
Not having ups and downs day after day. But, having your life feeling like nothing could ever be wrong, to feeling like you don’t care and all because of ONE thing? It sucks. I can tell you that. You feel like you can never be safe again. Like, nothing will ever be alright and after a while, you‘re so used to it that you don't care about anything anymore. Sure you still love and care for those around you. But, everything else is like ‘Eh.’
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” She gave me a nod and had a look that said ‘Okay.’ I could tell she didn’t fully believe me though. I wouldn’t either. The rest of the day was a big blur. I remember talking to Samuel and some teachers, but that’s about it. So, when the final bell rang, I was up and out of the class faster than…whatever the fastest animal on Earth is. I think it’s a jaguar. No, cheetah. That’s it. Cheetah.