Chapter 3
I didn’t even wait for Samuel like I usually do. Usually I am the last one out of the classroom and/or to get to the lobby. Instead, he found me in the lobby. I wanted to get out of that hell hole as soon as I could. I didn’t want to stay another minute. I wasn’t going to take my time today.
“Wow. Never seen you move that fast before. Have somewhere important to be?” I knew he was teasing by the look on his face and the tone of his voice. He smile widely with a gleam in his eye that warmed my heart, but I didn’t smile back.
“Ya. Its called a home,” I said seriously, “Ever heard of one?” He nodded as his smile faded. He came closer to me. So close, I could feel his warm, comfortable breath on my face. At first I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t.
“I know you feel like nothing matters anymore, but you know that’s not true. Erika told me you weren’t concentrating in class.” He explained it like I asked a question. I guess he saw the question in my eyes, yet I didn’t because I wasn’t even thinking about a question. But, he knows me better, so… Samuel stroked some pieces of my hair out of my face and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn’t help but stand there, staring into those gorgeous eyes of his.
“Everyone is dying around me. That matters. And you.” He smiled and nodded. Then, he finally kissed my cheek. He gave me a long, soft hug that gave me everything. It was perfect and comforting. I never wanted him to leave my side. When we finally split apart I felt alone. My body was cold and I craved for him to hug me again. We went straight to my house.
My brother was waiting for me in the living room. As soon as I saw the glare n his face and how his eyes were narrowed at me, I could tell he was irritated by me. What did I do this time? Does he always have to make my life worse?
“You are sixteen years old,” were the first words out of his dip-shit of a mouth, “you’re old enough to do chores around this house without being asked.” He crossed his arms and gave me a look that said ‘What do you have to say for yourself?’ I rolled my eyes and walked away into the kitchen to our left.
Of course, both Tom and Samuel knew what I mean, ‘I don’t care.' They both followed me to the kitchen where I was getting stuff out to make a sandwich. Tom started lecturing me about responsibility and about being sixteen. Stuff like, ‘I was sixteen too,’ and ‘You may want to do whatever the hell you want, but that’s not going to happen.’ He went on for about twenty minutes. I was mostly blocking out all of it. I did come back to hear the sympathetic part of the lecture. Tom (whom has a good five inches on me) walks up to me and looks down on me. His dark brown hair looking perfectly combed-probably because he does comb it-and his brown eyes looking into mine. I looked away to not see what his eyes tell me.
“Char…I know you’re having a hard time. Especially the last few months. But, we need to move on the best we can. Nothing can change what’s happened.” He paused, half trying to find the words. Half waiting to see my reaction. I didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything so I put my hand on my thigh. “I think it would be best if you try to get past this. All of it.”
‘All of it’? What did he mean by that? Why so much emphasize on the ‘all’? Does he know? Did someone tell him what happened in July? You didn’t tell him did you? Because I said not to. I started to freak out, but I didn’t show it. At least, I thought I didn’t. Tom, then, pulled me in for a hug. Creepy! When he pushed away and left, Samuel put a hand on my shoulder. I knew what that gesture meant. ‘Are you okay?’ I nodded and turned around and gave him a hug. Just as forceful (but comforting) he hugged me back.
“He’s right, babe.” He didn’t push on like he usually does, and I loved him for that. My reply:____ Nothing. I didn’t say anything. I just stood there in his arms. Where I’m meant to be. That night, Samuel and I were cuddled on the couch watching a movie. It was a horror movie called ‘Nightmare in the Woods’.
I kept jumping out of my skin and Samuel would always pull me closer and hold me tighter. He would always whisper ‘You’re fine. I’m right here’ in my ear and it would make me loosen up and feel more safe. We finished two bags of popcorn about an hour into the movie and didn’t have any left (I love popcorn). When the movie was over it was about 6:45.
Perfect time for another movie. The best part: Tom was out working! As I sat up to put in another movie, Samuel grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. “I like it when you’re full of life,” he said straightly, but there was something in his eyes.
“You’re much more fun at home, than anywhere else.” He was being serious. I knew by the look in his eyes.
“I only feel safe with you. Not when there are so many psycho people around. I don’t have to hide my thoughts or feelings at home.” I was about to go on, but I stopped. I looked down at the space between us which wasn’t much. He picked up my chin and looked deep into my eyes.
“Why are you so different now? You don’t share your feelings like you used to. You keep everything locked inside. You’re not open anymore. What happened?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment; hesitating. He knew that I wasn’t going to answer, so he went on.
“There are always ups and downs. Lessons to learn. Mistakes made. You were just one of those people who got them all at once.”
I still didn’t say anything, so he smiled and kissed my forehead ever so softly.
It hardly felt like there was anything there. But, I knew he was there. I know he’ll always have my back. I can always count on him. And I knew that is what he meant by the kiss. He was comforting me, like he always does. That’s all I can ask of him right now. That is all I ever wanted.
And I love him because he knew that. He always knows me. That is one of the most important reasons why I truly love him. He knows me better than anything else. We fell asleep about 11:20 that night. Well, Samuel did anyway. I didn’t get to sleep until I had 45 minutes to get up. I couldn’t sleep because of all of the things reeling in my brain.
Even though I was so comfortable and safe in Samuel’s arms, I couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong. Everything was wrong. There was this strong feeling deep in my gut that I couldn’t shake. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow. I still lay there going through 50 thoughts in 1 minute. I can tell you this; that is not a good feeling. I don’t think its good for you either (emotionally, I mean).