Journey Untold My Mother's Struggle with Mental Illness by Yassin S. Hall and Loán C. Sewer - HTML preview

EPILOGUE

Just like the cancer that ended my mother’s life, mental illness is a

parasite that creeps through your mind and erodes the traits that

makes you who you are. It most certainly has had a profound impact

on the way my life has turned out; but I am not one to lament. I just

thank God that he brought me through all of those situations with

my own mind intact – at least I’d like to think that it is. My mother’s

illness had a monumental impact on every aspect of my life until the

day she connected with me in her bedroom and until I had the final

release I needed to love and accept myself.

Since her death, I feel as though God has given me a new canvas

with which to create the life of my dreams. I have been blessed with

new life in my businesses and my entrepreneurial creativity is flowing

stronger than ever. I launched my retail store, Let’s Journey Into

Fashion in 2011 and am happy to say that my clothing has made it to

the red carpet. As the stylist for Cyrene Tankard, star of the hit reality

TV show Thicker than Water. I had the privilege of accompanying her

to the Bravo TV premiere of her family’s reality show in 2013. It

would be the start of an incredible relationship that is expanding into

other avenues. I have rebuilt my relationship with God and now

realize that without him nothing is possible; and I mean NOTHING!

My faith has been restored and I am living my best life so that my

kids can live theirs. I have also used my social media platform to

empower women who have been voiceless to speak their truths. I am

turning my lemons into some real y amazing lemonade and I am watching God do

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his thing in a much bigger way than I could have ever done on my own. In just

four years since my mother’s death, due to a series of blessings from

the man above, I was able to share my Journey Untold. I hope that this

book has touched someone who has suffered silently in his or her

own life because of the debilitating and far-reaching effects of mental

illness. As this book goes to press, I am in the process of effecting

change in my childhood community in the Virgin Islands to revamp

the mental health policy and increase support for families. My

journey is ever changing, always unfolding in ways I could not

predict. It is just turning in a different direction and I hope that as I

continue along this path, I can connect with you along the way.

Until we meet again…Yassin.

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Author: Yassin S. Hall | Co-Author: Loán C. Sewer

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Author: Yassin S. Hall | Co-Author: Loán C. Sewer

A Conversation with Yassin S. Hall

Q:

Did you view yourself as being different due to your mom's

mental illness?

A:

While I rather consider myself to be unique with a life that is

different from my peers, I did feel confused and odd

compared to my classmates. I felt mostly alone and I

definitely felt out of place on a daily basis. After a while I just

began to think of myself as a unique individual.

Q:

Have you ever sought professional treatment to cope with

your mom’s illness?

A:

To this day, and a few therapists later, I refused to speak to

anyone about certain aspects of my life until this book. I

didn't feel like anyone had a Band-Aid to turn back time and

fix her mind, so why bother to open up about it? My first

time speaking in public about any of this was at my “Spring

into a New YOU” Fashion show in Early 2014. That's when

it hit me that if my story can truly help another, then it's

meant for me do.

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Q: Did you ever blame yourself?

A:

As a child I was totally unaware of what mental illness was, so

yes, I did blame myself. When the bullies said "I turned my

mother crazy" that really hurt to the core of my soul. I mean,

how could I deal with that guilt or even begin to process that

something I did could have sent my mother off the deep end.

I didn’t even know how to fix it or if it could be fixed for me

to stop doing it to her.

Q:

What was it about your mom that embarrassed you most?

A:

Hmmm…Oh my, where do I start? Which times? It felt like

she would pick the most inopportune times to say or do the

most bizarre things when kids who already bullied me were

around. I felt like she kept adding fuel to a burning forest fire.

If I had to pick just one, it was the time in the high school

gym at a basketball game when she walked on to the court

and took the ball. She then pointed me out on the bench and

told every boy in that gym that they better not think about

having sex with me. Then she lifted up her leg while pointing

at her private parts. The entire gym laughed. It’s funny now,

but at that moment all I could do was run home crying on the

outside and on the inside.

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Author: Yassin S. Hall | Co-Author: Loán C. Sewer

Q:

What was your most memorable moment with and about

your mom?

A:

What I remember the most is her deep philosophical

thoughts about her views on life. She loved Bob Marley's

songs and we would sing them together. The most

memorable was in her last days battling cancer she spoke to

me in her normal voice and in her right mind. She

remembered that I lived in Florida and she called me Yassin,

after years of ‘that girl’ or some other variation. It’s as if her

mind came back for that precious moment in time and she

knew me like her daughter; showed concerns for my kids.

Then in minutes she was gone again, asking me to leave the

room.

Q:

What motivated you to write this book at this time in your

life?

A:

Many have said I should write a book because it will help

others; but is wasn't until after my 2014 Spring fashion show

that I was in total amazement at the support and love I

received after the show. One lady told me I saved her life and

gave her hope. On the way to the event, she thought about

driving her car in a ditch. She logged onto Instagram, saw my

flier and stopped by. She said I gave her the motivation to

keep on living.

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Q:

Did your mom have enough lucid moments as you matured

to share how proud of you she was?

A:

This brings me tears to answer this question because I've

always felt like her possession more than her child. In other

words, in her mind, every part of my day belonged solely to

her. Up until the time of her death, she never said or showed

she was proud of me. I just have to believe she is fine in

heaven and looking down proudly at me.

Q:

What kind of world did you have to create within and for

yourself to help you cope?

A:

I was drawn to special places more than just creating a fantasy

world. I've always loved the water. It's calming to me. I

would draw pictures of boats and the ocean, and just pretend

I was at the beach; or I would disappear into my fashion

world and sketch designs. I hide myself in my sewing.

Q:

Does the impact of your mother's mental illness affect your

relationship with men & women? Dating?

A:

Yes I'm very selective of who I tell about my life. To gain

friendship takes years of just evaluating them to see if they

can handle my past without pity or judgments. Are they

capable of handling my truth about what is my past life? As

for dating it’s hard to get really close to men because nothing

positive besides my kids have come from sharing my love. In

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my opinion, many men by default think women are crazy; and

most are ignorant in thinking crazy is hereditary. So before

even knowing me, they think, “Oh no, her mom is crazy and

she could be too. They tend to drift away. If I do get close to

anyone, I don’t tell them my full truth until I know they are

deserving of my truth.

Q:

What do you want the readers to get from reading this book?

A:

I would like them to see the signs in either themselves or

others and get help before it’s too late. They should educate

their kids about mental il ness so they are aware and not cast

judgment or bully someone that is different. Instead of

teasing, tell your children to lend a hand and be a friend to

someone going through stuff.

Q:

Are you concerned that you will be made vulnerable by

writing the book?

A:

I'm concerned that my children and some of my family will

be vulnerable because of my revealing the truth. I don't want

my kids to be teased about their grandma and targeted to be

bul ied. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me or pity me. I

have lived a good life despite my struggles. To me it's all I

have known my life to be. God meant for me to have this life

to help others. That is my purpose.

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Q:

Mental illness is also hereditary and it can affect many

members of the same family. Have you seen signs of mental

illness in other members of your family?

A:

I'm not 100% sure if it's medically confirmed but I have seen

irregular behaviors in my family, and from my experience

they could use a few sessions on the couch -- including one

of my own kids. I am using my experience to encourage

them, and provide the tools and information needed to seek

help. I have learned that you can't force someone to see that

they need help. It is something they have to realize. That's

where I play the role of life-mentor. My hope is that they will

see the scenarios I've seen, which wil trigger them to think,

“Hmmm…maybe I should speak to someone.”

Q:

What is your relationship now with your father? Did you ever

mend your differences?

A:

After my 2nd sons birth we did develop email and phone

communications frequently. After my mother’s funeral, I

travelled over to St. John to spend the day with him along

with my daughter. She is the only one of my four children he

has ever met in person. He filled in the gaps to questions I

needed the answers too. Sadly my father passed away 1 year

and 2 months after that visit from a heart attack. That visit

was the last time I saw him alive.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to first acknowledge God for giving me this life and the

struggles I have encountered. Although it was, and still is hard at

times, I see now that my purpose is to help others through my pain. I

thank Him for the gift of life. I also extend my gratitude to the

following: my family -- My Aunty Ruby, my Godmother Aunty

Norma, the Simmonds family, my Uncle Sam, and the best friend

God sent me during my trying times in adulthood Jeanelle

Moolenaar. I especially want to thank my children Roumell

Augustine, Aubrey Warner Jr., Marik Young, and Yamisha Young,

for without them I really could not continue to live. I extend

additional hugs and kisses to AJ, Riki and Misha for their

understanding of the long sleepless nights, and the sacrifices they

make every day so we can all try as best as we can to live each other's

dreams together.

I would like to thank my co-author Loán Sewer for encouraging me

to write my story and also special thanks to her team of editors.

Though at the time writing my story about my mother was not my

idea my first book, she knew that this story, Twisted Love, should be

the first in the series of my Journey Untold. She saw the strength and

power in this story about my mother's illness. Loán is not only the

co-author she is my cousin. She knows my personality and the

woman that I have become. She believed in me and knew that

together we could make an impact in the community through my

experience. Now that it has been brought to fruition, I am humbly

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grateful for her having taken on this task. Her incredible writing

abilities to take out her personal emotions and tell this story with all

her soul should be commended. A special thank you to my Grandma

Ethlyn Louise Harthman - Lindqvist Hall (RIP) for the gift of land

that has been in our family for roughly one hundred and forty-seven

years and my home in St. John. I will forever treasure my homeland.

Lastly, my thanks to the Virgin Islands community for their

outpouring of support and continued love. I thank you sincerely, for

without my community I really would not be this strong version of

ME today.

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ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Yassin S. Hall

(pronounced Yah Seen) She comes from humble beginnings that

would make most people throw in the towel, but her journey is one

that demonstrates how important perseverance and determination are

to reaching one’s destiny. She’s a mother, dance mom, fashionista,

model manager, entrepreneur, life mentor, speaker and now Author.

She is Yassin Hall, a U.S. Virgin Islander with roots on St. Thomas

and St. John. However, Hall’s true passion has always been tied to

fashion and clothing, as she began modeling in her teen years and

designing.

From the age of twelve, she was raised by her maternal grandmother

and paternal uncle after her mother suffered a mental breakdown in

front of her. It was a day that changed her life forever. She wants her

story as a child living with a mother with mental illness to raise

awareness and help others. Mental illness in many communities is

taboo & unspoken. She feels that cycle should be broken so others

suffering with depression, anxiety, and mental disorders can be made

aware of their conditions and know that it is okay to receive help

before going over the edge.

Follow Yassin on Twitter: @journeyuntold

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Author: Yassin S. Hall | Co-Author: Loán C. Sewer

Loán C. Sewer

Loán (pronounced Lo’an) Sewer is a prolific writer and speaker,

published author, and strategic marketer whose work spans the

journalism, marketing, advertising, and public relations arenas. She

has developed compelling content and dynamic marketing strategies

that have yielded favorable results for companies and non-profit

organizations in a multitude of industries such as Turner

Construction, Control Risks, The National Urban League, The Virgin

Islands Department of Tourism, The West Indian Company Limited,

and a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. Loán is also a

co-founder of The USVI Alliance, Inc., a non-profit organization

based in the Washington, D.C. area that promotes the importance of

the U.S. Virgin Islands diaspora in the territory’s economic

revitalization and reform. Her writing has been featured in the

anthology Tears to Triumph: Women Learn to Live, Love, & Thrive and

currently writes a popular bi-weekly column, “Jewels of the Virgin

Isles,” in the Virgin Islands Source, an online daily newspaper in the

U.S. Virgin Islands. Loán is the founder of Gobi (Go-Bee)

Consulting, LLC, a marketing and communications consulting firm

based in Maryland and St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. She is a

proud alumna of the University of Maryland at College Park where

she received her B.A. in Journalism and Temple University where she

received her Masters degree in Tourism and Hospitality Management.

Follow Loán on Twitter: @LoTalksTourism

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