CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lupine-boy began his day soon after dusk and returned for the third night to feed on his deer kill buried in Rustic Canyon. As he approached the carcass, he saw that the leaves and branches he had covered it with, were disturbed. He froze for a moment. Fearing Big-paw or another lion may have found it, he quickly dropped his belly to the ground and slowly slid toward his kill on high alert.
Then he heard a rustling sound coming from a large patch of sagebrush above him. He tensed, and his powerful rear muscles became taught. His ears pivoted, and because the sounds came from multiple locations surrounding the sage, he knew it couldn’t be a solitary, most always soundless, lion. The wind shifted and his nose captured the scent of a pack of coyotes. Lupine-boy knew they wanted to finish off the kill, but it was his kill and he was hungry.
Knowing there was some risk of being surrounded and attacked by the pack, he relied on the learning and instincts that were passed onto him. These coyotes were capable of killing him on the open chaparral. They could outrun him at long distances, and despite the lion’s overwhelming strength in battle, his lung capacity was small. Lupine-boy knew he needed to fear them, but he also knew he was safe in this place. The oaks and the sycamores were everywhere, and in case the pack decided to attack, he could escape their jaws up a tree in an instant.
As the coyotes moved down the hill toward the kill, Lupineboy slinked up the hill toward them. When the pack got within five of his body lengths, Lupine-boy jumped out of the brush, shrieked his most vicious shriek, swiped his sharp paw at the closest coyote, and sent him flying and tumbling down the hill. The rest of the pack ran back a short distance, turned around and bared their fangs and growled. Lupine-boy ran at them again—giving them an ear-shattering scream—and the pack high-tailed it up the canyon.
Lupine-boy returned to what remained of his kill. Exposed to the air, the meat was almost rancid, but he found a meaty shoulder bone and laid in peace enjoying his light breakfast.
Roaming the edge of Topanga Canyon, he soon picked up a fresh scent of another male lion. It was not Big-paw’s signature, but it could be a new mature lion—one that he would have to fight. He followed the scent trail toward the direction of the sunset until he spotted the intruder. It was a very young, small cougar, having only lost its spots a short time ago. When the little lion caught sight of Lupine-boy, it ran up the nearest tree and climbed as high as it could and perched on a branch, shivering.
Lupine-boy lazily strolled to within a few body lengths of the tree and laid down for a catnap. As time passed, the young lion slowly climbed down, and not feeling threatened anymore by the big lion, scampered away. Lupine-boy followed. Now able to smell the youngster’s fresh scent trail, he discovered it was a son of ShePaw from an earlier litter. Lupine-boy knew that cubs stayed with their mother until they were able to hunt for themselves, but this little lion was either lost or abandoned by his mom.
As he could not smell She-Paw, Lupine-boy followed the little one for a distance until he saw it head close to a wide hilly path of the two-legs with smoking beasts running up and down. He ran and chased the youngster away from the beasts, putting himself between the little one and the path. They continued to parallel the path until the young lion bolted in front of the older lion and shot across the wide path, making it in between two running beasts. Lupine-boy stood there for several minutes looking to see if the youngster would return, then headed back into the brush, trying to pick up She-Paw’s scent.
****
It was almost noon Saturday after sleeping late and eating breakfast, when Reggie’s mom reminded him that Isaac was coming over at one. His mom was in much better spirits after Reggie told her the good news the night before. He told her about the brass knuckles and that Mr. Tremper said that he could press formal assault charges against Kevin.
“As long as he’s not back in school,” Reggie told her, “I don’t want to get messed up in that.”
“It doesn’t seem right that he should get away with it.”
“I know, Ma. But getting kicked out of school and soccer seems like enough punishment to me.”
“Let’s think about it some more, but I will let your Dad know about the news.”
Carole later called John and left him a message that Reggie was not expelled and arranged for another Skype session for Saturday evening.
When she reminded Reggie that she had also arranged with Isaac’s parents to drive them to the Audubon Center, Reggie protested, “I super don’t want to go!” “Why not?” his mom asked.
“I just don’t,” he said not wanting her to think he might have something better to do—like talk with Jennifer.
“Do you have something better to do?” she asked.
“No, Ma,” he answered thinking he didn’t want to miss Jennifer’s call and couldn’t really talk when Isaac was around.
“Look Reggie, I haven’t been able to do my turn driving you guys for weeks, and I promised Isaac’s parents,” she said, “besides if you get a call from her, you can always excuse yourself and take the call somewhere.”
It took a few moments for his mom’s response to sink in, and then Reggie said, “Who are you talking about?”
Carole considered for a moment revealing that she had heard him call out Jennifer’s name in his sleep and had seen her name on that meditation book, but said, “Just in case someone else might call you, that’s all I meant—you better get changed, Isaac will be here soon.”
‘Shit!’ Reggie thought to himself as he went to his room, ‘How in the hell does she know…guess I’ll have to tell her sometime.’
When Isaac arrived, both boys went into Reggie’s room. Following a fist bump, Reggie jumped and laid on his bed and Isaac sat on the floor alongside the bed and they started talking.
“I’m happy you’re back at school,” Isaac said, “and they kicked the asshole out.”
“Yeah, on both accounts,” Reggie confirmed, then asked, “was it you who came forward later and told them about your... your…?”
“My what?—that I’m confused about whether I’m attracted to girls or boys?” Isaac responded.
“No, I just meant…that if you told them why Kevin was bullying you—you know…being truthful about yourself.”
“Does a label about sex say who I am?” Isaac shouted back,
“Does everyone have to know? Does it mean I should get beat up?” “I didn’t mean to…” Reggie started to say.
“I know, I’m not ‘normal’ Reggie, he said, “but neither are you, so why do you want to say what I am. No, I didn’t come forward— my shit is none of their business. I told the committee that you were my friend and you saved me from Kevin, what else did I have to say?” Isaac ranted.
Reggie stayed silent for several minutes, not wanting to argue as he empathized with Isaac. Then Reggie thought he heard a little sob, and looked down at Isaac who had his head between his knees and was shaking. He let Isaac continue to sob until he saw him lift his head and rub his eyes. Then Reggie asked, “You alright?”
“My parents think that I’m gay!” Isaac blurted out.
“Wouldn’t they be okay with that?” Reggie asked.
“I guess so,” Isaac answered, “My dad keeps saying: ‘just tell us what you want—we’ll always be with you.’”
“That should make you feel a lot better.”
“Yeah. But it’s much harder than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Coming to terms with everything about it. You know, you grow up listening to people, including my older brother, make fun of gays and folks still arguing they shouldn’t have the right to marry, you…you kind of fear being, you know, defined by your sexual preference and being like an outcast.”
After a long pause, Isaac looked up at Reggie and said, “My parents suggested maybe I could change to a better school. “What do you think, Reggie? What would you do?”
Reggie looked down at Isaac thinking, why does he always look to me? Then he reached down and put his hand on his shoulder and said, “Maybe it would be good for you, but I hope you don’t leave.”
Just as Isaac put his hand up to Reggie’s to thank him, they heard Carole open the door and ask, “Are you guys ready to go?” All three felt embarrassed as the boys jumped up and silently got ready to leave.
Nothing but chit chat accompanied their drive to the Audubon and once they were there, Reggie and Isaac helped guide a kindergarten group through the displays. Then Reggie watched Isaac take care of his Salamander ‘aquarium’. He always found it amazing how Isaac treated these tiny, silent, almost always in hiding, animals. Isaac decorated their glass box like a castle, making sure their habitat contained the exact natural materials they would encounter in the wild and keeping it sparkling clean. Reggie found the contrast with the habitat of his mountain lions intriguing; both of them cared deeply in their own ways about their favorite wild animals.
The salamanders were so delicate you could not handle them, but that didn’t keep Isaac from feeding them one by one. Not just any food, either. He’d take Reggie out into the woods and dig into wet leave piles to find the particular kind of insects and worms they ate in the wild. And Isaac fed them in an incredibly intimate way. Grasping a worm with tweezers, he’d call his for his friends to come out of hiding. “Come on, Slomo,” he’d say as he held the wiggling worm in front of its nostrils, patiently waiting for it to eat. ‘Good Boy’ he’d say when the slimy fellow chomped it down. It was more than cute, Reggie thought, Isaac could be a great family man someday. Wouldn’t it be great if all humans took such care of all living things? The rest of the afternoon went by and Reggie never got a call from Jennifer.
Saturday evening’s planned Skype call to Iraq for some reason was not going through. As Carole kept trying, Reggie hoped maybe he wouldn’t have to talk with his dad about that school incident and kept thinking about what Isaac said and wondered if Jennifer was ever going to call. After Carole tried several times to get his dad on the phone, Reggie could see his mom was getting upset and worried, so he put his hand over the phone in her hand and said, “Let’s just leave it alone—he’ll call back.”
****
Sunday. No call from Jennifer. Reggie tried several times to call her and she could not or would not pick up. Reggie’s dad finally called back and when Reggie listened to his mom’s side of the conversation, he sensed something was wrong. Carole held the phone buried in her neck and kept asking in hushed tones, ‘You sure? You sure?’ When she went to get Reggie to join them, she told him that his dad was happy to learn about the school’s decision, but that he couldn’t talk for very long.
As soon as Reggie heard his dad’s voice, he knew something was going on. His voice had a sort of forced muffled sound to it and he could hear the echo of voices like from a large room. When Reggie asked his dad if he was alright, he told Reggie he was fine, happy that he was cleared at school. He told Reggie he hoped he would have a good summer and would be home soon. Saying goodbye and handing the phone back to his mom, Reggie knew.
Carole knew too, but when she got off the phone, she told Reggie his dad was okay. Reggie told his mom he thought dad sounded okay too, but he did not tell her he heard the beeping of those medical monitoring machines in the background.
By Monday, no call from Jennifer. Back in school he expected to see her at lunch as usual on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but also expected she’d be with her girlfriends. Isaac would be there too—not a good time or place to talk. When he met up with Jennifer in the lunch yard, she smiled and gave him a nice hug, but the two of them had to go along with the general conversation at the table and couldn’t break away. After his last class he rushed to the exit doors only to see her getting into her dad’s car. Although this was the last week of the school year and he was starting to feel panicky, he knew he’d see her in Biology class on Tuesday.
By Tuesday, Jennifer was already in her seat when he got to class. Reggie went over to her, touched her hand and asked if she was okay. She squeezed his hand, smiled and told him they’d talk after class.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Reggie asked after he rushed to her seat.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” she responded with a half-smile.
“Did you talk to your dad?” Reggie asked as they walked down the hall.
“Not yet,” She answered sheepishly.
“How come?”
“I was afraid of his answer.”
Reggie sighed, put his arm around her and gave her a sympathetic side hug and said, “I’m sorry for bugging you, it’s just that school’s almost over and I want to see you this summer.”
“I know Reggie,” she said without looking at him, “I’ll try tonight.”
No call on Wednesday. At lunch Jennifer seemed more quiet than usual, but they feigned interest in what everybody else would be doing for the summer. When they got up from the lunch table, he asked in a whisper, if she talked to her dad. She only shook her head no with a frustrated look on her face. After the last period, Reggie had a meeting with Mrs. Horton to complete the school request form for the hiking club. He was unable to see Jennifer.
By Thursday, no call. After fourth period, Reggie rushed over to Biology class to find Jennifer wasn’t there yet. He waited in the hall until after the bell rang, but Mrs. Horton told him to take his seat. A few minutes later, Jennifer came in and gave Reggie a crooked smile. Reggie worried the whole time as he sensed that her look meant things went bad with her dad.
After class, Reggie rushed to her seat and asked, “What happened?”
“Hold on,” she said as she grabbed his hand and lead him out the door. “I couldn’t ask him, Reggie,” she said, “he and my mom had a big fight after supper and I knew it would be a bad time.”
“Bummer!” Reggie responded, “Were they arguing about you?”
“Not directly,” Jennifer replied, “they were arguing about my dad wanting to go to Australia for a summer vacation and my mom said no.”
“What do you mean, not directly?” Reggie asked.
“Well I heard them screaming, my dad told my mom I’d be happier at the art school.”
“Are you going away?” Reggie asked.
“I don’t know, Reggie,” she answered, “after the arguing stopped, I went to talk to my dad. My mom told me he left really pissed off and probably wouldn’t be back ‘till late and would probably be drunk.”
“Will you see him tonight? Tomorrow’s Friday.” Reggie asked.
“Yeah. I know, I gotta’ go to class,” she said as she scurried down the hall.
No call on Friday either. Reggie was starting to feel desperate and heading into the lunch yard, he almost told Isaac to find a seat at another table, but didn’t. When he first saw Jennifer, she looked sad and when they greeted, she seemed distant. While eating and avoiding the prying questions about what they were doing for the summer, Reggie couldn’t stand it any longer. He stood up and rudely excused himself, and to the incredulous stares of the group, motioned to Jennifer to grab her tray and they moved to an empty corner at another table.
“Jennifer, what happened?” Reggie asked, “Did he say no?”
“We did get to talk, but we fought and I don’t know what to do,” she answered then put her hands over her face. After a few moments, she took her hands away and said, “I’m sorry, Reggie, this whole time has been so hard.”
Just as Reggie reached over and put both of her hands into his and looked her in the face, the bell rang.
“Shit!” Reggie cursed as they stood up, “I know it’s been hard, can we talk after school?”
“Let’s try,” she said. As they bussed their trays and walked into the building, she told Reggie, “I think I can call you this weekend as my dad’s at a conference and my mom, well…”
“That would be excellent,” Reggie said with an excited smile. As they hugged and separated in opposite directions, Reggie said “See you later.” Then he wondered why Jennifer’s ‘See ya’ response didn’t feel excited or right. Soon both of them remembered that they had a ‘last day of school’ assembly during final period, so they weren’t able to meet before Jennifer’s dad came.
Saturday morning. Reggie was up at nine anticipating Jennifer’s call. By eleven she called and said she could meet him somewhere for about an hour and a half starting at one, as her mom would be at the hair salon. Thrilled, but not thinking, Reggie suggested the state park where they used to meet. Jennifer was okay with that, but wondered how she could get there and return before her mom came home. Reggie told her he’d figure it out and get right back to her.
Checking the Saturday bus schedules in either direction, Reggie was surprised to find no buses would get the two of them there in enough time to meet and get Jennifer back. He could ask his mom for rides, but that would mean she’d meet Jennifer and that would open up all kinds of explaining.
‘Ah ha!’ he thought, I’ll use taxis. He looked in his wallet and found seven dollars and then he found two more crumpled up ones and some change in his desk. He called Yellow Cab and was told it would cost about fifteen dollars from Encino and twenty or so oneway from Thousand Oaks. He’d have to hit his mom up for cash.
Anxious to get his plan underway, he knocked on his mom’s bedroom door. “Hey, Mom,” Reggie asked with a casual tone, “can I have fifty bucks?” As soon as he said it, he realized he didn’t have a ready-made believable lie.
“Well I suppose,” she said, “can I ask what you need it for?”
Reggie’s mind raced through ideas like a donation to the Audubon or that new set of headphones, but knowing she’d know better, said, “For a taxi,” then realized right away she’d never go for it.
“What do you need a taxi for?” she asked then added, “I can give you a ride anywhere up ‘till six, when I go to The Coffee Bean.”
Reggie knew the taxi idea was hopeless and let it out, “Can you pick up a friend in Thousand Oaks at around twelve and drop us off at that park near the 101 and pick us up later?” “Sure, who’s the friend?” she asked.
“Ma, can I ask you to not ask a lot of questions, just give us the rides?”
“Okay, sure it’s okay with her parents?”
“Yeah, mom,” Reggie answered, then called Jennifer to let her know and get the directions.
On the drive to Thousand Oaks, Reggie’s mom didn’t want to pry so she told Reggie, “We have an appointment on Monday to meet with the people from the Big Brothers organization—it looks like they’ve found a possible mentor for you.”
Not much interested in that at the moment, Reggie responded, “Oh. Does dad know?”
“Yes and he said we should at least check it out,” she answered.
“Okay, if I have to,” Reggie said.
His mom added, “When I contacted the Big Brothers organization, I filled out a form indicating your interests in hiking the outdoors. Later, the man from the agency told me that they found a potential mentor who matched your interests.”
“Sounds good, mom—turn left on Colonial Drive.” Approaching the house Reggie told his mom, “It’s the third house on the right, number 1604. And please stay cool.”
Running to the car, Jennifer gave Reggie a quick hug as she glided into the back seat. Turning around, Reggie’s mom greeted her, “Glad to meet you Jennifer.”
“Good to meet you too, Mrs. Youngblood,” she replied.
Looking in the rear view mirror, Reggie could see his Mom was watching them, but she turned up the radio to let them have a private conversation; which they did at a whisper level. Once they got to the State Park, Reggie’s mom asked when they needed her to pick them up. Reggie checked the time on his cell and told her fifty-five minutes at the gate.
Standing side-by-side and waving as the car pulled away, the couple, finally alone, looked at each other. Over the weeks of growing friendship, they had come to know how the other was feeling just by looking at each other. When Jennifer looked at Reggie, his eyes opened wide like they were hoping—waiting for her words. When Reggie looked at her, her eyes turned down and he sensed her sadness.
“I’m sorry, Reggie,” she said.
“Me too,” he said as they hugged for a long time; feeling how each other’s disappointment was comforted by their closeness.
When they finally parted, Reggie asked, “Wanna sit under that big sycamore again?”
“Um. Sure,” she said, working up a little laugh, “but I didn’t bring any of my art today.”
Reggie laughed back remembering their first time alone.
When they sat down, Reggie began, “I’m going to really miss you Jennifer. When are you leaving?”
Surprised by the question, Jennifer replied, “First thing Monday, but how did you know really?”
“Once you told me your dad was planning that summer vacation,” he answered, “I knew he wasn’t going to leave you alone here. And, knowing how much your art means to you and how you talked about that art school in Atlanta, I figured I’d lose you for the summer.”
“But we can call and stay in touch on Facebook,” Jennifer offered.
“Yeah. Whatever. But it won’t be the same. You’ll have your art and I have nothing to do all summer but hang with Isaac.”
“Well, you can critique my art,” she suggested, “I’ll post them on Facebook or email.”
“That would be cool,” Reggie responded.
Looking at his phone, Reggie told Jennifer they didn’t have a lot of time left, but he felt he wanted to talk about how they first met, their friends and the school.
“Remember how Mrs. Horton always scrunched up her face and put her finger on her nose when she was thinking,” Jennifer recalled.
“Ha!” Reggie laughed, “But she’s pretty cool.”
Reggie looked to the ground as he pictured the classroom and Kevin and his demeanor changed.
Jennifer saw Reggie’s face change to serious and she asked, “I suppose you’re still thinking about Kevin.”
“Yeah. How did you know I was thinking about that messedup sicko?”
“Just a guess,” she said.
Reggie paused then asked, “Jennifer? Are you going to take
Environmental Science next year? Mrs. Horton will be teaching it.” “I don’t know,” she answered.
Reggie looked at Jennifer knowing he’d soon have to say goodbye for the summer. She could see it in his eyes. Reggie wanted to kiss her and she knew it meant a lot to him, so she moved her head closer to him.
Reggie put both hands gently on either side of her face and he longed to show her how much he felt for her. He kissed her with all his feelings. Although Reggie did not feel her arms wrap around him, her lips were soft and wet and for a brief moment he lost himself in her. Then Jennifer broke it off and pulled back.
Reggie looked startled and embarrassed, so Jennifer put her hand to the side of his face and said, “That was sweet, Reggie.”
“Seriously? You don’t seem to want to really kiss me?”
“I do. I want to want you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
Trying to understand her, he said, “I won’t hurt you… I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want to… I just feel like I want to be closer.”
“I know that, Reggie, but it’s me.”
“You don’t like me?”
“God, I do, but I’m not sure I know how to?”
Moving his body further away—thinking that she was going to tell him she didn’t want to see him anymore—he asked, “What do you mean? Be honest with me, okay?”
She looked briefly into his eyes, then down to the ground and began rubbing her leg nervously. Then she looked up and said, “Something is holding me back, Reggie… Like I can’t lose myself in you the way I think you want me, to… It’s like my mind is fighting with the rest of me.” Tears formed in her eyes. “It’s like I’m all messed up inside… I… I don’t know who I am.”
“Jesus, Jennifer. You’re the strongest, most independentminded person I’ve ever known. I’m like totally confused right now.”
She put her hand on the side of his cheek. “Reg, can I be open with you?”
Reggie nodded.
“I don’t want to hurt you, or lead you on, but what if I’m gay?”
“Gay? What if you’re gay?” he said raising his voice. “You don’t know?”
“I don’t. I’m really confused. You are the perfect boy and I have real feelings for you, but I’m also attracted to girls. Maybe it’s just hormones. I don’t know. I feel so stupid. But seeing how Isaac was struggling with himself, I realized that I need to get clear myself.”
“Have you ever kissed… you know, been with a girl?”
“No, that’s just it. One time I had sort of…like a bad experience.”
“What was that?”
“There was this senior girl at a basketball away game and she came on to me really strong and it scared me,” she said.
“Since that time, I’ve felt attracted to a couple of girls, but none of them have ever shown any interest in me that way, so I don’t know. You know, I don’t want to be gay and all that goes with that, so I’m totally confused.”
For the first time in their relationship, Reggie felt like there was a jagged crack forming between them and he wanted to clear the air. “You’ve got to be one thing or the other, don’t you?”
“You’re supposed to know, I guess,” she said. “But I haven’t figured out my identity yet. I … I just need time. That’s why I said I wasn’t ready.”
“Jesus, Jennifer, what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
She looked down to the ground, searching minutes for a good answer, then looked up to him and said, “You could say goodbye to me for good.”
Reggie was taken back by her answer. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He felt like he was going to cry. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Because I really like you and I selfishly didn’t want to lose the best friend I’ve ever had. You might not know it, Mr. Youngblood, but you have an awesome personality and you’re gentle and you’re caring and you’re not like most boys.” She smiled a little smile at him. “Plus, we always have such a great time together.”
He smiled back. “Yeah, we do, and you said we were soul mates.”
“We still are.”
“Do you think there’s a chance for us if… if…”
“Reggie, I know this must be hard for you and I don’t want to lead you on, but if you can give me the summer to try and sort things out.”
Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t know. This is just so crazy.”
“Beep, Beep!”
“There’s my mom,” Reggie said, “we better go.”
When they reached the car, their mood had changed. They spoke very little on the ride back to Thousand Oaks. The ride seemed to take forever to Reggie. When they got to her house, Jennifer told Reggie her mom might be home.
“Goodbye, Reggie,” she said as she opened the door and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “And thanks for the ride, Mrs. Youngblood.” She jumped out of the car and ran into her house without looking back. Reggie sunk low in his seat and closed his eyes.
“You okay?” his mom asked before putting the car in drive.
“You want to jump in front up and talk?”
He sunk even lower in his seat. “No thanks. Just go.”
On the ride home, his feelings were all over the place. The sadness he felt gave way to anger. Maybe Jennifer purposefully led him on? Did she? Would she do that? He thought for a moment. No. I was so stupid; I could only see a part of her… What I wanted to see….What is wrong with me?
****
When Reggie and his Mom got home, he went right to his room. His mom didn’t bother him until it was time for her to leave for work. She knocked on his door and asked if she could come in.
“What’s up?” Reggie said.
Knowing he wanted to be left alone, she said, “I’m going to work now—I left one of those chicken pot pies out for you to heat up, okay?”
“Um. Okay, Ma.”
“Oh! And Isaac called, he said he got your voice mail—maybe he wants to go to the Audubon.”
“Okay, I got it,” Reggie said.
As Reggie’s evening wore on, he became bored playing video games and watching American Family on the Comedy channel. He was thinking about Jennifer the whole time. Isaac tried calling twice and although Reggie didn’t feel like talking to him, he picked up on the third call.
“Been trying to reach you,” Isaac said.
“Um. Yeah. I’ve been busy,” Reggie responded. “How are you doing?” Isaac asked.
“Friggin’ fantastic. How about you?”
“Hangin’ in there. You don’t sound too happy.
“Yeah. What’s up dude?”
“Are you doing anything on Sunday?”
“I don’t want to go t