CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
When Carole got home late, the light was off in Reggie’s room, so she peeked in and was relieved to find him asleep. When she got up in the morning and knocked on his door, there was no answer. When she opened the door, there was no Reggie.
‘He must have gone early to the Audubon with Isaac,’ she thought. ‘Yes, his backpack was not there, nor was his hoodie or favorite pair of Merrill hikers, so she went to check the refrigerator. She found that the bag of string cheeses that she had bought was gone and the cabinet showed a space where the can of Pringles used to be. She tried Reggie’s cell—no answer.
She called Isaac’s house and his mom answered and told her that Isaac was still asleep, but she knew they talked on the phone last night. In a couple of minutes, Isaac picked up and told Carole they hadn’t made any plans for today. When Carole asked him if he had any idea where he would have gone, Isaac told her he didn’t, but confirmed that Reggie seemed pretty depressed.
Carole next called the Audubon, but they weren’t open till one. She began to fear the worst. She knew he was upset over whatever happened with Jennifer and worried he might do something crazy. She redialed Reggie—no answer, so she left a message to please call her back.
Starting to panic, she sat down and wracked her brain.
‘Jennifer,’ she thought, she is the key to this, but she didn’t have her phone number, didn’t have her last name. Could she remember the house number on Colonial Drive?’ ‘Yes! 1604,’ she remembered. Going onto Who.com, she paid the one dollar and cross-referenced to the phone number.
“Hello, Mrs. Peters, my name is Carole Youngblood and I’m so sorry to bother you, but my son Reggie knows your daughter and I’m wondering …” she continued when Mrs. Peters cut her off.
“Listen, my daughter has nothing to do with your son anymore, why are you calling here?” she asked.
Not wanting to sound panicked like she had no idea where her son was, Carole said, “One of their mutual friends told me they may have talked on the phone recently and…”
Interrupting again, Mrs. Peters got testy, “I doubt that, but I’ll ask my daughter right now.”
The phone went silent for a few minutes, then Mrs. Peters came back and speaking for Jennifer said, “My daughter hasn’t talked to your son, but she said he’s probably trying to find some peace of mind—Goodbye!” and hung up.
‘Bitch,’ Carole thought as she stared at the phone. She tried Reggie again—no answer. Looking at the time, she realized she needed to get ready for her eleven a.m. shift and that would make things more difficult. She’d have to explain her predicament to the register line supervisor, and tell her she needs to make calls in the hopes of reaching her son.
On her way out, she knocked on the door of the elderly lady on the first floor whom she often saw sitting near the window at the entrance. She introduced herself and asked if she’d keep an eye out for a bushy-haired boy in a blue sweatshirt and gave her phone number in case she saw him return.
Carole tried calling Reggie from the Walmart parking lot at 11:55 to no avail. By one o’clock, Carole was getting so upset she was making mistakes at the register. She turned on her red assist lamp and the supervisor came over. She pleaded with him for a short phone break and he gave her a firm five minutes. First she called the Audubon and they assured her Reggie wasn’t there but would call if he came. Worried that maybe Reggie turned angry and maybe was in jail again, she dialed that kind Captain at the Encino police department.
“Ah! Mrs. Youngblood, sure I remember you and your boy— how’s your husband?” he asked.
“He’s okay, but my son’s been missing since this morning and I’m worried,” she explained.
“Well I’m glad to report, he’s not here, but funny thing, I was going to call you on Monday. I wanted to let you know that the store where Reggie threw the tubes, isn’t going to press charges—I think they knew they weren’t supposed to leave those tubes in the alley.” “And,” he continued, “we will not refer the matter to Juvenile Court because of the boy’s, well…circumstances—you’d be glad to know.”
“Thank you so much, Captain, I really appreciate that, could you help find my boy?”
“Well, he’ll probably show up, but we need to wait twenty-four hours before we start a missing child search, but I can let all our patrols look out for him, what was he wearing?” he asked.
“His usual blue hoodie and a backpack,” she said.
“And bushy black hair,” he said.
“Thanks again, Captain,” she feigned a chuckle, “you’ve got my number and I’ve got to get back to work.”
By this time Carole was a total wreck wondering what could have happened to her son. She couldn’t get a handle on it. Reggie had never done anything like this before. There must be something terribly wrong. Maybe he was going to hurt himself, or do something crazy. She wanted to call John, but he would panic too and couldn’t help. Back at the cash register, while customers were paying, what Jennifer had said kept flashing into her mind; ‘Peace of mind…maybe he was trying to find some peace of mind.’
At a few minutes after one, there came a knock on Esther Hollyfield’s door in the Town of Crestline, high in the San Bernardino Mountains. Her dog was raising a bigger than usual ruckus and when she opened the door, Hector flew out and into the arms of their old neighbor’s boy.
“Reggie Youngblood, what on earth are you doing here?” the surprised woman asked as she scanned the driveway.
Mustering as much casualness as possible, Reggie answered, “Good to see you again, Mrs. Hollyfield, I’m going for a hike—get some peace of mind. School’s out and besides, I wanted to see my old pal Hector.”
As Hector continued to nuzzle Reggie and whine, Mrs. Hollyfield asked, “Where’s your mom?”
Wanting to characterize the trip as matter of fact, Reggie answered, “She’s at work, I took a bus from Encino to San Bernardino, then another to Crestline and walked the couple of miles to your place. How have you and Mr. Hollyfield been?”
“Oh, we’re good, don’t get around much anymore though,” she replied, then asked, “How’s your dad doing? Coming home pretty soon I suspect?”
“He’s good,” Reggie answered, “he’ll be back at the end of the summer. Would you mind if I take Hector with me up on the Ridgeline trail for a couple of hours?”
“Sure,” she said, and then asked, “You’ll be taking the bus back then?”
“Yep!” he replied then asked if she could fill up his water bottle, thanked her when she did, waved and headed toward the trailhead.
As soon as they started to climb and take in the woods, the attitudes and demeanors of both human and animal changed. With the rounding of each bend in the trail, the noise of the cars faded and the clean air became scented with leaves and bark and earth. Hector, although eleven years old now and much chunkier, romped over the ground like a puppy. He would stop every few yards, nose to the ground and take in animal smells that he remembered and still excited him.
With each step, Reggie became more attuned to his surroundings. He noticed how the sunny southern face of a granite boulder held blue star-shaped lichen and in its shadow, laid mounds of dark green moss. He caught site of a Stellar’s Jay in the boughs above with its shimmering dark blue velvet crown. The bird made its Shek! Shek! call which seemed to Reggie to say Yes! Yes! As Reggie took in the whole of this tranquil world, the people and pieces of that mixed up world dropped away. He had long ago shut off his cell phone, leaving messages to linger. He wanted to get completely away from people. The trail ahead of him wouldn’t have disappointments along the way or any barriers he couldn’t walk around.
He knew the trail well. He knew when and where his destination—Ridgeview Rock, would appear; so he simply looked ahead, one sure step at a time. After climbing steadily for over an hour, Reggie heard Hector yelp and jump onto a side trail to the spot he and his dog and his family knew well. Ridgeview Rock provided an almost one hundred and eighty degree view of the mountains and valleys and forest canopy. At some six thousand feet, you could scan the horizon and feel you both commanded and connected with the planet.
Sitting with feet dangling over the rock ledge, Reggie and Hector shared the snack of cheese and chips, and he gave the rest of the water to his companion—chuckling as Hector’s tongue stretched far into the bottle for the last lick. Resting, Reggie closed his eyes, but did not sleep. He heard the soft whisper of the wind through the pine boughs and felt it sweep the sweat off his skin. He thought of how the wind carried life to the forest animals; the scent of food, the fragrance of a mate and, the pricking odor of danger. The wind in the woodlands carry me to another place, he thought, like I am home.
He wondered how many varieties of trees there were and how the Douglas firs overhead had only one goal in their lives—to survive and grow to do one thing that was asked of it—be a tree. Sure, he thought, the tree breathed in carbon dioxide and gave us oxygen and housed birds and fed squirrels and played a role for all, but it was just being a Douglas fir.
As Reggie thought of his place among the trees, a picture popped into this mind. It was from that favorite picture book. It was the page where all the woodland animals stood in the forest and were looking out at him. Looking at me to protect them, he thought. He even remembered some of the words in that book, something like; ‘I know the sap that runs through the trees as I know the blood that runs through my veins. The earth does not belong to us, we all belong to the earth.’
Hector put his head into Reggie’s lap. Reggie stroked it a few times and soon drifted off to sleep. He found himself hiking with Hector, but not in the woods. Before him the trees morphed into strange looking cactus. They stood tall in the sand and their prickly arms pointed in all directions. In the distance he saw what looked like a village. He moved closer.
He could make out a circle of ghostly shapes dancing and he heard chanting, like the drone of some drunken men. Smoke wafted their way and stung Hector’s nose. He backed off, whined and cowered in fear. But Reggie felt drawn to the people and took Hector’s collar in hand and pulled him toward the ceremony.
As he neared, he could see native peoples. The older men who were chanting, wore long capes made of hair. The younger men, dressed only in loincloths, were digging into a fire pit. At first, nobody noticed Reggie as they removed large charred spikes from the pit and handed them to the women who stripped them of their outer layer and placed the flesh in a large bowl.
One old woman looked toward Reggie and beckoned for him to come. It was as though she knew Reggie was watching, but it seemed impossible, because she must have been blind. She had no pupils and both orbs were clouded over in blue and did not move. Hector growled and Reggie felt scared.
But the old woman smiled and held out her hands and gestured for Reggie to give her a hug. He went to her. She embraced him like he was one of her family, her people. Reggie felt comforted. She spoke, “Thank you for coming to say goodbye, Reggie.”
Reggie pulled back, “How did you know my name?” “You are my grandson,” she said.
“But, but I never met you?”
“Ha!” she laughed as she pointed to his chest, “I am here, I am with you in your blood and your spirit—you do know me.”
Reggie felt something stir inside him and he asked, “Why am I here, Grandma?”
“I wanted to see you before you left home on your journey to your new place on earth.”
“Why am I going?”
“You are going to tell your new people not to forget us and our old ways.”
“How will I do this?”
She pointed to his chest, “When you become a man, you will know. You have the gift inside you. The blood and the spirit of a great shaman who was your Grandfather.”
“When do I become a man?”
“When you are one with the earth and the sky and you listen. If you watch, a powerful spirit will come to guide you. You must follow it.” The old woman then gave Reggie a nudge to the arm and said, “Goodbye, Reggie. Take your dog and go now.”
****
Reggie woke and heard Hector’s bark at his side. Following his dog’s stare down into a narrow ravine, he spotted a small group of mule deer standing alongside a dry creek bed. The deer were looking back up in their direction, ears swiveling to identify the sound. Soon the deer went back to their foraging and Reggie thought how content those animals seemed. Unlike humans with complex relationships, the deer had no more expectations for each other than to be a deer.
As they watched the does move away with the buck in the lead and a yearling following, he thought how much simpler it was to be a wild animal. A wild animal’s destiny, Reggie thought, was born within them. We screwed up humans have to create it. Or, maybe find it, was his last thought as he got up and told Hector, “Time to go home, boy.”
Heading back down the trail, his mind played slow motion pictures of Jennifer running into her house. Then he caught broken glimpses of that strange dream he had up on the ridge. I never had a grandma, he thought, it must have been my Dad I was dreaming about. He shook away those pictures only to hear his mom’s angry voice upon his return. Reality, Reggie thought as he found himself detouring around a muddy section of the trail. He glanced down and abruptly stopped and stared. There were some large and very fresh paw prints. He bent over and recognized the four asymmetrical front toes of a mature Puma concolor. Snapping to maximum alertness, he did a three sixty scan and spotted Hector fifty yards away moving fast through the scrub.
Adrenalin pumping, Reggie yelled at the dog to stop and come, Hector hesitated; looking at him as if to ask why he would stop him from this excellent scent trail. A second call to come brought him back. Reggie pivoted slowly in a circle, eyes penetrating every rock outcropping and bush, but could not spot the animal. He remembered reading how rare it is for a human to ever see a mountain lion in the wild, but that it was much more common for the lion to be right there smelling, hearing and watching you.
Reggie felt for sure the lion was near and wished he could see him. Although he had felt an initial jolt of fear, he was no longer afraid for himself. He thought the lion’s prey might be nearby, but he knew he was not the lion’s prey. He also knew the lion was more afraid of him, but he still kept Hector close as he moved down the trail.
At the end of the trail and approaching his old neighborhood, Reggie watched in surprise as Hector ran to the door of his old house, not the Hollyfield’s. Then Hector sat down and waited for Reggie.
“No, boy,” Reggie corrected him and went over and patted his head, “that’s not our home anymore, come on.”
Heading down the road to the Hollyfield’s, Reggie’s thoughts turned sad about having to leave his confused friend Hector and the old place. But soon he saw Hector run and bark at the Hollyfield’s door, and reality reappeared.
Mrs. Hollyfield opened the door and with an anxious look on her face yelled, “Reggie! perfect timing, your mom just called— she’s on the phone.”
Going into the house, Reggie hoped his mom wasn’t going to take a fit when he picked up. On the other end, Carole was so relieved she found him and knowing that the Hollyfields were near, she did not take a total fit.
“Reggie, are you alright?” she asked.
“Fine, mom,” he answered and added, “had a nice hike with Hector.”
“Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?” she asked, trying to hold back her frustration and anger.
“I thought you’d say I couldn’t go and besides, I just wanted to be by myself.”
“Jesus, Reggie, you can’t just take off like that without letting me know,” she said, but feeling herself getting mad, she added,
“Did you get the peace of mind you were looking for?” “I did, actually,” he answered.
“Well, that’s good Reggie,” she continued, “you really had me worried you know, when I see you you’ll get a piece of my mind!” “Yeah, I’m sorry,” he replied.
“Alright,” she said, “I can pick you up around 7:45 after work.”
“No, mom, you’re totally not getting it. I’m going to get home on my own—the busses will get me there before you do,” he argued.
“Okay,” she said “see you then, can you put Mrs. Hollyfield on the phone for a minute?”
As Reggie handed her the phone, he said, “I better get going, Mrs. Hollyfield—good to see you again.” He gave Hector a neck rub and waved goodbye out the door.
Staring out of the bus window on the winding, tree-lined road down to the valley floor, Reggie descended into a reflective mood. He looked down at the freeways and roads that wrapped around and choked the houses tight together. He saw how the gray-yellow smog encased the land and knew that the high cleansing winds were not there to carry it away.
He saw the cars following each other on the same path, but alone with their separate destinations. The contrast between nature and civilization was huge, Reggie thought. When he was in nature, everything came together and he felt somehow complete. When he looked at the city he saw isolation and felt he was being torn apart. Reggie then tried to do a ‘brain dump’ of all the crap that had troubled him there. He tried to carry his mind back to the woods, but he couldn’t.
Soon the bus pulled into the San Bernardino station and getting off the bus he stepping around a couple of homeless guys and their shopping cart possessions. He bought his ticket to Encino and sat down on the furthest bench to wait for the bus and called Jennifer.
“Hi, Reggie, how are you?”
“I’m better… had a long hike. Thought I’d say goodbye. When’s your flight?”
“Nine-thirty and I’m really getting nervous.”
“How come?”
“I’m afraid about what I’ll find at the school and about myself. I’m sorry, Reggie for dumping all this on you.”
“That’s okay. I know how messed up life can be sometimes. You need to sort things out.”
“Thanks, Reggie, for being so understanding.”
“You know, Jennifer, I was thinking. Remember when you told me you knew when you needed to become an artist?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe your true nature will come out. Like your biology will tell you who you are.”
After a long pause, she said, “Reggie that is so smart. You think that will happen?”
“I dunno, but maybe if you get involved with other people, you’ll find out what’s inside of you.”
“God, Reggie you are a great friend. I won’t forget you.”
“I hope not,” he said. He hesitated before continuing, not wanting to tell her what he truly hoped for. Finally, he said, “Can we stay in touch?”
“Of course! We’ll talk on the phone and see each other on Facebook.”
“Remember, you’re going to critique my art,” she said.
“I will. Gotta go, my bus just pulled up. Have a good trip.”
On the ride home, Reggie was exhausted, mentally and physically, and he slept most of the way home. Picking up a double bacon-burger at Carl Jr.’s on the walk home, the smell from the bag and the twitch of hunger persuaded Reggie to consume it in four bites. When he got home he took a long shower and watched TV lying on the couch. When his mom came home, she sat down and hugged him for too long.
“Come on, mom,” Reggie yelled, “I can’t breathe.”
“You scared the ever-loving hell out of me, why didn’t you call?” she asked in a huff.
“I didn’t want to talk to anybody,” Reggie said trying to minimize the issue.
“Why didn’t you text then, so I’d at least know you were okay?” she asked.
“I dunno I just didn’t want to,” he responded.
“I’m your mother, for God’s sake, can’t you tell me why?” she persisted.
Hesitating, knowing his mom wouldn’t give up, he finally shouted out, “That’s why, mother, I have to be more than your son. I’m just tired of everybody in my life pulling me this way and that way.” Grabbing his breath he continued, “My only two friends are leaving town and I’m going to have the shittiest summer any kid ever had—is that enough reason to want to get away from it all?”
Reggie could see his mom’s face change from frustrated anger to piercing sadness; her next words were, “But you could have told me that.”
Reggie came back, “Look, I’m sorry, Mom. It’s not your fault that I don’t have any friends. I know you worry about me, but I’m going to be sixteen soon and have to learn how to handle things myself—I need to be my own man.”
Carole sensed that her son, just then, had reached a milestone in his development and although it scared her, she knew he had to go there. She thought maybe that journey and hike on his favorite trail, might have had a good effect.
Reggie could see by his mother’s attentive look that she seemed to understand him and said, “That hike with Hector helped me clear my head—helped me see things better.”
“That’s great, Reggie,” his mom said as she ruffled his hair, stood up and did her finger snap, “Sometimes good things happen just like that.” Reggie smiled for the first time at her caring face. Then he wondered if he could ever find a way to spend more time in nature. Maybe there he could discover what is in the wind for him.