CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Monday morning Carole woke Reggie. He was still tired. Despondent.
By nine, Carole reminded Reggie that Joe was picking him up at ten for their meeting.
Reggie got up, gulped down a quart of milk, and ran into the bathroom. He still felt sick from his shitty vision quest, but he told his mom he was okay.
By ten Joe arrived to pick Reggie up. Despite not feeling well, Reggie wanted to go. Joe told him he’d drop him off at school by noon.
On the drive, Joe knew Reggie was more than a little sick. He looked gaunt, on edge, even fearful. Joe tried to engage Reggie about what they’d cover in the meeting; how the research supported the need for lions to move in and out of the Santa Monica’s. Reggie only nodded.
When Joe broke the news about P1, he noticed Reggie’s face change. He looked like he was in shock. Joe told him, “My team found the old dominant male’s shredded, detached collar and evidence of a battle with another male—possibly P12. Tracking data showed them to be in the same general area, but they need to analyze the blood and DNA matter they found at the scene.” Reggie said nothing, just continued to stare at Joe.
Then Joe added, “They haven’t found P1’s body yet.”
Reggie struggled to grasp this information in his head. Then, in his gut, he finally realized the connection to his vision quest. He projectile-vomited, covering the dashboard and windshield with a smelly yellow-white bile. Joe pulled the car to the shoulder.
“Jesus, Joe. I’m so sorry,” Reggie sobbed in between the heaves.
“It’s okay,” Joe said as he helped Reggie to the side of the road for more retching.
Joe could still hear him struggling to say he was sorry while he cleaned the car. After Reggie settled a bit, Joe insisted on taking Reggie home, but Reggie believed there was nothing left in his system, so he insisted on going to the meeting. He told Joe he’d wash up when they got there.
Throughout the meeting, Reggie seemed only somewhat attentive, but at one point he told Joe he needed to go to the bathroom. Noticing he was absent for several minutes, Joe excused himself and went to check on Reggie. He found one stall occupied and heard what sounded like sobbing.
“Reggie, is that you? Are you okay?”
“Sorry, Joe, I’ll be out in a minute. You need to get back to your meeting, I’ll be right there.”
When Reggie returned he didn’t actively participate in the meeting, but when it ended, Joe, once again, wanted to take him home. Reggie wanted to go back to school and told him yes, he’d check in with the school nurse when he got there.
****
By eleven forty-five, Reggie checked in at the office, but not with the nurse. He still felt rank and rotten so he tried to wash up in the bathroom. Then he went into the lunch yard to find Stephanie. Stephanie saw Reggie come into the yard and ran over to him and gave him a hug. Then she jumped and stepped back.
She saw that he looked sick, and smelled bad.
“Reggie, are you okay?”
Looking down, he barely noticed she had her hair in two braids, and said, “Sorry, but I must have caught some sort of flu bug.”
“You look terrible! Why didn’t you stay home?”
“I had that wildlife corridor planning meeting. I still went and everything, but I was too sick to participate. I really let Joe down.”
Pulling Reggie along like an invalid, Stephanie said, “Let’s go sit down at a corner table and you can tell me about it.”
“Nothing to tell, really.”
“What about your vision quest on Sunday? I called, you know.”
Reggie put his hand to his throat and quickly faced away from Stephanie.
“Reggie?”
Reggie held back the churning feeling in his stomach and turned back to look at her.
“Oh my God, Reggie you look really bad. You should go to see the nurse. Like right now.”
“It’s okay. There’s nothing left in my stomach. I’ve been barfing all morning.”
Steph tugged at his arm. “What’s really going on? You can tell me.”
“I… I… had a horrible vision quest on Sunday that turned out to be more of a nightmare than anything. I was a wild animal and I was…
I… killed someone. I’m all messed up in my head and I had moments where I honestly didn’t know if I was Reggie Youngblood—or a lion.”
Stephanie put her arm around his shoulder. “I’ve had some bad nightmares, too, but when you look back, they’re just stupid dreams. I’m sure it will fade soon enough.”
Reggie appreciated her empathy, but he was not really comforted. “This is not just a dream, Stephanie.”
Taken aback, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“My fucking vision quests are… are… they’re coming true. I told you about the time I dreamed that P1 killed his cubs and… and… then I find out from Joe that he actually did it!”
Reggie started to choke up, but Stephanie nodded to him to continue. “Keep talking. Maybe you just need to get this off your chest.”
“I wish I could empty my mind because on Sunday all I saw was me as a mountain lion and I had to kill a rival lion for his territory. And I did. I killed him. And in real life, Joe just told me that they think P1 is dead and P12 probably killed him.”
“That’s crazy!”
“Is it?” he asked, looking at her for understanding. “I’ve heard that how you feel in a dream is always the most real part of a dream. It’s just too weird. I’m somehow connected to all of this. These are more than dreams I’m having. It’s like I am being controlled by a supernatural force. I should never have done that vision quest.”
The lunch bell rang and they both looked up and saw a kid, wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, walking in their direction.
“Who’s that?” Stephanie asked.
At first, Reggie couldn’t believe his eyes. He thought that the school wasn’t going to let him back in… but this kid looked a lot like Kevin. It was Kevin. He was bigger than Reggie remembered, and he had stubble growing on his chin.
Stephanie looked from Kevin to Reggie, and then from Reggie to back to Kevin.
As Kevin got closer, Reggie stood up. That’s when Kevin started to run right at him. “I’m going to kill you, half-breed! You fucked up my life.”
Reggie instinctively got into a fighting stance and pushed Stephanie behind him. “You fucked up your own life, asshole. What are you doing here?”
From across the yard, someone shouted, “STOP!” It was Mr. Suarosky running fast toward them.
Kevin reached for Reggie and bumped him hard with his chest. “Find yourself another lesbo girlfriend, little Reggie?” Reggie’s fists clenched so hard he thought his fingertips were going to burst right through his palms. He was just about to pull back and punch Kevin in the face when Mr. Suarosky jumped between them. The teacher grabbed Kevin by the triceps and pulled him in the other direction. “What the hell are you doing here, Kevin? Right into the Principal’s office, now.” Then, Mr. Suarosky pointed at Reggie and Stephanie. “You two get to your classes. Mr. Tremper will want to see you Reggie.”
Stephanie slipped her hand into Reggie’s and pulled him to leave the lunch yard. “Oh my God, Reggie! Who is that jerk and what was all that about?
“An asshole named Kevin,” Reggie said as they walked into the building. “I got into a fight with him last year. A big one.”
“Seriously? I didn’t think you were the kind of guy who got into fights,” she said, dropping his hand from hers. “Reggie, this is really scary.”
Reggie reached for her hand and looked straight into her brown eyes. “It’s okay. I promise. It’ll be alright.”
“Alright?” she asked. “After that nightmare or what the hell ever it was you told me about?”
“This has nothing to do with that. Look, I know this looks bad, but Kevin was expelled last year for starting the fight and bullying, not me. The only reason I fought him in the first place was to protect my best friend.”
“But if he got expelled, then why is he back?”
“I’m just as surprised as you are. They told me last year that he could conditionally return to this school depending on counseling and parental intervention.” Just as the period bell rang, he added, “Maybe something got screwed up. But you shouldn’t have to worry about this crap.”
“Crap?” she said. “I’m afraid. I’m worried that you’re maybe someone who’s always getting into trouble.”
They stood in the middle of the hallway, both about to head in opposite directions, when Stephanie asked, “And what’s that stuff about another lesbo girlfriend?”
“That’s just some dumb shit,” Reggie shrugged. “He’s talking about Jennifer, who was really just a friend, not a girlfriend. She moved to Georgia. Bottom line is that Kevin is an asshole and he’ll probably end up in juvenile hall.”
“But this fighting and what Kevin said, it’s…it’s confusing and it scares me.” She let go of his hand and began to walk down the hall, away from him. Without turning around, she said, “I don’t like this whole thing, Reggie.”
Reggie stood watching Stephanie disappear around the corner, and all he could think about was one thing: I’m gonna kill Kevin.
He headed off to his chemistry class. There, he nodded off within five minutes of Mr. Jasko’s review of the periodic table of elements. Later, Reggie jumped awake when he felt something on his shoulder and saw Mr. Jasko tapping him with his pointer.
“Mr. Youngblood, we haven’t gotten to the inert elements yet, but you need to come alive now. Mr. Tremper is here to see you.”
The principal stood in the door and waved to him. Reggie climbed out of his chair and followed him to the office. Mr. Tremper ushered him into a chair and said, “I am sorry about what happened with Kevin, he was not allowed on our school grounds.”
“I thought he was permanently expelled?”
“He was. Kevin and his parents did not comply with our requirements for re-admittance and Kevin showed up unannounced. Good thing Mr. Suarosky recognized him in the lunch yard before anything happened.” “Um, yeah,” Reggie said.
“The Encino Police Department will be contacting you about whether or not you want to file an assault complaint and restraining order against Kevin.” Reggie nodded and let the principal continue: “I’m sorry all this had to happen on our school grounds. I can assure you it will never happen again. Can your mom or your dad come and pick you up now?”
“Yeah. My dad’s at home. I’ll call him.”
“Good. Tell your parents I will call them tonight, I have to head off now to a school board meeting. Take care, Reggie.”
****
John arrived at the school at three, and when he picked up Reggie, he looked pale and was non-communicative.
John asked if he was feeling okay, and Reggie said he wasn’t. That his stomach hurt and he wanted to go home. John didn’t want to push it and let him be for the rest of the ride. John dropped him off and then immediately turned around to pick Carole up at the Coffee Bean.
Reggie was watching TV when the phone rang. He let the answering machine get it, and it was the principal, Mr. Tremper, wanting to talk to his parents. He immediately erased the message.
When his parents returned, his mom didn’t have any luck talking with Reggie either, except for when he agreed to have mac and cheese for supper.
After he managed to keep his supper down, Reggie went to his room. He tried to call Steph, but there was no answer. He immediately tried her again, but it went straight to voicemail.
Sitting in his room with the lights off, Reggie grew more and more despondent—about Stephanie, his Dad, Kevin, the mountain lions. Everything. But most of all, what he thought about, was that he was becoming afraid of himself. Just a few weeks ago he thought things had turned a corner and his future was starting to take shape, but it seemed like all that was now falling apart.
He could understand why Stephanie was so put off by Kevin coming at him in the lunch yard and what he said. She must think I am a friggin’ psychotic. This whole thing, my whole life is like a fucked up curse. I don’t know what’s real anymore.
It started with those damned mountain lions. Why, he thought, did I ever feel this thing for them? Now they are haunting me.
Why is this happening to me? When is this violence going to stop? How can I end it?
Tap! Tap! Reggie heard his mom’s familiar knock on his door.
“Reggie, how are you doing?”
“Still feeling sick.”
“Can I come in for a moment?”
“Okay.”
She entered and turned on a lamp. “Is it your stomach?”
“Yeah, my head too.”
She went over and put her hand to his forehead to feel for a temperature. Her touch brought Reggie momentarily back to reality and to the love his mother had for him.
“You don’t feel hot, but you still look pale. Did you get real sick at school?”
“I just felt like I was going to throw up again when I called Dad to come and get me.”
“Do you think you will want to stay home tomorrow?” she asked.
“I might, but I’ll let you know.”
“Is there anything you want to tell me? Anything you want to talk about?” When Reggie didn’t reply, she continued: “You know, Reggie, if you keep emotions and hurt and anger pent up inside you, they can explode later and hurt you and others.” “Like with Dad?” he asked.
“Like with Dad.”
“Things are just messed up now, that’s all.” He stood up and grabbed his laptop. “I’m just going to stay up a little longer because I’ve been getting lots of messages from the mountain lion websites that I’ve got to follow up on. Then I’m going to go to bed.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” she said as she patted his shoulder and left.
There on his monitor was a big headline from the Cougar Observer: “NEW KING OF THE MOUNTAINS?” It was there in black and white. Quotes from Joe verifying that although they cannot be sure P1 was dead—it was highly likely after finding his detached, but still beeping, collar. P12’s tracking collar showed he was in the vicinity when P1’s movements stopped, and P12’s tracking collar still showed him roaming the mountain range.
The discussion boards showed there was little surprise in the wildlife community as P1 was quite old and it was typical for a young male such as P12 to want to take over his territory. Reggie was surprised to read a lot of comments saying they were happy at P1’s ‘dethroning.’ Most mentioned the importance of new blood, and some indicated they were thrilled that the incest perpetrator was finally dealt with.
Although Reggie knew better than to attribute human social morals to wild animals, he too, was happy that P1 was gone. Most people didn’t know he also killed—and maybe even ate—his own grandchildren. Starting to feel sick all over again, he went into the bathroom to find some aspirin or something to help.
His mom and dad were watching TV and both spoke at the same time, “You feeling okay, Reggie?”
“Feeling a little lousy again. There some antacid in the medicine cabinet?”
“There should be some on the top shelf,” his mom said.
He took a couple, and then he noticed his dad’s sleeping pills. He figured he might as well take a couple of those too, guessing he’d probably have another restless night. He took three for good measure.
On his way back to his room, his mom asked if he wanted anything else. Reggie answered, “No, I’m good, but I think I better stay home tomorrow.”
“Makes sense,” his Mom said. “I’ll call the school in the morning before Dad takes me to work.”
“Thanks, Ma.”
“Have a good night.”
Reggie felt a little better knowing he didn’t have to go to school on Tuesday, so he went back to the mountain lion forums to put in his two cents. At first, he commented that a lack of genetic diversity and inbreeding might become a cause for more abnormal inter-species behavior. He then made his case for a wildlife corridor. His first postings were well thought-out and rational, but as he kept posting comments throughout the night, his thoughts became more erratic, and angered.
He wrote: “What makes humans… the supposedly higher order species… so willing to judge other species? We humans have been killing other humans over territory for most of our existence on earth. I guess sometimes, we humans, are like animals and have to eliminate the undesirables—those members of society who are evil.”
By 10 o’clock, Reggie’s head was spinning. He started hitting the wrong keys and writing nonsense: “use forced to protec uss --men peopl...kill rsm shoot...deader.” He shook his aching head and pushed send. Then he went to bed.